Me: *can Rap Guns And Ships Flawlessly*

*In the Fraunces Tavern*

Hamilton: *talking to Herc* PAY THE FUCKING BAR TAB!

Hercules: Chill

*Writing to congress*

Hamilton: *Writing to congress* PAY YOUR FUCKING ARMY!

Washington: Chill

*At the battle of Yorktown*

Hamilton: *yelling at the redcoats* PAY THE FUCKING PRICE

Lafayette: Chill

*At the cabinet battle*

Alexander: *debating with Thomas* PAY YOUR FUCKING SLAVES

Jefferson: Chill

*during the whiskey rebellion*

Washington: Alexander…

Hamilton: Yes sir?

Washington: Nows the time.

Hamilton: *takes deep breath* PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!!!!!

The sense of hearing is wild. We can detect the air pressure changes caused by a paperclip hitting the floor from across the room.

Hamilton Characters as dril Tweets

Hamilton: THis is not a "Meltdown". Its a normal opinion

Burr: my entire face turns purple as i try to enjoy my cup of monday coffee while all my coworkers rush into my office to watch me fail once again

Washington: blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

Jefferson: Your "I Love TD Bank" Car Decal Fucking Sucks

Eliza: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no

Laurens: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"

Lafayette: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. I hoot and holler out of the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying

Mulligan: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

Madison: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.

Angelica: i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everyone here is so rude, and pieces of shit

Maria: the essential, Male Ass

King George III: i put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like "oh tortures bad" "its ineffective" fuck off

Eliza: Do you know what Angelica said when she read what you’d done?

Angelica: This probably wouldn’t have happened if he was with me.

Jefferson: Look, Hamilton. I want to apologize for everything I said. For what it’s worth, I really like having you around.

Hamilton: No you don’t.

Jefferson: I know. I have dreams where I staple your fingers to your face.

The Great Post-Hamilton Chop

Hamilton characters as things my friends and roommates have said at college

Washington: Every time you don't keep your side of the room clean, god kills a puppy.

Angelica: Honey, if that boy talks to you again and you don't like what he's saying, send him to me and I'll kick him so hard in the ass, he'll need my foot surgically removed from his mouth.

Maria: I look like a hooker in this dress, but not a cheap one. Like, a really expensive one. For the guys who wear nice cologne and suits.

Laurens: I don't know if I'm gay. Or straight. Or bi. I don't know what I am. I just know I have to pee now cause I'm so stressed about this.

Hamilton: I want to have a party just about me. Like, no music, no dancing, nothing. Just an empty room and me with a mic, so that everyone will come and have to hear me talk.

Eliza: I feel so guilty, I ate sugar before lunch. My mum always says it's unhealthy to eat sugar before noon. What have I done? I'm a horrible rebel. I need to go call her and apologise.

Peggy: DUDE IM NOT A GARBAGE CAN STOP THROWING YOUR FUCKING GARBAGE AT ME AM I THAT UNNOTICEABLE JESUS I HATE YOU ALL

Jefferson: Everyone here is so goddamn stupid.

Burr: Either I'll kill myself or my dorm-mate before summer break. I don't know which yet.

Listening to Hamilton on shuffle is a bad idea because one minute Philip is 9 and singing to his father and the next he’s 19 and dying in his arms

Reasons why I, a college student, am very similar to Secretary of Treasury Alexander Hamilton:

I would also like to fight the entire republican party

I am very cute but also very angry

Will probably die because I talk to much

I too have a greek chorus that screams “no” at me whenever I make a decision

I speak french

I am also in love with Eliza Schuyler