This year I decided not to make any resolutions.
Ok, that’s not entirely true. I have, but as Derek Sivers* once said, I’ll shut up and keep my goals to myself.
What I *can* say though, is that 2023 comes in numbers for me.
It’s 365 days, 51 weeks, hence I’m going to:
📚Read 51 books
📝Write 51 stories for my blog 642stories.tumblr.com
🏀Have 153 sport classes
🎧Listen to 365 Spanish podcasts
🎧Listen to 365 blinks
🇪🇸 Write and then record 51 Spanish stories for my instagram
👣 Walk 2,550,000 steps (approx. 50,000 a week)
I might end up doing more of some of these things, but let's consider it my bare minimum.
That said, I already terribly suck at #3, as I’ve been mostly in bed this past week recuperating after the flu.
What are your numbers this year?
*Ted Talk “Keep your goals to yourself” by Derek Sivers
This story came to me in a creative writing club I'm currently participating in.
The theme of this season is “Metamorphosis.” It is inspired by Kafka’s novella of the same name. The first sentence of the novella goes, “One morning Gregor Samsa woke in his bed from uneasy dreams and found he had turned into a large verminous insect.” (Translations vary slightly).
The prompt:
Write a story that begins with the sentence “One morning [Name of Character] woke in his bed from uneasy dreams and found/realized/saw he had turned into/become … .”
___
“So one morning I woke up in my bed from uneasy dreams and found… you there,” he grinned at her and she couldn’t suppress a smile of her own.
“You believe in fate?” he snorted at her words, and Ani poked him with an elbow under his ribs.
“What else would you call it? We were broken and then suddenly we weren’t. This is a quintessence of a metamorphosis.”
“We are past that phase, Ani. We are more like a part of a parabiotic experiment now.” M. finished his drink in one gulp and put a glass on the coaster with a muffled thump.
“Parabiosis,” he raised an index finger to draw Ani’s attention. “That’s what it is. Remember how we met?” under the table he put a hand on her bare leg, his fingers brushing the soft skin near the hem of her skirt.
M. had big pale hands, which stood in stark contrast to the rest of his body – tanned, tall and seemingly fragile as if he was a good ten pounds below slim. Exactly the way when she first had seen him at the entryway of the intensive care unit. In a narrow hallway she brushed arms with a beautiful stranger, oblivious to the world around him. A silent sorry slipped past his lips and when their eyes met she couldn’t look away. Unable to move sideways, glued to the man standing at the door, she just kept staring, confronted by the pain etched on his face. His sharp hollow cheekbones and purple shadows under the bloodshot eyes did a poor job at masking his beauty. He looked like he was holding the weight of the whole universe on his fragile shoulders, yet he had found the strength to wind up on his feet.
Without giving it much thought – any thought – she caught his trembling hands and intertwined their fingers. In retrospect, it had been a bold move, the one she would never find an explanation for. The man didn’t flinch or pull away, just stirred Ani closer and encircled her with his big hands breaking into wrecking sobs in her embrace. He was tall and she barely reached the middle of his chest encased in a plain gray t-shirt, her forehead pressed into his pectoralis major, her lips against his heart, contracting two hundred beats a minute. He smelled like medicine, coffee and sunflower seeds.
Whatever his ache was, it echoed her own, and she stood there quietly, absorbing his tears with her hair and his sorrow with her soul.
She could never forget his frenzied kisses as he’d mapped out her luscious curves with his big pale hands. As he’d pounded into her, his body slick with sweat. As he’d bawled pressed to the sharp cut of her clavicle in the aftermath of his climax. As the sobs had racked his body and she kept rubbing soothing circles over his back.
Her heart clenched at the memory. M. reached over to wipe off a lone tear trickling down her cheek, the sea blue of his own clouded with moisture. And then he smiled. They both were in tatters, and then they weren’t. The metamorphosis, indeed.
M. bent over the table and kissed the hollow of her neck. Ani pulled away, trying to look him in the eye, his breaths still dancing across her skin quickening her pulse traitorously. He was drawing numbers with his tongue on her flushed skin, dragging his lips to that sweet spot behind her ear, which he knew damn well made her squirm on her seat. She panted. She wanted him to take her back home and undress. The idea of making love to him was uppermost in her mind. She told him so.
He chuckled softly and nodded at a pizza on the table.
“You don’t want your pizza? I thought you were hungry!”
“Famished actually! Just not for pizza.”
M. looked down at her plate, his hand moving towards the apex of her thighs.
“Pizza is an example of parabiosis.” M. continued calmly as if giving a lecture. She cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Just think about it! They put cheese on this perfect oval of dough and then – voila – you get an entirely new thing. Parabiosis, Ani.”
“Did you just compare me with a slice of mozzarella?”
“More like a sprinkle of Parmesan… You, me, combined together. A family, a child, the whole nine yards. Parabiosis.”
“Well, as you said, it’s clear that we are way past the metamorphosis stage.” Ani got out of the booth and extended a hand to M.
“Time to start the parabiosis phase, Romeo. Let’s go.”
That was based on a prompt that asked to describe the experience of “Traveling with a companion who spoiled your vacation”.
Imagine a pretty woman in her prime age traveling worldwide five times a year. Imagine her sacrificing tour adventures for such mundane things as raising a child. Imagine the woman jumping on a plane and flying to the seaside after three years of home-locked existence. Wasn't she all that excited? I bet she was! Well, I am that woman.
After my long-standing maternity leave, I was finally ready to head off somewhere to dig my toes into soft ivory sand and feel the vanilla-scented breeze. I envisioned myself with damp hair sticking to my neck and sun-kissed cheeks, jogging along the beach at the crack of dawn and buying strawberries in a Styrofoam cup at the local market. The only thing dissimilar from my past pilgrimages was my infant daughter Ann standing as my travel companion. I thought ahead of everything: a hotel with high junior chairs, an allergy-free menu, and a childcare center nearby. My suitcase was filled to the brink with diapers, pacifiers, soft packs of fruit smoothies, and formula Ann was still sipping first thing in the morning. There was nothing I failed to consider. Or that's what I thought.
Our private paradise ended abruptly on the third day. I remember reaching for Ann at night, wincing suddenly as if my hand had been burnt. I've never felt her so terribly hot trembling as if she was close to having a seizure. Next several days we would have spent in a hospital. On the 10th day, the GP gave her a clean bill. On the 11th we left for home.
