Coming Of Age - Blog Posts

Bloody Tears

It was a bit tricky, but I challenged myself to make a line less art drawing only using one color pallet. I guess this kind of reflects how I’ve been feeling as of late with my 18th birthday coming up this weekend, and I’m not ready to be an adult yet… I’m not ready for my childhood to be over…

So thinking about NaNoWriMo stuff, I think I know what I want to write.

I'm going to write a novel about a girl with a very silly name (Jane Dogfood) who starts a mess of a podcast where she interviews the people around her about their life experiences and discovers who she is as she explores how she does/doesn't relate to the people she interviews.

While it is a coming of age story, a lot of focus will be developing these characters and exploring their life experiences, possibly in a "story within a story" sort of way

Just found out that Judd Nelson was 26 filming The Breakfast Club, my life is OVER

Photos arrived🌼

My kimono 👘 is so good 🌼🎀☺️

Growing Up

You are three asking your mother when will you be four / You are four and full of life and cartwheels / You are five and love everything other than the unbearably flashy rhinestone dress / You are six and scrawny which also translates to being an easy target to bullies / You are six and you befriend the guy who locked you in the playground because he wanted to see a little girl cry but instead, you climbed over a wall three times higher than you / You laughed in his face as his friends ran away, scared of a little girl kicking their asses / Why am I always small? Why do I always have to be strong? / You are seven and great at skating / You are seven and you used the word upside-down when reading Tom Sawyer and you are so proud of yourself for knowing it / You are eight and love life / You are eight and you love life / You are eight and love life / You are eight and you love books and travel and that one time you walked out of the train station when dawn was just breaking / You saw the prettiest sky of your life; a sky so blue and so dark and so light that it stole the drowsiness right from your eyes / I know you still wake up early in hopes that the sky will one day walk down the memory lane with you / You are nine and you swear the house is so big you will get lost here / You imagine playing hide and seek for hours on end here; swear that you almost forgot where the rooms go / You are ten and the house is not so big anymore / It is full of life and things / You are always somewhere / There is a summer there I spent visiting the hospital / I don’t quite remember now / Hospitals sometimes start to feel like home now / Eleven is a happy blur: I love everyone and everyone loves me / Eleven is happiness: I knew everyone and everyone admired me / Twelve is blue and black; there were moments I lived through that I never knew I would miss / Thirteen is a lot of carrying friendships I don’t like / Fourteen is a lot of sighs of relief; of friendships left behind and the year of growing before everything goes to shit / Fifteen is a lot of fun and not remembering things that hurt us; things that haunt us / Fifteen is fun and shenanigans with newfound friends you like enough / Sixteen is hard work / Sixteen is a lot of fighting and sometimes fun / Sixteen is for the bitch face and cuts / Sixteen is a lot of wondering what you’ve become / Sixteen is fake friends and smiles which will ruin you / Sixteen is the year of silly crushes on boys who think the world revolves around them / Sixteen is a lot of “I am almost an adult” / Sixteen is for parties and the time your life was as perfect as those IT kids in the movies / Sixteen is a lot of cold air on your face and feeling this city become home / Seventeen is for survival / Seventeen is for keeping your head down / Seventeen is for breakdowns / Seventeen is the time you snap and take a stand / Seventeen is having your own back / Seventeen is very alone but that’s okay / Seventeen is a lot of cussing and spiraling / Seventeen is for the nightmares / Seventeen is for closures / Seventeen is survival / Seventeen is for the big fuck you which is never said / Seventeen is for winning / Seventeen is for winning / Seventeen is so many goddamn wins / Seventeen is a big fuck you that escapes as a smile / Eighteen is relief / Eighteen is the growing up that sneaks up on you / Eighteen is acceptance / Eighteen is so much happiness / Eighteen is how everything is okay and everything is home / Eighteen is the year of being childish and loving it / Eighteen is a lot of love and happiness / Eighteen is a goddamn dream / Eighteen is doing everything you love and telling it to its face / Eighteen is dreams come true / Eighteen is growing up and growing up and being okay with it / Eighteen leaves with patience / Eighteen is a lot of learning to stay / Eighteen is fading yet forever / I am always going to be eighteen in some parts /

