Bittersweet Ending - Blog Posts

'' SEND ME NO FLOWERS ,,

|| pairings: bucky barnes x gn!reader

|| warnings: fluff-ish? , really bittersweet , 1940s bucky

|| word count: 1k words

"No, please? Stay the night?"

You gave the best puppy dog eyes you could as you looked up to your partner. Your everything. Your Bucky. He was enlisted and getting sent out first thing in the morning. The two of you had gone steady a few months ago, but you'd known him for years before that.

"Dolll, I-" Bucky snorted and held you close to his chest, his forehead resting against yours before he pressed a small kiss to the tip of your nose. His lips gentle, and his touch was like clouds. "How can I say no t'you?"

A small chuckle left your lips as you ushered him into your home. You agreed that, after the war the two of you would get married. Move in together.. Ah, well, you don't wanna dwell on that right now. You're going to focus on the man right in front of you and that's all.

"You can't say no t'me!" You hugged his waist before pushing him down to the couch. With gentle touch, you grabbed his coat and threw it to the side. He's complained before about how it was tight and hot in it. "And I thank God for it everyday"

"You're so bad, hun"

"You love it"

In a graceful movement, you sat nicely on his lap. Your hands cupping his face as you looked over his face. Trying to remember every wrinkle, every hair, every bump and crevice. You weren't going to see him for months..

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" The man in front of you asked with a worried smile. His hands were placed on your waist, making sure you weren't going to fall or move or anything of the sort. "Why're acting like 'n eager beaver?"

".. You promise you'll be back, right?"

A beat of silence spread between the two of you. James Buchanan Barnes left wordless for a moment. His shoulders tensed, no one would notice. No one but you. He licked his top lip before he captured your lips on his.

"I promise." He whispered against you. "I'll be back quicker than y'can say my name"

You ran a hand through his hair, it was so soft under your touch. You're going to miss moments like this. The sweet man you met gradeschool. You remembered when he was a lanky 12 year old boy, all confident at being 'the fastest kid in the whole school.' Honestly, when you were kids you didn't like him. He was a popular kid in school, everyone loved him

Except you. Which was strange for Bucky. So, of course, he made the great decision to talk to you in the library. You were reading The Great Gatsby.. Which was a heavy book for a 12 year old to read. But that just made Bucky even more enraptured with you.

Ever since then, he'd been glued to your side. After that, you, Bucky, and Steve had become a close knit trio. Everyone knew wherever you went, Bucky and Steve were close behind.

It was only inevitable that you'd fall for one of them.

Ah, well. That's enough reminiscing.. The front lines were the one place you wouldn't be able to follow Bucky to. You weren't enlisted, nor did you want to join the army. Much too violent for you. You wanted to open a bookshop for crying out loud!

"You'll stay safe though, okay, James?"

"Oh no, y'called me James, am I in trouble?" He had his signature smirk on his lips, trying to lighten the mood. It was a, uh, a failed attempt.

"Promise me."

His gaze softened as he kept his eyes locked on yours, his thumbs rubbing small circles on your back. Something he learned to soothe you one day after you had a low grade on a math test.

"I promise, doll."

A small sigh left your lips before you kissed his forehead softly. "I'll send you flowers, 'kay?"

"No."

You huffed and leaned away, your brows furrowed at his quick answer. A small frown on your face. "Why? Embarrassed of me?"

"Not one bit, doll, don't even joke like that," His grip on your waist tightened before he pulled you closer. "I don't want'cha to send me flowers, 'cause I want'cha to save that for our garden."

A small, confused chuckle left your lips. "Garden?"

"When we live together after the war," He whispered and kissed your lips, a quick soft one. "We'll have a big garden, somethin' we can take care of together."

"Buck-"

"We'd have the best front yard in the whole neighborhood," His eyes bore into yours. His blue eyes locked on yours as he looked at you.. Only love and admiration. Unlike his usual teasing nature, he looked at you as if you're the only person in the world. As if he wasn't leaving the next day. In fact, he looked at you as if you'd spend your whole life together..

That was his plan, at least.

"So no flowers, got it, sweetheart?"

You rolled your eyes and leaned forward, your forehead resting against his. "I got it."

"Doll?"

"What is it, Bucky?"

"I love you."

Your heart skipped a beat before a giggle escaped your lips. Your arms wrapped around his neck tightly as you placed scattered kisses around his face. You've said you "i love you's" before. But the magic hasn't weared off, not for you at least. Not ever.

"I love you too, James Buchanan Barnes. I love you more then you'll know."

The two of you sat there in a comfortable silence for a while. Quiet conversations between you two before Bucky carried you to your room. Where the both of you cuddled all night and whispered sweet nothings to each other.

You kept him close, stealing away any and all his warmth in the dark of the night.

Sadly, the morning came by, and your Bucky was swept away. Of course, he spared you a kiss before he had to go, promising he'd be back before you could say his name.

If only that promise was kept.

I LOVE 1940S BUCKY. I WANT A WHOLE AHH SERIES ABT 1940S BUCKY BARNES. :(((

Catching his eyes

Denji angst time!!!

