A Levels - Blog Posts

2/1/19

I love the library! Plus I’m spending time with my good friend and am just round the corner from town so... did someone say shopping? x

First study session of 2019!

Would love a cup of tea right about now :)

Happy New Year!

Hi guys! I’m so happy I’m bringing you all along into 2019 with me!

This post is mainly to sum up what I feel I have achieved in 2018, because I think it’s so important to take a minute and appreciate how far you’ve come towards meeting your goals. I’m also going to chat about 2019, just because. But before I do, I want to wish you all the best for this year. Work hard but look after yourself - you owe it to yourself to be healthy :)

So this time last year I was officially diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder. I did not leave the house at weekends or in the holidays. I avoided all contact with people. I was miserable and apathetic 24/7 and I just wanted to sleep or cry. I was too anxious to even go into a shop alone, let alone even think about applying to universities or plan trips abroad without an older member of the family. In fact, had I not been terrified of leaving the house alone, I would not be here to see 2019.

However, a very very good teacher of mine was my shoulder to cry on, and she encouraged me to finally get a GP’s help after years of struggling alone in denial. 2018 was my year of recovery.

I still have depressive episodes. I am still anxious. But on the whole, I am human again and I am okay. Fragile still, but able to see the good in situations and not panic when I can’t. The chains that restrained my ankles are free, so I can put my best foot forward at long last.

As part of my recovery, I put myself out there. I visited universities from Birmingham to London, and I stayed with a host family for a week in Nantes. I was fortunate enough to be given a place on the Sutton Trust Summer School at Cambridge, where I met so many amazing people. I got closer to people I’ve known for years, too, because I know the time I have to see them every day is limited and fast running out. Although difficult at first because I do not respond well to change and time pressure, I know that this is the life I want.

This year is going to be my most tumultuous and scary yet. In 2 weeks, I fly to Berlin with my best friend, just me and her for my birthday. I am responsible for the budget (oh Lord) and looking after us. On said birthday, I will find out whether Cambridge accepted or rejected me. In the summer, I will sit my A Levels and find out if I achieved my goal - and I will leave the school I love so dearly forever. In the autumn, I will be settling into a new city as a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed fresher at whichever uni I choose, ready to embark on my chemistry degree. And I will have to leave behind so many people, which kills me inside.

But I know that the people who are supposed to stay in my life absolutely will. And alongside all the nerves and the sadness, I am optimistic that I will meet so many amazing humans at uni and beyond. I have been waiting for the chance to spread my wings and become a strong, independent woman for myself, and this year is when I’ll get to do it.

There is only one thing I do know for certain: my life at the end of this year will look incredibly different to how it is now.

Bring it on!

11 Question Tag

Rules:

Answer 11 questions

Nominate 11 other bloggers by tagging them

Ask those bloggers 11 questions

Thank you to @marie-curie for nominating me! Right then, let’s get started! Oh, and Happy New Year’s Eve haha

1. How many books have you read in 2018?

29. I kept a diary of what I read. It’s a pathetic total but it’s more than I’ve read in a year before AND I’ve been super busy so I’m quite proud of that :)

2. What is your favourite book character?

Werner Pfennig from All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. He’s such a bright spark. I freaking love this book. It’s like the only fiction book I’ve read in English in two years!

3. Current favourite TV show?

I don’t watch TV as a rule but actually I’m quite into Grey’s Anatomy and Doctor Who.

4. Have you made any New Year’s resolutions?

To read more *English-language* fiction! And also to start learning to code. I’ve wanted to for a while

5. What are your favourite songs from 2018?

Brace yourselves, this answer is quite long. My most recent has to be Scared of the Dark from the new Spider-Man soundtrack (yes. Yes I did go there haha). But then we have:

High Hopes by P!ATD

On Fire by Loïc Nottet (please give him some love omg his voice!)

Almost all of Maître Gims 2018 album Ceinture noire. La Même is THE best thing on it though.

Max Giesinger’s album Die Reise. All of it.

Hier mit dir by Wincent Weiss

6) Last book that you basically inhaled/ read in one go?

