Another Dnd Character Ref- Tristan, My Human Fighter

Weird post, nobody asked, but I think I just... Do Not pay attention to the appearances of others. I'm very keen on noticing clothing and habits but not, like, the stuff that doesn't change. My friends inform me that I am approaching 'Dave with a haircut?' levels of oblivious.

So, apparently, I have been wrong about the ethnicities of most of my friends. It doesn't matter, but it feels weird to not have had that data already, when I've been friends with them for half a damn decade, and I've met their parents. Just sort of inexcusable to not notice.

On top of this, something I have known is that I am a bad judge of at-a-glance gender presentation detection. I have asked people their gender for years, to the point I don't even think about it not being a typical question where I live.

And not only am I bad, I'm like, fuckin horrible. Part of why I acclimated to fast to the concept of gender identity when I was young was being genuinely unable to determine any feminine or masculine traits from any person with hair. Asking was so easy. So clear cut. Still is. Maybe this is some kinda Neuro-nontypicality, but I ain't no governmence scientician.

I think this might be a side effect of being my specific brand of aroace, but I have a hard time thinking of someone as handsome or beautiful, and kinda just feel nothing about the normally heavily scrutinized features most people attribute to attractiveness.

Maybe synergizing my Class Passive [Aroace disinterest] with my [Poor Memory] debuff has resulted in the Trait [Retroactive Face Blindness] being applied to me.

some of my favorite woven tapestries, by Cecilia Blomberg:

Point Defiance Steps

Mates

Rising Tides

Vashon Steps

being aromantic and into whump is like. shoutout to whump for being a great opportunity to engage with stories about intimacy and vulnerability and powerful emotion and physical interactions with other people and intense relationships that are not presumptively based in romance. what would i do without you.

OK byeeeee everyone I'm going into my evil lair where I play video games and reclaim slurs byeeeeeeeeeeee 💚✌️

This isn't a review or anything I just... I think I came to a weird realization.

So I frequent a lot of pornographic forums (mostly due to the human desire to talk about something you like) and I find they drop into two categories neatly:

1: aw yeah we're so fucked up and I love being a degenerate yeeea

Or 2: so I'm looking around and it seems like everyone here is missing, like, the exact same thing from their daily life that this gives me. Which uh, feels bad, but I guess this is group therapy now.

Like, check any gentle-dom, mommydom, even some pegging forums and you will just find a wealth of "oh." As people realize the bone deep desire to be told they are loved, wanted, and are doing a good job is uh, not primarily at least, a sex thing.

Posts with titled like "I don't care about gender, sex, identity, I just want to be loved" over a shockingly well rendered animation of a dude getting his back blown out by an older woman hit different when you know they're 1000% serious.

Like. I am guilty. I'm on those forums.

But I find myself at times of weakness, where I wonder if I'm Ace or Aro at all, having to draw a knife's edge border between psychological need and genuine desire.

And I do not know where that line is because I am not sure I've ever been on the other side of it.

Like, do I want romance or is the love of a trusted person a shockingly effective shortcut to self-actualizing and pride? Do I want to engage in a sexual act with someone or is it just a fastpass ticket to being told I am wanted and worthy of being desired?

Is it BDSM or do I just want to be reassured that what I'm doing is good, correct, and effective? That I can engage in an act I am unconfident in and be forgiven my inability due to my lack of choice and being provided constant instruction.

Am I not AroAce or just Insecure?

Ahh idk. It feels good to scream to the void. I'll figure it out, or I won't. Ain't like it's the weight of the world.

Please keep work place safety in mind at all times