Latest Posts by allhallowsweave - Page 8

If a girl's coochie smells like tuna fish is that bad for men? Asking for a friend 😅😐😶🤐

I think m-maybe that's a q-question for your gynecologist, dear girl.

...Heh...yeah. Gynecologist.

I'm not a doctor. I'm a chocolatier. I make chocolate. 'Kay?

Homemade dinner guaranteed to taste better than ya mama's cookin'!

Indian style chicken and vegetable tray bake; sweet potatoes, courgettes, peppers, onions, cauliflower and fennel to start, tossed in oil, cumin and turmeric. Chicken pieces marinated in garlic, ginger, garam masala, homemade smoked chilli sauce, and lime juice. Roasted for 45 minutes then added broccoli, chopped garlic and tomatoes. Finished off for another 15 minutes and then served with a few dollops of raita (yogurt, mint, cucumber and coriander). And to wash it down, Verdi Spumante white sparkling wine, imported from Italy.

Look at those beautiful, bright colors. Those crisp veggies. That succulent, tender chicken.

Who said I can't hold it down in the kitchen? No one? Oh, I thought so. Ha.

What's one of your favorite songs?

Coolio's Gangster's Paradise, it's such a classic!

I just started my period and I'm cramping so I'm laying in bed watching your sexy self act crazy on tv, eating sugar cookies, and drinking ginger ale to help my stomach

Ew. TMI.

But yeah, feel better.

Momento Mori ~

I close my eyes too tight

I hide in the shadows of my mind

Behind the doors of my heart

And wonder why he never woke up

Why people are ice cold

Then I slowly remember the reasons for why

I would rather be alone

Than to be around those who do wrong

Take advantage

And disarm

So I'll keep sculpting

Because it's the one thing

That doesn't bring me harm

I have nothing else to say

I'm not good at expressing my emotions

I wish people would do better

And love each other more

That's all

~ Edward

Art by Titsay

#gettinganewcanesoon 🎩

Throwback to the worst day of my life. ☺️

Anyone ever told you you look like a young johnny depp?

Never heard of him.

I have this theory that you're bipolar. Mainly cause when you go from being cheery to angry and petty quick. Every time the kids say something annoying you snap at them. When Augustus fell in your chocolate river you looked mad and like you didn't give a fuck then when the sucky thing sucked him up you had a smirk on your face and didn't do anything cause you wanted to see what would happen. You could've easily told your oompa loompas to get him out. You seemed like you really tried to warn all the kids except Augustus. Is it because he's fat? At the beginning of the tour you sarcastically body shamed him. You lowkey got a dark side lol

I don't understand anything you're saying. Each child was a complete brat and their parents were equally irresponsible for contributing to their kid's downfall, a lack of discipline, parenting and all that stuff.

Example, Augustus and his mother are the same size, if you get what I'm saying. If she had told him to put down a cookie or two years ago then maybe he wouldn't have been so tempted and greedy at the factory. And I was the true victim here, I had to drain my poor chocolate river and replace all the contaminated chocolate. That cost me a lot of money. So I don't want to hear about how I'm such a terrible person for supposedly taking a little pleasure in their pain.

I'm sorry for our little fight earlier. This new herbal tea I'm drinking has me acting strange. Emphasis on herbal. I think Alice spiked it

All is forgiven. And since we're apologizing, I'm sorry for telling Edward that you're a no good gap tooth tea-drinking scallywag. Heh.

I'm not sorry for my comments about Alice, though. I stand by them, and now you see what I mean for yourself. She's clearly got you tripping off the herbs. What is it this time? Opium Poppy? Tsk tsk.

Cocoa here!

So... Have you ever been outside while it was raining and just stood in the rain?

Ah...no. Rain makes you sticky and sick, why would you stand in it intentionally?

We might need to discuss a few of your life choices, Cocoa Bean.

Another weird cocoa question:

Can I touch the back of your hand, please?

Uh- 😅

Why?

Nobody:

Absolutely no one in the world:

You: Good morning my little chocolate chips!

..

(Ilysfm 😂😂😂)

Well, everybody likes chocolate chips and if anyone doesn't then they need their head checked.

Did you plan for all the kids to get hurt in ur factory.

The Oompa Loompa songs were a bit too detailed.

I’m on to you sir!

No, I didn't, life just has a funny way of serving karma. They wouldn't listen to my warnings so they paid the consequences. My Oompa Loompas are very talented at improvising songs, they're quite intelligent and creative. Seriously, those snot-nosed brats weren't harmed, merely altered. Ha.

Kunck if you buck 😂

The shade you be throwing at Alice, Mike, and Augustus on here and the way you be responding to your dad in the comments be KILLING MEEEE LMFAO YALL FUNNY AF 😭😭😭😭

And when mad hatter was yelling at you and Edward through your asks and you were like "oh..." I died. And Some girl said you get her wet and your dad said he hope they ain't a minor, please come get your dad. It's the chaos for me 💀💀💀

You know what they say, if you don't like my shade then step out of my shadow. That Alice is something, though. A drunk. Hmph.

