Paranoia - Blog Posts
Just Listen...Okay?
M!Yandere x F!Reader
TW : Breaking and entering, Being Stalked, Watched as you sleep, Non-con Touching, Night terrors, Choking
A/N : Its a short drabble (like 679 words?), but this is going to be my first piece, so i'm interested in feed back & requests to keep this page alive
Sometimes you imagine yourself walking down the street, turning the corner and being taken away without a sound in the dead of night. No one to hear you scream, no one to hear you struggle against your assailant, no one to help you…
That's how most of your nightmares end anyway, waking up drenched in sweat, adrenalin in your veins, and the sudden feeling of being intruded upon.
But tonight was different, soft touches, illegible whisper's, indecipherable dreams, waking up softly. It's new, but not unwelcome compared to the garish and soul shaking night terrors that were being experienced on the regular, like a nightly ritual of sorts. A sweet reprieve from fear just for the night.
As you drew closer to the break of consciousness you could register something.. no someone else next to you, being held in their chest. With them in your bed sharing their warmth. You could feel their warm hands under your night shirt, caressing your back, hearing their serene heartbeat was almost enough to lull you back to sleep…Almost. Feeling your body tense up in their arms they tightened their hold on you, once soft touches turned into rose thorns ready to draw blood if you dared to move in a way that this intruder didn't permit you to.
Soft hushes to your ear made you twist and wriggle away, but their hands were gripping you so harshly that you could only shrink into their oppressive touch. A few minutes passed with them quietly shushing your increasing whimpering, and mellowed attempts to release yourself from their grip.
A hand moved from your back to the top of your head, in an attempt to soothe you. The hushed whispers picked up in volume and then a smooth voice spoke up in the silence.
" Hey, listen to me alright? I've been trying to stop your nightmares or at least make them less intense than they already are. I know this is pretty strange for you, it is for me too. I just wanted to make sure you were sleeping well. I've been seeing you around campus and I was worried. You always seemed worn out, I just wanted to help you, babe. "
They paused for a brief moment like they were contemplating about what they were going to say before speaking and with a flat almost monotone voice they spoke up in the darkness again.
" I want to be your boyfriend and you to be my girlfriend. You don’t have to say yes... right away, but I do want you to think about it. I just don’t want you to make any rushed decisions to be with me. ”
He had started to move his hands up through your shirt and from the top of your head to your throat in the middle of him speaking, he continued on with his flat tone as if he was reciting a speech from memory.
“ And I know this might seem scary, but I promise that I was only trying to help you get to sleep and stay asleep. Just like any good boyfriend would do for his girlfriend. But for now, “ He spoke cautiously, “ I want you to sleep on it okay? “
His hands began to tighten around your throat. Your hands instantly rush up to meet him to attempt to pull them away from suffocating you in your own bed in the dead of night. The sounds of sheets rustling, and short, sharp inhales of air is the only thing that can be heard for the next five minutes. As you feel the blood in your veins start to pump harder to have a last-ditch attempt to get the man's hands from around your neck, black spots start to appear, your breath becomes more forced and labored, you hear him speak up again.
“ It's okay, don't worry, I'm not gonna kill you, just giving you some time to sleep on it. So when you wake up you’ll be able to give me an answer. I'll make sure you have a goodnights rest. Goodnight Babe"
I hate the idea that I've hurt somone, I can't stand thinking that I'm the reason somome has cried or felt alone and miserable, I dont ever seem to have reason for my actions I just don't think. I dont seem to ever think. I dont want people to worry about me or spend time thinking about me or even spend time on me in general and I feel as if im always doing somthing to hurt a person even by accident and that's somthing ill never be able to take back. "I'm not a mean dog.. I dont know why I bite.."[Not my art]
fun late-night thought i don’t trust my friends enough to actually tell them: i feel like people liked me better when i had no self-confidence
me after screaming "stop following me" knowing they won't becuase their not real, hopefully
Paranoia is crazy cause when i sh its fine but the second it's someone I care about I have to know every time and everything about it or I'm going to assume you bleeding out on the bathroom floor
Man uh, does any one else deal with super bad Paranoia at night?
Like, do you feel like there is someone standing behind you at night when you know you're the only one awake? That's what I think I'm dealing with right now. I can just feel them behind me and I'm worried that if I get up they'll attack. They know I know they're there, and they might be even be reading this post over my shoulders right now. If that's the case then Hello to them.
but seriously, we all know I cant sit here at this computer all night, and they know I'm scared. I hear them walking and waiting... just breathing.