It could be argued that our situation was no more than an "unlucky" break, but there is something I have to say if you are a parent traveling with a kid. Take it easy. I bet if you try, try really hard, you’ll be able to find something good even in that seemingly terrible predicament. Good memories are priceless. For everything else there's MasterCard.
Photo credit: Marissa Grootes (Unsplash)
In the box of my memories is my Granny’s garden with yellow cherries and apples,
And a merry-go-round where I was dizzy and sick,
All those cherries - slimy white purée on my black polished shoes.
In the box of my memories are old fashion magazines that belong in a toilet,
And brown acidic paint Mum brushed the floors with.
In the box of my memories are the solo trips of a six-year-old me through the maze of streets,
The smell of halva I tended to buy after school
And the traces left by the sharp blades of scissors I fell onto, giving me scars and scares.
In the box of my memories are the late-night X-files reruns,
The smell of the dead in a morgue,
and 180 questions to swot for my forensic exam.
In the box of my memories is my white wedding dress, two babies breathing into my chest,
All my dreams -broken, forgotten, the ones that came true.
Let me put ‘em aside - those memories - and make more room for the things to come.
I wish I could say that writing comes naturally to me, and with a click of my fingers, I shift my mind into the subspace where my silly ramblings magically turn into coherent ideas.
Much to my chagrin, I can barely find time to transmit a few sentences to my journal on a daily basis. It should be easy, isn’t it? After all, you do it with everything else in your life - exercising, hobbies like reading or knitting, your work for crying out loud!
But…come on, in all candor, when are you ever alone? Exactly.
Peace and quiet is a gossamer door into a parallel reality allowed to exist in your head only. I’m hardly alone even when I pee, much less so when it comes to all my aforementioned ventures.
I live a life of interruptions. I’m interrupted when I read, when I run on a treadmill or sweat over another set of crunches or when I take a shower.
Notifications. Messages. Ads. Kids. Random thoughts. Things you forgot. Things you must not forget. Reminders. Whether these are your children, pawing through your desk with their little hands and naked curiosity or something else, be brutally honest with yourself - you are constantly bombarded with interruptions.
Is there a way out? There must be some, right? Mine is to write in the wee wee hours when everyone is asleep. In the dark and gloomy confines of my kitchen, surrounded by the smell of freshly brewed coffee that slips into my pores and receptors of my nostrils, I have found my safe place for writing. I’m all by my lonesome, and I love every minute of it.
I disciplined myself into writing. And if the muse happens to hover over my shoulder, I grab that resentful bitch by the neck and keep doing my thing, because if I don’t, she will slam the door shut out of my creative space so loudly that it will leave the void so vast, it will echo.
Be kind to yourself. No disparaging remarks. Only courteous behavior and soft-spoken words are welcome in that sacred place where creativity is harvested. Enjoy the crackling freedom you regain, when once evanescent thoughts, finally transform into actual printed letters, demystifying every nook and cranny of your brain.
That, indeed, is real magic.
As we are about to embark on a fall season, I’d like to share a few words about the session I was honored to host in May 2022.
The workshop I prepared was about “Stealing lexis from real articles to use in your CPE articles” (and any other articles as well).
So how do you write a CPE article? Bet you’ve heard dozens (hundreds, thousands even?) of times that you should read real articles, explore the language, highlight some nice examples, and make lists of collocations or idioms you could use in your own piece. You do it mostly intuitively, just relying on your inner self to cue you, which is the right thing to do.
But where do you begin? How do you know what’s a good and what’s a bad choice? That’s what we had a look at in our Writing incubator project in May. And here I will succinctly summarize it for you in a god-knows-how-many-words blink.
The technique we used is called investigative reading. However, before you even start opening your favorite sources, be it NY Times, The Guardian, or the Washington Post, for authentic articles in order to mine any good lexis you could borrow, create your template. And what do I mean by that? Find or invent the prompt of the article you intend to write and go through it. Then start reading articles on the topic. Highlight the language. See what you can borrow. Explore it. Put it in your article. Toss some away. Experiment.
Is it something you can do with real articles for your blog? Sure thing, just keep the plagiarism rule in mind. Three consecutive words is borrowing, and more is stealing.
The trick is, the more you write, the more you notice, how words and phrases naturally and effortlessly find their way into your pieces. You’ll start having your own unique style with a bunch of favorite chunks and structures. NO secret here. You just read some more, write some more, rewrite some more.
On a related note, it occurred to me that I've never posted the article I wrote for that workshop following the aforementioned guidelines. So here it is, story #37 on my blog.
do you have any gossamer specific fanfic recs?
I do, indeed! :DDD
Decided to pick authors who have crossover with each other, be it collaborations or dedicated mentions.
**Note**: There will be typos-- will edit them out later.
Loose chronological order below~
msk's
Home by Another Way
Neither of his parents had offered to come, so she'd stayed in North Carolina though it meant a run in with Blevens.
"You should have been with your family. Not hanging around my hospital room."
Truth be told, part of her hadn't wanted to come home and face the sadness.
Post Beyond the Sea Mulder and Scully bond over their fathers.
Final Arrangements
He'd insisted on bringing her home from the hospital, even though her mother had offered. Scully had sensed that it was important to him and had suggested her mother spend some time with Bill before he had to return to California.
Post Redux II Mulder finds Scully's pre-Gethsemane funeral plans.
The Brixton Witch by Kel & msk
She paused for a moment, one hand on the car door and waited for the lightheadedness to fade. Her hesitation wasn't lost on Mulder, who shot a concerned glance in her direction....
It wasn't as if she could order her body to hustle that cellular repair because she was tired of feeling cold all the time. If it wasn't for her silk-blend long underwear, she'd be shivering in the late October breeze.
She firmly shut the car door, and strode toward the shop. Mulder overtook her, reaching around to push the door open.
Post Redux II Scully and Mulder investigate a haunted bakery.
And So It Goes
I sat up, heart pounding, gasping for breath as Mulder stumbled into the room. His hair was sticking up in the back like a rooster's comb, and if I wasn't having a breakdown, I would have laughed. "A bad one?" he asked.
"I give it a nine." I ran a shaky hand through my hair as Mulder brought me a glass of water from the bathroom.
