Sad Poem - Blog Posts
Dirty Bath Water
Laying in the bathtub trying to forget what I can't change. The sins of yesterday still taint what's supposed to be cleansing me.
Soaking, I wonder if tomorrow will be better, if tomorrow will be different.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be cleaner.
The bubbles are made of your choices, & your desires are the soap that slides along my scarred & tired body.
Tonight. I lay in the swirling bath of the life you've poured for us.
I try to wash away your sins, scrubbing harder so that somehow I may leave room for the potential I know you have.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be cleaner.
I dream of days where the bubbles may pop & fill the air with wonder, & the soap may be sensual instead of some kind of cleansing ritual.
Scrubbing scrubbing, scrub a little harder, scrub a little longer:
Maybe if you can't change, I'll become someone new.
Tonight, I wash you off of me, watching as our lives swirl down the drain. The stain of your lies rings the rim of my tub like maybe they're stuck here instead of to me this time. If I make this water deeper, will I still feel so blue?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be cleaner; maybe I'll be someone new.
-kalika
Sleep
When i lie upon the grassy ground,
Lay flowers down beside me.
All of my favourites, brightly coloured,
Just like i failed to be.
Cover me with a soft blanket of soil,
Send me to sleep, back to our mother.
I will hold those flowers near, and use them as inspiration.
For after you water me with your tears,
Full of the nutrients my life lacked.
They will help me to truly flower,
Into new life, after i dont come back.
Am I Human?
Am I human?
I ask myself this question,
thoughts rushing around my head
What's wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
Why is my heart empty?
Why does my own community hate me?
Why do they exclude me?
I feel as if I am not human,
given that everyone else is focused on romance and sex
I wish I knew why,
what it feels to love someone like that
Maybe then I would feel human
Why am I pushed aside?
Ain't I as Queer as everyone else?
Am I even human to you?
I do not purely feel contempt inside,
Why do you think that?
I just wish I was like all of you,
maybe then I would be seen
Maybe then,
just maybe,
I'd feel human once again
But why do I have to change,
for you to include me
Ain't I human as well?
Ain't I as Queer as everyone else?
French bulldog-
And i saw you,
Panting, struggling to climb even the faintest hill,
Unable to see or even smell the treat I gave you with pity.
And i tried to see the wolf,
If you were still of its kind.
I could only see a tortured beast, dulled and skinned of its past greatness.
It is all I saw behind those glassy eyes.
And i cried,
Oh how i cried.
I howled for the skinned forest,
For the violated land,
For our dull and lazy bodies,
I begged for everything that isnt anymore.
And i screamed at God,
For how could he let his kids destroy everything he created ?
dear sunshine,
Love was always the scariest word. Love was the reason I gave all my trust to him and now is the reason I can't give my trust to you. Love is what I thought would help, but now love is the reason I'm hurting. I'm not scared of love. I'm scared that loving you will hurt me.
Stop running and turn around.
I am still here, standing in the dark.
With outstretched hands waiting to hold you.
Come to me and please stay this time.
We found each other after a million sad stories.
Each one more heartbreaking than the last.
So come back and I promise I'll hold you.
Sleepless nights have been my friends for a while now.
But with you by my side, the world comes alive.
My heart is stronger this time.
Let me take away your pain and mourn for your loss.
Close your eyes and walk back to me.
For so long your were lost among the starless skies.
But now even the darkness is tired of keeping us apart.
I've littered stars to guide you back home.
Follow the fading lights and by dawn you'll be safe in my arms.
It's time for our forever, my love.
Everything in this world has a place.
And more than often I feel like mine is beside you.
You tell me that you're loosing me a little bit each day.
How can I not feel lost, when you deny me of my home?
Where do I plant my heart, when you close the door to yours?
The worst battles of mine were about you, against myself,
being forever torn between wanting to stay and run away.
But as dawn approaches and the sun rises again,
I loose yet another fight.