I am literally incapable of reading anything in one go or quickly. It takes me days to get through a couple of pages nowadays haha but I guess the fastest I’ve read was L’invitée. And we all know how long I was reading that xD

7. Do you listen to music while reading?

No. I have got to have absolute silence or I can’t focus on the words haha

8. Favourite OTP?

I don’t have one :)

9. Countries you want to visit

Oh my God there are so many! But I guess my top 8 would be (in alphabetical order):

Australia

Austria

Belgium

Canada

The Czech Republic

Luxembourg

New Zealand

Norway

10. What is the coolest fantastic creature and why?

The hippogriff! I love eagles and I love horses and the hippogriff is a very handsome, very powerful mix of both.

11. Fond memory from 2018?

I have had a blast this year, and I am a completely different person now to how I started the year. I’ve grown up a lot from having to travel solo and made some fantastic friends. I’ve really gone out and made memories for the first time in my life. I reckon among the highlights are my time at the summer school at Cambridge University and going to London with just my friend from school. We were sat in Five Guys not having a care in the world. And we went shopping and I let my friend dress me haha

I can’t neglect my best friends of course - the sleepover I had with them a couple of months back was so much fun!

And I guess all the times I have laughed. Including my friend’s birthday, where I tried VR for the first time.

So those were my 11 questions. I hope I haven’t bored you too much. I’m now going to nominate:

@myhighschoolstudies @anatomyandcappuccini @cyclicstudies @etudaire @freckledstudy @psychologyhermione @pianoandstudy @nic-biostudies @a-study-in-letters @helianthusstudy @patriotstudies

Sorry if you’ve already done this! You guys are going to answer the following:

What was your favourite film this year?

What are you looking forward to in 2019?

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

You are given the chance to master anything you wish in 2019. (This could be a language, a school subject or a hobby like ballet or playing an instrument, or literally anything you like.) What do you pick?

If you could change one thing about 2018, what would it be?

What were you most proud about in 2018?

Have you made any New Year’s resolutions?

You can take three books and three songs from this year into next year. Which do you choose?

What is your favourite memory of this year?

Which countries would you like to visit?

Not all of 2018 has been bad news. What happened that made you smile?

19/12/18 - 100/100 days of productivity!

As if I saved this as a draft instead of putting it into my queue 😑

Thank you so much for your continued support during my absence. It’s been a while but it is the holidays so I’m going to wait until next week to try my next run of 100 days, because that’s when I go back to sixth form.

So this was a while back, when I had just finished mocks. I find out how I did on the 10th January.

Integration at A2 is disgusting. Integration by substitution and especially integration by parts are just stupidly hard for my brain to understand for some reason haha

I feel... fulfilled. Somehow. Like I managed to achieve something meaningful that pushed me forwards in my goal of ultimately getting 5A*’s, because I’m normally a terrible procrastinator when I’m bored. Who knows, I may or may not get those grades but I will be proud of whatever I get because I put my best foot forward.

See you guys soon! I will be posting in the meantime (I promise) as I revise and get my brain back into the swing of things, so I’m going to be busy!

13-18/12/18 - 94-99/100 days of productivity

Mocks are finally over and I think they went okay. So now I get to chill out and read!

This term is always hectic but it’s nice to find time for myself :)

🎧 Loïc Nottet - On Fire 🎧

9-12/12/18 - 90-93/100 days of productivity

It is Wednesday, my dudes!

I am right in the middle of mocks right now and I have biology and chemistry tomorrow. I am revising the heart because I’ve not done it in a while! (I also quite enjoy drawing it - can you tell?)

How has your week been so far?

3-8/12/18 - 84-89/100 days of productivity

Omg life is so hectic right now - sorry for no posts for ages! So I have had my Cambridge interviews (I think they went... ok?) and am now revising for mocks beginning on Monday morning with German!

I’m at my friend’s house doing some Quizlets of new vocab :)

2/12/18 - 83/100 days of productivity

Whiteboard time! I’m just preparing for my Cambridge interview by reviewing a mechanism I namedropped in my personal statement in the first pic, and then later on I was bored so I decided to see how long it would take me to learn and remember the Krebs Cycle. (Not as long as it looks like it should take!)

I totally should be revising things I need to regurgitate for mocks next week, but that’s boring. You know what’s not boring? Learning how a process that’s fundamental to life works!

27/11/18 - 1/12/18 - 78-82 days of productivity

Hi all! So November just decided to defy the laws of time by not existing haha

Time to get festive!

But first I have my Cambridge interviews on Tuesday 4/12/18 and then the week after I have mocks. So lots of revision up ahead, on which I have already made a start over this week as you can see.

