Kaeya Angst - Blog Posts

Who are you really, Kaeya?

Inktober/Whumptober Day 13

Rise

Infection

Inktober/Whumptober Day 12

Spicy

Red

Inktober/Whumptober Day 7

Drip

Alleyway

Inktober/Whumptober Day 1

Dream

Swooning

Some Kaeya Thoughts

Since he’s half Khaenri'ahn his vision actually hurts him, whenever he uses it, it feels like there's ice in his veins and it burns (the way ice burns not the way fire burns)

Kaeya can't get near a statue of seven without feeling pain mostly in his covered/missing eye

Whenever he's near a statue and he starts thinking of Khanri’ah the wind will pick up and hurt him but if he's thinking of Mondstadt the wind is calm and inviting.

After Crepus died the wind was very harsh on him for a while before it died down again.

Jacuzzi

fluffvember “ 🔥 “

—[🔥]; kaeya

A/N; wishing me and mellow were in a jacuzzi smh..Also I accidentally deleted the ask for this i’m so sorry 😭

[warnings/genre]; fluff, slight suggestive themes, provocative touching, modern AU, fem implied reader (sorry 😔)

For winter break, you and kaeya, along with a bunch of friends; decided to visit a ski lodge for a week. You were quite excited, especially for all the snow. You used to go to the same ski lodge when you were a child with your family, so your all too familiar with the place, and staff.

You were swelling with pride that you were able to show kaeya around. Sharing all the memories you had there. An exciting trip down memory lane…WRONG. everything went terribly terribly wrong. And now you got yourself in a sticky situation, 12 at night—with no escape.

“darling, there’s a jacuzzi outside, on the balcony..” he hums, and you turn your head and walk over to the glass door he’s looking out of. “Hm, yeah, there is..why?” you question, and he just hums in response. You look up at him to be greeted with a cheeky smirk spread across his lips, he’s up to something.

“what are you up to? I know your scheming something mister..” you raise a brow at him, and he lets out a deep chuckle, “how about we take a dip in the jacuzzi? It’ll be just the two of us..” he looks down at you, you look back out the glass door and shake your head. “Kaeya, it’s snowing outside, there’s no way i’m going out there.”

“cmon’ it won’t be too bad!” he says as he rummages threw his suitcase and grabs his bathing suit bottoms and immediately starts changing. You watch him strip of his clothes with a slight blush on your face, “your crazy! it’s too cold!!” he grabs a towel and counters your argument: “The jacuzzi will warm us up! please?” he pauses, and you cross your arms, “fine, hmm..how about, I buy takeout for a whole week? whatever you want, hm?” you can’t argue with that..so you grab your swim suit that kaeya forced you to pack and change.

You stand at the open glass door with a towel wrapped around you, shivering. “You seriously had to pack the most skimpiest swimsuit i owned!? your crazy and a perv !!” you semi-shout, in return he chuckles as he sits his towel down on a near table, “cmon! afraid of the cold are we? here, i’ll help you.” he walks over to you, yanks your towel off your body and throws you over his shoulder. “KAEYA !!” you shriek, covering your upper body with your arms.

He puts your towel down, and lowers you in to the jacuzzi. “see? not as bad, no?” he smirks and steps in to the jacuzzi. You huff, “I guess it’s not that bad..” you sink down in to the hot water and hum in satisfaction. He scoots closer to you and moves you on to his lap, back facing his chest, his arms around your middle. You lean back in to his touch, and you tilt your head to look at him, giving him a peck on his jaw. “Are you not cold?” you question, and his grip around you gets tighter, “not when your warming me up” you giggle at his cheesy response, “your such a dope.” you smile, and lean your head back on his shoulder and look up at the night sky.

You feel his hands creeping up your front, you lift your head to look down,“kae-“ before you get to finish, his hands makes their way to cup your chest/breasts. You slightly jump, his hands are cold even in the hot water?? He rests his head in the crook of your neck and starts peppering your neck with kisses. “Kaeya..” you breathe out. you move your hands to his thighs to steady yourself. He smirks against your neck and pulls back, resting his chin on your shoulder, and moving his arms back to your middle. You took at him threw the corner of your narrowed eyes, “perv..” you mumble out and he chuckles.

You turn your head back to the sky and sigh, “I should have known you were gonna pull some cheeky stuff on me, your charming but punchable face distracted me.” He pulls you closer to his chest, “are you saying i’m attractive?” a sly smile makes its way in to his lips, you shoot him a playful glare, “no i’m totally not saying your attractive— of course I am dumbass.” He lets out a sarcastic gasp, “your sarcasm hurts me, darling.” you just playfully roll your eyes in response.

You feel his hand land on your jaw and he sharply makes you turn your face to his. “Kae-“ He shushes you with the dark look in his eye and the slight curve in his lips. “You know..you always seem to make me feel some sort of way, darling..” his voice is deep and raspy, it gives you chills down your spine and you gulp. He pulls away and moves you off his lap— “well, it’s getting late. Time we get out, no?” he gives you a sly smirk as he exits the jacuzzi.

this man was gonna be the death of you one day..

7:20. pm

12 - 12 - 2021

kaebedo angst

im on a roll tonight 🏃

anyways-

warning : angst, slight mention of character death, not proof-read

"....do you love me?"

kaeya asks softly, caressing albedo's cheek. albedo nods, humming out a 'yes'

"why do you love me?" albedo didnt hesitate to answer

"because you're broken" kaeya paused, retreating his hand.

"what..?" albedo grabs kaeya's cold hand, and plays with his fingers, admiring the small details on the other's hand.

"because i will be the reason that you will understand..." albedo brings kaeya's hand to his lips, leaving a chaste kiss to its wake. kaeya felt goosebumps run through his spine.

"that you can be loved." albedo looks up into kaeya's lost eyes, giving him a small smile.

"that you are not the problem." he emphasized the word not, bringing kaeya's hand to his cheek and shivering from coldness kaeya's hand brought him.