Review: The Spectacular Now (2013)

Rating: 9.0 of 10

Sutter Keely (Miles Teller) was a party boy who met and fell in love with plain, average girl, Aimee Finicky (Shailene Woodley). The plot just writes itself, really, but it was what happens between them and how they happen that makes the movie shine above others. First and foremost, what makes this movie unique for me was the portrayal of high school that was devoid of the typical high school stereotypes. Cliques weren't in wars against other cliques, people actually treat others nicely, girls don’t get makeovers, the ex weren't an insufferable b*tch, and Sutter—one of the most popular kid in the school—could still be a joke. Basically, the kids were portrayed as human beings. The Spectacular Now has the courage to let story and characters be the drama the movie needs, instead of milking cheap stereotypes.

The Spectacular Now really is not teen movie (it's actually R-rated), rather it's a well-made drama that is incidentally set in the teenage years. While it has an assuring amount of sweet scenes, for me The Spectacular Now is mostly just a coming-of-age story instead of a full-on love story. The film was mostly told from the perspective of Sutter and how his life changed throughout his time with Aimee. We don't really see Aimee's life or her point of view (what's up with the drinking?), and for once I'm actually okay with that. Aimee is definitely not a one-dimensional character though—we certainly have a firm grasp of what her character really is about—we just don't get to see the details of her life and that's okay. This is Sutter's story, and that's enough.

The thing that propels this movie is definitely the rich, sweet chemistry between the actors. Miles Teller's Sutter exudes this good-natured charisma and relatability, with equal amounts of effervescence and anguish, and self-destruction, while Woodley's Aimee was pure, unconditional, and unrestricted—that was actually the bane of their relationship. Even the supporting characters were perfect, giving the right amounts of pathos to each of their characters: Brie Larson, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kyle Chandler, and Bob Odenkirk. They were all understated but memorable, especially Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Sutter's older sister with a mysterious tumultuous past with the family. The movie itself was pretty slow with relatively little drama, but layers and layers of characterization like that makes a worthwhile viewing experience.

TL;DR A teen-focused movie like no other, The Spectacular Now provides lovely, tender antidote to our otherwise cynical lives.

watching coming of age movies to reinstall my love for living

pretty much sums my life decisions 

The modern day coming of age story starts with renouncing the things you loved as a kid for being for babies and ends with you learning to love them again

“Shrinking in a corner, pressed into the wall; do they know I'm present, am I here at all? Is there a written rule book, that tells you how to be— all the right things to talk about— that everyone has but me? Slowly I am withering— a flowered deprived of sun; longing to belong to— somewhere or someone.”

― Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

I don't get it. If you don't like me, just say it instead of being passive-aggressive and rude only to me in front of all my friends. It's not only embarrassing for me but also for you.

It's true that you must leave behind the old to welcome the new. But make sure you bring into the future the best of you.

Rebirth means parting with fragility Relinquish in place of the unknown However tumultuous or composed Controlled sacifice for betterment

wpm

“You’re not tied up, here comes the train

the tracks feel safe because you know ‘em

And if you stay it’s going to hurt much worse

you’ll still be left behind…”

.

.

.

Funeral by Tele Novella

Social Suicide

My life is worthless to you, small and insignificant yet you try so hard to extinguish me. I come out as a furry in high school you say:

Social Suicide

My heart sinks. Have I thrown everything away? Is it my fault I'm a furry? My fault I'm an outcast? My fault I'm autistic? My fault im depressed...its so silly, spoken aloud. My problems, clouds. Soft and dreamy, just a little less sun and im weak and weary...

Social Suicide

They are your words, not mine. So worried of others that you've already died. Maybe you are the one who has killed oneself to fit in? I had no friends then, but when will you have a true friend when your already dead?

Social Suicide

You were just trying to warn me, however misguided...why cant we be carefree...why must we die to belong, to belong inside our own homes, found families, find our own roads? Why can't i let you go? Why cant i commit?

Social Suicide.

A Liar's Truth

author:

internetpistol (orphan_account)

summary: In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

The Becoming

Chapter 1

I’ve always lived in Marland. It’s just been me and my father until he married my stepmother, Ruby. He thought it would be good for me to have a stepmother. Maybe it would quell the aching need to know my true mother. I wish I could say that it did help, but it didn’t. I still wonder who my true mother is and why she left me. 

