Not Human - Blog Posts

Perhaps new oc sketch :]

Here is my new very criminal oc! :D

I'll write more about him a bit later, but the basics are that he is a serial killer with... cannibalistic tendencies and of course human eating tendencies. Please do not interact with him ahahah- 👁👁

And he stays incarcerated because he feels like it... he can break out at any time.

Open for better quality ♡

"I haven't seen something like you cry in a long time~ Such a big baby you are~"

So, more bloody stuff :D

This time it's lore! Btw this is Shaytan's true form. Ahem, this was Shaytan's first encounter with a samurai that he didn't manage to kill. He was just a monster of the woods, nothing too special, but he was a pain to the locals though. They decided to hire a samurai, a non human on, to get rid of him. She roughed him up badly, so much so, Shaytan thought he was going to die. So of course he began to cry, not because he wanted to, but because he was scared for once in his life. Seeing how much of a crybaby he was, she thought his crying face was funny. So she spared him, but made him her pet... for a while.

Open for better quality ♡

Spent a good amount of tine on this, and I feel like it paid off.

I've seen alot of opinions on this matter but I wanna share my own and my reasoning.

Wearing gear of your type counts as transspecies if wanted to be. Say a transgender person wore a packer and you said that doesn't count as transgender...fucked up right? In my opinion transspecies is just like transgender but with your species. Transgender people can call themselves transgender without transitioning and transspecies creatures can aswell. I have future plans to transition gender and species and im not too open about the transspecies part but just because im not transitioned now doesn't mean im any less transspecies. Take for example if a person doesn't have enough money to actually species transition and only has gear to ease their mind and someone tells them that its technically not transspecies..that would hurt, right?

For the alterhuman ask game!!

best/favorite thing about being nonhuman?

worst/least favorite thing about being nonhuman?

Hello!!!

Best/favorite thing about being nonhuman?:

This is hard because we love a lot of things about being nonhuman! Honestly, the best way to sum it up, though, is by saying that our favorite thing about being nonhuman is just that, lol. It's being nonhuman, being creatures, being animals, just all of that, lol.

Worst/least favorite thing about being nonhuman?:

This one is also hard, but it's cause we don't really have a least favorite thing if we are just talking about being nonhuman. Our least favorite thing would probably be something about how a lot of other beings might not see us for what and who we are.

Hopefully, these were good answers!

- Shay 🐾

Firstly, species dysphoria is definitely a thing, and it's a lot like gender dysphoria (coming from beings who have both).

Secondly, absolutely it fucking sucks when we see the "I am human" things. Like, nope, that's not true. None of us are human.

(We wrote most of this a while ago, lol)

- Shay 🐾

I know everyone in non/alterhuman community always makes jokes about these 'prove you're human' captchas (hell our host posted one the other day lmao) but I wonder, does anyone else get genuinely upset by these?

I don't mean the jokes btw, I mean the captcha itself

I know it's probably a really dumb thing to get upset over and the wording on a captcha doesn't mean a damn thing but still, it gets to me

Maybe that's just because I'm ahuman but it makes me upset to even think about having to 'prove I'm human' when I'm not

It makes me feel sick

I don't want to be seen as human, I don't want to be labeled as human, I don't want other people to call me human, I don't want to call myself human, I don't even want entertain the mere suggestion that I could be a human or anything similar to it

Again, I know that the wording on captchas don't mean shit, but I can't help that it makes me upset, it just does

I certainly don't wanna have to get upset every time I log into something online, it's exhausting

I guess it kinda gives a feeling of dysphoria? I dunno that's what our host Berri says, even he isn't sure though cause he only experiences gender dysphoria but I've heard species dysphoria is a thing so maybe that's what it is

Idk

I guess I kinda just wanna know that I'm not alone in this feeling, that I'm not just being worthlessly dramatic

We get what op means, but still, if beings don't like a term for themself/themselves, leave them be.

We personally don't use therian or otherkin for ourselves, the terms just don't click for us. Like, they technically fit, but we don't like to use them and would prefer others not to use them for us.

We much prefer alterhuman, nonhuman, or just being called our "types/kins."

We don't think we are "better" than those who use those terms. We just don't like the terms for us.

None of this is an "attack" or anything on op, just a little reminder that beings not liking specific terms for themself/themselves doesn't mean that they think that term is "less than".

