regulus: james, if you didn’t sleep last night then i’m very sorry, i was thinking about you.
james, distracted by a triangle shaped grape: …the illuminati have taken over the grape industry.
james: *is laying on the floor with a clear quartz stone on his head*
james: i do not chase, i attract, what belongs to me will simply find me.
sirius: *peeks his head into the dorm room*
sirius: james, come say hi to regulus in the common room.
james: HI — IM JAMES BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THAT — IM THE BEST CHASER HOGWARTS HAD EVER SEEN — I LIVE TO CHASE.
james: if you all were to write a book, what would the title be?
james: ‘reasons i’m the greatest best friend in history.’
sirius: ‘the daily struggle of being sexy.’
remus: ‘the daily struggle of living with ‘sexy’.’
regulus: ‘why adult floaties are much more of a necessity than children’s ones.’
marlene: ‘how to keep ‘em wrapped around your finger, the marlene method.’
lily: ‘how to snag the richest guy in school, co-written by: remus lupin.’
mary: ‘a guide on how to outlive all your friends.’
dorcas: ‘bagging the hottest girl alive: a fool proof 6 month plan.’
peter: ‘why i demand monetary compensation for all the nights i’ve spent in detention because of ‘sexy’.’
james: what’s the shadiest thing you’ve ever seen someone do?
remus: turn a bunch of kids into werewolves, just to start an army.
lily: being prejudiced against half-bloods and muggle borns whilst being a half-blood themselves.
sirius: try to conceive for years, then become abusive to the very kids they were dying to have.
james: o-oh, i was just gonna say nick my sweaters right after they said that their fashion sense is nothing like mine…
regulus: i never said, nor did such a thing.
james walks in on wolfstar.
james: bro, are you fucking serious?
sirius: i can confirm that i am, indeed, fucking sirius.
remus: *peeks his head out from under the covers*
remus: and i can also confirm that i am, indeed, fucking sirius.
headcanon 1 about the potter brothers:
sirius finding out he was fruity, and immediately panicking, thinking of the worst case scenario of how james would react and how he might lose his brother.
————————————————
james finding out he was fruity, and immediately pulling out a checklist labeled “things sirius and i have in common.” and checking the “sexuality” box. then rushing over to tell sirius because he’s so excited to have something new to bond with his brother over.
snape is serenading lily, and it’s quite distasteful.
snape: so come run your hands through my hair, ‘cause that’s why it’s there.
sirius (to remus and james): “come run your hands through my hair”? i can make some bloody fried chicken using all that grease in it.
james is texting a sleepy regulus at 3am.
james: reg, would you still love me if i had no ears?
regulus: no, goodnight.
sirius and remus are texting.
sirius: can we break up for 1 hour, 6 minutes and 11 seconds?
remus: no, but what for?
sirius: i wanna listen to adele’s new album from another perspective.
remus: as tempting as your offer sounds, it’s still not a valid excuse for me to dump you, sirius.
james: wow, you look like shit.
sirius: i stayed up till 5 am with marlene. do i regret it? yes.
sirius: but was it worth it ‘cause i got to help out a friend who needed comfort? absolutely not.
james found out about peter being the traitor, and he’s discussing it with the rest of the marauders.
james: i cant fucking believe it, petey? betraying us? after everything we’ve been through together? after all this time?
sirius: *standing up and reciting poetically* do not mourn the treachery of time, brother, for dogs have always danced on the corpses of lions. however, do not believe that their dance makes them above their masters, lions will always be lions and dogs will always be dogs.
remus: sirius, you’re a- you’re a dog.
people who were killed after dying:
1- dumblewhore: by all the marauders collectively, but lead by james.
2- peter pettigrowsomeballsplease: by sirius black and strangely regulus black too.
3- snivellus snape: by lily evans because “how dare you sacrifice my husband and son but ask for me to be spared?”
4- remus lupin and mary macdonald: they were suffocated by a hug from all the marauders.
sirius: i feel like i absorb the positive energy from the people around me.
remus: so you’re kind of like a dementor?
sirius: no, i don’t suck the joy out of people.
remus: debatable.
sirius: WHATDOYOUMEAN?!
modern au: the marauders all live and study together at a muggle university, but they’re going through ‘two weeks’ of online classes.
marlene: *bursts into the living room, laptop in hand where james, sirius and dorcas are sitting*
marlene: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE MEETING?
sirius: THE TA TRIED TO PUT ME IN A BREAK OUT ROOM WITH STRANGERS AND IM NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT.
marlene: COME BACK TO CLASS, YOU PUSSY.
sirius: IF YOU’RE GONNA CALL ME A PUSSY, YOU BETTER PUT ‘EATER’ AFTER IT. MY WAY- MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!
remus: *unmuting himself and speaking*
remus: sirius, you’re gay and marlene, learn how to mute yourself.