Of All Things Erik Lehnsherr Should Be Locked Up For, It's This Costume

i need john to gain the trust of sentry like sam earns the trust of the winter soldier in fanfics

if i see the words "like a prayer" or "feels like home" casually used in a poolverine fic one more time i swear

due to ava and yelena having what i can only assume was a very regimented early adulthood between SHIELD and The Red Room

my headcanon is that, out of the millenial Thunderbolts, only bob and john experienced Vine firsthand

it’s a huge shock to bob when they’re all being driven somewhere and, like a reflex, john says “road work ahead?” upon seeing the eponymous sign

he recovers quickly enough to say “uh yeah i sure hope it does” back to john and just beams at him

and if doomsday doesn't start with sentryagent making out then is it even a good movie

thanks for asking but no i will never get over the moment when quicksilver hesitates and magneto realizes that's his son and they're just staring in silence until quicksilver leaves

bucky does not care about the copyright like he didn't even know about the lawsuit until yelena told him because he's too preoccupied with thinking of how to reconcile with sam

the worst part about rediscovering 105 pages of archived one direction fanfic from 2020 is realizing that was when i peaked as a writer

the thing is, stucky is this complex heartfelt story that spans into the literal next century of a bond between two souls that runs so deep in which bucky truly sees steve for who he is pre-serum and steve still believes in bucky even after over half of a century of him being brainwashed into the winter soldier, and through the decades of torture and reset bucky still recognizes steve and saves him with the inner strength born out of love, where tragedy and hope find middle ground because despite the time, the trauma, and loss, because these two truly are with each other til the end of the line

and then sambucky has this snarky, rather childish dynamic with the underlying sincerity of care and respect in which sam treats bucky for the man he is in the present and actually gains his trust over hard stares and ridiculous banter and it shows in moments such as their hug when bucky actually closes his eyes and the trust he has in sam is evident and where sam didn't know bucky pre-winter soldier so he has no expectations for who bucky should be or how he's changed since the 1940s and gives bucky advice on how to find closure on his past and they roll around and have staring contests and oh yeah bucky literally tells sam "i love you"

i love that bucky said fuck it, left congress, hopped on a motorcycle, and captured the thunderbolts in order to build the case against valentina only to have his plans thrown out the window because of some dude named bob

i read this in their voices

Doof: "You see Perry The Platypus, about a few weeks ago I entered The Tumblr Sexyman Showdown. It's a contest for only the sexiest of men-- now now, Perry the Platypus, before you roll your eyes at me, it's not the conventional kind of sexy, no, no! It's the pathetic, the silly, the unconventional! Only for the acquired tastes. Like me~!! So I joined in, and you wouldn't believe it! I plowed through the competition! Bracket after bracket, I dominated the votes. That is, until the final round... when I was put up against Stanley Pines of someplace called 'Gravity Falls'-- for some reason, even though he claimed to come from a place called Gravity Falls and I come from the Tri-State Area, the competition listed me to come from someplace called 'Phineas and Ferb', and I have no idea where that is or who those people are--I was kicked to the curb! He won by a landslide! Well, not literally though, that's a metaphor--that's how Bill Cipher won against Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians, and I KNOW that place doesn't exist--b-but anyway, Stanley won and I only got second. And it doesn't make any sense! Sure, Stanley is similar to what the true Sexyman is, but he's not the greatest! For one thing, he's not that pathetic--jeez, if anyone is the most pathetic here, it's me! He's not that tragic-backstory-able, or anything, he--and worse yet, he's HOT! I mean, he's not that much of an acquired taste! Sure, he's older, but that's it!! Clearly, the people are biased! Which is why I made...THIS!"

Doof: "BEHOLD! THE UNHANDSOME-INATOR!!!!"

Doof: "With this, I can make anyone ugly--so ugly that their ugliness is JUUUST too ugly to be a Tumblr Sexyman! But too handsome to be truly ugly...and I can also tweak it to make myself just a little more handsome, hehe! With this, I will make the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA Sexyman ugly, and shoot myself so I will be the most acquired-taste-handsome out of all of them, winning the love of all of the TRI-STATE AREA, AND ENACTING MY REVENGE AGAINST THE TUMBLR SEXYMAN CONTEST!!!"

Doof: "--Or wait, come to think of it, this isn't really revenge, I mean, the contest's over and it won't come back until next year so this scheme prooobably should've been postponed until then... not to mention this inator isn't exactly that tweaked, it's a rushed job and has some...ahaha...side effects...unless I CRANK UP THE RANGE OF THE INATOR!"

Doof: "Yes, Perry The Platypus, I will become the most tumblr-sexyman handsome by proxy in all of the tri-state area AND GRAVITY FALLS, OREGON!!!"

| Meanwhile In Gravity Falls |

*Stan, reading the paper, suddenly looks up.*

Stan: "Something just happened."

*beat*

Stan: "...Eh. Who cares. Worse has happened in this town. It's probably the heebie jeebies from that German guy from a couple days ago, eugh."

Stan: "Worth it for the prize money, though. I'm still the sexiest man on all of Tumblr! Ahaha!"

*beat*

Stan, still grinning: "...whatever that is."

*A beat. Then the door to the Mystery Shack slams open. It's Ford.*

Ford: "Stanley! I'm back!"

Stanley: "Hey, sixer. Back from another one of your little adventures?"

Ford: "I suppose you could call it that! Ever been to the tri-state area? There are hundreds of anomalies there! Did you know that all the platypuses are teal there?"

Stanley: "Yeah, yeah...well, make sure to tell me later. I'm reading the paper."

Ford: "Well, don't get too absorbed. We're going to Italy tomorrow, remember? We're visiting the Vatican! Lots of great things to explore there! We might even see the pope!"