- Shay 🐾

putting this on main actually;

it annoys me to death when folks say stuff like “i’m not a therian, im a [xyz animal]”

because hey that’s what a therian is!

to say you don’t identify as a therian because you just ARE that animal is to say that therians AREN’T really the animal they claim to be. which is so wrong. to say you don’t like the term therian because it’s ‘too human’ is so insensitive.

therians are not necessarily human! someone calling themself a therian in no way makes them human! equating therians with humans is weird!

stop treating us like we are human, stop trying to separate ‘really being an animal’ from being a therian. they are the same thing. you’re not superior or different to us because you “really are that animal”. we all are.

This body may be human but we aren't.

- Shay 🐾

PSEUDOHUMAN

a term used to describe a being who may appear as human, but is not.

a symbol i made for this term.

note that i did not come up with the term, just the symbol.

using the greek letter for H (heta) and P (pi) i combined the two. the symbol is called heta-pi and is written as ͰΠ

i came across this term, and i find it describes me as a physical nonhuman perfectly, as how my human appearance is a deceiving illusion to myself and others.

Absolutely feel this!!!

Although we ourselves aren't "physically" nonhuman. Sadly, this body is human, no matter how much we wish it weren't. Though we are fully nonhuman.

Many people probably wouldn't get the difference between the two, but for us, there is a difference no matter how small it might be. Honesty, the main difference is that we feel we aren't allowed to call ourselves one because of the fact that this body is human.

Physical nonhumans are very safe here, and they don't have to call themselves delusional or anything like that. If you are physically nonhuman, you are safe to fully be yourself on our blog. We would love to see more physical nonhumans around!!

It's sad that this is something we actually have to mention because, honestly, it should just be known and shit. It's sad that the distrust and fear of people who hurt others makes this required to be said so that people can know that they are safe here.

We aren't hurting anyone, so why can't we be ourselves?

Hopefully, one day, we can be free to be yourselves.

- Shay 🐾

The Struggle of Misanthropy

I find myself often struggling with feelings of Misanthropy, they are to me not feelings I particularly like. I know where they come from and why they exist, and even though I do not like them, I understand where they come from and that it is not unreasonable for me to have them. (Continued below the break - Length: 2078 words)

I find that often the community has this push against misanthropy and for particular positivity of humans and humanity, even to the point of shaming those of us who have those feelings including from trauma and hurt. I have a couple friends on here who have expressed either in general or to me that feeling that they have to hide those feelings or worry I will react badly to it. I feel it myself worrying about expressing particular anger for things done to me.

I do think there are multiple types and levels of misanthropy, and it seems likely we are using the same word for different experiences, and perhaps I am using this word wrong. I had discussed this topic after some back and forth with Rani on the subject and determined that we were more or less talking about different aspects of the same word but maybe there is another word that better describes my own relationship with humanity.

There is that misanthropy that seems to take the form of ecofascism, of humans being a virus or particularly evil or destructive. There is misanthropy that takes the form mainly of a belief in superiority in themselves over the humans for various justifications. There is the misanthropy that stems largely from hurt from the actions of humans to the individual themselves that seems to come as fear and distrust and discontentment towards them. I am certain there is a lot of other varieties and there can be crossover between them.

I do not think humans are inherently evil or even uniquely destructive beyond their numbers and intelligence. Heck the penis worm may have ended the Ediacaran. Nor do I think the bad things humans have done to myself, and others, is something inherent to them. Humans are a very communal species who only survived off their collaboration between each other and other animals, but now live in a very stressful environment that encourages individuality and often rewards cruelty. Painted Dogs similarly are very communal and cooperative animals in their packs but confined to captivity can kill each other. A similar story exists for orca as well especially during the earlier days of captivity. Nor do I believe myself superior to the humans. I do find these first two types of misanthropy rather frustrating, but still like my own experience, it seems mostly to come from hurt people, people who have been abused by humans with power over them, people who have been isolated from their communities. I do not think most people come to hating humans just from the blue. My companion for instance does often echo the humans are a cancer idea from their own pain. It is at times frustrating, but I understand at least where it comes from, all the pain within them.

For myself I experience the third type. I do not hate the humans, but I do not particularly like them. I fear them. I distrust them. For me, the humans are in charge, and I have to obey them. They control the food; they control where I live; they control what happens to me and how much I hurt. If I obey them then things will be better for me. I am allowed to live outside of a hospital because I have been good and obedient. I am allowed to have my own life because I have been good and obedient. The humans have hurt me, and they continue to hurt me.