"you're gonna leave me?" albedo chuckles at that, turning his head and kissing kaeya's hand another time.

"no." kaeya lets out a breathe, glad that albedo isnt leaving him like the rest did.

"you will." albedo turns his head to look at kaeya again, a distant look in his eyes.

"when you will be ready." albedo closes his eyes, shielding himself from the looks that kaeya is giving him.

"it's time to let go, love." albedo mutters, and kaeya lets a tear slip from his eye.

"will i ever be able to let go of you, dear?" he slowly blinks, looking up at kaeya. albedo lifts up his hand, wiping the tears off of his lovers face.

"you will. not right now, but you will."

⸰ 𖥔 ͙ࣳ Hold no shame

 ୨ serving size ୧ ˊ˗ 0.4k

˗ˋ ୨ nutritional facts ୧ ˊ˗ asexual,insecure,Gn!reader slight hurt comfort, fluff

˗ˋ ୨ allergy warning ୧ ˊ- insecurity & slight queerphobia 

˗ˋ ୨ Content ୧ ˊ˗ kaeya ❝cavalry captain❞

˗ˋ ୨ formula ୧ ˊ˗ headcanons

˚୨ enjoy your drink!୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

❝🌈Master list❞ 

❝ Stari Cafe™. I had so much fun writing this, thank 4 the request, late happy new years!^^ - stari ❞

♯݊↯ Kaeya is known to be quite a bold man at the least, always teasing people everywhere he goes but If that's not what you like further more if it makes you uncomfortable he immediately stops the man's a flirt not ass hole.

♯݊↯ He knows what asexuality it on a surface level never really looked too deep into it since isn't one about labels. When he finds out about you being ace he won't ask any questions, you are y/n and will always have his full acceptance!

♯݊↯ Assuming he knew about your asexuality,he would still tease you about things but obviously not in a sexual way you being  comfortable and safe is way more important than some act he puts on for the public eye.

♯݊↯ As soon and I mean as soon as he even has a hunch that your insecure about your asexuality he comforts you and does as much as he can to help you! Not in a smothering manner he knows his limits and boundaries! "Dear there's nothing wrong about you, you're perfectly fine. If anyone tells you otherwise just let me know,ok?"

♯݊↯Someone makes fun of you for your sexuality? Now that just can not do! First off all how dumb does someone have to be to make fun of the cavalry captains lover? The answer is pretty dumb.

"Asexuality isn't even a thing!"

"How about you shut your trap and pay for your drink, I'm sure everyone would love that!"

♯݊↯ never takes you to angle share, not because he doesn't think you can't protect yourself or because he doesn't like your company he'd just rather you not go there. Especially in the late hours there people there who know not a thing about boundaries and kaeya would never want you to experience such sights.

♯݊↯ he's very thankful that he won't have to keep up the whole flirty pretty boy act, it gets tiering sometimes. He's glad he can just be himself around, that he can just rest around you.

Overall he's very chill about it and respects your boundaries and everything!

𓂃 ✿Making hot chocolate with them

Serving size- 0.9k

Nutritional facts- Modern!au + Gn! Reader + the tiniest dash of hurt!comfort + established!relationship

Allergy warning- none :0

Overview- in the title! + reader is very passionate about Christmas.

Contents- albedo, kaeya 

Instructions- best read in any mode

Formula- fast fic

=͟͟͞͞🩰Masterlist

Cafe notes - bro Ik ik I'm so late to Christmas but cut me some slack ok😪

.🐄 യ🥛•₊˚ Albedo

Rushing down the stairs of your house you were very excited to tell your husband about some seasonal traditions, just to burst open the lab door to inform him about the Holidays.

"Albedo Albedo!"

"Hm?"

Though you were very excited about Christmas and just holidays in general albedo sempt more interested in his current experiment, you didn't mind though you knew what it meant to him. But he should also have a little Christmas cheer!

"Let's make hot choco,I swear it won't get in the way of your work!"

"Well, you kind of already are since you bursted into my lab."

"But bedo..."

"I'm kidding, we should have some cocoa powder in the pantry."

"See,I knew you had some Christmas spirit in you!"

Dragging along albedo from the lab to the kitchen, jeez he knew you were passionate about certain holidays but never knew you would literally drag him to the kitchen, it was worth it though he loved seeing you so happy and jumpy. Although your unaware of it albedo would do near to anything simply to make you smile.

"Ok ok, were here now you can stop dragging me."

"Oh! Sorry about that."

As you slured your apology as you rushed to find the cocoa powder, maybe here? No that's seasoning or maybe in the fridge, hm you seem to have no luck. Where could it be?

"I can't find it, are you sure we have some left?"

"Yes I'm certain we have some left,have you looked in the pantry?"

"Ooh, well now I see it thanks bedo!"

Grabbing the kettle and pouring in some water from the kitchen sink, you glanced onto photo hanging up on the fridge, it's you and

Albedo from when you went out for ice skating last year. He looks so pretty right here, well he looks pretty all the time but he looks extra pretty here!

"Dear the kettle is overflowing, you might want to turn off the pipe."

"O- oh aha sorry again I was just distracted!"

"No need for sorry, but what is it exactly you were distracted by?"

" Nothing too important, the real thing we should be paying attention to is the cocoa 

!"

Albedo doesn't second guess your answer and puts the kettle on the burner, and he feels a strange warmth but not from the kettle it's from your hands, guess he was a little distracted too huh?

"This is nice, we should do some more stuff like this, don't you say dear?

You nod in agreement, feeling as if your mouth couldn't open due to the sweetest predicament you two were in and albedo's sweet voice that could just melt your heart to bits.

.🐄 യ🥛•₊˚Kaeya

"Kae baby are you break right now?"

He was surprised by your timing, it's normally either you come an hour early or an hour late.What could have caused your sudden change in time management skills?

