The hero shivered in the cold, bundled up in a coat. Their ride was supposed be here a half an hour ago. Out of the blue, a lone taxi pulled up to the curb.
“Need a ride?” The driver asked.
The hero knew that voice. They peeked inside. The villain.
“Not a chance in hell,” the hero hissed. “Get out of here.”
“Come in,” the villain said. “What did I ever do to you?”
“Should I start listing things?”
“Come on. The snow’s about to start.”
The hero looked up. The sky was a concerning shade of grey. Freezing to death, or an unpleasant car ride. They briefly weighed their options.
“Fine,” the hero conceded.
They got right in the passenger seat and reached for a control knob. “But I choose the music.”
“Do I know you from somewhere?” The villain asked.
Something about the cashier looked so familiar.
The hero stared coldly at the villain as they scanned their milk. “You almost killed me last week, testing a homemade explosive. The cops were called.”
The villain perked up. “Ah, yes! Now hurry up. The butter’s melting.”
“Can you help me out?” The villain asked. “I’m having trouble getting my car started.”
“You don’t think I’m that gullible, do you?” The hero said, somewhat offended. “Your disguise isn’t even that good. Your moustache is coming off.”
The villain felt their face. Sure enough, their fake moustache was falling from their face. The hero rolled their eyes and started walking away.
“Wait!” The villain called. “Let me try again! I won’t stuff you in the trunk this time!”
An explosion shook the house. The door went flying from its hinges. The hero didn't even flinch. They kept eating their breakfast.
"Honey, your experiment knocked down the door again," they called.
The villain poked their head out of the lab. Their goggled were covered in soot. They lifted them onto their forehead.
"Sorry, babe," the villain said. "Can I put it back later? I'm really close to figuring out the formula."
The hero yawned. "Sure. Just don't let the dog get in. We don't need another pet with wings."
The villain gave the thumbs up and ducked back into their lab. Another explosion went off. The hero rolled their eyes, but they couldn't help smiling.
“You should be scared of me,” the villain said. “I’m here to kill you.”
“You’re eating ice cream,” the hero said.
They were a little confused. This had not been the assassin they were expecting. They watched the villain look ice cream off their hand as it dribbled down.
“I can be an assassin and still want a snack,” the villain said.
The hero stared at them doubtfully. They pointed to their face. “You have chocolate on your nose.”