It’s around midnight, early Sunday, when I am woken up by a blinding pain in my abdomen. It’s like small fireworks pulsing through my body. As I sit up, there’s an unmistakable feeling. Did I wet the bed? I look down in the shadows and I can see the dark color of red coating a small spot on the bed, along with my thighs. 

I cover my mouth quickly. I need to tell Father. What would he think? Will he be disgusted by the blood? Maybe I should tell Ruby instead. Hopefully she’s still up, more than likely sitting in her chair and smoking a cigarette. 

Walking down the stairs quietly, I peer into the open door of my father’s room. There he is, fast asleep, a small glass of mostly empty whiskey on the bedside table as it usually does on late Saturday nights. 

I glance around the hallway wall and see my stepmother predictably sitting in her rocking chair, smoking a cigarette. 

“Bonnie?” 

“Yes, step mother?” 

“Come here a moment,” she says softly, beckoning me with a gentle hand. 

I step out of the dim corridor, and her watchful eyes notice the blood on my nightgown. She beckons me closer still, and takes my hand, still studying me. 

“Bonnie, you know what this means don’t you?” 

“My becoming party is soon?” 

“Yes Bonnie, your becoming party.”

Putting out her cigarette, Ruby stands and leads me to the bathroom by the parlor. More specifically, the bathroom farthest away from my sleeping father. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll teach you how to use a sanitary napkin,” Ruby says, starting the water for the bath. In the soft yellow light of the bathroom I can get a better look at Ruby’s youthful face.

I remember when she married my father, in the spring after her becoming party. She was inconsolable on the wedding day, her mother couldn’t stop the fearful tears. She was thirteen then.

“I know this must be scary. I was afraid when I got my first cycle too, but it’s not so bad. You’ll have your becoming party, and then you’ll be a woman.” 

“I don’t want to get married in the spring,” I say stubbornly. I just had my twelfth birthday, and by my thirteenth I’ll be married. 

“You’ll change your mind soon enough,” she responds, her voice sure and firm. “Make sure not to stay in the bath too long, you’re going to have a big day tomorrow. 

I knew Ruby was right about having a long day when I saw my father finishing off two fingers of whiskey on a Sunday morning. 

“Good morning Bonnie.”

“Good morning father,” I responded. Maybe he knows. Did Ruby already tell him? Is that why he’s drinking whiskey an hour before his sermon?

I smooth my hands over my church dress as I get a knowing look from Father. 

“I’ll announce your becoming party after the sermon. How does Saturday sound?” He asks as if I have a choice in the matter for when my becoming party is. 

“Isn’t Saturday a little soon?” 

“No,” he says with a sense of finality. 

I nod, knowing there’s nothing else to do but give in. 

The smell of the church is something I’ve become familiar with. It’s dusty and thick, and the stained glass of the windows sweep across the floor. The air is warm and humid outside, making the church seem to swell with the heat. 

Sometimes late at night I’ll dream that the church is alive. I can hear its deep rasping breaths from my bedroom window, and I can smell the sweat and tears seeping through the cracks of the bricks. “Set me free,” it begs.

As my Father’s sermon drones through my ears, I continue to think about my becoming party. Talking about a becoming party with married or betrothed girls is strictly forbidden. I have no clue what to expect. I can only think the worst. Human flesh as food, and being the center of attention flash through my mind when I hear my father mention my name.

“My beautiful Bonnie’s becoming party will be this Saturday. A becoming party is such an exciting moment in each girl’s life, and I know that Bonnie will be a great wife to one lucky man.” 

I feel shame start to rise up my neck as the church begins to clap. I can feel their eyes on me, and it makes the shame on my neck start to fester and ache as it creeps up to my cheeks and my ears. 

I stand up, and start to make my way out of the sanctuary, a woman stops me. I realize this isn’t just any woman, it’s my teacher from school, Ms. Evelyn. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks, resting her hand on my back. 