"Yeah, but I bet you can't dance to it," he quipped as he handed me the glass and sat next to me on the bed. I took a long drink and wondered why people bring you water when you're upset. He rubbed my back as I took deep breaths and felt my heart try to escape my chest. "Which one was it? The one on the examining table?"
I bitterly regretted telling him about that particular horror show.
Post One Son Scully and Mulder investigate another abductee case.
Jabberwocky by bcfan & MaybeAmanda & Amy & Tesla & msk & Marchmont, Lucy & Kmom
Mulder's eyes moved from Sybil to Scully. "Fro--Melvin said you had information. What's up?" he asked, the lack of expression in his voice expressing the utmost suspicion.
Sybil leaned forward, and the lazy drawl was nearly gone from her voice. "I think the company I work for is running insurance scams with the undead."
Post Bad Blood Scully and Mulder find themselves-- courtesy of the Lone Gunmen-- investigating another suspicious Texan town.
Mezzo Luna
"I think Carmela's emotions were carried through the food she cooked to the people who ate it. She was angry when she made the ravioli, and the people who ate it became enraged." He sat back and folded his arms, as if daring her to take her best shot.
Scully took a sip of her club soda and fought a smile.
Mulder and Scully investigate a town embroiled with heightened emotions (and confront a few of their own.)
"The Freedom Squad Birthday by Kel & msk
"He wants a Freedom Squad Battle Fortress."
"I'm sure he'll like that mitt just fine."
Mulder was grinding the ball into the glove, forming the pocket. Which really wasn't necessary, but still, that's what a guy does with a new glove.
"I went to World O' Toys and Big Box Toys in Alexandria. I called a couple of stores in Arlington. I didn't get very far."
"He didn't give you much notice," Doggett said. As in, maybe if you talked to him more than once a month, you would have known earlier.
AU-- Post Existence Mulder is unstable, flaky, and constantly in and out of Scully and William's life.
mimic117's
Supermarket Sweep
Why don't they include this in the training? Especially for guys. It's gonna come up at some point. It's inevitable. You get comfortable with each other. You trust each other. You'd even die for each other. So why shouldn't you do this one little thing, too? Easy, right?
Wrong.
There's too many choices.
S1 Mulder is sent on a period shopping expedition.
One Another's Best
"I miss her, Mulder."
He places his hand on her sleeve.
"I know."
Post Paper Clip Mulder understands why Scully is snappy at work.
War Stories
How do you burn a ring inside a shirt cuff? He just smirked when I asked about that one.
He does that a lot. Never really explains anything, just shrugs or smirks.
Post Bad Blood Mulder's dry cleaner is used to regular damage.
Imperfect Penance
It's a dangerous assignment, I won't kid you about that. I knew what I was getting into from the start, although I wasn't happy about going in without backup. Still, Skinner was right. I couldn't risk the operation just because I feel naked without her next to me. But she found out anyway. Wish I could have seen her worming the details out of Skinner.
Pine Bluff Variant Mulder is glad to have Scully on the "in."
Getting By
It took a moment to achieve upright and stable, but once she did, Scully found she could shuffle with the best of the octogenarians. She'd made it around the bed, on a steady course to reach the door in under twenty minutes, when she remembered two things. One, there was someone in her apartment. Chances were really good that it was just her mother, who'd called the previous night and used her maternal radar to deduce her child's state of health. But two, she couldn't be sure of that and her gun was safely locked away in her end table. She turned and looked. Way back there. On the other side of the bed.
She swiveled slowly toward the door again and caught sight of the baseball bat standing in the corner.
S6 (or S7) Scully is very sick... and very loopy.
Jersey-deviled
"So *anyway*.... I'd just gotten close to the door when it opened again. The woman standing there yelled, 'Hey! Come on in!' and hauled me into the room."
"Did you get her description?"
"I already told you I didn't. It happened too fast, and once I was inside the room, I was mobbed."
"Right. I forgot."
Mulder and Scully, on the road with concussion stories.
Jaded
"Well, you're not upsetting me, Miss, uh..."
Ms. Cool Cucumber doesn't like it when Hotshot has to remind her of my *real* last name. Wish I could see the look she gave him. She's the one in control here and she seems to think I'm hiding something.
First Person Shooter's Jade Afterglow has thoughts after Scully and Mulder's interrogation.
Coming up Roses
"Look on the bright side, Mulder."
"Is there a bright side?"
"Of course there is. This time you weren't hurt enough to need drugs, so I won't have to listen to your snoring at night."
"Sez you. And I do not snore."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't."
Mulder is scratched up by rose bushes.
Chip Off the Old Block, Chip Off The Old Block 02 - Serendipity, Chip Off The Old Block 03 - Veracity, and Chip Off The Old Block 04 - Duplicity
Trading glances with Mulder, Charlie took on the task of deflecting his sister's annoyance. "We were almost mugged coming out of the gym, Sis. No big deal. We just didn't want to worry you."
"Yeah." Mulder dove through the loophole he'd been handed. "It was just some hop-head trying to score a little cash. We got the bad guy, the cops took him away, and we're both fine. End of story."
Glaring from one man to the other, Scully crossed her arms and lowered her brows. "Why do I get the feeling there's something else you're not telling me?"
AU-- Post Existence Mulder, Scully, and William are awash in Charlie Scully misadventures. (Turns out, William's little powers are genetic.)
Emily Sim's
Aeviternal
He closed the door and scooped up his jacket and a sweater he'd left on the couch. They joined other discarded parts of his wardrobe on his bed. Good to know the bed was good for something.
Post Fire Mulder ruminates on the word 'love'.
Softly
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. It thrums through his body with every beat of his heart, with every step that he takes towards her hospital room. How many times over the years has he done this? He’s only been gone a few minutes to grab some food for himself, but he can’t shake eight years’ worth of hospital visit paranoia from his shoulders.
Existence Mulder keeps watch over Scully and their son in the hospital.
Satchie's
Dancing with Mephistopheles
"You've sustained an injury to your left anterior cerebral artery, which has caused some hemorrhaging into your brain. That's why you're having speech difficulties and the weakness on your right side. We're going to repair the damaged artery and evacuate the clot."
Brain surgery? You've really outdone yourself this time, Mulder.
Post Demons Mulder realizes that it was Scully's blood, not her tears, on his shirt.