"Your on time? Well, what could have caused this, enlighten me."

"Can we make hot cocoa please?"

Your only motivation to come here was to make hot chocolate, really? I mean don’t get him wrong it’s very cute but only if you could come on time to his office every day, wouldn’t that be nice?

“So you didn’t come here to see me? How rude of you, my dearest!”

As Kaeya said the words in a mocking manner while fielding with his watch, he could see annoyance arising on your face. It was a bit humorous if he was being honest watching your cheeks get all puffy over one sentence. As much he found it cute you were kinda annoyed due to the sheer amount of time this man picked fun at you, still, you knew it was all in good manner.

“ Kaeyaaa is that a yes or a no because I wanna’ do this now!”

“I'm just joking lovely you know that, let’s go make some right now.”

Rolling out of his chair giving a soft smile, how much prettier could his man get? You always have been amazed by how loving and caring your husband could be at times, other times? Other times this man was an absolute menace, a jerk at that but no matter what he's feeling he'll always be your husband, now isn't that sweet?

"It's common for people to stare at me but my own lover of 4 years? You really are infatuated with me aren't you love?"

The sheer embarrassment was enough to make you turn into the hallway hoping that Kaeya wouldn't follow but something told you that wasn't the case, maybe it was the familiar footsteps or his chuckling which ever one it was he sure was not planning on letting his one up.

"Aw don't run away now sweetheart,what happened to us making hot chocolate?"

"Well we can't do that if your pinning me down the wall,"

"Huh what's that,I can't hear you, you're going to have to speak up!"

"Keaya!"

You said giving him a playful jab on his shoulder signaling for him to let you go, you just wanted to make hot chocolate and now you're pinned to a wall? Guess this is just your average antics with Keaya.

"Ok ok! Let's go make hot chocolate, didn't know you were such a party pooper,"

Although you bricked like a married couple,which you were, it was never serious. Just one more thing to love about him huh? His charms really do work.

Diluc angst

'do you regret it'

whispers his claymore

blade that once struck

his brother's starry

eye

Genshin men as things that guys at my high school have done pt3

Childe, Kazuha, Kaeya, Itto

Childe- The east european exchange partner of your classmate. He was supposed to stay one week. Not enough to fall in love right? Wrong. He was talking with his friends, looked at you for 8 seconds, and turned to his friends and said " I just saw the most beautiful girl". He then told Lumine who then told her exchange partner who was your friend, and that's how you knew.Like every girl you obviously had a crush on him so you tried a relationship. Sadly you were forced to separate after the week, and long distance didn't last long.

Kazuha- your first crush in the class. At an event for the high school you were invited in back in middle school, you saw a boy, a very beautiful one at that, walking around alone. He had snowy white hair and looked...majestic. You were totally lovestruck at the first sight but eventually forgot about him because what were the odds of seeing him again? The odds were high apparently because not only was he in your class with the same schedule as you, but he was sat next to you in French class. You thanked the gods for your similar last name and stared at him all the time period of the lesson. You eventually became his friend and realized just how much weirder he was now that you guys are close. He's way funnier yes, but less attractive. You lost your feelings for him, but why is it that he's always touching you and around you? You've yet to figure that out.

Kaeya- Kazuha's best friend. They share a room at the boarding school so you figure it's normal for them to get close, although they are really a peculiar pair. Since you became friends with kazuha, it was only natural you'd become friends with his best friend, right? Yes indeed, but it was not natural that he'd start teasing you, sitting next to you in all classes, running to you during school projects, calling you for hours for a week and then nothing. You didn't know what you did wrong, he never wanted to tell you. He eventually stopped avoiding you but you now keep a security distance from him, just to not be hurt again.

Itto- the ex boyfriend. Your boyfriend back in middle school who broke up with you after you got the news that you guys were going to a different high school. You eventually moved on because he was kind of an idiot and you were glad you had some peace of mind for once in a long time. But one time he added you on social medias and you accepted, and then everything went downhill. He was texting you non stop, "accidentally" bumping into you while coming home from school while he lives in the opposite area as yours, saying non-stop that he's so much better than any other guy you could find. One time he was insisting on talking about you guys' breakup and you cried a little, he took a step closer, but you took a step back. You didn't want to be hurt again by him.

Note- kazuha and I are both in ib in a class mixed with regular students so we share every class. Childe and I are now friends and itto stopped annoying me. Kaeya sometimes refers to the week where we were friends but nahhhhh I am not falling into your trap again. Also Childe is smoking hot.

tw: cheating

[ 22:25 ] if loving kaeya was hard enough, then learning to unlove him was just as much.

it hits you like a bullet at random times of the day. memories you thought you have already buried in the deepest part of your mind pierces your skin and strikes directly to your heart. soften fragments of him and everything that had to do with him haunting your mind, like an annoying ghost you couldn't exorcise. his sweet words poisoning your mind to no end, the places on your body that he once touched kept burning your skin.

but was it so wrong to still want him despite it all?

(it is.)

there was a tiny part of you that regretted ever walking away, the you who still believed in him—the you who's still intoxicated with his destructive love. and you had to clench your fists to the point they're cloudy white to ground yourself that it's for the better, digging your feet into the earth to prevent yourself from running back to his cold unloving arms.

you had to remind yourself again and again that kaeya does not deserve you after everything he had done, for breaking you to the point you believed you're can't be fixed. for burning your soul to ashes with the heat of his touch that had grown cold. for drowning you in his ocean of lies, dragging you to the very bottom without letting you breathe.

you had to remind yourself that choosing to end your ties with him was better than letting him ruin you even further than he already had, and that you were not at fault that he chose to love someone else when he already had you in the very beginning.

you did nothing wrong.

you gave him everything you had and more. you just simply loved him more than he ever did to you, and there was nothing wrong with that. it's not wrong to miss the kaeya you once loved. it's not wrong to let your heart break and cry for him for now because you know, in time, it will heal itself back up.

and when you start to understand, these memories of him that revisit you will stop becoming haunted. you'll stop wanting it, him, back. the distant images only becomes a reminder that not everything that seems attached on you is for you. and everything will become easier when you have come to terms that you deserve better, that it is only right for you to walk away.

you decided that this isn't an ending, but rather a revolution. a better beginning, a redirection. like finding a map after a year of being lost—on him.

