OCD Is Characterized By The Presence Of Obsessions And/or Compulsions. Obsessions Are Recurrent And Persistent

my ocd has absolutely gone off the deep end where now i am also obsessing about the ocd itself.. like if i am having rocd doubts, like do i really love my bf, am i too young for this, do i even want to be in a relationship? my ocd just snowballs wondering if these doubts are even ocd, or if they are real and i should listen to them. like maybe i really just don’t love him anymore and i’m just afraid to admit it to myself? i hate it i hate it so much i wish i could trust my own feelings .

my therapist tells me it doesn’t matter if the doubts are real, it doesn’t matter if i don’t actually love him. because i will never know the truth, i’ll never know for certain if we “should” be together. life just doesn’t have certain answers for these things and i need to accept that uncertainty. recovery is so painful

i wanted to make a character sheet, for fun

scrupulosity and an OCD obsession with morality is so much more than just wanting to be a good person.

yes, I want to be a good person. but for me, that comes along with:

an unreachably high moral standard

an unshakeable guilt complex

a chronic feeling of “what have I done wrong?”

constant flashbacks to “shame memories”

tying myself up in knots over making the right decision (even over the little things)

and sometimes… this obsession with being a good person actually prevents me from being as good a person as I would be otherwise (e.g it can make me come across as selfish and not compassionate)

how do i deal with crush related intrusive thoughts i know i dont like anyone else except my boyfriend but damn bruh why my brain be goin this much tf

water_s h a p e s // rendered with eevee, Blender

I still love you

i love you autistics that are picky eaters. i love you autistics that dont eat vegetables. i love you autistics that dont eat foods because of the color or texture. i love you autistics who have to take vitamins because their safe/same foods dont provide enough nutrients. i love you autistics who have to look at the menu ahead of time before they go somewhere to make sure there is safe/same foods.

"I Don't Have a Routine"

For those who are seeking diagnosis, think they might be autistic or are already diagnosed/self-diagnosed but just confused

Routines/rituals aren't just getting up at the same time every day.

What can routines look like for an autistic (just general examples, not an exhaustive list):

Getting dressed in the same order. A change of this feels very upsetting.

Eating your food in a particular way. This may be eating each food individually, combining food in certain ways, not letting foods touch etc .

Getting ready for the day in a very particular way, specifically the order and time given to each activity. Being forced to rush or skip an activity is very upsetting.

Only going to certain shops, even if they are out of your way, because you've been there before. The same shop in a different suburb is too distressing.

Driving the same route to places. Suggested short cuts, or lane changing without mental preparation etc is very distressing. You would rather stay in the slow lane you 100% know takes you home than go down a new street.

Showering/bathing in the same order.

Stacking dishes or cleaning in a very specific order such as sink first, then counters, then stove etc. This order feels important but you cannot state why.

Work plans or school plans are day specific. You struggle to do banking on a Thursday, because that's a Friday activity, even though Thursday is just fine. But it's a Friday activity...so can't do it today.

To outsiders these routines/rituals seem to have no purpose but they are sacrosanct to the autistic individual. Changes must be given time, with lots of notifications and check-ups to ensure we're accepting the changes.

akiko higashimura’s princess jellyfish || 東村アキコの『海月姫』