I’m Not Needed, So Why Am I Still Here?

I shouldn’t have been born

“Before you can love someone else, you must first love yourself.“ Bullshit. I loved you till the bottom of my heart. And while loving you, I had these fresh selfmade cuts on my body.”

— fightingborderline

I ask myself this all the time.

Everyone I've ever known has left me,

I've been left and abandoned and neglected

Like a hurt stray puppy on the side of the road

Was I not good enough? Or did they just never realise? Did I do something? They don't have to stay obviously. No one does. But why?

I don't blame them. I don't. I wouldn't stay for me either.

Can I just be enough for someone? Please. Can someone just stay? I don't know how much more abandonment I can take.

To all the people who constantly zoned out and daydreamed as a kid and probably told off for it, who learnt how to cry silently before the age of ten and maybe stopped crying entirely, who used books as an escape method and would constantly daydream about running off to a fantasy world, who is most likely now a burnt-out neurodivergent who didn't get diagnosed early so they self-diagnosed instead, and who now wants to groan at the thought of having to wake up another day,

how's the childhood trauma, deep-rooted love hate relationship with your parents, lack of self-esteem and sense of self, and raging queerness doing? you good?

I want you to make me feels things I’ve never felt before. I want to know what its like to be loved by you.

-A.d.c

Fuck a break up.

Have you ever had a parent not want you?

Shit hurts as hell.

“A soul that carries empathy is a soul which has survived enormous pain.”

— Unknown