Change, Strange.

it took my life to live.

One day

One day someone is going to love this When I'm in the kitchen on a Friday night Smiling for the first time in weeks Bare feet dancing to the Mamma Mia soundtrack Doing dishes by hand because The machine broke and I'd rather suffer Than call someone to fix it Singing along until I remember the window is open And my voice is broken

One day someone is going to love this The way I write bedtime stories to myself In which I am the hero or At least someone who is seen So that when I finally dream I feel like I am an actor And not just the screen

One day someone is going to love this The pile of books on my nightstand Post-its marking my favorite pages The covers collect dust from time to time But my refusal to move them is final You never know when you might need them

One day someone is going to love this The bruises all over my legs My mind doesn't always see doors or tables through its daydreams 

One day someone is going to love this They're going to fall for all that I am Not just the parts I put on for show They're going to see everything And then choose to stay

One day someone is going to love this And I won't settle for anything less

Sometimes I feel like my dreams are connected to something. I have no idea how and why. Everyday I see a new visuals. As if I am flipping the page without reading that chapter well. It is weird how I am attracted to things. All those people's perception about things doesn't bother me at all. Souls, spirits, ghosts, witches, demon, devils, angels, god, everything means same to me. Being a child, I loved to talk alone. I could always feel someone's presence around me. I used to talk addressing them soul and witch and that never made me fearful, not even once. I am not scared of these thoughts, these feelings which are considered strange by normal people. That sword I saw in my dream with something engraved on it, I couldn't forget it. I am always a new character in my dream but I've never been hurt there. I dreamt of water for few days. I was going to die in flood. Next time, I saw myself swimming like a mermaid in underwater town. Years ago I dreamt about aliean. An aliean who always looked for me and who promised to take me someday. It was so real that I didn't go outside of home for few days. And after few months I stopped seeing that dream and I am always feeling like I am not human. Two days ago, I touched fire and I could feel it. I could read what fire was trying to tell me. Even if it is subconscious and just a random thought, how could that feel so intense to me. Fire, Water and Soil is so connected to me. It feels like I am a tree whose roots are all wide spread everywhere in the universe. My beliefs are unacceptable. I feel like people take science as a weapon and war is coming soon. Science isn't helping us to evolve. Everyday thousands of life get deceased and it's not because of natural calamities, it is because of humans. This makes me question whether I am a human or not. I can read animals. I don't know if it is accurate or not however something is trying to communicate with me. It feels unreal. I feel unreal.

broken glasses and broken hearts are

shattered in the sky, bare and uneven

darkest and coldest every night

my skin still feels the heat of burn

our love begun with tulips and red roses

these days it seems our garden is withered

we promised to protect eachother

now i am blind and everything is blurred.

all my dusks and daws were tears

and i bathed heavily in your thoughts

i was in the delusion of our perfection

little did i know, there were unseen spots

we are the culprit and we did the crime

there is no one else to blame

i did love you with all that I had

and you burned me with your flame

~august.

Claudia Rankine, Citizen

he wrote poetry all over my skin

and i fell in love as he went on

we played stupid silly games

till it was the time for dawn

in the darkness of night

everything was full of ecstacy

there happened many things

with starry sky and you and me

your hands are intimidating

and how sensually you speak

caramel brown eyes

conspicuous, alluring physique

that moment was perfect

and how you did me undress

your face was bright as city lights

i didn't want to see anything else

-august

what doesn't kill me makes me want to die.

Fall in love. Maybe it doesn't have to be with someone. Fall in love with music, art, dancing in the dark, car rides at lam, the glistening of the stars, the colors of the sun as it rises, the smell of flowers, the feeling of adrenaline that takes over your whole body and suffocates your lungs with joy, good friends who bring out your best, silence, noise, fall in love with the little things that make you feel most alive and find purpose. Fall in love with life.

– a.s.b

what if we could see wind..?

a cold breeze in winter morning or gentle flow in sunny day.

love is so as like as wind.

a very essential but invisible thing.

it isn't just an object or a prize, it is something keeping me alive and each one of us.

we cannot see what is letting out hair flow in a space where there is barely something, or what is drying our clothes when there is no sun.

there is so many things we don't think about.

example, love.?

can we ever reach to the end of how much we adore someone..?

everything is so less and few infront of them.

we don't know how much we inhale the air but we know it is something as valuable as our life.

will we ever know it's importance as long as we survive..?

-Aakriti.

You have many thoughts that could be well perceived by few ( I count myself, idk i might be wrong most of the times) and those are truly magical. But don't you get scared living in your world of esoteric concepts an notions.

I seem to have missed this question earlier.

See, life is such that uncertainty is structurally inherent.

Do I sometimes have self doubts? Am I uncertain of things? - I certainly am. But life is a play. I am not very conversant with the deeper theories of quantum mechanics, but it is fascinating enough that an electron behaves both as a particle and wave, its velocity precarious and unquantifiable except in probabilities. Many ways, this is true about our lives too.

Perhaps the point of being alive is just being alive. We are cursed to make abstract theories about life, afterlife, before life, in the middle of the life life and so on. I am no exception. There are times when I am foolish enough to make theories and life invariably always quashes those beliefs. I have been humbled by life over and over again.

I am scared. Sometimes. Such is life.

But when I am in deep harmony with life, surrendering myself to its rhythm, joyfully ebbing on the undulating waves of highs and lows, I am deeply fulfilled. Grateful to be alive. To see and feel this miracle called world. It is so beautiful. So mysterious. And we are here for such short period of time. There is so much to marvel at. Let's devote ourselves to curiosity and gratitude. We will certainly grow old and die. What is there to lose? Just rejoice.