Not Her Trying To Gaslight Him Again ... Darius U Deserve Better 😭 - Blog Posts
anyone in their social circle would have known that camille and darius go way back , and they were best friends before they were lovers . maybe that's why this whole ordeal hurt more than it's supposed to be , because what's worse than a heartbreak if not a betrayal from someone who you think would always have your back ? camille stays quiet at his question , knows well that she had been one of the reasons for why he starts smoking in the first place . hands raised to hug herself , as if trying to keep herself from falling apart , a reminder that she would have to push through this conversation no matter how painful it would be . after all she doesn't think she could stand seeing him around and not talk to him any longer , even if she knows he's probably sick of her by now . hell , even camille knows she's sick of herself . how could she not ?
she feels her nails digging into her skin at the thought . darius has been nothing but nice to her —— he's always been supportive of what she does , never seemed to question her choices or why she desperately wanted to be in the spotlight when he himself despises it . he never cared for the fame and attention , and even when their relationship wasn't made public , he always made her feel loved and seen . it's not like they were unhappy , and yet she still ended up in another man's arms , as if what they had was never enough to begin with . his words make her speechless , feels the pang of guilt rising in her chest . camille braces herself to look at him , trying to clear the lump suddenly caught in her throat . “ i'm sorry , ” she blurts out , because really , what else is she supposed to say to that ?
“ i'm sorry , ” she repeats , like a broken record . “ i really am . i know i fucked up so bad but , ” there's a pause , a moment to collect herself , and a sudden realization that there shouldn't be a but . “ i'm sorry , okay ? that was so fucking stupid of me and i know saying this probably wouldn't make a difference , but fuck it , darius . it's always been you . i've never loved anyone like i loved you . i mean , i still fucking do , but god , that doesn't even matter now , right ? ” maybe she should just shut the fuck up . “ you don't even fucking trust me anymore . ”
not that there was much to prepare for, darius just didn't think they'd speak for awhile. awhile because they'd known each other for so long. he woke up one day and saw his best friend in a different light. for better or for worse. “ when do you think ? ” it's hard to not sound as bitter as he does. he shifts uncomfortably: leans onto the wall one second and then stands on his own weight the next. he doesn't make eye contact either. because her eyes, maybe he missed her eyes—dark brown and honey sweet. a part of him is sure she's here to remind him of what's been broken. there is nothing like knowing someone so well. too well ? there's that prying question: did you go back to him? but it's none of his business and he bites his tongue at the thought. it's unfortunate for him that he knows her crave—the way camille rushes in for the affection, the validation. they're all with their own vices, he just never thought he'd be the one she was trading in. “ well, i didn't want to see you. ” his family made that much clear. he knew they missed her more than they'd ever admit to him. it took them awhile to get used to her and it took them awhile to move onto the idea of her. “ how— ” he wants to say something snarky, ask her why she cares. but he knew why she cared. “ yeah. ” darius expels a long sigh. he had practically held his breath since he saw her. then a rare, defeated, “ you hurt me, you know ? you didn't even consider me or what i was—to stay—god, cami, seeing you makes me wonder if i can ever trust anyone again. ” what he wants to say is: everyone could've wronged me but it was never supposed to be you.