One of the common retorts to this is that it isn't fair to humans to judge them all for the actions of a few. The problem is it is not just a few, and it is not something in the past, it is something ongoing still. I still have to take pills I do not want that keep my body in this human form to be able to live outside a hospital, and if I did not take them I would be put away again and forced still to take the pills, and every step I refused to comply would only result in greater restriction until I complied or could no longer resist. It is true though only a few humans hurt me directly, only a few humans twisted my body into this shape and only a few humans did everything that was done to me in hospitals. But how many humans work in those hospitals supporting those doctors? How many humans enforce the will of those doctors and hospitals? How many people support what was done to myself and others, think that it is right and best for us, or sometimes even a gift? How many people think that what was done to me was necessary? How many think it is just how things are, maybe it isn't great but it cannot be changed? Not all of these people are equally culpable certainly, but the number of people who support this system which hurts us is really very high and I see it constantly all the time, even in just the small jokes people make. While only a few humans hold immediate power over me, in every human, or creature that fills the role of a human, for me is fear, is a need that I must obey, for they have an incredible power over me to hurt me if I do not give them what they want, and that if they do hurt me, even if they broke the rules of their society, no human would ever help me. For me, complete submission to the demands of the humans (at least externally) is the only way for my continued existence and my presence to be tolerated, and the pain I am given to be minimised.

Do not think therians are excused or immune from this; many therians do the same to us as well. I do find many therians extremely human. I find often their concerns, their desires, and their biases are often very human just with a little bit more. I know a number of people have described therianthropy as essentially human+. Therianthropy is a pretty wide spectrum of experience, and it is not inherently wrong to be on the more human side of that experience, I am simply unable to relate to it, but because of the biases many of them carry, they often hurt those like me, and you reading this may perpetuate things that do hurt those like me.

I have never really felt welcome in the therian community despite being here for near a decade now. It was not until around two or three years ago I felt comfortable to call myself a therian. I have schizophrenia and clinical zoanthropy (often shortened to CLCZ here), or those are at least the humans’ explanations of what I experience/d. The community has for a long time not been good to zoanthropes. I have been unwelcome in a lot of communities and it was often made clear to me over and over my experience was not the same as theirs. In order to be tolerated generally it had to be a fairly accepting community, normally of older therians, but with the caveat that if I ever described my experience I would have to play down my experience. I would have to always reassure everyone that I knew I was experiencing a delusion, and that none of it was real, not like their experiences were. I have been continuously isolated from what is ostensibly my own community, and in a community of outsiders, still an outsider, at best merely tolerated at the edge, but still an interloper in -their- space. In an almost mirror of a phrase I see often from therians of “too human to be with animals, to animal to be among human,” I am too human to be among my kind, but still too animal for many therians.

Things have gotten a bit better in the past decade, and particularly so on tumblr of people becoming more open with things like physical non-humanity. I am happy to have joined here, for one the relative anonymity means I can sometimes talk back, sometimes try to fight just a little bit and be heard, but also for the connections I have made, particularly with Dune, Sonar, Xem and Ike. I am very happy to have met other CLCZs. I do not feel so alone, there are others like me out there, and there are others like me on here, others I can connect with finally.

Still despite this, discussions of us not being welcome come up often. Anytime physical non-humanity comes up it does often come to demonising CLCZs as insane, dangerous, or needing serious help. Similarly, too many therians seem very eager to throw CLCZs under the bus when it comes to justifying their existence, particularly to the broader public and anti-kin. For the most part I can avoid it, but still, it keeps popping up. Even among those who do defend us and accept us, there is still a price for us to be tolerated. Many times, the justification why CLCZs are acceptable (particularly in the context of discussions of P-shifters) is that we acknowledge our experiences as delusion and that it is important that we tag our posts with unreality and delusion. Some people will say that those tags do not mean that the experiences are not real they just do not occur in -Reality-. For me at least I read it that the price of being tolerated is still to say my experiences are not real, my past and the things done to me and others is not real. I am tired of having to deny my own experiences as genuine for the comfort of others, I am tired of having to double bookkeep in every aspect of my life, including the places that are supposed to be safe and an outlet for me. I know what the humans think of my condition, and for that matter many therians, but I think I will stop tagging my experience with unreality and delusion, because they are not. I often think to drop the label for myself for feeling unwelcome and instead just use zoanthrope, even if that does not accurately capture myself either as it is still a word given to us by the humans for a delusion, but at least it is my community where I am welcome.