Renaissance de Mal
Scully glanced back at the abandoned vehicle. "Don't move. I'll bring the car over here and get you situated. Then we'll go to the emergency room."
Mulder gingerly flexed his limb. "Nah. I think it's okay. I just need to work out the kinks. Probably twisted it funny or something."
"Uh huh. It's the 'or something' that worries me.
S5 Mulder adds another injury to his list while chasing after a demon dog.
Claimed
Scully frequently volunteered to handle this unpleasant task, but his misplaced guilt prevented him from accepting her gracious offer this time. For crying out loud, he nearly died simply because he went to an out-of-town basketball game. It was so senseless and humiliating. No, he would fight this battle alone.
Mulder's insurance company has no mercy.
In Extremis
The worst part of my decline is having to face my trials alone. So many times I've debated whether or not to tell Scully about my illness, but I can't seem to arrive at a decision. For crying out loud, she's a doctor. Sooner or later she's bound to notice the subtle clues of my deterioration. Do I honestly believe I can keep this from her until the bitter end? No matter how I check out, she's going to be heartbroken.
AU-- Pre-Requiem Mulder is too afraid to tell Scully about his brain disease.
Jenna's
IOU
We spend the next few hours reliving the past 22 years through my eyes. I tell her everything, but mostly about my time spent with Scully and all that has happened to us over the last two years. She finally has gained the nerve to ask "the" question.
"This Scully, is she is a "partner?" Or is she is a "partner, partner?"
AU-- Mulder and Samantha root around in their parent's attic.
Amy's
Where are You, China Blue?
"Listen to me."
He looked off, annoyed.
"You're not listening."
"Yes, I am."
"Then stop it, Daddy. Just hear me out. I don't care anymore. I don't care. It used to be fun. It used to be this great game. 'Don't get caught, Sammy', you'd say. It was great. My whole life was great. Until last week, I thought it was going to be that way forever."
AU-- Post Redux II Samantha is sick and tired of the games.
Through the Mist
You approach my body. I expect to find shock, horror and sadness etched within every line of the face I know better than my own. Instead you are smiling, you approach me as you have every other day of our friendship, your eyes take in my body with reverence, a small smile is dancing on your lips. Your arms are held behind your back and as you approach the bed I can see the little game you have intended to play. A date. The remembrance of the word is almost unbearable. Your smile grows as you present my corporeal self with the bouquet from behind your back. I can hear you lightly mocking me, laughing at the fact that I had said that fortunes would come between us and normality. You are out to prove me wrong, not out of vengeance or spite, but because that is how you and I grow and move forward.
AU-- Scully's spirit watches a broken Mulder take her body home.
Tesla's (Site)
Get Up, Mulder
He rolled onto his side. He still had his gun. What was the problem? He felt blood trickling from his scalp. Someone must have sapped him. He was such an idiot. He wiggled his fingers, tried to send a message to his feet. They moved. Good. Houston, we have movement.
"Scully?" he said, tentatively. He was in a parking deck. Something about a suspicious sale of fertilizer. Great. Wonderful. He knew Kersh wanted to kill him, but he had thought it would be death by boredom.
FTF and S6 Mulder's many "passing out" adventures.
After the Ship
"When a man has to start all over again----when a profiler, who sees evil everywhere, has to start over again- ---how do you rejoin the world?"
Black's eyebrows twitched once. "Ah," he said. "But I have a connection to the world. I have my daughter."
Mulder grimaced.
Black reached in his pocket for a couple of dollars. "Yes, Agent Mulder, I'm luckier than you. You have to find your way back without a lifeline."
Post Three Words Mulder remains disconnected, dully wondering if he's a clone.
Kel's No Longer at Ease Here
He looked over at me, nodded, and turned back to look out the window.
"If that's true, you have my deepest sympathy," he said.
If that's true. Like I'm a liar.
"Squamash, Pennsylvania. Sound familiar?" I asked him.
That got his attention.
Vienen Doggett tells Mulder about his own experience with death.
Kmom's How I Want The X-Files To End
"Scully? You awake?"
"Sure, Mulder, I'm awake." The voice is deadpan. "I'm always awake at... uh... 3:35 am."
"Well, I was wondering... "
"What else is new? Make it quick."
"Do you think it's possible for dinosaurs to still be walking the earth somewhere?"
Post Existence Mulder and Scully have an early morning conversation about reinstatement.
bcfan's
Party Line
At Mulder's hurt look, Scully swallowed and closed her eyes. Get a grip, she scolded herself. You usually love his brilliance and energy. Thinking back to yesterday's discussion - childhood report card comments - Scully remembered she'd shared "plays well with others." Mulder had countered with "has a low tolerance for repetition."
That's the key, Scully decided. I have to find a way to pull us both out of this miasma of snarkiness. I have to give Mulder something new and different to think about.
Post Firewalker quarantine slumber party.
Wired
"I'm enlisting your help on a field assignment, but it's going to be undercover. Can you get away unofficially for a few days?"
"Well, I have some back vacation time coming. Agent Scully, might I ask-"
"No. I'm on an unsecured line. Drop off whatever paperwork you need to fill out and meet me in your own car - not a Bureau car, Agent Pendrell - at the food court of the Key Mall in Frederick. It's about 40 miles from D.C. Do you know where it is?"
"I'm sure I can find it. I'll be there as soon as I can."
Scully nodded. She still had one friend in the FBI.
Wetwired Scully is on the run, calling up Pendrell for help and fleeing to her mother's.
Bon Voyage with an Open Book
"No, I'm thinking about early humans. It must have been confusing for the first people to dream - to go somewhere without going."
"I never thought of that before."
Mulder throws his arm over his eyes and murmurs. "I don't want to go somewhere anymore, Scully. It's too hard."
"Mulder, I'm coming over."
Post Paper Hearts Scully drops by with a present.
Hanukkah
Scully spotted it on a dusty shelf at a gas station QuikiMart, propped next to boxes of tinsel and faded red and green ornaments. A quick decision later, the miniature menorah was tucked into her plastic bag with sunflower seeds and a lottery ticket promising 38 million dollars.
Mulder looked surprised as he examined her offering.
"For good luck," she murmured.
Post Kaddish Scully buys Mulder a menorah.