║Kaeya║Goodbye Kiss

Gender-neutral.

Angst.

Word count: 1.7k

---

It is time..

He had fulfilled his duties as a spy and so, it was time for the rightful heir to the throne to return to his home, Khaenri'ah. However, he guilts the thought of going back. In the beginning, he only had one reason of lingering around Mondstadt for a while but now that that he was done, there was really nothing left holding him back to return. So, why is he wavering?

His eyes- both visible- stare at the oh so familiar ceiling of your home. He had grown to love the sight of it over the years. His eyes seemed to sparkle in the night, a hand behind his head. Those eyes if his had always been unique and mysterious apropos to others one would meet along the way. It held a secret that makes one so interested in the soon-to-be former Cavalry Captain, but they could never unveil the truth behind them-- not even you.

Not even you who lay beside him bare and snuggled against him, a hand on his chest. Not even you who was most closest to the knight. If you couldn't do that, who could?

You made a sound during your sleep, gaining the attention of the man. His eyes glistened upon landing sight on you. His heart raced at everything you do. He was happy with you, but he also bitterly blames you for being the reason he was hesitating. Why did you go make such a man fall for you? No, what was it about him that made you fall into his arms? Surely, you could see just how scary those eyes of his, right?

Honestly, you were the first to approach him knowing the darkness that he had carried since young. You dare not question what his past was or where he came from. You openly loved him, but he was going to be your heartache.

If only, he thought, if only he didn't fall into the hole you had made, he would leave Mondstadt all behind without looking back. When did he trip? Was it the first glance of you? There was really something about your eyes that intrigued the male.. Yeah, that was probably it. Something in your eyes shone something he had not seen in himself. Your eyes were free of hidden motives and your quick-witted actions proved that.

Maybe, he was interested because he felt jealous of you. Jealous that you didn't have to carry a burden of a task since young. Maybe he had gotten close to you to take that glimmer in your eyes. After all, he was a man with ulterior motives, no?

Ah, that did no good to Kaeya. He tried to convince himself over and over that there was something he wanted to take from you but as you lay bare beside him, he felt himself at a loss.

You mumbled in your sleep, once more making sounds to gain the attention of the male. Whatever you were dreaming about, it obviously was a pleasant one. He chuckles lowly and put his free hand behind the back of your head, moving you closer to his lips so he could place a kiss on the crown of your head.

"I love you."

-

The clacking of hurried heels and boots greet you upon entering the headquarters. It was early in the morning but everyone was jolted awake and masked with a stern look, brows furrowing as they rush past you.

You knew what was happening. Otherwise, you would still be lazily getting out of bed. "Acting Grand Master," you greet the blonde whose back was facing you. The call of her title brought her attention from another knight to you. "(Y/N), I'm so glad you're here. Have you seen Kaeya?"

Indeed, you have seen Kaeya. Hoewever, it was just a glimpse before your tired eyes fluttered shut for another hour. "No, I haven't." Jean sighs but did not dwell on the thought of the captain. "Well, we'll just pray to Barbatos that he comes soon. We need all the hands to protect the city from the Abyss."

Something inside you churned. Something was calling out to you that you failed to listen. What is it? Why was dread washing over you at the thought of Kaeya? Surely, he would be fine to take on a couple Abyss mages and hilichurls, right? Well, it doesn't matter. Even if he can take down a whole army, you should still be by his side, fighting with him.

Not waiting for orders from the Acting Grand Master, you made a bolt towards the gate. Jean shouted your name but you ignored it as that churning feeling grew inside you. "Kaeya.."

The entirety of Mondstadt was surrounded at all fronts. All sorts of Abyss mages and hilichurls attacked like savages, using this chance to take down the city while the rest of the troops were still coming their way.

Your eyes darted around, hoping to see the Cavalry Captain somewhere amongst the many men who were trying to by more time for backup to come.

You bit your lips, drawing out the blood to trickle down. Where in Teyvat is Kaeya when you needed him most? It wasn't the time for him to go drinking in a bar, getting wasted.

Not wanting to waste more time dwelling on the thought, you took the lead, running past the other knights and heading deeper into the battle. "Captain!" A knight had called your title but you dare not turn around. Something was telling you that Kaeya was further in, and you were going tl follow it. Knowing Kaeya, it does sound like him for him to rush before anybody else. "Please, Kaeya.. Please be okay."

Clearing any enemies in your way, you felt your heart become lighter at the sight a his familiar back, but you dare not break into a smile. It would just make you lose your focus on the fight.

"Kaeya!" You called, but that failed to reach his ears amongst the chaos around. You were drawing near, noticing that the army started to grow thin in the back.

You were about to call him a second time but the words got stuck in your throat, seeing that the male was talking to an Abyss mage. It confused you. Why is the Abyss mage bowing to Kaeya? Why isn't it attacking Kaeya?

The mage looks up, eyes looking past Kaeya and onto you. "Your highness, behind you," the mage gestures him to look behind. Wait, did the mage call him 'your highness'?

Kaeya turned around to look at you, revealing you both of his eyes that held no warmth as usual when they laid upon you. You were stoned into the spot, mouth feeling dry. What were you supposed to say at this point? Your head dizzied, wanting to collapse on the ground for support.

When your silence was prolonging further activities, his eyes narrowed coldly and his mouth drew a wider frown of displeasure. "(Y/N), what are you doing here?" His voice was montoned and no longer spoke in a flirtatious manner.

The mystery behind his eyes were revealed to you; the mystery that all of Mondstadt wanted to know yet could not get close enough to know.

