It’s Easy To See Now, You Were Begging Me To Love You And I Was Teaching You To Unlove Me…

no ones ever let me break my own heart like you did . . .

the diary in my head. 

“Timing is a hell of a thing. In the end, that’s what it all comes down to. The potency of an attraction or the purity of a connection mean very little if you’re on separate journeys. You and I were a perfect fit, we were, there was just too much distance between us to see it.”

- a love letter to whiskey

I confuse people. i have a happy personality and a sad soul. i'm bold but shy. i love deeply but sometimes i feel heartless. i'm healing and hurting at the same time. i'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage

“I went crazy when I was with you. I can’t let that happen again. Love is not supposed to do that. You made me go mad.”

— Effy Stonem

I remembered the other day I was given an opportunity to return to the town we met. Your town. I didn’t take it … but I wonder if I would’ve run into you. Fate being the cruel mistress she is sending us back towards one another. You’re a ghost to me now, so faded in the distance yet the memories send cold shivers down my spine. You haunt me, creeping back in right when I forget to remember you. I wonder what look you’d have on your face if you saw me. would you leave like I did? Would you say something after all this time? Would you pretend you didn’t know me ? Like we were nothing? I don’t think I could take it if you did. So I didn’t go. I’ve avoided it if I’m being honest, I don’t know what it would feel like to be back in a town I once called home. It’s a ghost town to me, memories of you walking the streets. In baseball fields and football games. Somehow you even stole the sunset. How can something so long forgotten by one still have such a strong hold on the other after all these years ?

I wish I could see you one last time.

I wish I knew the last time was the last time.

It’ll never happen, but if it did,

I think my heart would stop beating. I think my lungs would refuse air.

And I think I’d die when you just look the other way without a care in the world.

You should’ve killed me when you had the chance, but it isn’t in your nature to be that kind…

Fuck.

I could hear it in your voice the last time we spoke. You’ve always been able to see into the deep dark crevices of my mind and soul

I’ll always remember that look on your face. You saw me. You’ve always seen me. And I think that’s all that anyone wants.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz