Update that's probably long overdue. The memorial/funeral already happened. There were a lot of people there, so at least I know my cousin was loved and did love a lot.
Shit still sucks, I have recently dropped or been dropped from all but one class [I had three], so that's great [/sarcastic]. I am really starting to wondering if college is right for me, I will definitely be taking at least one term off and if I go back to college it will probably be a different one so I can pretty much have a fresh start. I luckily don't need a college degree to do what I want to do, which is to become a dog trainer specializing in service dogs.
I also need to try and work on getting myself a service dog, which I believe I mentioned a while ago. Motivation is so hard to find to do shit so I can actually live a somewhat "normal" life.
Sorry about the rant, life just kinda sucks rn. But there's also good shit. This is just about the bad shit rn.
Something good is I'll be going to see that side of my family again soon for a barbecue [is that spelled right? I have a specific learning disability (what it is listed as on my paperwork, lol)] so that'll be fun.
I'll actually be able to talk to my queer cousin about shit again, lol. My father and brother in this life are homophobic and transphobic and shit so that's not fun, but I do have an old cousin who is queer that I love hanging out with and wish I could hang out with more. As well as my younger cousin [who was the son of my cousin who died], he's cool to hang out with as well, lol.
My older cousin streams, but I don't know if I should say their username or not. I'll not say it for now at least.
Hope ya'll are having good days and shit! :3c
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it mainly)
Edit: I forgot tags
[TW: Death and shit that comes with that, idk maybe more? If you find any more things that should be in this trigger warning pls tell me.]
Also, shit is happening in my life rn. I recently [on September 11th] lost my cousin, she died and we aren't sure how exactly yet. So, yeah. Death is fucking weird and I don't think I process it normally (AuDHD). So I may end up not posting for a while or might end up posting like every day.
Just sharing so ya'll know what's going on if I disappear for a while [even though I would likely do that even without this shit happening].
We aren't sure when the funeral thing is happening yet, I slightly hope it's soon so I can see my family, I don't live by that side of the family, sadly. Probably gonna end up missing like a day of college, but whatever, my family [my pack] is more important to me.
My cousin left behind a son. He is a kid. He's younger than I was when my mom in this life died. [I was like 16 when that happened, and I won't be sharing how old my 2nd cousin is]. So I really wanna see that side of my family, so I can try and be there for him. He's gonna need people there for him, and if I could without getting in trouble, I would drop out of college rn to be around him while he is going through this. (Protective wolf/dog instincts?)
There's just a lot of shit going on rn with my life, I wish it would stop for a bit.
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/xe/ze) :((
[We is referring to my family, btw]