Twin Paradox, A New Interpretation
"Perfect timing, Mulder. No haircut, but I just got rid of three days worth of beard. How are you feeling?" Scully again held the water to Mulder's lips as she spoke.
"Better," he quietly replied, then gestured weakly with his hand. "Roses?"
"From my mother. Don't worry, she signed my middle name on the card. I knew they were for you, though."
Mulder smiled, and Scully's heart turned over.
"I've been dreaming. Good dreams. You're in them, Scully."
Amor Fati Mulder recovers in an old folks' home.
The Breakfast Club
"I'm cooking this morning, Mulder. Do you have a toaster?"
"Of course. This place has all the accoutrements of civilized dining."
Scully stepped into the kitchen. "Where is it?"
Mulder squeezed around her and crouched low, fishing with long arms in the back of a bottom cabinet. "Ta da." He held up an avocado clunker from the 1970s, covered in grime.
Post Amor Fati Scully keeps Mulder well-fed during his recovery; and he begins to return the favor.
Pine-scented
The funny little Charlie Brown Christmas tree looked almost lovely if he squinted and turned his head sideways. Lights sparkled in the windows and soft music caressed the room. It was beginning to look a lot like happiness realized.
Will climbed on Mulder's lap as he sat cross-legged on the floor, taping wires to the branches so the baby couldn't pull on them. Will drooled on his shirt and grabbed his nose. "Gah."
Post Existence Christmas, with poop and romance.
Obfusc8er's
Mandates from Heaven by Obfusc8er & Xtreme Unction
Mulder leaned against one of the columns, casually crossing one ankle over the other, and squinted. He was trying to make out the textual message in the shimmering, as he is wont to do every time he visits the Lincoln Memorial. As usual, the epistle hidden in the water eluded him. He and Samantha used to play this game as children, making up imaginary Pentateuchal directives during every visit to the national mall. He smiled at the memory of some of the more ridiculous mandates from heaven they pretended to see.
AU-- Pre-S1 Mulder sees a "happily ever after" doppelganger.
Spending Time
I close my eyes briefly, trying to blink away the encroaching fog. I bite my lip until it bleeds. Even as I fade, I want her badly. She winds her hands together and shoves rhymically on my chest in a futile attempt at resuscitation. How lucky I am that my doctor is the pathologist who never says die.
Post Dod Kalm Mulder and Scully swap music requests after a night of nightmares.
True Reflections
Over here! Don't forget me! Mulder shouts silently.
"Okay. If I'm leaving anything behind, I'll just come by tomorrow to pick it up. I'll leave you alone now." She turns to leave.
He cannot take seeing her walk away right now, and he swallows hard.
"I don't want to be alone."
Post Grotesque Scully stands by her shaken partner.
Russian Roulette by Obfusc8er & bcfan
The next time he awakens, Mulder bites his lip hard to keep silent, but he can't prevent the shakes.
Terma Mulder's stint in the Russian gulog.
Kiss and Makeup
"I got here as soon as I could. You sounded...lonely."
He lowered his eyes before saying the last word, unable to meet her gaze. She nodded at him, noting that he was no longer making an effort to pretend that his visit was anything but personal. She backed away a couple of steps, leaving the door wide open. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He stood fidgeting with the cuff of his trench coat, waiting for a cue, for a hint of what she needed from him. He was willing to do anything for her.
She wanted to let him hold her, but a lump was growing in her throat. She was busy trying desperately not to cry in front of him.
Pre-Gethsemane Scully and Mulder have a frank conversation about her health.
Reverto Ad Noctum
I can smell your fear.
Detour-- the Mothman's perspectives.
Convergence
Everything is running smoothly, and it all results in a living being, itself interacting with other beings in much the same way the wandering atoms within it do. The organism moves, communicates with, and manipulates members of its own and other kinds to become a part of an always-jostling, writhing whole conglomeration clinging precariously to a tilted, rolling rock. The system is humming along nicely, taking care of itself quite well.
And then something goes terribly wrong. The steady fluid pressure inside the organism's network of blood vessels rises slightly, the heart pumping frantically. The adrenal glands release endocrine and adrenaline into the bloodstream, causing the blood to become a much more efficient oxygen carrier. The protein hasn't made it back to the lungs yet. The combination of speeding heartbeat and frantically pumping lungs makes the entire system shake and vibrate with anticipation.
Monday, and one of the many days Scully lived through.
Deus ex Machina
Her partner was staring at the low tree stump upon which Legere had been splitting wood. She walked toward him, stopping when she saw the subject of his inspection. The face of the stump was sawed off with a smooth surface. The gray weathered grains were stained black and brown in a starburst pattern. Scully leaned closer and squinted. The stain was more recent and thinned around the edges, revealing its true pigment. It was red.
"It's blood," she stated, mostly to herself.
S6 Scully (and Mulder) come face-to-face with a demon on one of Kersh's patrols.
Papercut
"Don't move, Mulder. I'm not yelling. You have a concussion...among other things."
He winced as he felt fat raindrops falling on him with stinging force. Everything before him was a blur. He waited, and Scully's form slowly took shape.
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
He looked at her, but his thoughts were clouded by pain in his head.
"Yeah. Fingers."
Scully finds her partner after he narrowly escapes a tornado.
One Man's Journey
I sense a wave of trembling pass through her frame as I marvel at the implausibility of our circumstances. Her head rests against my chest, against the very place where someone, or something, split me open and tried to remove my faith in her. When they realized they could not have that, they took everything else?
Post Three Words Mulder is desperate to keep Scully around while (temporarily) helpless to re-situate back to "normal."
Waddles52 and Little Bullit 89's Spectacular Lights and Chili Nights
"The injection should make you sleepy. I'm going to talk to the manager and find out where the closest medical facilities are. You need to be seen by a doctor."
"You're a doctor," he said sleepily. The phenergan was beginning to take effect.
"That's true, but in case you haven't noticed, the vast majority of my patients are dead.
AU-- Mulder and Scully, emergency appendicitis, and an important "I need you."
bellefleur's
Kiss of an Angel's Wings
Every time he closes his eyes, he sees her face. It's been like this for months now, maybe years, but never like tonight. Never like this. The memory of those baby blues riveted to him is seared into his soul.
Post Tempus Fugit Pendrell's last, besotted thoughts.