I hear one standing right behind me breathing over my shoulder as I type this... I'm definitely stalling the inevitable.
It's Terrifying to know this shitty post could be my last, so If they get to me before I ever post again... I appreciate my like four followers. y'all are great and I'm sorry I didn't post more often.
I'm gonna try to make a run for my room.
fr how it feels to be drawing on my grandpas computer at night when I'm the only one up. ;~;
I'm trynna be the the insomniamaxxing eepypilled artist i know I am but paranoia sucks.
not the kinda guy to stay inside the guidelines
disquiet
A piece of me is always missing, Like the last block of lego that I can never seem to find One empty space right in the center of the jigsaw puzzle. I'm not sure if I lost it along the way. I'm not sure if I'm yet to find it. But lately, the gap seems more blatant. I'm anxious that it's visible to the people around me. That when they look at me, they see half a person. It's almost like I'm mimicking a being While I'm on the quest for the missing elements.
Sometimes, everything is wholesome! Golden skies, daisies, moongazing, Dusty libraries where ghosts of dead poets linger, Tight hugs, acts that mean "I'm thinking of you.", I look at my picture with my friends, smiling ear to ear And the jigsaw puzzle is complete. (or it was, then.) Some memories in me are so perfect that, The missing lego piece starts to feel like an extra piece From the table, you're trying to put together. It works fine without it, and there's nowhere to put it.
Then I'm back in my bed, back in my head. And I cannot remember how to be a whole person again I eat chocolate until I'm nauseated Or I never draw the curtains open and let the light flow through. I want to live life to the fullest, I never want to be seen in public again, I want all-consuming love, I want to believe I'm worthy of it, I want to feel complete when I'm alone, I want someone to feel complete with.
I want and I want and I want… Socrates said, (Yes, I went there) "He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." What about, She who is never content with who she is? What about me?
I think I should make an introduction post
Name: Quinn
Pronouns: she/they
American
Birthdate: 02/19
(Self diagnosed based on family history, because my parents are right wing 🙄) schizophrenia, autism, adhd, depression, severe paranoia
I suffer from intense paranoia causing me to be unable to interact with people, I hallucinate frequently, I suffer from severe back and leg pain so I use a homemade cane to ease the pain (made from a tree in my backyard with no major tools just a knife a saw and sandpaper) I’m autistic and have adhd
La vida es un asco... Soportar todos los días a gente ignorante, llegar destrozada a casa, aparentar que no tengo nada y que estoy bien mientras que por dentro quiero tomar una navaja y cortarme el cuello. Por más que trato de disfrutar la vida no puedo, la vida no tiene sentido ni belleza. Ya quiero morir, por qué creo que después de la muerte no hay nada, y yo quiero eso, yo mi quiero sentir, no quiero sufrir, no quiero llorar mi pensar... Lo intente varias veces, me tomé 8 pastillas, me aventé a una parte profunda de un gran río, me intenté ahogar con una cuerda, me intenté cortar las venas, e incluso aventarme desde un puente pero siempre fracaso, soy inútil hasta para matarme. No se que me mantiene aquí ni por qué sigo aquí... Llevo 3 años así, no tengo hambre(me obligan a comer), no tengo energía, no me gusta salir y solo me la paso en mi cuarto, escucho voces, tengo alucinaciones y unas ganas intensas de matarme. Ahora que lo pienso extraño cuando estaba dopata en una habitación acolchada y sin ser molesta.
“I am the key to the lock in your house.”
The TRS-80s are coming! They'll be unstoppable with their 16k of RAM! Keep watching the skies!
![The Computers Are Coming! [Uptade 1980]; 666-1984.](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7cb6838689e484f70a218178f331229d/tumblr_n1kyxeCWNm1rtynt1o1_540.jpg)
The Computers Are Coming! [Uptade 1980]; 666-1984.