Sorry for my absence this week - been busy having a breakdown over how incompetent my school is at organising things. However, I’m okay now!

Absolutely! I don’t have a MacBook - I have a seven-year-old, slow and slightly broken HP laptop that has served loyally as a faithful study companion. I have mildliners, yes - but not because everyone else has them. I have them because I actually like them!

I take the time to write up my notes neatly because they go into a folder that is inspected by my teachers - we get told off if we put scruffy work in. But I make them more aesthetic as a way of assimilating information and having a productive way to chill out.

The whole point of having a studyblr for me was to keep on track for my personal targets. If those targets were straight Cs instead of straight A*s it wouldn’t be any less valid.

I don’t have muji pens or the finest notebooks - I save up and buy some of my favourite Pentel Energel pens whenever I can because they are actually fairly expensive as pens go and I sure as hell wouldn’t buy them at all just because everyone else is raving about them. Otherwise, it’s a cheap notebook for me all the way - because guess what? The paper you use doesn’t impact the quality of your notes.

You do what’s right for you, studyblrs of the world.

Your aesthetic does not invalidate the quality of your account.

call for change: studyblrs

I have had this blog for about a year now, and I’ve come to realise the unattainable perfection of studyblrs. I created this account to motivate and educate myself and I feel as though these ‘perfect study notes’ hold unrealistic expectations. This is why I have decided to post things that are more realistic, educational and have a positive impact on the community. Please reblog this to spread the message: You do not need perfect notes, every stationary item, a macbook, top grades or an aesthetic study space to be a studyblr. All you need to do is do the best you can.

25/11/18 - 77 days of productivity

This is why I love chemistry. It’s messy yet highly predictable, and all molecules are intrinsically related to one another - even if it’s hard to get from one to the other in a single step.

I mentioned nucleophilic acyl substitution on my personal statement, and I’m just reminding myself of it - just in case Cambridge decide to grill me on it. In fact, as much as I HATE my personal statement, I’m going through it all. But my grey mildliner is healing my heart :)

21-24/11/2018 - 73-76 days of productivity

Hi guys! So today I was at the library all morning having a biology brain dump/crisis because we have literally just been told we have mocks in a couple of weeks. My Cambridge interview is the week before.

So yeah, I’m a little stressed right now. Which is why I am writing a formal petition to put the mocks back - none of our teachers knew about them and we are all basically screwed. I’m going to see how many signatures I can get and do this democratically.

However, I do have an incentive to work hard:

I have an unconditional offer from my favourite uni (behind Cambridge)!

If I don’t get into Cambridge, I’ll definitely be accepting the offer from the University of Birmingham to read Chemistry with German. Of course, if it becomes my insurance choice, it will become conditional - but it’s okay, because the only way it’ll be second best is to Cambridge.

My acceptance letter came with a handwritten note from the admissions tutor congratulating me on my knowledge of everything that came up at interview, which instantly made me smile.

So I’m stressed, but I got this!

We all forget things.

So today I was meant to give a presentation in front of my chemistry class, but I completely forgot and didn’t prepare anything. I was mortified when my name was called and I told her, “But I can’t - I’ve literally not prepared for this at all!” The room went silent and I felt so awful in that moment.

My chemistry teacher said, “I will see you outside.” And I thought I would get a bollocking. As soon as I got outside, I broke down crying, annoyed at myself because I never do things like that. I wanted to show her how on it I am and how well I can rise to challenges like public speaking, but instead I failed to follow a simple instruction and humiliated myself in front of the class.

So I went outside, ready to go on the defensive about why I should not be made to present. My teacher gave me the biggest hug and told me that I am only human - which is why she would let me do my presentation next week and just in front of her. She reminded me not to be so cruel and hard on myself, because I do that. I beat myself up over little things.

She told me that I have so much on my plate right now with university stuff as well as upcoming mocks that I should allow myself to be forgetful once in a while.

She told me that she is usually the most organised person ever but she forgets to bring stuff to the right lessons all the time.

She told me she doesn’t hate me, isn’t disappointed in me and all she wants is for me to stop stressing. And then she told me to go to the toilets and wash my face while she told the rest of the class not to talk about it.

My point is, it’s okay to skip a beat and forget something. It’s okay to admit you are only human.

And I am blessed to have a teacher who genuinely cares. How many people can say the same nowadays?

20/11/18 - 72 days of productivity

I got an interview from Cambridge!