Iced
After the fact, it was hard for Scully to describe just what had occurred since it all happened so quickly. Ernie had just finished a rousing rendition of "Rubber Ducky," and as the music changed, the other characters emerged from the curtain, one by one, for the final number. Her focus, of course, had been on Big Bird, hoping for his sake that the show could end without incident. But as she watched him glide gracefully along behind Elmo in the long line of figures circling the ice, suddenly he broke formation and made a beeline for Oscar. With a dive at the garbage can, he and the Grouch slid toward the center of the rink, in a mangled pile of feathers and fur.
Post Detour Mulder and Scully are sent on an FBI undercover mission... as Sesame Street characters on ice.
When Cows Fly
Scully froze. She stopped breathing altogether, hoping that complete lack of motion would prevent him from waking further so that she could surreptitiously pull herself away. Slowly resuming her breathing, she began to plot another run at the alarm clock when a nearby rumbling startled her.
"If you wanted to cuddle you could've just asked."
Rain King Scully is flustered by Mulder's oblivious consumption of her space.
42 Flavors
Scully turned at Mulder's voice to see him pull up alongside her, and then she followed him out the door. One of the tables they had passed on the way in was now vacant, so they took their places in the wrought iron chairs flanking the matching round table.
"So, was it a good birthday, Scully?"
"Best one I've had in six months."
Post The Unnatural Mulder whisks Scully away to get gelato.
Combustion
She and her partner had faced this situation too many times, with one possibly losing the other permanently. Had this become almost mundane for them? To someone who had never faced this trauma before, the occasion magnified lost moments and things left unsaid. But for Scully, such thoughts had not even occurred to her, until now. Was it possible that she may never see Mulder again and never have the chance to express how she truly felt about him?
Mulder survives a bomb blast cave-in; and reunites with a relieved Scully, ready to take the next step.
In Heels
You'd think by now I'd be used to getting ditched, but with Mulder, it was never about gender. Sure, he was trying to protect me from taking the same stupid risks he was, but not because he thought I was a liability. That doesn't mean it didn't piss me off, but this--this one was a personal insult. And I don't like being insulted.
Mulder's swollen ankle prevents him from joining Scully and a misogynistic detective on the field.
Mother Love
Scully had invited him to join her and her mom for brunch that Sunday, but he politely declined and explained simply, "There's something I have to do." She accepted his excuse without question, perhaps understanding, or simply respecting his need to open up to her in his own time.
Post Sein und Zeit Mulder visits Tena Mulder's grave for Valentine's Day.
Triple Returns
"The Son."
Scully and Hughes both turned to look at Mulder who had now moved into the living room and was standing over the tape outlining where the body had fallen.
"Pardon me?" Hughes inquired.
"The Son. Daniels was the only son in his family, just like the second victim of each trio before. The original killers saw themselves as an unholy trinity, and they killed along the same pattern."
AU-- S7 Mulder and Kristen Kilar meet again.
Visceral
Your focus turns back to the steel pan containing the most poetic of my earthly remains. You place it inside the frame of the scale then write down the weight. You set my heart on the cutting board and pick up a long knife, your actions practiced and controlled, almost mechanical. The blade presses against the mottled epicardium, expressing thick, clotted blood from the vessels. But you pause, held back by something invisible and unspoken, your masterful hands trembling. Turning, you look at my opened body, my innermost self exposed. A few clear drops run from beneath your mask, dripping onto the front of your gown, mingling there with a smear of red.
Post All Things Daniel Waterston selfishly watches Scully autopsy his dead body.
Then Comes Marriage
"C'mon, Scully, it'll be fun. The lights, the magic. There's no other place like it on earth."
AU-- Mulder and Scully accidentally get married in Vegas.
Arms Wide Open
It hits me again: We did it. We made a life. I can't believe it.
And once more I laugh to myself in disbelief and start crying. This seems to be an automatic response for me.
AU-- Requiem Mulder wasn't abducted; and bolts from room after being told the surprise news.
Easter Vigil
All she knows for sure is that he was dead. She held his lifeless body. She touched his decaying flesh. She stood watch as they sealed him in the casket and then lowered him into the ground.
He was dead. And then he wasn't.
He is risen.
Deadalive Scully thinks of her waxing and waning faith in miracles.
Simple Man
The moment was interrupted as Will emerged from his room and rejoined them. It was Mulder who first noticed him, and Scully followed his gaze. Their son was now wearing jeans, a Yankees shirt, a ballcap, and his baseball mitt--the way he usually dressed when his father took him to the park to play catch.
AU-- Post Existence Mulder and Scully discuss his childhood while William changes his Halloween costume.
Is There a Doctor in the House?
Mulder was standing on his desk, holding something above his head, apparently installing...
"Ceiling tiles? Mulder, what are you doing?"
He almost fell off the desk, startled by her presence, but she quickly reached out to steady him. He smiled sheepishly and climbed off the desk.
AU-- IWTB Mulder keeps putting off his doctorate.
truthwebothknow1's
Natiruvaaq
He tried to cut through the fog that left his mind in a painful vice.
Mulder, caught in the fog.
Echoes
Her aunt had been bugging her for months about coming over to spend a few days and finally meet her.
S6 (or S7) Scully vacations in Ireland, where she not only finds her own X-File but runs into her partner.
Enchanted Shores
The soft crunch of feet through wet sand broke her out of her reverie as her partner approached her, grinning like a little boy bringing her a natural sea treasure.
The man with the child in his eyes.
S6 (or S7) Mulder and Scully take a lovely dovey trip to Maine.
Home Alone
He stood at the lip of the stairs swaying and was feeling quite disorientated when the downstairs phone ringing tore a path through the cotton in his head. His good foot shifted inadvertently onto the first step but his toes could not dig into the carpet enough to stop his forward momentum. A final sway and his crutches slipped from his grasp with a clatter and he pitched forward, too shocked and slacked jawed to cry out. The hall flooring came up to collide with his nose at an alarming speed just as the answering machine kicked in.
Mulder gets into progressively worse scrapes on Valentine's Day, resulting in Maggie's arrival, Scully and Skinner's panic, and a reporter's opportunistic attempt to snap a photo.
My December
And then they found him.
Mainly because the puddle of red stood out in stark contrast to the endless white. Fortunately, they'd spotted his limp body wedged upside-down against a snow-covered rock before the last gimlet slither of light vanished over the next mountain. Only Mulder could render himself trussed up like some macabre raspberry ripple snowball....