You gulped back the lump that grew. Surely, there is some misunderstanding, right? Kaeya just wanted to toy with the mage before he killed it, right? Yeah, that has to be it. "K, Kaeya, Acting Grand Master wants you back and help protect Mondstadt.." Your eyes slightly widen in desperation, searching for the truth.

"Oh? Does she now?" A smirk tug his lips yet his eyes stayed the same. He turns his full body to face you and rested his knuckle on his hip. He was toying with you. "Y, yeah.. You better get back before she gets mad at you."

Kaeya chuckles at the look in your eyes, knowing that look all too well. "Why should I go back? I'm not from here so I have no reason to protect it." He shakes his head, all the while smiling. "(Y/N), I'm sure you already know that I am not from here, yes?"

"Where are you going with this, Kaeya? Please stop playing around and come back," you spoke with a shaky voice.

His smile drops. Were you seriously trying to convince yourself that he was a good man? He sighs and walks close to you, grabbing your chin in his hands. "Oh, (Y/N), you could be so cute at times. It almost makes me want to take you with me," his words were sincere. "But the land of sinners is not a place to call home for someone like you. So, be good and listen to when I say to stay." A flick of sorrow failed to catch your eyes.

Kaeya had not slept that night, waiting for the sun to shine through the curtains to tell him that it was time. As much as he wanted to stay with you, he was a sinner who ruled a land abandoned by the gods. He had no place in Mondstadt- with you- knowing his origins.

A tear slipped from the corner of your eyes, but Kaeya did not dare to wipe it away in fear that his heart would waver.

"Be good.. Protect Mondstadt.." He shows you one last genuine smile that you loved. His eyes allowed itself to show you his true feelings for you once more as well which just made your heart squeeze itself.

He brings your face, your lips, close to his. He was giving you one last kiss. A kiss that you would miss for as long as you lived. A goodbye kiss.

Tears left your eyes as he deepened the cherishing kiss.

He soon pulls away, watching your tears fall silently onto the ground. He smiles and turns on his heels to walk away, the Abyss mage following close behind him.

Your legs gave in and fell onto the ground as you watch the man you loved walk away from you-- never to return to Mondstadt-- to you.

Kaeya dares not to look behind. If he did, he had a feeling that he'll run up and hug you to stop those tears of yours. This was goodbye.

"Forget me and find someone else, lest you will be broken."

---

A Love Not Meant to Be, Pt. 1: Kaeya

Notes: When I think of these at night, I know it’s gonna hurt. Hopefully. Also, I was a stupid blubbering mess while writing cause I literally put my whole ussy into all of them. SUPER LONG parts so each character has their own part + paired music/songs :)

Summary: Some things in life just aren’t meant to be + angst tropes.

Warning/s: Some suggestive content and mild cursing

Theme/s: Angst, no comfort, heartbreak, and abandonment. Gn Reader

Characters: Kaeya

Parts: Albedo, Kazuha

Kaeya: Not Ready for Anything Serious

(We’ll Never Have Sex by Leith Ross)

“I’m not looking for anything serious.” Kaeya said, peeking over you behind the rim of his wine glass. You don’t look at him and only finish your drink, knowing where this exchange will lead you.

“Don’t worry.” You say. “Neither am I.”

That was the first interaction you shared with the Cavalry Captain- the first lie you’ve ever told each other. It was a day like any other, but you remember it clearly in your mind. You’re a traveler from around the world and you found yourself one day in the welcoming doorsteps of Mondstadts walls. You thought it best to stay in the city for a few nights until your next excursion; it was better than camping out in the wild anyways. There, you meet Kaeya- the very delightful captain from the Knights of Favonius- getting shit faced at Angel’s Share. You wanted to try Mondstadt’s famed Dandelion Wine and there Kaeya intrigued you as to invite you over to drink a few glasses of wine with him. As the night went on, as you two became more inebriated, you spilled out secrets and desires you never thought you could say out loud- even worse if you’re saying it to a stranger. However, Kaeya gave you a sense of security. He tore your walls down with his charm and way with words; maybe without alcohol, you would’ve done it anyways.

Kaeya listened to you ramble; how lonely you felt during your travels, how sick you were of those fleeting, loveless relationships you had from around the world, how you understood what it meant to be alone. He stared at you curiously and you swore you nearly wanted to kiss him then and there. Kaeya listened attentively, letting you speak your mind when those before him cut you off and said they didn’t want anything more.

“Well,” Kaeya started, setting down his glass. “If you’re here for a bit, do you wanna have some real fun?” You wanted to run then, to break the cycle from before and maybe throw your glass at him for wasting your time and for making you feel so vulnerable. But that was Kaeya’s specialty. If he wanted it, he got- and so, you went back with him that night.

How could you refuse his offer? Kaeya had a certain flair to him unlike any other. But he was also different from those before. With him, you felt alive almost- like you’re falling slowly among the clouds and you had nothing to worry about. Kaeya told you things that night, wonderful sugar-coated things, that made your heart flutter and stomach turn in flips. He made you feel loved and wanted you in ways you never thought someone could never show you. Then again, you haven’t really felt anything like this in the past, but you tried to savor it all, give it back with twice the fervor. But as you felt yourself becoming comfortable in Kaeya’s tight embrace, you remembered what both of you said that night:

“I’m really not looking for anything serious,” Kaeya mumbled. You lay on your back and stare up at his dark ceiling.

“Me neither, you can’t leave with me anyways.” You reply. Before you drifted into sleep, you heard Kaeya speak.

“Some places, you just can’t follow.”

