I Feel Bad - Blog Posts

I've been feeling really badly recently. For some context I'm in my firmest semester at uni and I have got like good but not excellent grades, and this week, I mean yesterday, I got two news, first m, I must do my chemistry exam which I was hoping to exempt, but I didn't, and not only that, but also I wrote an email to my teacher and the teacher assistant cause I didn't get all the score I should have gotten in one of my answers of a test, but the assistant said that I was wrong and he corrected everything all right in my test, and just because he's a little piece of shut I will have to do the chemistry test. Second, I got my linear algebra grade and I got 70/100, so is not that bad, but a friend of mine told me he got a 100, in that moment I felt really down, because its like everything in my life the past months and even years feels like I can't be good enough, like the things I do are not perfect enough or my mind is not perfect or my thoughts or anything, and I the only way I don't feel like this is been the best or almost the best, cause is like i can never be the best, like I can't get to that high point where I do things in an extremely good form. Its so exhausting feeling like this, like you can never ve good enough, that you can't get people to notice you or if is bit about people noticing you is that I feel like I can't be as good as those who ate close to me, I can't be as good as them.

I got diagnosed with depression a few months ago and I was feeling really good, but the past weeks it feels like I've been slowing down, as if my mind my feeling my thoughts are being really slow and I can't do anything to motivate myself. I've tried texting to some people from school and uni m, but they don't answer at the moment (what i mean is when I'm feeling like talking or in a good mood) and when they do im really down and not wanting to test anybody cause I'm studying or im too down, for example I have this friend that I've known for 12 years and I haven't seen her since the beginning of the pandemic, but when she takes sooo long to reply to my messages, and it feels like everyone does, and I'm so tired of feeling lonely or people like ignoring me, I know I'm not the centre of the universe but it feels utterly sad and awful, the sensation that you are completely alone and there's no one there for you and your parents can't understand you, my mom can't understand these feelings and my dad is so isolated from the world that you can't talk to him without him saying "I feel better alone" I don't wanna be alone, I don't, but is like I am and I hate it... and I can't stop thinking that I shouldt feel this way and that nobody can gear me crying or see me sad... im so scared and afraid of showing my feelings, is like they are so wrong and I don't know what to do or feel

help I'm in the restroom because I ate Sriracha b4 going to the store and I forgot it gives me diarrhea and there's this lady in a stall crying help I feel bad for her but y'all my poor stomach 😭

I ironically (a fat bitch) need to be reminded of this each time I write a new OC.

i'm letting you go with just a warning this time but you better draw her fatter next time ok?

I interrupt your scrolling to say: this is the love of my life, Minnie.

This is my angel, the light of my life, my reason of getting up, my actual child, and I will hear no words against her. Reblog to show her the love she deserves.

That feeling of self doubt when you think you've figured somthing out about yourself but you don't fit what's expected.

Th feeling of hiding in plain site from everyone. Those who would understand and the others that could never.

I tell myself it's fine if I'm wrong it can't hurt anyone. But itcan. If I lied you suffered the effort I'm putting abd have put to rebuild the unstable walls of our friendship will crumble again.

And I can't lose you.

Is it wrong to say I miss you. That I miss the way out bodies fit together like the puzzles my grandma tirelessly works on.

That I miss your little smiles when I said something stupid and made of fool of myself.

Your hair draping over my shoulder at lunch your stomach pressed against my back.

But that's not fair. You aren't mine and as much as I want to be I'm not yours. I told you I couldn't l9ve you. I told you I would never love anyone. I told you I was wrong. I don't want to do that again.