How Do I Deal With Crush Related Intrusive Thoughts I Know I Dont Like Anyone Else Except My Boyfriend

water_s h a p e s // rendered with eevee, Blender

im so fucking sick of people saying “you know what you did.” because no i dont. i have no fucking idea what i did and i cant fix it or apologize to you or not do it again if you dont fucking tell me what to be sorry about. if im asking what i did wrong, I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG.

༺2006༻

Telling me that being upset by my intrusive thoughts is proof I'm a good person did jackshit to help me, ngl. In fact, all it did was make me feel like I HAD to go down a spiral of horror and self-hatred any time I had those thoughts in order to prove those thoughts didn't make me a monster. I still feel like that.

But the most helpful advice I got about them was genuinely just to treat them gently. Laugh. Roll my eyes. Go "not my brain acting up again 🙄" or "Bro, I do no want to do that, shut up 😩".

Like...Telling people their suffering is proof they're good people isn't really helpful, in the long run. Or at all, for plenty of us. We need to be working WITH our brains, instead of constantly fighting against them. I have this tiny section in my journal, where when I was feeling okay, I wrote myself a note on intrusive thoughts and hallucinations and there's a line I keep in mind:

"Having thoughts-it's like an ocean; shit washes up sometimes. And then, if you let it, it gets washed away."

You have to let it wash away. You can't pick up every piece of crap that washes up and study it, keep it in your little backroom, trying to determine why it's here and what its purpose is. Babe, you're not a marine biologist. Sometimes bullshit is just bullshit and you've gotta train yourself to recognize that. You don't have to be disgusted every time you run across it. You can just keep moving.

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