Su!cidal - Blog Posts

no one gets it...and even if they did, the universe is keen on not making our paths cross. I wish to meet him, the him as crazy and angry and sad as me, he understands phone lines don't help with depression, he'll see people talk about SH and think he deserves it but he'll never do it since he's too scared, he bed rots all day, his bed has become his casket, his only sense of enjoyment is the media he consumes, he has soulless dead eyes and a nose comparable to gods, his eyes are auburn and hair dark curly but what is the point of being beautiful if people use that against you too? what is the point of being ugly if people use that against you too? he tries manifestation, witchcraft, subliminals, anything— to stop the voices in his head saying "this is all meaningless." because no one wants to hear that, no one wants to share pain, only joy. "who will share my pain with me?" he wonders. he is me. he is everything i am and everything I'm not. and I want to cling to his skin, not just mine. and I want to feel him inside me, not just my fingers. and I want to look into his eyes, not just from my mirror. Voglio vivere e morire con lui.....but he's just, not, there.

weed does not fucking cut it at all anymore and im out of klonopin that means it is time to shed my skin suit and fly into the sun someone pls distract me lol

I'm not happy

So my friend thinks I'm a bad person for stopping her from cutting. Honestly I just want to end it all right now, I may not get to see the look on her face but hey I'm being so selfish right now hehe.

I think I genuinely want to end it all. Nobody cares about me, not in a way that matters anyway. I constantly get discriminated against simply because I'm a foreigner, and they make it incredibly difficult to navigate all the legal stuff in my new country. And even if I do have everything in order, sometimes I still get denied simply because "fuck you, that's why".

I'm also struggling with severe mental illness and trauma, which at this point I only expect to be neglected even further. Not to mention dysphoria and being trans amplifying the above tenfold.

I just don't see the point. I want to withdraw from society. It doesn't deserve me.

People seriously underestimates how living with mental illness is also inherently traumatizing.

It's been almost 10 years for me now. I physically feel my memory suffering under mental illness. Other senses like vision get affected too.

You wouldn't expect someone to undergo 10 years of cancer treatment, only to still be sick, and tell them "please keep going, you've been so strong before, one day it'll be alright!". You just wouldn't do that, would you?

Then why is it not only normalized, but encouraged to act that way towards me?

laying in bed at night knowing she doesn't miss me as much as i miss her

she doesn't cry every night, begging for it to end

she doesn't lash out at everyone around her because she's so upset and angry with the world

she isn't in therapy because we're not friends anymore

She doesn't want me back and she never will

Inside my mind

(Arguement with me and me about my boyfriend and my mental state) Me: I love him… I’ll just wait till next month to hug him… Heart: he doesn’t love us… Brain: how about we start hugging Mr. Lust? He loves us more then (boyfriend)… Me: you two aren’t helping…. Heart and brain: dude you’re the unwanted one here. Heart: Brain shut up… you make us have severe depression… Brain: is that so?… why do you make her cry over (bf) every time he neglects us… hmm?… Depression: I think we should go back to bed…. Anxiety: but….. but…. we have…. school… to do… nononono please get up…. you’re making us look bad…. Family: grades need to be perfect. Me: fucking…. let me lay here…. AND DIE!!!!….

(I… have a problem… if you can tell….)

Suing my parents.

I'm suing my parents for giving birth to me without my consent.

I'm so tired of feeling nothing. I'm not sad nor happy. It's just... Emptiness?

I wish I was hated in all my social media, so I could cut myself, not thinking about that someone is caring for me.

I wish I could vent to someone... Or at least be hugged. I can't I'm turning into a whimpering mess, all covered in snot, tears, saliva and feeling nauseous. I hate myself

I want to commit suicide.

WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CUT MYSELF?? WHY CAN'T I SLICE MY SKIN AGAIN LIKE I USED TO?! I'M GETTING FUCKING TIRED OF THESE DISABILITIES, SEIZURES AND OTHER SHIT. I JUST WANNA BE HEALTHY OR ALLOWED TO MUTILATE MY BODY. I WANT TO HAVE THE CONTROL I LOST.

Fuck recovery. I wanna cut.

I want to kill myself because of being disabled. I'm a fucking mess right now. I feel grief, frustration and hopelessness. I wish I could cut myself again.

WAR IS OVER

The fact that something could go wrong, and I'd have committed su!c!de already, scares me shitless. I have no fucking idea how I managed to not commit with constant su!c!dal thoughts, but I've managed.

HOLY HELL, FINALLY A MONTH WITHOUT SELF-HARM, DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS, AND URGE TO SU!C!DE, INTERESTING, WILL I GET 2 MONTHS???

People are being "Vent to me if you want!" and then block you when you did so

Guys, I couldn't kill myself, please forgive me for causing distress and worrying y'all:(

Also sorry for people who expected/wanted me to kms, I just couldn't... I'm really sorry, hope I could do it soon

I wanna comm!t su!c!de on my birthday. I'll be free. I'll get rid of the pain. And when I do it, everyone will be happy.

I'm sorry mom for being a bad daughter. I'm sorry for the bad grades, but now... You don't need to worry about them<3

19.03.2024.

TW: Bl00d!!

Don't report, just block if you're sensitive towards sh and bl00d. Hope you're okay, because usually these kinds of posts are watching people who are struggling with sh.

Help your child before it's too late.

(The bl00d looks so faky tbh. Probably because my phone is making everything brighter:/)

My birthday will be in 2 days, yet I still have suicidal thoughts, and desire to cut myself:/

Never expected to stay clean(?) for 14 days... Well, how to say clean.... If I can't cut, I'll beat, bite, and burn myself, just because it gives me more pleasure. And I bit myself so hard that there are bruises left after that

How many degrees do I need to make a first degree burn? Just trying new methods of sh!

I wanna try weeds to be honest, and idc that I'm just 13, I know that I'll k!ll myself, so, I could smoke for as long as I need to. But... I haven't got money for it... I wanna be law abiding, but I feel like I'm gonna comm!t soon...

I'm so sad about the fact that my knife can't cut me deep because it starts to hurt so much... I wish it didn't hurt, so I could cut myself to fat!!!

I'm already looking forward to cut myself and just the thought of cutting makes me all flustered!!

I wish, one day on maths lesson I could stand up, and stab myself!!!

I'm f#cked up.

I'm tired, I'm tired of everything. All my hobbies became a daily routine, and I don't feel anything towards them. My friends started to avoid me after my vents, and I completely understand this. I'm tired of school, and I haven't got any straight to just get up or change clothes after school. All I think about is s3lf-h@rm and how much I want to commit su!c!de. I feel like my life is trying to force me to do it. I feel like it'll happen. And I know that I will commit su!c!de.