I hope one day you can finally see me beside you.
One day, you will know that I've always been there.
That I never left, and never will.
I don't think I'll fall in love again.
Not after seeing you like this.
The most painful thing that ever happened to me was you.
You exist,
but you're not mine.
And it drives me insane in ways that I never even dared to dream.
I can't unlove you.
And I can't unsee you.
I am stuck knowing that you're out there,
but that you'll never be mine.
The only thing I can do now is sleep,
hoping I'll see you in my dreams.
I'll gladly wait for night to come,
if you'll be mine atleast in the nightmares I have at dawn.
In that unnamed hour of existence,
between the moments of night and day,
maybe I can finally call you mine.
I am glad that I met you.
Or else I would've never met myself.
And I am glad that you left me.
So now I know that being by myself is not so bad.
Sure, I was broken into tiny pieces when you stopped holding hands.
Sure, I did cry myself to sleep whenever I thought of your cold eyes.
I bared my soul and you gripped it a little too tight.
Now I lay broken, and like the blood in my veins, I flow through your cold fingers.
Drip by drip I fall onto the floor, a puddle of dreams and uncherished love.
But somewhere along the way, the red started to turn black.
And somewhere along the way, my tears started to form stars.
The tired sighs that fell from my lips have turned to swirls of white and gold.
The day you broke me, I fell.
I fell a human, and landed a galaxy.
I can still feel the pain of your touches.
But on those days, I burn a little more brighter.
I may have been broken once, but I gathered the pieces and here I stand.
A galaxy amidst the vast, cold emptiness that's you.
A galaxy that you can never touch without burning yourself too.
Words fall from my fingertips,
in hopes that they can catch the dreams in my heart.
Because the expanse that my life is,
will not be enough to keep them alive.
So I let the words flow,
and when I can't go on anymore,
I rest my hand and dream again.
And hope to see you once more there,
where everything is as I always imagined.
There's a pool of sadness in my being.
And sometimes I can hear it sing.
An eerie voice lingering long after it ends.
Accompanied by ghostly visions of the past.
Sometimes it sings at dawn.
And sometimes it sings when I am asleep.
But always, always, it sings only when I am alone.
The constant hum has a blue softness.
Almost like the way my smile looks on my tired days.
But on rare days the hum becomes a vibrant violet.
And feels like the shade of the magic in my eyes.
The songs are about the things I hold in my heart.
Like the stories of my childhood times,
and the places where I left pieces of who I am.
But on nights when I can no longer fall asleep,
the songs take on a familiar tune.
They become the whispers of the restless sea,
and the slow crackling of the campfire on the shore.
It brings back the smell of the waves,
the vibrations of their crashing spreading through my bones.
For a brief moment, I become a child again.
Free to laugh and smile,
and free to sleep without the usual accompaniment of nightmares.
Even though all of this is in my head,
simply the long gone moments from my past,
the ghostly visions are what keeps me sane.
Reminding me that not always will life be so blue.
And that blue is not always so sad.
Knowing this, the pool of sadness sings on and on.
The humming taking on a sweeter tone.
© Moonyloonywitch
I look up to see his beautiful face.
His eyes are filled with fresh tears.
But there's a smile on his lips.
It seems so true and real.
Yet I know it's far from that.
When his voice cracks as he speaks,
a deep sadness washes over my being.
I can feel it spreading through me.
Touching every secret corner and creek.
I don't know what to do now.
Who do I take care of first, him or me?
I ask myself, as I hold his face with my shaking hands.
His tears are so warm as I wipe them away.
His smile fades and he falls onto me.
While he breaks in my arms quietly,
I let my tears fall finally.
There's only so much strength I have in me.
And I'll use every last bit to piece him back together.
Because I don't know how to be without him.
I don't know why I am, without him.
Without him, I stay a blue question mark.
With him, I'll be a warm full stop.