AU-- S7 Mulder is wrapped up in barbed wire after a disastrous car accident. With no other recourse, Skinner and Scully prepare to pull it out themselves.
If I Close My Eyes Forever and Vortex
He was so excited at the thought of revisiting his old haunts and he hadn't really come down since. He called it his Oxford beat. Scully had nearly fallen out of the boat, laughing as he said it. They nearly both ended up in the river. Good memories, he was going to need them, they both were.
A sudden slither of melancholy caught her in the ribs. His hand tugging gently at hers brought her out of her reverie.
AU-- Mulder wakes from a dreamworld, nearly debilitated with serious injuries. Scully takes him to England to help him move on from the FBI; and the two-- of course-- stumble across an x-file.
Si la vie est un cadeau
I'm not the Close Encounter hero, but I'm close to something...terrible. I'm Fox William Mulder... the most colossal looser of all time. I am both found and at the same time irrevocably lost to you...to this. And I want...no need to think that I didn't have a choice, ...like Sam, that all this was inevitable for some universal goodness concept, which somehow got lost or derailed along the way. I made the choice Scully, but was it mine to begin with? Was this not ordained long ago by happenstance of my birthright? When I think of what I've cost you...
Maybe I deserve all this; perhaps everything was leading to this, in some divine plan that was kept secret from us. Though I'm sure you would be the first to tell me that, God doesn't use power tools against helpless living flesh.
S8 Mulder recounts the temporary bouts of reprieve he'd feel amidst the trauma of his torture.
BONUS
I can't bounce from this list in good conscience without mentioning Vickie Moseley and Donna and Sheryl Martin and RocketMan and Cecily Sasserbaum and prufrock's love, authors I've put a lot of hours into. However, since Tumblr has limits on links per post, I'll merely suggest you search their names (e.g. #Vickie Moseley) on this blog; and limit this rec to a fic I became reacquainted with today.
prufrock’s love/plenilune’s (Ao3, Gossamer, WBM, colonizationhq)
Malebolge
"I'm not eating a bat, Mulder. We don't have any food, no drinkable water, and you've got to be freezing. Better start climbing, partner."
"I wanted to wait until you were awake - to make sure you were okay before I left you." He's on his knees, facing me, very close. I can feel the heat radiating off him in the darkness like an aura and a warm hand touches my good shoulder. "You know I care about you, don't you, Scully?"
Something was very wrong if Mulder was saying this while kneeling on my wet trench coat, half-dressed, in a cave. Maybe he hit his head - that usually precedes declarations of his love.
"I know you do, Mulder. Just go."
"Do you love me?" He'd found my hand, holding it tightly in his.
Bad wrong.
"You know I do. What's wrong, Mulder?"
AU-- Mulder and Scully (and a tour guide) become trapped in an underground cave-in, and slowly realize they're not getting out.
Thanks for reading~
Enjoy!
What can you do in three minutes? In three minutes, you can boil water for tea or eat a banana. You can make a phone call, brush your teeth, or take an extremely quick shower. If you are on the subway, you can hop on the train and travel to the next not-so-far station. Three minutes seem to be just enough. Three minutes might take forever if you’re waiting for an answer from a girl you finally summoned up the courage to ask out. If you’re a defendant in a court waiting for the jury to reach a verdict, three minutes might drag on agonizingly slow. One hundred and eighty seconds of tickling as if a bomb is about to set off. All-in-your-head ticking.
However, if you talk to someone like David Duchovny, a person you were dreaming of having a conversation with, three minutes pass in the blink of an eye. Literally. You blink and then it’s over. David says that they are counting on us, and it is nice to see you again and then he’s gone. You are left with a mixture of euphoria and disappointment but unable to process it at the moment. It’s four in the morning and though you are so tired you cannot see straight, sleep is elusive. Your emotions are too raw to let go and grab so well-needed rest. So instead, you do some writing, keeping in mind what David has just told you - it’s all about discipline. And you write till letters start jumping on the screen and everything gets blurry. And then you brew some more coffee. A real thing. Not that decaffeinated crap you bought on a whim convincing yourself that this is what mindful people do. For they say it’s healthy. Sure. Fine. Whatever.
I got over my Duchovny crush in my early twenties, too busy to lust after anyone but my first-time-ever long-term boyfriend and struggling to major in English and Law simultaneously. Once my puberty was complete, I forgot about “The X-Files”. I didn’t think about David until I turned 33, which was 2018, the year when we moved to Moscow. It was a period of boring days dragging one after another in nothing but taking round-the-clock care of kids. Being acutely aware of my routine existence and suffering from the lack of babysitters, work-related stuff, and English altogether, I tried to fill an expanding void with books and series. I could read up to hundreds of pages a day and binge-watch Netflix every single minute whenever I had free time. It was my sea of tranquillity, and I was literally drowning in it.
I started watching Californication, the series I’d been deliberately neglecting for a little over 10 years (first released in 2007), due to my reluctance to shape Duchovny as anyone else but Fox Mulder. One more year later, I stumbled upon the news, that two more seasons of the X-files had been shot. You are so out of the loop, girl, exactly my thoughts. What are you? Some freak, living off the grid? How could you miss it? For what it’s worth, I loved it.
One day, almost accidentally, driving along the city center, I caught a glimpse of the billboard with his name and the word concert next to it. A concert? What the hell, the guy is an actor! Well, also a novelist now, but what does it have to do with music? Upon my arrival at home, I googled him thoroughly only to be struck by the fact that David indeed was a singer and it wasn’t even his first album. The same day I bought a ticket, including the meet-and-greet session pass, downloaded some of his previous tracks, and just like that, my affection was resurrected.
That first meeting we didn’t really talk. I remember my shy “May I hug you?” and his encouraging coarse “Yeah”. I remember warm strong arms around my shoulders. We took a photo, he sighed whatever it is I had on me to sign. It happened to be a tiny red notebook as nothing else seemed to fit in my lady’s purse. And then, there was an hour of pure bliss as the concert began. He may or may not be a good singer. If truth be told, it’s probably the latter. But he’s full of the heady dark intensity that shakes you to the core and makes the overall experience simply unforgettable. I could only hope that it wouldn’t be the last first time.