As for my dad, unfortunately there isn't much I can do to deter his behavior.

Would you like to be friends? 😁😄😃

Ha ha...no.

Because you see, most people aren't going to put the same amount of effort in that I do...and that is the biggest form of rejection to me. The worst kind, actually. Friends let you down, or people you trust betray you and steal your secret chocolate recipes, why should I want them? Besides, The Buckets, Hatter and Edward are my dearest friends. I have no more tolerance for others. Maybe you should ask Edward, he told me that it gets lonely up in that stuffy castle sometimes, and unfortunately I can't visit often. He lives quite the distance and my factory is demanding.

Can you please post the Willy Wonka song you used in the "when your candy sells" meme you made Mr Wonka? Please 😊😊😊

Ah, here it is. Excuse the language.

Benji Ceez & Rich The Kid - Willy Wonka

Good morning, my little chocolate chips! Ride and shine! Up and at 'em! Take that sip of hot Joe and let's all have a productive day today, yes?

I wanna taste your lips 😘 I know you're sweet like sugarcane 💕💗

Silly girl, if you would like to taste me then you could simply just eat me, I am eatable after all. Though I'm afraid that isn't a bright idea, unless you'd like to speak with the local authorities.

No insult to your hair, and your hair is great (it looks so silky...)

I'm just weird and sometimes get thoughts like that when I look at people.

For some reason I think that Charlie Bucket likes spiders and snails and all that stuff. Or at least tolerates them.

Hm, you're a very strange little cocoa bean...

Ugh, no! Absolutely not. I wouldn't ever allow Charlie to bring those furry little creepy crawlers into the factory. I'd have my Oompa Loompas exterminate them at once! Bugs and insects are not to be around my precious chocolate, or anything else for that matter. That's just disgusting.

Why's that?

You can call me anything you want to, by the way. I don't really label myself regarding pronouns and stuff.

Even if you referred to me as "it" like I was some piece of furniture.

Oh, I could never refer to a human as an "it". That would feel very disrespectful. Unless, of course, they're not human. However, pronouns and gender identities nowadays can be very confusing for me, there are many and I grew up in a much simpler time.

So in that case, I'll just stick to simplifying the conundrum by referring to you as anonymous, if that's alright with you of course. ☺️

Dear, tumblrs. If you have asked a question or commented on something of mine and I haven't responded, I am terribly sorry. My asks are backed up and I get at least 20-45 notifications at a time, some of which I hadn't noticed until this morning while eating my breakfast. It's a really fast pace to maintain between answering questions and running the factory.

Heh....so sorry.

I wanna touch you in ways that are too inappropriate to say 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

I see...

And I'd prefer it if you kept your dirty fantasies and your sticky little fingers to yourself, 'kay?

What's going down in the factory today? Here we are! The fermentation process of cocoa beans. Besides just being a pretty good looking piece of chocolate there is a lot that has to be done at the factory before we can start making chocolate.

Exhibit A: The process of fermentation.

This harvest is a test sample of the fermentation process. It's being tested to see if fermentation is complete, and it's not yet ready as the seeds are indicating that it needs to be fermented a little longer. This is just one of the many other tasks that are done at the factory that requires the knowledge and experience necessary for producing good chocolate. In other words, you gotta have the beans!

We are so excited for our next batch of Wonka bar releases and can't wait to share them with you all. In the meantime, enjoy our current chocolates and stay tuned for what's to come!

And to the Americans celebrating, happy Memorial Day!

- Willy Wonka 🍫

Hi Mr. Wonka. If I in any way made you or your oompa loompas uncomfortable at the last barbeque, I sincerely apologize. I did not think I would get drunk ~

That's just the problem, Alice. You don't think. You spilled heavens knows what on my new tailored coat, vomited on poor Edward, kicked an Oompa Loompa while trying to, as you said, "tear up the dance floor", and tripped and fell into the dessert table. You made a fool of yourself and ruined the party for everyone at the same time. Next time please be more considerate of your guests before popping out a big bottle of the some ol' trippy chug-a-lug.

Oh, I almost forgot. You're banned from the factory as well, by the way. I can't have you endangering my Oompa Loompas or destroying everything, now can I? And I will be billing you my Oompa Loompa's hospital bill. Yeah. Use this as a lesson to be more responsible. Hmph.

How did you avoid getting sued by the kids that got injured's parents that went to your factory?

There was fine print on the back and bottom of each ticket stating that I wasn't to be held liable should any injuries or dismemberment occur in my factory. And by entering the factory, each parent and their child were physically in agreement.

Your favourite cocoa bean here:

I don't plan on doing that, but if I licked you, would you taste like ice? Or cotton candy? Or sugar?

Cocoa, if you licked me I would taste like human flesh. Sorry to disappoint.

But if cannabalism is something you're into, I could definitely recommend some countries where it's completely legal. I wouldn't suggest eating people though, they don't taste very good at all.