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chapter 9.0 ☆ imposter syndrome

ss: 18

wc: 829

cw: food mentions, mentions of physical fighting

a/n: I lost two years of my life trying to edit that photo if it looks bad don't tell me (also the initials l . y are l/n y/n if you're confused)

"okay, okay, hear me out," minji paused, chewing a heroically sized mouthful of pizza, holding her finger up as if to hold her place in the conversation.

it went on for just long enough to be awkward, and yn took a sip of their soda – as if they weren't already stewing in a pool of their own embarrassment at this whole situation. and it was embarrassing, to say the least. how long would it have taken them to get to this point if not for some... some bitch trying to steal their soulmates? honestly, yn thought they would have the opposite reaction to this sort of thing. the other yn – she was pretty, able-bodied from what they could tell, and she seemed remarkably put together. a far cry from their own life. she seemed to be everything yn wanted for their soulmates.

well, except for the fact that she was almost undoubtedly a sasaeng. stray kids' management had gone to great lengths not to show their soul marks, but there had been a few slip-ups over the years, and despite their best efforts, it had come out that the group were soulmates – and that there was one more person included. that came with a lot of failed attempts of stalkers trying their best to convince they boys that they were their soulmate. up until now, it had always been fairly mediocre attempts, and/or easy to see through. it was different this time, almost indistinguishable from yn's own (before the accident).

but apart from that, theoretically, she was perfect for them. and yn... wasn't. but that didn't stop the pit of frustration burning deep in their stomach – frustration at themselves, mostly, at the world, and everything else. although, that last one was the more general ire for living made worse by this whole debacle.

sometimes, privately, yn wondered if it really was just a big coincidence, if they really were their last soulmate. it just felt like they... didn't fit. and, just occasionally, they wished it was that way – although, not really. they didn't know the others, and didn't really know how to feel about them just yet, but the idea of chan being with someone else made yn's chest clench painfully.

"what if," minji started again, "what if you showed up at the company building with like, one of those massive rose bouquets and blasting a sad song on your boombox?"

"well, first of all," yn said, "where are the funds for this rose bouquet? with the price of everything these days, i'm not sure i even have enough for twelve. secondly, a boombox? how old do you think i am? contrary to apparently popular belief, i do not have a boombox. and, you know, i think security wouldn't let me within 50 metres of the building."

"darn."

the quiet clicking of lego pieces broke the silence between the poignant lack of ideas in the brainstorming session. it was difficult, coming up with a way to explain to your best friend that you'd been hiding the fact that you were his last soulmate that made you look least like a buffoon. it was unavoidable, looking like an idiot, but surely there had to be a way too minimize the damage, right?

it wasn't going very well so far.

yn sighed heavily to themselves. any angle you looked at it, it was bad. the problem being self aware was exactly that – being self aware. the second-hand embarrassment at their own actions had suddenly hit them like a freight train early that morning during classes. it had not been a pleasant day, with every free moment spent shrivelling into their own skin in a very visceral reaction. god, it was just... ugh.

the doorbell rung out through their apartment, breaking the spell that had fallen over the three of them. bingus trotted in, complaining loudly at the intrusion. his fur was all scruffed up, indicative of his 47th nap of the day that he'd just been rudely awoken from.

chika furrowed her brows, glancing in the direction of the door. "you got a package coming or something?"

"uhh... not to my knowledge..." bingus jumped up onto yn's lap, circling a few times before climbing up onto their shoulders like a parrot. chika reached over to brush his fur back into place, eliciting a deep, crackly purr as he pushed his face against her hand. "i'll go see who it is..."

yn stood up tentatively, gently supporting bingus's ass so he didn't fall off during the process, before walking over to the door, grabbing the keys off the hook next to it and unlocking it.

"hey," minho said conversationally, like he hadn't just shown up at yn's door unceremoniously.

"hi," yn mumbled, forcing the word out. they couldn't decide where to look, the doorframe taken up by not only minho, but seungmin and hyunjin as well, the other two appearing at least a little more awkward about the situation.

"we know."

