Are The Straights Okay - Blog Posts
Their plan is to make up Woke reasons to fire all of us incompetent straight White guys who've skated by on privilege all our lives, and then they're gonna round us all up and imprison us in FEMA camps, while black helicopters circle around overhead, scanning our DNA with their special radars, so the Grey aliens can make perfect clones of us with the machines hidden in the bunkers underneath Denver International Airport, except the clones will all be Trans and brainwashed to do whatever the Female-Liberal-Gay Alliance tells them to do. And that's how Freedom will die.
It's hard to study contemporary American cryptids, because they don't have unique names. Instead of fanciful names like "Jersey Devil" or "Sasquatch," most new cryptids don't have distinct names, people just use common words like "woman" or "criminal," even when they're referring to imaginary, non-human beings with supernatural powers.
In near-future speculative fiction story, highly politicized faction refuses to use pronouns completely. Including indefinite pronouns. Including first-person pronouns.
Can conceivably be pro- or anti- inclusivity ideology, small group or large group.
Faction's speech is weird and stilted, although similar to English "brevity wording" found on signs and instruction manuals. Surprisingly easy to understand, considering complete restructuring of speech pattern and grammar.
Same group does not use contractions, but unrelated. Abandonment of contractions pure affectation driven by pomposity.
Blog post is self-demonstrating.
My cishet straight man roommate: “I’m a *philosopher*. I have absurdly high standards for all art. I’m a manic pixie poet photographer who listens to Death Grips religiously. I don’t even watch video essays without critiquing them like Scorsese. Genre fiction isn’t art, only high art is art. Sabrina Carpenter isn’t a real artist, BTW; not like the Beatles.”
Also my roommate: “Haliey Welch is legitimately a postmodern performance artist.”
Me:
ARE straight people okay though? I’m in a het relationship right now, both of us having dated all along the gender spectrum, and people always seem surprised how much we communicate.
I’ve been questioning my sexuality lately as I’m pretty sure I’m a romantic. I sat down with him and we had a long conversation about how this affects us and deciding to stick through because we’re both content, but we both have an understanding that things change.
The weirdest thing? The most unbelieving reactions come from parents and other older friends.
Like, y’all okay? Have you talked to your partner recently?
Anyway, sorry to vent like this, I’m just really content with my life right now and want to spread it during this month of love and acceptance.
Married straight couples are the only heterophobes I know.
"My wife is gonna kill me if I do that!"
"Gotta go home to the ol' ball and chain."
And on today's episode of are the straights okay, we have..
Why do straight people get married at the point