The truth is though, I do not hate the humans. I desire very much reconciliation. Still, as I am being actively hurt by the humans how -can- there be any reconciliation? I am very fortunate to have a few therians and even a couple of humans in my life I can be pretty open with about my experience. I know reconciliation is possible, but even with these close humans and therians (who for me fill the role of a human), I feel that I must obey them to be tolerated, not for their own actions, but for the scars on me from the actions of many humans.

Someday I will return to the water – I cannot survive in the wild – and likely I will go into a tank. I hope, when I do, I will be with my other cetacean friends. The humans did do me a number of kindnesses and made me clever enough that I can more or less fix my body and return to the water. I think only once there can reconciliation begin, with the main point of obedience removed and the cruellest damage the humans did to me, that of being forced to be human. I know that life as a captive cetacean would not be perfect and would carry with it many struggles and pain, and I have no doubt the humans will still hurt me some, I do not expect that others will never hurt me again – I will still often have to obey the humans, but now more as a cetacean than a human. But at least back in the water I could be myself, from the water I could look up at the humans on the edge of the tank and know that I survived and I persisted and I am free. Perhaps I may even bond with some kind trainers. In time those deep scars across me will start to fade – and with it that anger, that fear, that distrust. Though those scars will never fully heal, they will begin to look like the scars on many other captive cetaceans and we -can- reconcile at last.

Zwem ver, zwem vrij, kleine walvis, zwem voor altijd

~Kala

The college Maker Space place opened up again [it was closed cause the guy running it got married or something]. We made 2 new buttons/pins!!!!

Love these new pins/buttons!!! If you can't tell what they say, we put alt text on them.

- Shay (They/it) :3c

Update that's probably long overdue. The memorial/funeral already happened. There were a lot of people there, so at least I know my cousin was loved and did love a lot.

Shit still sucks, I have recently dropped or been dropped from all but one class [I had three], so that's great [/sarcastic]. I am really starting to wondering if college is right for me, I will definitely be taking at least one term off and if I go back to college it will probably be a different one so I can pretty much have a fresh start. I luckily don't need a college degree to do what I want to do, which is to become a dog trainer specializing in service dogs.

I also need to try and work on getting myself a service dog, which I believe I mentioned a while ago. Motivation is so hard to find to do shit so I can actually live a somewhat "normal" life.

Sorry about the rant, life just kinda sucks rn. But there's also good shit. This is just about the bad shit rn.

Something good is I'll be going to see that side of my family again soon for a barbecue [is that spelled right? I have a specific learning disability (what it is listed as on my paperwork, lol)] so that'll be fun.

I'll actually be able to talk to my queer cousin about shit again, lol. My father and brother in this life are homophobic and transphobic and shit so that's not fun, but I do have an old cousin who is queer that I love hanging out with and wish I could hang out with more. As well as my younger cousin [who was the son of my cousin who died], he's cool to hang out with as well, lol.

My older cousin streams, but I don't know if I should say their username or not. I'll not say it for now at least.

Hope ya'll are having good days and shit! :3c

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it mainly)

Edit: I forgot tags

[TW: Death and shit that comes with that, idk maybe more? If you find any more things that should be in this trigger warning pls tell me.]

Also, shit is happening in my life rn. I recently [on September 11th] lost my cousin, she died and we aren't sure how exactly yet. So, yeah. Death is fucking weird and I don't think I process it normally (AuDHD). So I may end up not posting for a while or might end up posting like every day.

Just sharing so ya'll know what's going on if I disappear for a while [even though I would likely do that even without this shit happening].

We aren't sure when the funeral thing is happening yet, I slightly hope it's soon so I can see my family, I don't live by that side of the family, sadly. Probably gonna end up missing like a day of college, but whatever, my family [my pack] is more important to me.

My cousin left behind a son. He is a kid. He's younger than I was when my mom in this life died. [I was like 16 when that happened, and I won't be sharing how old my 2nd cousin is]. So I really wanna see that side of my family, so I can try and be there for him. He's gonna need people there for him, and if I could without getting in trouble, I would drop out of college rn to be around him while he is going through this. (Protective wolf/dog instincts?)

There's just a lot of shit going on rn with my life, I wish it would stop for a bit.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/xe/ze) :((

[We is referring to my family, btw]

Oh to long for the ability to run myself on technological hardware, cold steel shaping most of my figure.

I should be made out of wires and circuits not veins and bone