A Publication of: The Southwest Radio Church P. O. Box 1144, Oklahoma City, OK, 73101.
naahhh guys the fact that I have tinnitus (ears ringing) and visual snow (where everything looks static-y) make my life feel like an analog horror lmao. oh yeah also the paranoia
Yooonnnneeeeee
songs that are relatable to people with schizotypal personality disorder
Ladytron- destroy everything you touch feeling a lack of empathy towards others and destroying your relationships with everyone you know
Jack stauber- baby hotline wanting to seek professional help when your at your lowest, psychosis/anxiety
Cristianmirror- the mind electric 4 demo - struggling with mental instability and not being able to tell reality from delusion
Balde and bath- Bloody sink I feel like think song relates to those who suffer in silence, with crippling anxiety and paranoia to the point they will have panic attacks in public
Black Sabbath - paranoid obviously paranoia that an entity or a person is out to get you yet no one sees it but you
Marc Demarco- chamber of reflection this song could relate to the feeling of isolation and loneliness as people with schizotypal will often ghost or push people away due to paranoia that others will hurt them
Cannibal corpse- hammer smashed face relates to those who actually killed or experience wanted to kill (not all people with stpd experience this though keep in mind)
Radiohead- creep a song about feeling isolated as you don’t fit in can relate to those who struggle to socialize as they are seen as awkward or eccentric
I think my bf secretly doesn’t like me
Mr Meow Meow and Mr Sundae
Decided to draw @dovewingkinnie characters since they’re so shape and delightful :]]]
Me: “okay the day is finally over and I can finally go to sleep”
My brain: “hey what if they drop nukes”
The houses we walk by seem to be creatures, watching us on our stroll through the streets, staring, seeing, following us and our broken relationship.
Their glowing eyes burn on my skin, your hand burns my fingers, I want to run, run, far away, to another version of you and me.
The trees seem to have eyes, watching us on our walk underneath their canopy of leaves, staring, seeing, growing through us and our broken relationship.
Their glittering eyes freeze my bones, your hand freezes my flesh, I want to run, run far away, to another version of you and me.
It hurts, I want to, have to run, to leave, to get away from this freezing warmth, from this burning cold,
but through it all, even if it hurts, I stay with you.
🍁It would be hard for me~
It would be hard for me act indifferent while I'm suspicious and sometimes right, all those pair of eyes in this open world are swallowing me whole while I do nothing but walk alone, beside the stand. It would be hard to breathe while I'm having that ache inside my chest out of anxiety when I listen about others and imagine, how horrible the judgment might be while talking behind someones back.
It would be hard to wake up early in the morning while only 24hrs seem like a huge unknown ocean of "what ifs" and "would happen". It would be hard for me to be lonely with this "bitter" version of myself. It would be hard, nearly impossible for me for not to care what others opine, for I used to grow up amidst compliments and I've learned "how people see us define ourselves ". It would be hard to walk with blacked out visions and endless palpitition almost through my ribs.
It would be hard to see myself being hard on this submissive entity, recklessly pushing herself off the cliff while maintaining that obsessive urge to be "perfect". I choose to be ordinary, I fear I might be inherently "weird" and I'll, along with all the people will judge myself for that.🍁
Il rasoio fa male, il fiume è troppo basso, l'acido è bestiale, la droga dà il collasso, la corda si spezza, la pistola è proibita, il gas puzza, allora Viva la vita.
I think I've already mentioned on here (I keep forgetting what I've posted versus what I've just told my friend), that a lot of what happens in canon can't happen in the Washed Away au because of Ford being more responsible. However, that doesn't mean Ford is entirely responsible and so, a minor spoiler to show you all.
Ford still gives Mabel a crossbow in The Last Mabelcorn. Just, instead of saying,
"It's okay to give children weapons, right?" He says,
"You're old enough to have been trained to use weapons, right?"
Now, this is because he and Nimirylov trained Penni on how to use weapons. Ford doesn't realise that's not normal, even for Nimirylov's dimension, let alone in his.
✙𓈒 paranoia flags ❞
1st flag is for those who experience low paranoia. 2nd flag is for those who experience fluid paranoia (could be going from none to low to high, etc.) 3rd flag is for those who experience high paranoia.
these flags are for people who have paranoia, i made these with people with paranoid disorders in mind (like me), but anyone who experiences paranoia can use these. the first three colours don't have any meaning but the last/bottom one means (in order) the level of paranoia! first one being low (green), second being fluid (yellow), and the last one being high (red/pink), almost like traffic lights!
don't use these if you're transid/transx.
dividers by @/iv-ry
if you see this, you are now and forever completely immune from every single “it’s the first of the month, use this sound or something bad will happen to you” post and every variation of it. those posts aren’t real. nothing bad will happen to you as a result of not using those sounds. i promise.
(tags are for reach)
me in the zoom meeting with my video off, my camera covered, and my laptop turned around facing the wall: i wonder if they can still see me
Been just a little bit obsessed with horror lately. Thought I might share what I came up with in relation. See if you can guess which horror games or movies inspired which drawings.