Filling The Void Is Fun While You're Doing It, But Then You Look At Your Bank Account And You Suffer

Tw- transphobia

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Talking to a therapist lady and my grandma goes “”she”” wants to transgender. SHE WANTS TO TRANSGENDER. Fucking hilarious but not so funny when you realize she doesn’t support me at all. She thinks it’s some sort of trend or choice? Or something? I don’t really know. I mean I kinda get it sorta because I change my mind very quickly on things but transitioning isn’t, like, a super fast process… you don’t have to jump to T right away, it can start slow! Also I’ve known I was trans for about two years now. But this means I *might* be able to change her mind… idk though. All I want is to feel comfortable in my own skin but I suppose that’s too much to ask. Also the therapist lady asked if I was influenced by anything… bruh. I’ve known for two years at this point, if this was a hyperfixation it would’ve been gone by now. Sorry that I prefer to be called “he” I guess. Now I’m doubting myself, but maybe that was the point. I don’t know what else to add, so post over I guess.

i dont think this is an original thought and i apologize for the generalization but this has been stuck in my brain zone for like, a year.

i know i at least wanna look like elvira.

A huge art page of me messing with my ManPepper design's expressions. What a charming, award winning smile. VuV

The full thing for anyone who wants it!

Ty! Interesting info :)

Hey there! What's PDA autism? I'm autistic as well, but I don't think I've heard that term. Appreciate it!

PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance! There are better community made terms but i can't remember them!

Anyways, PDA autism is basically an insane drive for control and to manage your life yourself it's a drive for autonomy!

Basically PDA autistics have a hard time following orders and demand wether it's directly from someone or from a social contruct (e.g.: having to clean your room because the norm is to have a clean room)

At least thats my understanding :)

Diary entry #19

You ever have a blorbo who literally takes up like 99% of the space in your brain and you have no clue why?? This guy does!!

Edgar George Zomboss (Plants vs Zombies) is my current guy that lives in my head... and I don't know why? He's literally awful in every regard but like I can't stop thinking about him for whatever reason. The main reason I'm reading the pvz comics and playing the games are because of him. The autism goes insane sometimes.

I literally have two fanfics in the works with him as the main character or at least someone very significant. What is wrong with me!!!!

The brainrot I have is severe. I literally see something like idk, a guy in a brown suit, and my brain goes "pvz reference???"

I think when I get to have a life outside of my grandparent's house maybe I'll be a little less mentally ill about my fav characters. One can hope.

Me when I just wanna grill for gods sake (I want to exist as a gay trans person without having my entire existence whittled down to a political debate where my entire life is spent constantly needing to defend my own right to exist because my life quite literally depends on it)

words cannot describe the childlike wonder and joy felt when you enter a restaurant and they have those fancy soda machines capable of creating Wondrous Concoctions

Diary entry #5

You ever so obsessed with a fandom or character that you look at people/things irl and think "hey that looks a lot like [character]!!)

That's the phase of hyperfixation I'm knee deep rn. Plants Vs Zombies hardly has any backstory! We don't know major details about most characters! It's literally a tower defense game that Popcap is actually destroying but I can't help it!! I lose myself in fictional stories, I can't stop thinking about them. If the pvz franchise drops a lore book I'm gonna eat that shit up!!

Also I wanted to read American Teenager, the new book about multiple trans teens in America. I read something similar and I liked it quite a lot even though it was outdated. It's not on Libby yet, and I'm not really supposed to read about trans issues anyways because my grandparents will ask way too many questions. (And I'll probably accidentally out myself.) I might sneak buy it with the christmas gifts I get on amazon this christmas. If any of you have a (legal) way to read it, that'd be great!! I want to support the author.

[Start ID: A picture of a grey hamster on a blue couch. Top text says “I can’t fucking take it”, bottom text says “seriously I’m at my limit. /End ID]

Tw- transphobia

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Today fucking sucked

Misgendered constantly, had to deal with my annoying bible thumping counselor being queerphobic, and I had to admit I wasn’t straight at my appointment (they ask for your sexuality for some fucking reason, I lied at first but my grandma said “be honest” so I told them the truth after that.)

Could someone please use my name (August) in a sentence with my pronouns (he/him/it) I’m not feeling too great rn.