There's Just So Much Existential Horror And Misery Trapped Within The Comedy Of Saiki K And Tbh That's

There's just so much existential horror and misery trapped within the comedy of Saiki K and tbh that's why I love it lmao.

Xxx

Forcing your entire family to lift their roots and put them down elsewhere. Being intelligent enough to see and understand the burden and strain this places on the people around you. Knowing they do it because your parents love you, they don't want to leave you. The sacrifices they've made just for you.

Your mom is afraid to make friends because what if she says too much?

Your father is constantly going from job to job, something which looks terrible on a resume, forcing him to take worse and worse work just so he can support your family. He blames you. You kinda blame you too so you don't protest it. It's not like he can hurt you anyway if he takes it out on you. He does. He doesn't hide it. Why would he? It's normal.

You've been fighting one thing or the other ever since you can remember.

It's natural for your older brother to be jealous of you - your very presence has split his parents' attentions but more now he has to learn from a young age first hand that there's always someone better than you. Your life is constantly displaced for reasons that are purely attributed to you, but you can't make those reasons go away.

You can't connect with anyone either. You're terrified that if you do, something will happen that'll trigger your family to move, again, uproot everything they've tried so hard to establish. Or, worse, you'll hurt someone. Many someones. Break the world. You've almost done it. Your morals weren't fully developed then. The guilt you carry isolates you further.

The people you love most are constantly on the run. From you.

You're aware of your capacity. Of your ability. It's frightening to the point of grey, numb, exhaustion.

You want to run from you too.

Xxx

Your little brother was the worst and best thing that ever happened to you. You hated him but he challenged you physically and creatively, drove you to work hard, inspired you constantly to do better, do bigger, because every failure was an opportunity to learn. But it got to be too much. You had to get away. He was everywhere. He was better than you. Stronger than you. Your nights become filled with nightmares once you learn he nearly killed four kids - and nobody is ever going to know he did it. Worse, nobody is ever going to care he did it. He can make it so. So you leave, go to be among people you think are like you....only they're not. Your life has been so insular from all the moving around that you never got to realize how even the brightest the world has to offer apparently don't hold a Candle to you. You become jaded. You become lazy. You become depressed. What's the point. Your life no longer has meaning.....until you realize that the meaning of your life was the very person you ran away from. The one who simultaneously terrified and inspired you, who pushed you to be the best. Your life was so much better then. You need to recapture that zeitgeist. You're terrified. You have so much love. Nobody makes you feel the way he does, nobody on this planet can compare-...but wait. That's your little brother. That's not quite right? Is it? You've never been in love. You've never connected to anyone else. Your scope of understanding on that point is narrow. You begin to misunderstand your own feelings based on the criteria you've been exposed to since goodness knows when.

Nobody else can ever understand.

Other people can never understand.

Nobody compares anyway.

They're ants compared to you, and compared to him?

Nothing at all.

Xxx

You thought you had it all - good looks, a good brain, athleticism. For a long time you were at the top of the hierarchy. You meet a beautiful girl. She loves you, you love her. The entire world is stretching in front of the two of you, mired in glorious green and hope. You want to give her a good life. And then you have children. The first one is intense and bright. He's able to comprehend so much it's scary but he's also still only a child. You can see it in how he acts, all that learning still to do, things not yet understood. You teach him. You're proud. But you're scared. His potential frightens you. But he's still your kid. And you're still his dad.

But then your second son happens. He's born with unnatural pink hair. In just days he's talking to you with his mind in full, perfect sentences. His hold on grammar is better than yours. His strength is keener than yours.

He has psychic powers.

But he's still your son. You're still his dad.

Only it doesn't feel that way at all. Your authority is in question constantly. You feel like you're looking at a grown man trapped within the unsettlingly coloured eyes of an infant. He's strange. He doesn't respect you. You lose grip. Your eldest, too, has taken note. He doesn't care about you much anymore, what you have to show and teach him. The both of you could be in this together but you're divided. And then you're moving, constantly. Your wife is all you have left in the world who cares about you. That hope you once held, the feeling of potential, it's gone. You've seen the universe. You looked into it. In return it looked into you.

It found you wanting.

Xxx

Your world used to be big. So big. So full.

Used to be.

You see your parents rarely but it's awkward and stressful when you do. Your friends? Left behind. You chose your family over them, it was the right thing to do. They don't reach out. You leave them to it.

In your home are three people. You love them with all your heart. They fulfill you endlessly. They're all good men. They love you in return.

But they hate each other.

You're an anchor tied between three directions. Pulled apart.

Then it's two.

It's easier. That makes you feel horrible.

Worse, you know eventually it'll only be one. Or maybe even none.

You're alone.

Where did you go?

Who are you anymore?

You know your husband and sons better than you know yourself.

Please don't let them ever leave you alone to those godforsaken four walls. Somehow they've become your whole world.

But then it's not. You haven't moved in a while. You've been able to make friends! Your youngest has too, thank god, the loneliness you're so afraid of is something you'd never want your littlest to experience.

But.

You open your mouth too big. Too wide. Too many times over. Your son has to swoop in and save you every time.

Loneliness was fine.

The guilt is so much worse.