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a/n: if you're wondering I do find joy in torturing people with cliff hangers

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chapter 0.0 ☆ end of beginning

ss: 11

wc: 471

cw: mentions of + jokes about car accidents, mentions of comas, medical inaccuracies probably, angst, graphic description of pain? idk i'm just writing what a flare-up feels like to me

the main thing yn felt was pain. pain in her knee, pain in her jaw, and pain everywhere else. the meds barely took the edge off.

thankfully, her parents had managed to get her a private room, so yn didn't have to listen to other people, but in a way it made this whole thing worse. maybe it would have been a little better if she didn't feel so alone in her grievances.

she just wanted to sleep, to get away from reality for a little bit – but being away from home, in hospital of all places wasn't helping. the weird, bleach-y smell lingered in her nose, and the irregular beeping of her vitals was drilling a hole into her skull. not even holding the pathetic excuse for a pillow over her ears drowned it out. it was too uncomfortable a position anyway, especially since yn could only lay on her back so she didn't put pressure on her knee, or her jaw, or the many other injuries she'd sustained from the crash. the restlessness gradually seeping into her bones didn't help anything either, and yn knew it would only get worse over the months she'd need to heal.

at first, yn hadn't realised why she'd woken up in hospital, to a jaw wired shut, and a leg brace, and pain burning up her insides.

and then, she remembered.

crossing the road, alone, in the dark. the screeching of the tires as the car rounded the corner. standing, frozen, like a deer in headlights, and the blinding pain that spread like lightning through her body as she hit the ground, before blacking out.

due to some cruel twist of fate, she'd woken from her coma on what would have been her day off from training. all in all, not the most innocuous of days, but it meant that chan was there. him and his little, worried face, wasting his time on her. although, yn supposed it was better that she'd woken up then, so that he didn't have to spend the whole time just watching her, unconscious. and, well, it was nice having a friend around during the panic of the first moments of wakefulness.

but now, she was alone again. nothing to do but try desperately not to think about the accident, or the pain, or chan's little, worried face… it didn't really leave much. and those things were pretty hard not to think about when it felt like the images kept resurfacing in her head in a constant loop, a grim picture book, over and over – and the pain, a cloying caramel clogging up her insides and sinking its claws into her body, flames blazing.

yn just wanted sleep. but tonight, sleep was not her friend. and, to her reckoning, it wouldn't be for a long while.

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taglist (3/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance

dont do me like this bro 😔

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ctto

having my bio teacher send out my friend on an energy drink run during class because I was about to fall asleep was not on my bingo card but okay

he's so evil for this

HOLY FUCKING SHIT BRO. MOTHER OF GOD THIS DUDE?!??!! HOW IS HE EVEN REAL, ITS INSANE ‼️‼️‼️⁉️⁉️ HIS BICEPS, THE HAIR, THE GAZE, THE ACCESSORIES, CLOTHES, HIM IN GENERAL??

Someone fucking sedate me honestly. He's so crazy 😵

♡´･ᴗ･`♡

chapter 1.0 ☆ these fucking kids

ss: 18

cw: swearing, mentions of (bottom) surgery, mentions of food, slight suggestiveness (nothing graphic)

a/n: finally into actual chapters lol. click for quality

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chapter 3.0 ☆ changed numbers

ss: 12

cw: mentions of underwear pic (no image), yn being stupid, suggestive mentions of boobs

a/n: yes I did accidentally post the unfinished version earlier because my finger slipped which is turning out to be a common theme here

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a/n: any guesses? 🤭

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LOL thanks

chapter 6.0 ☆ have you been flossing?

ss: 16

wc: 311

cw: swearing, mentions of car accidents, mentions of the french, yn is bad at feelings, teeth stuff???

a/n: 56 followers?? I never thought this many people would like my shit lol thank you guys 🥲🫶

updates are probably going to slow down a bit because I'm going back to college next week (I am writing this instead of doing my homework, how did you know?)

also the amount of research I did on dental implants for this one chapter just for the most random plot point... idk anymore

it had been... well, annoying, to say the least, the time after yn's old crowns had been removed. it hadn't been strictly necessary to go around wearing a mask everywhere they went, but it was just... weird, right? walking around with holes in their smile. luckily, it had only taken few days for the new crowns to be made – silver, this time, as recommended – and they did look pretty cool. a little cold in their mouth, though. yn supposed they would get used to it.

however, the last person yn expected to see as they were walking out of the dentist's office was... dear lord... yang jeongin. luckily, it wasn't a long interaction, or even an interaction at all, for that matter, they both just brushed past each other in the doorway. but it was enough to set yn's palms tingling, something that lasted until they made it back to their apartment.

hopefully jeongin hadn't noticed. even if he had, there was only a slim chance that he'd be able to track them down, anyway.

although there was a part of yn that wanted him to try. not that they would acknowledge it, of course, but after that interaction with changbin the other day, it was hard not to wonder what it would be like if they were to finally give in to the whole soulmate thing. maybe it would be... nice. 

but the combination of pride and shame that had welled up inside them over time stopped yn from making any move themselves. they had gotten used to being alone, and that sticky feeling of sadness that clung to them whenever they saw concert clips, or skz code, or their lives. they were better off without each other, yn told themselves.

but they weren't sure how true that was anymore.

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