Oh my goodness I’m so excited that I get a second chance to show them I’m up for this. I was whinging this morning that I just wanted to find out and then opened my inbox to find the email I’ve been waiting for :)

So what you see above is the product of a newfound energy and zest for life. I’m writing up some biology notes in advance and also got to play with some logarithmic graph paper (OMG that stuff is so cool!) and did some (heavily tippexed) maths. They were just the examples haha I suck at copying things down

Happy Tuesday folks, I hope today has treated you as well as it has treated me!

18-19/11/2018 - 70-71 days of productivity

I’m having an awful mental health day. I don’t know if I’m worried about something or not... that is the beauty of depression. It’s been at bay for a while but I’m afraid it’s going to come back and I hate feeling like this :(

I just want a hug.

And to hear back from Cambridge. Anything. I don’t care if I get rejected, I just want to know.

Other than that, this morning was ok, and I got a fair amount done. It was my Maths morning today so I did a bunch of integration. Fun times!

17/11/18 - 69 days of productivity

Thank you for >1000 followers! Ahhhh!

Hi all! So middle insomnia kicked in again and I woke up very promptly at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep :(

As such it was very difficult to concentrate BUT my newest book (Frauen in der DDR - Anna Kaminsky) is very interesting and I’ve arranged to visit the library with @natrevisin next Saturday to crack on with my IRP.

I introduced a friend to Duolingo and she was so happy she could start learning German again! My XP then went from 5000 to 13,220, so that should tell you what I’ve been up to all day haha

Anyway, pictured above are my chemistry notes for the topic we have got round to studying. I actually made these months ago, but they are relevant right now.

Happy weekend!

15-16/11/18 - 67-68/100 days of productivity

What a week! I’m exhausted!

I’ve been mainly reading today, because I wanted to be productive but didn’t really have all that much to do - for once! I am going to have a day of maths on Sunday to make up for missing my mentoring session this week, but I’m still going to take it easy.

But right now I’m researching for my IRP in German, ft. the new book I ordered which got delivered today. So far, so very interesting! I can’t wait to reach a conclusion :)

Happy Friday, guys!

13-14/11/18 - 65-66/100 days of productivity

14th - well today has been long. I had an applicant visit day to the uni of Birmingham, which was so much fun - until it came to getting home. I was supposed to be on a quarter past four train to be home for half seven. It is now ten to seven and I am waiting another 30 minutes for the final leg of my journey home to start after standing for 2 hours on a packed and very late train. I should arrive at my finial station at nine.

It’s not the staff’s fault necessarily, but we were turned away by a staff member when our train was actually boarding, so we missed it.

HOWEVER I did get to make good progress with Selam Berlin! And I got to play with sodium alginate and calcium chloride, and experience a lecture on why transition metal compounds are coloured.

I did my German catch-up work on the train to Birmingham, too. Now to make some important emails!

8-12/11/18 - 60-64/100 days of productivity

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for >800 followers! Sorry I haven’t posted recently. I’ve been so busy doing preliminary research for my IRP in German.

My theme is women’s lives in the GDR and there’s so much to say about it! So this morning and last night I was making notes on two of my sources - one of which was a very interesting 2005 paper which put everything into one place for me with lots of interesting stats I can use in my presentation.

Speaking of presentations, I’ve got to stand up in front of the class on Friday and talk about enthalpy, so I’ve just finished my snazzy PowerPoint on that.

Today I’ve also been revising stats and making sure I have actually understood the material.

I’m just waiting on my two new books to use as German sources.

Tonight, I’m going to read Selam Berlin (I put it down and now have got round to picking it back up again!) and do some analysis on Der Vorleser. I aim to complete 5 chapters as they are quite short. I’ll also do any homework I’m set today.

Have a great day!

The life of a bookworm...

Me: OMG YOU HAVE TOO MANY BOOKS! READ THE ONES YOU’VE GOT BEFORE BUYING MORE!

Also me: *sees a book on Amazon* Oooooh that looks interesting... let’s take a cheeky peek... oh, shit. I put it in my basket. Oh, double shit. I accidentally paid for it. With next day delivery. Well, it’s mine now!

6-7/11/18 - 58-59 days of productivity

I’m so so happy I’ve finished this topic because a lot of it is just common sense. However, lessons are a laugh, as always :)

Analysing Der Vorleser in German is really amazing and I have my first essay to write on it this week! I really want to smash it out the park.