© Moonyloonywitch
Grab your dreams in your hands and sprinkle them while you take a walk. Let the others after your time follow the trail and find their own treasure. Because even if you didn't make it, at least they will. And that means you did make it. Planting hope in the depth of a soul is the closest that we humans can come to being gods.
She's fading away.
And all I can do is watch.
The crumbling remains of our memories,
rise up in the air like afternoon dust.
I can smell the love we shared.
But with a hint of tragic helplessness.
She's flowing away.
And all I can do is stare.
Whose fault was it that we became
the very thing we promised we won't.
All we ever wanted was a simple life of laughter.
And yet here we are now.
Me and her.
On the brink of breaking apart.
On the edge of the world.
Soon enough we'll be strangers.
And all that once was will become old tales.
Levitating through the mixed scenes of the past,
I try to find one last sweet thing.
A caress on my cheeks.
A smile on her lips.
Hands held under the stars.
A kiss shared at dawn.
But in the end I find none of those.
She must've taken it all away.
Afterall that's what we said we'd do.
Be all or nothing to each other.
Simply everything or nothing at all.
It seems she has kept her promise.
And now it's my turn.
© Moonyloonywitch
02/09/2021
Dreams are all that I have now.
All that which keeps me alive.
During the day and at night.
The push I need to breathe again.
Simply put I am up in the clouds.
Far from this world yet tied down to it.
Cursed rules and expectations locks my pretty feet.
Hands tied up with stupid facades.
They feed me normality.
My body doesn't like that so I return it.
All that comes from me are small whispers.
Names of cities and my favourite stories.
The bright constellations and beautiful flowers.
Perfect tea and old world libraries.
Scent of the moon and sound of the ocean.
Winter breaths and summer giggles.
Love for you and love for me.
Bleeding Gods and their sad lovers.
Deep poems and sweet music.
I am filled with the things I love.
And everytime you burn my soul,
You make a star glow.
Everytime you silence my voice,
Thunder rumbles over the mountains.
And when you think you've put me to sleep,
Think again before the moon comes out.
I may be filled with all things sweet and soft and nice.
But I've learned to fight over the years.
I'll let my wolves hunt tonight.
And they won't rest until all your dreams become nightmares.
And watch how I hold you in there forever.
A slave to your mind till the end of time.
© Moonyloonywitch
02/09/2021
I stand there like a fool lost in my thoughts.
You move away from me and just go on.
Silent screams bursts my eardrums.
But nobody hears a sound at all.
Tears fall like a broken dam,
like water rushing without an aim.
My mind have gone numb now.
And all I can see is black.
The bright spot of light is you,
and as I watch, it slowly fades away too.
Darkness is supposed to be a comfort.
But not when you've taken my heart.
A heartless body is an empty vessel,
and the dark seeps into me like spilled blood.
I can feel the cold from inside,
killing the last of the warmth within.
The embers of my fire are about to die down.
Too weak to stand up again,
I lay down and give in to the earth's embrace.
It's soft and moist.
But not warm and safe like your arms.
Before you vanish into the abyss,
turn around and dig a grave.
Bury my thoughts of you in there.
And plant a daffodil on top.
Let us go seperate ways now,
before your sighs bring me back to life again.
© Moonyloonywitch
Golden mornings and cool sea breezes brought them together.
Playful touches turned to yearnings with depth.
Days passed and love grew.
Until one day a shadow came uninvited.
Soon enough hell broke loose.
Still they managed to find their homes in the arms of the other.
But fate is bitter and sour and cruel.
It took away the black haired boy from his lover.
And left the other to grieve forever.
But what no one saw was the rage deep in the blues.
While the golden haired burned the world alive,
fate watched in the corner scared and small.
When the Trojans took away his home, his love, what could Achilles do except grieve for Patroclus.
And his grief brought the mighty warriors to their knees.
Troy did not not lose the war. Nor did the Greek win it.
Achilles grieved for Patroclus, and soon enough the war ended.