Goonion Rule #14. If Given The Chance; Always Fuck With Batman

Who the bat kids moms are;

Diana/Wonder Woman: everyone

Selina/Catwoman; everyone

Talia Head/Al Ghul; Damian, Jason, Cass, and maybe Tim

Bruce; Duke and Cass are my angel children. They tell me everything.

Batkids; glaring.

Cass who never told B she’s died twice and fr has done some of the most insane shit; smiles innocently.

Duke who blew up a warehouse last night and replaced Jason’s grappling gun with a slinky; Thanks B!

there's just someone else for you to take care of

There's a serious comparison to be made between how Barbara fails as a teacher for Cass and how Cass fails as a teacher for Stephanie. Barbara's brain is biological supercomputer with an eidetic memory which can learn a new language in like five minutes. Cassandra is likewise superhumanly talented at fighting.

In both cases these aren't just learned skills to them. Cassandra's fists and Barbara's mind are core to their identities. They're the things that make them heroes, that give them agency, that make them matter, it's who they are. The reason they have no patience for teaching these skills to others is they're incapable of contextualizing a world without them.

Barbara can't teach Cass because the prospect of a life without language is simply inconceivable to her. Likewise, Cassandra can't teach Stephanie because she has no context at all for what learning to fight must be like for other people without her natural affinity. Their respective talents are so core to their being that people who can't do what comes easily to them must simply not be trying hard enough.

Ironically it's one of the very few ways in which they're actually extremely alike.

Saddest DC members in my opinion with no explanation and there will be people missing because I haven’t read that many comics;

Cassandra Cain. Hal Jordan. John Constantine. Helena Bertinelli. Kara Zor El. Oliver Queen.

Will probably add more to this and please comment your thoughts.

The Babs and Steph Oracle and Batgirl era was so fascinating in a way like you are in college, your mom is finally doing well and your relationship with her is improving. Then your best friend/situationship dumps Batgirl in your lap and leaves the country. You're not happy with this. Her own mom figure is not happy with this. She ends up mentoring you anyways. You actually start to form a bond. One of the smartest people in the world is now helping you fight crime and probably giving college advice too. You went from the most horrific high school experience possible including torture and literal death to having two adults you can actually sort of trust to have your back and a relatively happy daily life as a vigilante. And it only happened once you reached adulthood yourself. Never when you needed it most as a vulnerable child/teen without a single solid parental figure to rely on.

Like its wonderful that Steph got all that. She deserved it. But you can't tell me there wasn't a part of her that looked at Crystal and Babs sometimes and wondered: Why not sooner? Why did every adult in her life let her down back when she was actually a child and their responsibility? Is it the fact that Bruce is dead? That Cass is gone and both Steph and Babs are trying to fill that space in their lives? Why did it fucking take so long for anyone to notice that this kid needed help she wasn't getting, to the point she isn't even a kid anymore when it finally arrives?

"I was born a wound"

This line holds such a wealth of meaning. Because it is both - Cass was born to be hurt. Born to be abused and mishandled and made into something that would tear herself open, tear others open. Cain didn't know it, maybe Shiva didn't know it, but they made a child to give her pain.

And. Cain stole something from Shiva, took from her in a singular moment of weakness, and that memory cannot help but haunt her still. Cass is the moment, given legs and arms and a soul, Cass is that pain walking upright, haunting her all over again. The moment Cass was born, Sandra could never be hurt again, not truly, until all these years later where she has one wound she can never guard. Cassandra the thief, the assassin, the murderer, to take first from her mother before she'd take anything else at all.

Cassandra the innocent. Because she would not be a wound if she could not bleed.

Bruh I spent more time on the suitors' dead bodies than on Odysseus and Telemachus. But like, have this picture of "I Can't Help But Wonder", and also this took 16 hours, please appreciate it.

One time the bat kids hung out in the cave while B was at a JL meeting. The whole place was covered in pink glitter and silly string by the time they were done. The only person who didn’t have glitter on them was Cassandra, no one knows how.

They don’t even try to clean it and just fr owned it.

Bruce comes back with the JL in tow to a pink, sparkly batcave and almost has an aneurism.

Oliver and Dinah is laughing their asses off and the JL is shocked.

Oliver; remind me to get them Prada for Christmas.

Bruce;…

Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin, Spoiler, Black Bat, and Signal chose that moment to reenter the room.

Oliver; good job!

Hood; thanks uncle arrow!

Hal; what’s wrong with B?

Signal; wait for it.

Bruce; THE BATMOBILE TOO!?!

the “we don’t need main canon helena wayne bc Bruce has a daughter in Cassandra” crowd is so stupid bc what do u mean he can have five sons but we have to cap it at a one female child minimum 😭 shut uuup!