You wanted to think it was real, desperate to know if everything he said to you that night and the following nights were true. You didn’t know why you wanted to know- maybe the loneliness was getting to your head. With that, you decide to stay in Mondstadt for a bit longer, much to Kaeya’s delight. In reality, you didn’t want to let this go- you didn’t want to let him go. To you, it felt like Kaeya was the best thing that’s happened in a long time and yet, it’s not serious. You wanted it to end, to spare yourself of the inevitable heartache you are well aware of- but each time you tried to leave, Kaeya always gave you a reason to stay: a new shipment of some wine he’d like you to try, you haven’t seen this tourist spot yet, he’ll miss you if you go. Each and every time, you found yourself going back to him- back into his open arms and warm embrace. You wanted to think it was real, what you had, what Kaeya showed you, is nothing like those before. He cleansed you of those meaningless flings from the past and offered you a trial on what it’s like to be undeniably loved. With his emotional limitations, you knew he was this way because he knew you would leave soon anyways. Even so, Kaeya loved you, he couldn’t deny it, he’ll never say it out loud- but you knew.

You think it was because there was a certain way that Kaeya kisses you each time he sees you around. He kisses you to show you he cares, to make you smile, to say hello and goodbye for now, to tell you to come home with him tonight and talk about things not yet said. Kaeya kisses you like he has everything else to lose. His fingers dig into your skin to hold you tight and never let go, he tilts his head to feel you, drown in you, become breathless against your lips; he wants to be as close as he can, to keep you by his side forever. When he would let go and you are drunk with the senses of his passion, Kaeya turns away, leaving you in the dark alleyways to wonder if he was just teasing you, or if he was genuinely happy to see you again; happy to know that you stayed. It was hard not to see his love as nothing but authentic. You wonder sometimes if he was afraid to lose you- to have the fear of your leaving be the only thing in his mind when he sees your face. You think sometimes, that maybe behind that bravo façade, hides a face of pain; cheeks wet with tears and pretty lips shaking as you bid him your final goodbye. That thought made you want to stay with Kaeya, but he keeps his distance despite his passion. It’s nothing serious.

You wanted something real; a place to call home and someone to come home to. You thought that maybe Kaeya would be the one to give that to you. You were tired of these transient relationships and feelings- basic human things always slipping past your fingers. You didn’t want this, not anymore, but you held onto Kaeya because he was the most home you’ve felt in a long time. He felt like home, he made you feel at home: when he would walk you both back to his quarters and you’re surprised with a bottle of wine and serious talks and little banter. When Kaeya would compliment you behind closed doors, his pretty hands running down the blemishes of your skin to tell you how remarkable you are. When you found yourself tip-toeing down the halls of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters to be with Kaeya and he would welcome you in with a tender smile. All of this, and you were still afraid. Afraid of the past and what the present may bring. You were terrified of the thought that Kaeya would be like those people from before even though he’s proven time and time again that he wasn’t. You know deep within yourself that you had some faults you needed to work on before pursuing something serious with him. You were used to leaving first because you had other places to go to, but then you got used to others leaving you. With Kaeya, you wanted to be the first to break away- he gave you what you wanted, but you were too afraid of trying to take it, nor give it back. He was too distant, but too close. He let you in his life and you in his, but you don’t know enough about him to see him be vulnerable. If it wasn’t real- you needed to leave before you’ll regret staying for longer.

You got up and went early in the day to avoid being seen by the Mondstadtians and especially Kaeya. You thought it was for the best to leave in this way- it hurt a lot less for you at least. Besides, he was the last person you wanted to see before leaving. As you were about to exit the city, you felt someone grab your shoulder and just your luck, it was the Cavalry Captain.

“You know, it’s a little rude to leave without saying goodbye, right?” He says, that all too familiar smile on his face. You shake off his hand and look at him.

“Well, it’s time for me to head off.” You say. Kaeya purses his lips and sees how uneasy you are. “I have someplace to be.”

“Just stay one more day,” He says, opting to take the luggage off your hands. “Come, I’ll take you home.” He doesn’t know why he put so much effort into making you stay. Kaeya scratched off every excuse in the book as to why you can’t leave yet. He doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t want to let you go either. Even if he said that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, he fell for you unexpectedly. He lied again and again about how he wouldn’t mind if you up and left- he’ll miss you, but that’s it. In truth Kaeya was afraid to let you go, he’ll be devastated if you do, and his worst fear came to life when you pulled away and stepped back.

“What home? That place you take me back to over and over after we get drunk?” You snap. “I don’t have anything here, Kaeya. You said so yourself that what we had wasn’t anything serious.” You look at Kaeya and see a frown flash in his features. He was taken aback by this. He thought that maybe you could have given him your time for longer, that you loved him enough to not let him be like those strangers from before. As soon as Kaeya noticed you staring, his frown was almost immediately replaced with a haughty grin.

“We never had anything.” He says. “You said so yourself.” He used your words against you. They were cold and harsh, but you’ve been around him long enough to know that he was just trying to have the upper hand over you. He didn’t want to be seen as someone weak, but it hurt him, you both knew it. Whatever this was, whatever relationship you two had, it was fun while it lasted.

It was time for you to leave, to go to another place he cannot follow- a rule he had imposed upon you first when you woke up in his quarters that night. You cannot follow him and he cannot follow you. You had so many words left to say to Kaeya. You wanted to tell him how you really felt, to comfort his own fears and pain, to tell him you want to stay. He stares at your struggle, anticipating your words he so wishes would be a promise. He wanted you to say it, to tell him how much you wanted to be with him- he wanted you to be the first to say the things he can’t. Kaeya almost looked hopeful. But you were just like him, destroying relationships in fear that you’ll see them in their worst, their most vulnerable, afraid of trust and companionship.

“It was nice knowing you.” was all you could say, a lie, sparing not a single glance at Kaeya as you walked away. In truth, it wasn’t nice knowing him. You felt terrible, you regretted it, but boy did it make you happy. Kaeya gave you things, made you feel things you wished you felt in a relationship. But it wasn’t real, he confirmed it. None of it was, and that was the part that hurt the most- to know that as real as it felt to you, it was only a one-night romance for him. You were wrong. You thought you could trust him with yourself, that he can replace your mistakes of the past. You finally thought you found someone who saw you as nothing else but yourself- even at your worst. Kaeya had wanted the same from you.

