Deaf - Blog Posts
My First Heartbreak.
When I was in third grade, my mother decided that I should join ballet as a way to keep me distracted from what was happening with the divorce of my parents. I’m not sure what exactly made her think I would be interested in such a thing, back then I hated looking feminine in any way - and I mean it in a I-would-cry-and-throw-a-tantrum kind of way. But she did, and she dragged me along to every store that sold uniforms and ballet shoes and hair accessories and such, very much to my dismay.
It was odd though, I frowned and whined throughout the entire process...until I was pushed into the classroom for beginner ballerinas. I don’t know what it was that stunned me into silence, maybe it was the fact that the teacher was so magnificently beautiful and I was too gay to deal with it; perhaps it was the amount of girls thrown in one room, all giggling and chatting away like a group of best friends even though the majority had only just met. All I know is that I loved the athmosphere around me.
The ballet instructor, Miss Vazquez, was the sweetest woman I had every met, bless her soul. I was socially anxious, clumsy, and all-around awkward, but she didn’t let it stop her from patiently teaching me how to dance. I mean, to this day I have two left feet, but back then I had absolutely no body coordination. Still, each time I came remotely close to doing something right she would cheer and celebrate it like I was showing enough promise to become the next ballet legend. She taught me how to dance to the vibration of the music, since I’m deaf, and would always figure out new ways for me to improve. It came to the point where I convinced myself that I was in love with her, and that one day I would end up marrying her, when I was old enough.
I became obsessed with ballet. I practiced any time I could; if you’d met me back then, you would have seen me scrambling to finish my classwork or test before anyone else and begging my teachers at school to let me practice in the halls while the rest of the class finished. It was unhealthy, but I wanted to impress Miss Vazquez. She had so much faith in me, she was always reassuring me that I could be as good as any other ballerina if I dedicated myself to it. Miss Vazquez always noticed the improvements, would always praise my efforts. It was like a drug that left me dazed for the rest of the weekend.
Alas, it couldn’t last. The divorce of my parents were costing my mother a fortune, and she couldn’t afford to continue taking me to the ballet lessons. Not to mention that she needed to find someone to take care of my younger brother, who was a toddler at the time, and my grandmother was too sick to do it like she used to. So I stopped showing up.
I never got to say goodbye, and I never saw Miss Vazquez again. We never recovered financially, so I was never able to continue dancing. It was the first time I experienced heartbreak, but looking back, it was a beautiful kind of ache.
I'll some a few doodle my characters for genderbend.
"Nobody knows about this is a hidden family."
She cherished her secret cousin.
He can't stop thinking about her so much every day. And he said "no matter what, no matter how old we are." (Gap age)
Deaf in a Hearing World
It's hard enough to go from middle school to high school, even harder when you are going to a brand new school, but imagine doing all of that AND being deaf - the only deaf student in the school. That's what Jocelyn was going through when she entered 9th grade - alone in a big new school, without a friend, and feeling so out of place being a deaf person in a hearing world. Her cochlear implants ASL helped her to hear, just a bit, but they also looked strange to the other kids. She didn't know anyone, had no friends there, and nobody seemed to care about her, or noticed that she was all alone. In fact, because she was deaf, the other kids ignored her, or looked at her strangely and whispered to each other. This all made her feel even more alone, more different. She felt so isolated. Her deafness seemed to be holding her back and and stopped students from getting close to her in a way she should be just like any other kid. Then, one day in poetry class, a boy sitting in front of her passed her a note. She had never gotten a note before. He asked her is she wanted a friend. She could hardly believe it, hardly trust it - but there he was, asking, sincere. She said yes and, eventually, they became best friends! He spoke to her as if she wasn't deaf, and that made her so happy. He made her feel like she belonged. He treated her just like any other hearing person. And they did what any other friends would do, went to the Mall, to Starbucks, and the library to study and draw. He began to experience a day though a deaf person's eyes. Now they are always hanging out together. And he taught Jocelyn the true meaning of friendship, which was the greatest gift she had ever received. It changed her, brought her back to life, and for that, Jocelyn will always be thankful and grateful.
Her name is Sunflower Firelight.
Age: 13
Height: 5'7"
Country: New Zealand
Speak language: Maori and NZSL.
Special: half-plant (Lava), half-fire, half-monster
Disability: Deaf and hard of hearing
Personilty: Sweet, excited, happiness, Bliss, loving, coolest, calm, fearless and respectful.
Likes: Cookie, Fresh, plant friends, great-grandpa's storytelling, Loving the family support each other, hangout, reading, drawing and Poisonous (stranger).
Dislikes: enemy of some people who bullied me, bothering me, gossip, puppet and steak
Siblings: sister (6) and brother (5)
Parents: Hana (Mother) and N. Firelight (father)
Grandfather: Benaie A. Firelight
Great-grandparent: Pavie D. Firelight and Kulei Firemonster
Bio: Later
Being hard of hearing / deaf is so fucking awkward
I have -45 DB of hearing loss ish in each ear so like
I can hear shit
But also no i really cant