“I feel fine.” This isn’t a total lie. Although the pain is still radiating from my toes all the way to my head, I really do feel fine. It’s not like I’m constantly wondering when I need to change this sanitary napkin, and praying for the pain to go away. It’s not like I have my becoming party on Saturday where a bunch of men will try to impress my father for my hand. 

“Are you sure? I remember when I had my first visit from Aunt Flo, I was terrified,” Ms. Evelyn laughs, but I don’t. 

“What changed? Why weren’t you terrified anymore?” I try not to make my voice sound too eager. From the surprise flipping to a knowing look on Ms. Evelyn’s face I know I failed. 

“Well, I thought of my cycle as God telling me I was ready to be a woman.”

“What if God is wrong?” Maybe I said that too loud. Ms. Evelyn pauses a moment before leaning in close to me. 

“Bonnie, all will be well in time. There will always be a guiding hand for you.” 

I fight the urge to say something sharp, and I give a tight lipped smile. “Thank you Ms. Evelyn, I should get going now.” 

She gives a kind pat on my back, and sends me on my way. I look around to the group of churchgoers in the sanctuary, and the only person still sitting is Ruby. 

Sometimes I wonder if she came out with a full head of Ruby hair, and that’s why her name is Ruby. I can always spot her from a crowd, her confidence and command of respect can clear a room. 

I look on the other side of the room and see my father, still talking to the Deacon, and by what I can tell they’ll be talking for a while. 

I find my way to Ruby’s spot and sit down beside her. She’s got a blank look on her face, cold and detached, making her look older than she is. “Stepmother?” 

Ruby gives a noncommittal hum, and her eyes slowly drag to meet mine. “Yes, Bonnie?” 

“Can I borrow one of your dresses for my becoming party?” Although I am not excited at the prospect of a mysterious becoming party, the idea of wearing one of Ruby’s dresses is appealing to me. 

Ruby gives me a weak smile and rubs my arm. “Your father will buy your becoming dress, Bon Bon.” 

The nickname is not lost on me, it’s something she always tried to say when she felt I needed comforting. I rest my head on her shoulder and she wraps an arm around me. 

“I’m pregnant, Bonnie.”

priscilla the movie <3

That post about 30 year old coming of age stories?

I’ve been thinking about it all morning. What would the plot points be for that? What makes a 30 year old coming of age story?

Old folks sound off in the comments

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

Coming of Age

What I Wish I Knew When Walking Into Retail as an Adolescent

I started working at age 18 and had a lot of difficulty with social cues. If I could teach you anything, it would be that being in public is going to be awkward and that is okay. 

My first job was at a grocery store. I was so nervous entering my first shift that I remember my whole body shook with anxiety. 

It felt like the entire town was in my line for the sole purpose of watching and judging me. My very first customer was this petite old lady wearing a red bandana in her hair. 

Her words seemed to instantly soothe me, "Don't be so nervous; you are doing great!" I swear she could read my brain, and while this did not completely dissipate all fears, it was what I needed to hear at that moment.

Just as finding a comforting anchor is important, so too is the ability to have fun through social interactions. You will have so much more fun at your job if you can find ways to be friendly with potential customers.

Acting as a patron, I have had several grocery store checkout encounters that followed the tune of,

"Hi, how are you?"

"Oh I'm fine, and you?"

"Living the dream."

I cannot stress how boring and nuanced this exchange is. 

To step up your retail game, I would highly recommend trying one of two things; either learning to recognize returning customers or learning more about the products of your store.

One of the best moments I've had in retail was when I recognized a customer having to come back in again that same day for something they forgot to grab for a holiday dinner and was able to immediately point them to the right aisle. When you greet each person that enters the store, you have a great chance of improving someone's mood. It's amazing how a simple acknowledgment can make a customer feel more comfortable in your store.

Equally important is being able to talk about a true admiration for a product or manufacturer. You would be surprised how a couple of deep debates about which M&M's trial flavor Mars should choose to make a permanent product can make 8 hours fly by in a wink.

Having a genuine love of a product can foster enthusiasm not just for your customers, but for you as well. 

On the other hand, I have to advise you of one terrible social faux pas I once made. 

I once picked up a tall cylindrical container on a lone night shift and inquired to the customer, "I have not tried this sauce. Is it any good?"