“I wish I had never met you, Y/N.” Kaeya mumbles under his breath as he watches you go. He can’t take you back this way- his false pride won’t allow it unless it was you crawling back to him. But that’ll never happen. If he was being honest with himself, he loved his time spent with you. He felt guilty for making it seem like he was only leading you on. He has never felt anything more genuine, his feelings more real, than when he was with you. Kaeya loved you, he loved your company and the temporary joy you brought into his life; he wishes he would have shown you how true it was to him as well. He wishes he could let you know how much he wants you back.

tearing up rn..

PRAYERS INTO THE DEAF SKY ( when there is no love left, perhaps mercy is found within the first dawn light ).

— genre : ficlet. angst. — cw : mention of alcohol. mention of loved one passing. brief references to kaeya's backstory. cynical ideas about love. an edited repost mishmash of two sabotages i used in an ebg last year. — characters : kaeya x gn!reader.

kaeya's eyes open abruptly, and gently rubs the red mark on his forehead from where it had been pressing against his paperwork for who knows long. documents are sprawled across the surface of the desk, and as his eyes scan the room to see what had woken him, he sees nothing. not a trace. 

tick, tock.

the minute hand moves at an excruciatingly slow pace. "slacking off, are you?" he muses, directing the question at no one but himself with a grimace plastered across his face. 

click, clack.

he can hear the sound of heels resounding across the hardwood floors of the knights headquarters outside. he wonders when he fell asleep. does he have any meetings today? if he's being honest with himself, he couldn't care less.

he pushes his paperwork off to the side and swivels around in his chair to gaze out the window outside. the sky shines an ominous violet, the distant glow of dawn faintly seeping past the horizon. 5:00 am, kaeya estimates with yawn. maybe he'll slip back into slumber. but he knows he can't, not with the constant nightmares that plague his subconscious day in and day out. 

he stands up to stretch when something catches his eye, and suddenly the eerie silence of the office is interrupted by the loud clanging of his armchair toppling onto the floor. but it's as if his senses have been damaged by the flood of memories that have barged through the floodgates of his mind. there's an envelope, and the characteristic handwriting on the back glares at him almost menacingly, the black ink pressed into beautiful cursive words.

FOR KAEYA ALBERICH.

he tears open the envelope. he blames himself — how could he have missed this letter? was he too busy? did he forget about you? did you think he was ignoring you? did he ever write you one back?

my darling kaeya :

a breath hitches in his throat. it's almost as if your voice is still engrained into his memory.

please don't be guilty. you never missed this letter. i wrote this knowing that i would be gone. i asked jean to leave this on your desk on our anniversary.

so the person walking around was jean, huh?

i know ... you probably miss me. or i hope you do, anyways. 

of course he misses you. what the hell do you mean?

even without me, i know you'll be fine. i know there will be crowds of others who fall for that charming smile and sweet words of yours. kaeya, you're a thief, you know? going around stealing hearts like that ... too bad i was the only specimen you got to keep for a while. even if it was only temporary.

you're so stupid. he'd throw his entire life away for you to come back.

i believe in you, kaeya. i know the world hasn't been kind to you, but i believe that you're strong enough to push through, to show everyone who you really are. 

he doesn't know who he is without you.

you deserve every good thing this world has to offer.

you were his good thing. his only good thing.

i love you. forever and always.

barely containing his overflowing emotions, kaeya tucks the envelope gently into his pocket, hand instinctively reaching for the glass bottle on his desk, and exits the knights headquarters as briskly as he can. the halls are silent, save for the sound of his unusually rushed steps against the floor, and he hopes that jean has already left or fallen asleep.

doors swing open to reveal the mondstadt plaza. the fountain trickles softly, the gentle gurgling of water deeply contrasting the looming crashes of thunder that echo across the skies. it's far too early for weather like this. how unfortunate. it's as if the world is against him. the universe and celestia has always been against him.

he's lost all faith in the gods, but still kaeya crumples to his knees and prays to barbatos, to any archon that he can be freed from the confines of heartbreak ( of loss, of trusting, of loving to then simply be forgotten and thrown away ). but most of all, kaeya begs someone, anyone, to allow this intangible image of you to be permanent — he begs you to stay, even if it's just a hazy figment of his imagination.

he picks up the glass bottle that sits beside him and takes a swig. the alcohol coats every inch and surface of his throat like the searing lick of flames, yet his heart still echoes with an empty chill colder than that of dragonspine's highest peak. it seems as if his prayers have reached barbatos' voicemail, and as kaeya's vision goes blurry and his head begins to spin, his face begins to stream. with rain or with tears, he doesn't remember.

kaeya knows he can't keep on dreaming forever. but he can't tear himself away — a strange force seems to squeeze at his neck so tight, oxygen in his lungs squeezed dry, chest hollow at the mere sight of the sun. the day is beginning, new light forming above, nothing like this endless cycle of torture he puts himself through in memory of you.

he stares at the flaming, raging sunrise now replacing the sudden storm, sparkling golden rays engulfing any lingering night, the last slivers of darkness completely devoured by the light.

he screams into the deaf sky ( are you even listening? are you even there? will he ever get the answers to his questions? ).

when his throat runs raw and his voice is finally hoarse, kaeya whispers something under his breath to the version of you that never will be ever again. perhaps this quiet noise, nearly whisked away by the wind, is the one that speaks in the loudest of volumes.

