I was telling you about how school is so draining that I dread getting up in the morning but you yelling at me to "clean my room"and"try harder"
What if the next time you see me I'm covered I'm my own blood with pills all around me would you tell me to "clean my room:
I can't even speak without an argument starting what's the point of respecting you when you don't respect me I can't even breathe in this goddammit house without its being rude
I dreamed my mother killed me.
She had gotten angry because of something related with my friends, the fight grew and grew until she started screaming and throwing things, i was afraid, of course, but suddenly i started to laugh, because everything was dumb and i was tired and just wanted to sleep, that made my mom even more angry, thinking back at it, i guess this wouldn't really happen, because the cruel side would eventually come out and throwing things isn't the only thing she can do.
I dreamed it was time to go to bed and i was just miserable, but i hadn't cried, just like she would've wanted. After a comment cruel enough, a scream loud enough, a thing throwned strong enough, i lost my sanity, i guess.
I went inside the kitchen and grabbed a knife, i walked up to her and saw confusion in her eyes, with a bit of defiance, maybe; but the knife wasn't for her, i shoved it into her hands and pointed it to my wrist, i said: "You made me, you have the right to destroy me, ¿aren't you tired? Everything can be alright if you move, just a little", and she did, scarlet cascades started falling out of my wrist; seeing this she got alarmed, too late, i just told her: "If you already killed me then let me die in peace, i deserve at least that".
As i was climbing up the stairs, i woke up from my dream, my throat ached but i didn't cry, i just wished that is hadn't been a dream, so a wouldn't have to worry about everything i do, because one misstep and her laugh becomes sharp as a knife, ready to draw blood.
Wouldn't it be a perfect solution? Wouldn't she finally calm down if she threw the punch, if the drew blood? I don't know, i'm tired.
me when 😁😁 mother’s day is tmrw 😁😁 but thinking abt my mom makes me nauseous 😁😁😁 and talking to her makes me super scared 😁😁 so i am full of dread 😁😁