It wasn't until I flipped the bottle over and read ‘Personal Lubricant’ on its label that I understood what I was scanning. My customer did not answer and I never saw her again, understandably.

Finally, this last point is the heaviest and details a specific example of sexual harassment. If this is a sensitive topic for you, I would love to encourage you to jump to the last paragraph.

I continuously struggle with recognizing the difference between flirting and being sexually harassed. The only guidance I can give you is to ask yourself if you are feeling comfortable in a similar situation. If you are not, try to find your voice and speak up. If the other party can't back down after you request they stop, this is textbook harassment (of any form.)

Without further ado, here is my experience. When I moved from my first job as a cashier, I became a sales associate at a tech store. 

I once dealt with a man who drives semi-trucks for a living. Anyone reading this who has been in retail or food service may know exactly where this is going already.

I can still recall his slicked-back greasy hair, backwards ball cap and terrible breath. The week leading up to this moment, I had decided to cut and brightly dye my hair. Immediately, my hairstyle seemed to attract sordid attention.

For over an hour, I remember explaining a product, setting it up and troubleshooting any issues that may come up. In between words, this driver made multiple crude remarks about his wild imagination involving me, him and my purple pixie cut. A friend that he had brought along with only encouraged him by laughing at each comment made. These varied from asking me on nasty dates to probing for my cell number.

I felt trapped by the long product setup and sales process as he made passes toward me. He thought that my eccentric hair meant that I was 'easy.' When I pointedly told him I had a boyfriend, he retorted with, "I know you would love to take a ride on my hairy bush." 

I felt so sick about this last comment and was grateful when the sale was finished. I had tried so hard to handle a 'tricky customer' and deescalate the situation. It was only after he and his friend left the store that a coworker came over and told me how she wanted to scream at him to get out and couldn't believe how he was treating me. We then told our boss about the situation.

That same day, the truck driver came back in for product help. I was working in the back of the store when my boss came and told me, "Hey, your boyfriend came back. He's waiting for you." I could have strangled him.

Years later, I still have so much anger over this situation. I am disappointed in myself for not having self-respect or even recognizing the vulgarity of that particular sale. I held a longstanding grudge against my employer for treating me like fodder. And I held a strong hatred for this truck driver (and I'm sure this translated to an extreme hesitance when interacting with all semi-truck drivers in the future.)

In the final analysis of these events, I would like to reassure you that even though the public school system can't socially prepare you, you won't drown if you can remember to find peace, make genuine connections, and respect yourself.

Please let me know if this was helpful and if you would like me to write about more of my retail experiences!

coming of age movies (because i'm 17)

Saturday 29th April 2023 - 12:17pm we're back at it again with another movie list! given the title of this post i should've posted it about two weeks ago but lifes gone down so i just haven't had the time. so without further ado... the way way back (comedy-drama, 2013) directed by Nat Faxon and Jim Rash - Duncan, with his mother, her boyfriend, and his daughter take a vacation at his potential step-dads beachhouse. Annoyed, he wanders off and meets Owen who offers him a job at Water Wizz and opens up his world. one of my favourite movies of all time, it's so so so underrated, it's one of those movies where it feels like a sneak peak into someone's life, it doesn't have that distinct movie separated-from-reality feeling to it. this movie introduced me to the phenomenal Sam Rockwell (who, by the way, is also my favourite actor ever!) and urged me to watch many movies he has appeared in. this film is close to my heart and out of all the ones on this list, i sincerely encourage you to watch The Way Way Back the most.