"i miss you."

kaeya will never fall in love.

taglist ( open ): @xienn @yinyinggie @favonius-captain @dawndelion-winery @lordbugs @sougalaxy @hamayumis @uchihaeirin @scaraslover @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst @nejibot @cottonfluffs @c02z @tiredsleep @that-one-daydreamer @infinn-toru @souglias @myluvkeiji @sohyuki

FIRST ANGST FIC??? BABE the AMOUNT of DESCRIPTORS I COULD FEEL WHAT WAS DESCRIBED OML

permafrost

kaeya alberich x reader

inspired by @hiraya-rawr’s post here

notes: established relationship, heavy angst, slight gore(?),

tw: major character death

Despite his seemingly friendly exterior, Kaeya Alberich was a cold man. His touch could give frostbite, and his words could leave one frozen. Life had him build walls of ice around his heart. A fortress impenetrable to all except you.

You, with your sunny disposition and comforting warmth. You, a traveling merchant who settled in Mondstat. As long as Kaeya had you by his side it felt like sunlight was warming him from head to toe, soothing the chill in his heart. You were like a fireplace on a freezing night, one that Kaeya couldn’t help but huddle closer to. The pain of his past was all worth it if it meant he could have you.

Kaeya didn’t realize the true meaning of “the light of my life” until he married his.

A newlywed man shouldn’t be working the day away, he muses to himself while eyeing paperwork. Kaeya had stayed in bed with you that morning for as long as he could, peppering kisses against your bare skin. Maybe even lingering by the doorstep to give you “one last kiss” goodbye.

Fidgeting with his wedding band (part of a matching set, with a sapphire in it’s center), he truly couldn’t wait to go home. It was funny how things he used to think of as mundane were much more pleasant when with you. All he could think about was having dinner together then relaxing with you in his embrace until he fell asleep.

Another busy day for the ever inefficient Favonius Knights. Kaeya found himself at Windrise with his order. It turned out that caravan carrying imported goods from Liyue had collapsed during a raid. 3 dead, 4 wounded. Kaeya planned to finish this efficiently yet as quickly as possible, so he could once again resume newly-wedded bliss.

Then, at a glance, he saw it. The faint glimmer of blue that he saw every morning in your shared bed. On the hands that passed him a cup of coffee before work. On the fingers that caressed his face, around his blind spot, during intimate moments. A glittering blue stone embedded in a silver band. A symbol of his love and hopes for the future.

Kaeya walked hesitantly to the the wrecked carriage paying little mind to the frost that followed him in his wake. His boots thumped heavily against the soil. Tendrils of ice scattered over pebbles and grass. You had told him that morning, over your morning coffee, that you were going to oversee a shipment of goods from Liyue. You had told him, when he kissed you goodbye, that you would see him at home.

Kaeya believed in your words like a devout worshipper, like a faithful man before the Divine. You were the only truth in a sea of a hundred lies. If you said you would be home, you would be. You had never lied to him. Not once.

Until today.

The hand found under the rubble, wearing a sapphire wedding ring, was devoid of life. Kaeya bent down and gave it a squeeze. You didn’t respond. He gripped you again, a little harder this time, and yet you remained limp in his hand. The metal band felt bitterly cold against Kaeya’s palm. A mockery to his belief that his happiness could last forever.

It felt like an eternity and a minute before they could get your body from under the wreckage. Kaeya scooped you into his arms and held you against his chest. He rocked you back and forth while burying his face into your hair. Kaeya felt his own chest rise and fall against your unmoving body. Whatever semblance of warmth you had left, he would take it. Kaeya would soak you into his skin until he was swallowed whole.

“Please,” he whispered, “it can be anyone. Anyone but you.”

You didn’t respond. You did nothing except lie still in his arms. Kaeya laced your hands together, so that both rings were touching. He wanted to scream. Cry until his voice was shattered. Yell so loud that it was certain you would hear him from the other side. Instead Kaeya pressed his lips to your face, staining your cheeks with his tears.

“It’s so, so cold.”

Windrise, with all its greenery, felt like an icy tundra, and he was a straggler caught in its snowstorm. The world had suddenly dropped a hundred degrees, and you had taken all of it’s warmth with you.

————

a/n: hello everyone! probably will rewrite this in the future because this is my first angst fic, but I hope you liked it :))

KAEYAS PART HITS DIFFERENT WAIT THAT HURT LIKE A BITCH OML

𖤐 * ∿  SOMEONE TO HOLD

𖥻 SUMMARY

pt 2 of before you go

𖥻 CHARACTERS

diluc, kaeya, albedo & gn! reader

𖥻 GENRE & WARNINGS

hurt/comfort, alcohol

𖥻 LINKS

masterlist

𖥻 NOTES

please like and rb if you enjoyed ! 

𖥻 ALBEDO

it’s been six months since you left mondstadt, and albedo doesn’t let himself stop and think

he buries himself further in his work, ironically enough. because every time he pauses, every time he lets his mind drift to you, he feels something twist in his chest

and he thinks he’s doing fine. when he’s working, he’s okay

still, he sometimes finds himself looking over his shoulder to find you — expecting you to be sitting next in the stool that he had always reserved for you. only to remember that you’re no longer there

still, he keeps the stool there. a reminder, and a hope

he sometimes finds the small trinkets you’ve left behind for him — the bracelets you’ve made

he finds little sticky notes that you used to stick around his lab with little reminders of make sure to eat :) and love you 

and every time, his heart constricts

but the worst is when he stops and rests, and he’s alone in his bed, wondering how he thought this would last forever

when you used to talk about going to liyue, you used to say that you and him would keep in contact through letters. but his mailbox remains empty

and it’s deserved — he knows it’s deserved, but it doesn’t stop the feeling of despair that clutches his chest

and sometimes, after a long day of work, he wants nothing more than to collapse in your arms as you hum and brush his hair out of his face for him. he wants nothing more than to just lean on you as you read, and fall asleep

but the lights to the house are always off. and it’s always empty

emotion is something that albedo doesn’t express often — but sometimes when he’s left alone and he’s too tired to work anymore, he leans his back against the door and puts his head in his hands and cries

he hears of your return from sucrose — its said that you were at the tavern, saying your hellos to everyone again

he abandons his experiment in an instant

(more under cut)

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