But then. Pandemic. It brought several good tidings, albeit being a catastrophe of the world. Virtual interaction is still booming. Back in the day, you either hoped that the flame of your heart would honor your country with a visit, or traveled over the ocean for the slightest chance to get a glimpse of them. Now all you need is broadband and a cell. Well, and some extra bucks on you. Virtual meet and greets, zooming, 1-on-1 calls, livestreams. You can get up to 10 minutes with the celebrity of your choice. At times, you can enter raffles they organize to raise money for charity, and then it’s a chance to win up to half an hour of a private talk. How cool is that?
So, the question posed, is it expensive? You bet. Is it worth it? Every second of it. Will I see him again? Well, I might. But then again, I might not. After all, I’ve already seen him three times. And two out of three I had a chance to talk with him. However, since we’ve already established that it was worth doing, I could only add that anything that is worth doing is worth doing well.
It's a CPE-based book review of "The 5-second rule" by Mel Robbins.
Prompt:
A literary magazine has invited readers to submit reviews of non-fiction books. You decide to submit a review of a book that has influenced you greatly. Your review should briefly describe the book, explain what aspects of your life have changed after reading it, and assess the importance of non-fiction literature.
What if somebody told you that you are just 5 seconds away from a totally different life? From having a better job? From being a better parent? From succeeding in business? The answers to all the questions above are explored by Mel Robbins, an Ivy League-educated criminal defense attorney, in her book “The 5-second rule”. Given that the only thing standing in your way is yourself, Robbins, with her quick wit and fiery opinion, hands over to the readers a simple way to break the habit of hesitation and set a scheme for a better life.
The essence of the five-second rule is in the so-called metacognition tool that enables one to trick the brain into things it wouldn’t normally do. Once you receive the impulse to work towards something, start counting backward, and then physically act on it. The moment you miss that five-second window, your mind shuts down, as it is designed to stop you from doing anything uncomfortable, uncontrollable, uncertain.
I wish I could say that to me, the book was nothing short of an epiphany. That I could trace back every single problem and complaint to hesitation and silence. That applying Robbin’s concept to my day-to-day life presented me with a prospect to push through excuses to procrastinate far enough to see how much more life had in store for me. Nothing supernatural happened though. Nonetheless, following the scheme given in her book, I managed to set my perfect routine to have just the right amount of time to go over my morning procedures, make breakfast, take the kids to school, and embark on a working day with a smile on the face.
Robbin’s 270-page debut is like a shiny new thing that attracts lots of attention. That notwithstanding, it is a prime example of why non-fiction books should probably slim down. They all have pages and pages of testimonials turned into riveting, albeit juvenile, and overly repetitive stories. Aside from that, they are heavily seasoned with pretentious advertisements, giving readers a feeling of being marketed to, on each page. That’s precisely why services like Blinkist can summarize such books succinctly into fifteen-minute reads. You may be tricked into thinking that you are handed over a tool to enrich your life; however, for jaded readers, it might be no more than an old pseudo-psychological trick wrapped in a new package.
Read it on AO3
That was a creative writing exercise from my tutor, and it's a mix of fiction and real-life events.
There was a heavy wooden bookcase in the living room of our old two-bedroom, creaky dusty shelves storing all kinds of books - detective stories, thrillers, romances that would make the most jagged reader blush. I rummaged through it from top to bottom and stopped my gaze on “Hatter’s Castle” by Archibald Cronin, a hefty volume of blue color - the book my younger self, fascinated with British and American literature – devoured whole in one week. Took me another week to digest it, before embarking on Dreiser’s “American Tragedy”. We’ll get back to that.
Kesha, our green and yellow budgie, was tweeting in his cage as I stood there hypnotizing the book, trying to decide if it was worth a read. As I made up my mind to give it a shot, I sauntered over to the kitchen to boil some water for tea. Benny, our beautiful white mongrel, looked at me with her wet brown eyes – always seemingly sad – and I paused by the door of the kitchen with my manuscript.
Later.
We could look through Hatter’s castle later. Tea could wait too. It was time to walk.
“Hey, let’s go out for a while.”
She didn’t hesitate and jumped on me, pawing my knees excitedly. I crouched down to be level with her lovely fluffy face and pulled her increments closer. Maybe somewhere in the back of my head, I had already known it would be one of our last times together. As I had known that one sunny day in June, I would forget to pull down the bar of Kesha’s cage while filling his bowl with fresh food, and he would fly away.
We tended to keep the balcony doors open in summer, but I still believed the chances he’d find his way out would be close to nil. Well, fucking stupid of me. But what would you expect from a fourteen-year-old – a clusterfuck of uncertainty and confusion?
Fourth floor. Eighty-eight steps up and down. Every day for the past six years, and then the next ten. Inside it smelled like dump plaster and cigarette smoke. I used to know all my neighbors by name, the types of plants they had (they asked us to water them when on holiday), and the loudness of their spouses’ voices once a row was in full swing.
Every four weeks it was our turn to sweep the floors of the lobby and wash two flights of stairs. Twenty-two steps. Up and down. I wish we had a rug there, so I could sweep under it all the dirt and humiliation I felt every time I got spotted by a random passerby.
Checking the postbox was the thing I loved best. There were letters and postcards I could read. When I was in high school, newspapers joined them. Later, when I entered the college, catalogs and brochures were added to the pile of the mess our postbox had become.
“What you got there?” The boy from the top floor – the fifth – asked me as he stepped across the narrow two-by-two lobby to check the box of his own.
“Yves Rocher catalog,” I mumbled and he pivoted on his heels swiftly.
“What?”
“Yves Rocher catalog,” I repeated louder and then felt compelled to clarify. “You can buy a lipstick there or a mascara.”
The boy smirked and swept my body down with his eyes, grinning wickedly.
“You think it’ll help?”
At his words, my face started burning. I kept staring at him with eyes wide open, acutely aware that if I closed them for a second, the tears that had already filled the back of my throat would spill over my lashes. I swallowed a sob ready to escape any moment and brushed past the guy, bumping his shoulder painfully with my backpack.
“Fuck you.”
Eugenia. An avid reader. An amateur writer. Stories. Fanfiction (The X-Files). C2 (Proficiency) exam prompts. Personal essays. Writing anything that comes to mind for the sake of writing. Mastering my English. The name of the blog is the ultimate goal of the blog. One day I hope to have posted 642 stories here.
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