me, earl and the dying girl (comedy-drama, 2015) directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon - in which Greg Gaines, a socially awkward teenage boy, along with his "co-worker" Earl (who he makes short, parody films with) become friends with Rachel, a dying girl with cancer. Greg spends more and more time with Rachel and neglects school, all the while making a film just for her. despite being a little bit cliche, the film holds up rather well. although i wasn't the biggest fan of the original book (written by Jesse Andrews and of the same name). Greg is so relatable as a person, though his internal monologue isn't as true to the source material it still translates quite well from written word to film portrayal. *minor spoilers* if i had to pick a part, i love the ending of the movie where it shows Greg and Earls film, i love the scene as Rachel tells a silent story set in the walls of her room and her wishes for Greg. i think i could recite every word and direction of the script for that scene word for word the black phone (supernatural-horror, 2021) directed by Scott Derrickson - Set in the 1970s, 13 year old Finney Blake, a shy but clever boy is kidnapped by "The Grabber" a serial child abductor who keeps him held in the basement of his home, an almost completely empty room with the exception of an old black phone on the wall with it's wires cut. when Finney begins to lose hope of escape, the phone rings. when the first teaser came out for this movie back in 2020 i was so so so stoked for its release. this movie isn't gory or anything, but there is a fair bit of blood and violence involving children. it's not coming-of-age as you'd typically see it which i quite like. it gave me slight IT vibes and nostalgia from the IT era of 2017. I love how Finney develops through the story, that it's not completely ***MAJOR SPOILERS*** up to the ghosts to help him and that he does have to figure things out on his own, i like how he gives up and Robin is the last one there, i wish some more depth was added as to the background of The Grabber and the story of the phone. **END** however if you're going to watch The Black Phone, i heavily recommend NOT watching the main trailers as they essentially give the entire plot away.

i hope you liked this post! i might make this into a series as coming-of-age movies are my favourite genre that's all for now!

Amina

Unbreakable

I wanted to do this one earlier, but given the trilogy has it’s final release today, I postponed

I love this movie. Another film that I can rewatch just after finishing it’s very, very high on my list. I even bought it as a download from iTunes to my iPod Classic–that’s an extremely old sentence (JM). I think one of the things that made this story unique was that it wasn’t a teenager having a coming-of-age superhero, complex story, it was an adult. An adult with a kid, problems at home and an entire life he really had to figure out along with the great story we are figuring out with him, how and to what level of a superhero he should be. Usually, our superheroes are more established when we meet them, in this case, we really went on the discovery journey with them as we can clearly see when David stands in the crowd and tries to figure out exactly who and how he will be a hero. 

The clincher, of course, is at the end (which if you haven’t seen is already spoiled by the rest of the trilogies release) when we discover that Mr. Glass wasn’t just interested in finding someone who was a superhero, but felt it was so important—that he create the disasters to expose him. He created his superhero, and was this a line worth crossing—he believes so, when did he realize he was the villain? At least he agrees that he is one--definitely, some time has passed, but why then, had he become that obsessed, more needs to be divulged here. 

The Harry Potter film series

Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter

Of course the Harry Potter films are a big deal to me, how could they not be. To get into each one could be a bit much—so I’ll just go with the highlights. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, ha, it wasn’t until just after the troll was knocked out that I stopped yelling at the screen (yes, in the movie theatre) that it had it wrong—how we didn’t get kicked out I have no idea. This is also funny because the first three films, and especially the first two, are the ones that were able to most closely represent the books before too much started happening where a good portion had to be cut.

The fourth and fifth films, the fourth being highly regarded as the WORST of the franchise, had some major issues. For starters, they cut out the most both time wise and important detail wise. The fact that Harry Potter was able to start such a feminist revolution without Hermione’s organizations of SPEW represented in the films shows just how otherwise kickass these stories were. I hope if they could go back they’d split or extend the 4th film—focusing less on the ‘action!’ of the tasks and more of the changes starting to occur as they were realizing something was going on, but not yet what. While the fourth film was the worst in the franchise by far, no one can ever rightfully deny that the scene of Harry’s return with Cedric’s body truly captured the turning point of the series, while Harry has known death and loss for a long time this year and this moment is when he really begins becoming a man and stepping up to the challenges bestowed upon him.

The 7th year of Harry Potters’ education, or what was supposed to be, split between the 7th and 8th films was done pretty well. The last two films sort of encompass all the series had to offer; drama between Ron and Hermione, the friendship between Harry and Hermione and Ron and Harry separately, the trip to Gringotts brought me back to their more youthful adventures then there are the adult aspects of Neville’s and Draco’s development and the finale of Harry and Voldemort standoff with some beloved life lost that blanketed the series.

being 19 is the strangest thing because it sounds so much more grown up than 18, and i was so excited to turn 19 for that reason, but now that i’m 19 i’m realizing that it’s my last year of being a teenager, and then my 20s start, and i just want a few more years of being a kid