The soft light filters in through the nearby window, casting pillars of light onto his soft blonde hair. His expression is surprisingly tranquil as he sleeps, his eyes closed and his mouth hanging open lightly. Although this reveals razor sharp teeth, it seems unthreatening in this morning light. Seeing Denji this peaceful almost makes it worth it. Almost. 

When he came to you in the middle of the night to lament to you about his suffering, you found it almost impossible to turn him away. As always, you would be his comfort when he had nowhere else to turn. You wanted to help him, after all, you knew how hard he always had it. He had once told you that you were similar to his old dog, whom he could share his dreams with. That you would always listen to him. That’s what you wanted to be for him. But it was so damn hard. Afterall, these dreams of his always starred a girl he could never quite get, and one you could never quite be. 

Makima. 

“Makima.” 

As you said it quietly to yourself, even the name felt wrong on your tongue. It felt like poison, a slow working but fatal poison. Perhaps that is what it was to your relationship with the confused boy in front of you. As he slept on your couch, you could almost imagine that her name would never cross his lips again. But of course, you doubted when he actually rose for the morning that it would take more than five minutes for her name to be brought up by the excited boy. Sometimes you wondered if it was actually love in his heart for the red haired woman, or he simply didn’t know how to express his true feelings. Despite all the time he had spent pouring out his heart to you, you still weren’t quite sure.

When had this happened to you? When had you allowed yourself to fall into this confusing chaotic relationship that would never be a relationship? Afterall, Denji was unaware of your feelings. Even if he knew, he was eager for romance so he might accept even with no feelings of reciprocation. The flame in his heart would always burn bright for the girl with the golden eyes. Before Denji, you had never seen Makima in this way. In your brief interactions with her, she had always seemed untouchable, but not unkind. She seemed to still care for her job and the people around her. Yet now, Denji had put a filter over your eyes. Sometimes you could see what he saw, you could see why she was so perfect. Still untouchable, but now she was worthy of adoration, worthy of worship. It was true, you could see why Denji had easily fallen for her. And yet the pain in your heart whenever she came into your gaze remained. 

Perhaps it wasn’t just seeing her. It was seeing him. His expression. His adoration. He was usually so loud, so obnoxious, so uncaring about others’ opinions. Yet around her, he grew silent. Respectful. This was a phenomenon you had never seen Denji experience with anyone else. 

Its not that you wanted that with him. You didn’t want Denji’s worship. Even asking for his love felt too much. Perhaps you just wanted his consideration. Just wanted to be in the running for his affection. 

Sometimes you could imagine it was there. When he came to you late at night, and you would offer him tea made with way too much sugar (just the way he likes it), a piece of toast with his favorite jam, and a patient ear; you could just barely see it. Just hardly there, glimmering below the surface, you could see something. Some emotion in his eyes. You didn’t quite know what it was. You didn’t want to give yourself false hope, but just like him, you liked to dream. 

Afterall, there had to be a reason he came to you. There had to be. Something inside of you refused to accept his reason of “Power would make fun of me” or “No way I’m talking to Topknot, he’s my rival!”. You never considered yourself an egotistical person, but you had to be special. Denji wouldn’t have chosen you otherwise. You were his confidant, a role you took with honor. You would always be there you this strange boy who had wormed his way into your heart. 

Beep! Beep! Beep!

The sound of an alarm startled you from your thoughts, even startling Denji awake as well. As you walked over to click it off, you heard him groan lightly. 

“Ugh, thanks for setting an alarm for me. Aki would be on my ass if I was late again”. 

There it was again. You didn’t think you’d heard him say “thank you” to anyone else but you. And of course, Makima. But that had to mean something, didn’t it? 

“No problem. Do you want some breakfast before you head out?”

 Your eyes dragged over his tired frame. He was still dressed in his public safety uniform, although much more disheveled now. His tie was undone, his shirt was half unbuttoned, and everything he was wearing was wrinkly. If you had more time, you would offer to fix his clothes for him, even going as far as to get out your rarely used iron, sitting forgotten in your closet. However, you knew he was under a time crunch, so his heavily creased clothes would have to do. His eyes, though they looked tired, lit up slightly at the prospect of food. A fleeting thought crossed your mind about how you wished he would look at you like that. How pathetic you are. 

“Hell yeah! But it’ll have to be pretty quick or I won’t have time to get back to Aki’s before work.” He grinned as he spoke though, clearly more excited about breakfast than worried about what Aki would do to him if he was tardy. You turned your back to him, rummaging through your cabinets to find the baked goods you had procured yesterday. Although giving them to Denji would require you to go out again for food sooner than you expected, it would be worth it. Despite the fact he would probably never reciprocate your emotions, you would still always yearn to keep him happy and healthy. You would remain on the sidelines for him, if it meant you could see his delighted smile become a constant. 

As you turned back to him, that very smile was on his face, his eyes aglow with happiness. Even if it wasn’t for you, you’d take it. You knew Denji would continue to come as long as you’d let him, seeking someone to listen to and in turn help him understand his complicated emotions. And you intended to always be there when he looked. You just wished he was looking at you for a different reason. And some part of you, would always wish to be the girl with the red hair and golden eyes.