Maths is going well - I’ve used all this time I have to take it a bit easy these past two days because I felt like I was neglecting French.

Chemistry work is all done! AND I was in bed for 9:45pm, too :)

Plus - there’s supposed to be a biology test next week and I’m going to miss it for a visit day to Birmingham, which might just mess my schedule up but I’m excited for the visit nonetheless.

Have a great rest-of-week guys!

6/11/18 - 57 days of productivity

So my chemistry teacher just gave me a whole chapter of questions to do for Thursday. So my life will just have to wait until the weekend haha 🙃

Anyway, one set is done. I’ve had German with my favourite teachers today and also French with another amazing teacher. I missed biology because it was extended form time for SMSC today, and there was a guest speaker (I actually hid in the toilets for an hour and binged examsolutions maths tutorials because I knew I’d get into trouble). I hate SMSC so much 😑

Overall though, it’s been a good day. Apart from Chemistry, when I felt myself boiling over for no reason whatsoever. But we have this French teacher who’s visiting and she actually thought I was French, which is compliment of the CENTURY!

Happy Tuesday, peeps!

Also, Imagine Dragons’ new song “Bad Liar” is INCREDIBLE and I thoroughly recommend you give it a listen. Best part of today, honestly.

4-5/11/18 - 55-56/100 days of productivity

I love getting the answer right, knowing all my hard work is paying off. Particularly because maths doesn’t come naturally to me and I’m doing it without the help of a teacher.

I’m posting early because I have a long evening ahead and don’t know if I can post later, so I’ve not left for school yet and have just under an hour until I do. I only have two lessons so all should be well.

28/10 - 3/11/18: 47-54/100 days of productivity

Thank you all for your patience and >700 followers! I’ve been taking it easy for the rest of this week and making time for hobbies because I know my reaction to potentially screwing up my Cambridge test was very unhealthy. I am now “over” it in the sense that if I get an interview, that’s great, but if I don’t, then my life’s worth isn’t defined by not getting in. I had a moment, but now I am back to my old self and thinking positively about the future :)

I still have offers from both York and Nottingham, which are both fantastic universities - I have a lot to be grateful for.

Pictured above: moments! I really dislike mechanics, but not as much as I hate stats. Earlier on I was doing some chain, product and quotient rule questions - I can’t believe I am literally 3/4 of the way through pure maths already! I’m well ahead of the main lessons so I can afford to take it easy if I want to, which is nice.

Next steps: research for my German IRP, preparation for a presentation I have to do for Chemistry in a couple of weeks, and some filing 😩

Cambridge NatSci Admissions Test 2018

Oh dear Lord I’ve never felt so inadequate.

I didn’t realise the second paper was a calculator paper and was given a really crappy 50p one by school, which slowed me down.

I lost so many marks on being genuinely dumb. I just blanked.

I didn’t get break time today so I was sat on my own in a room (with an invigilator obvs) for two hours hungry, stressed and with a massive headache.

It was so much harder than the practice papers I did.

I’m sorry for the rant - I just need to get my feelings out so I can focus on thinking positively and put it behind me.

Anybody who sat it - good luck to you, fellow soldier. I wish you all the success in the world.

22-27/10/18 - 42-46 days of productivity

Hello all! Just been to Waterstones with my best friend reading, writing German essays and doing some mechanics.

Exciting news this week: I booked flights and a hotel for the 13th-15th January so she and I can stay in Berlin for my 18th birthday on the 14th! I’m so anxious but excited about it :)

I cannot wait to go back to school, but I am very nervous about my Cambridge NatSci pre-interview assessment on Wednesday (as if Halloween wasn’t scary enough without this!).

So this week I’ve been into watching MIT open lectures on YouTube and reading the fabulous book you see pictured: Endless Forms Most Beautiful by Sean B. Carroll. It’s about Evo Devo and I highly recommend this book to everyone remotely interested in the genetics/evolution side of biology.

19-22/10/18 - 38-41 days of productivity

Hi all! Back at it again with the biology notes - this time it’s the adrenal glands ft hand-drawn diagrams. This is actually really interesting stuff and I’m loving A2 biology!

So I’ve written a German essay, answered a bunch of questions based on an article and have also done a bunch of French homework, and it’s only the first official day of half term! I had a pretty restful weekend but I did at least one task just to keep busy.

I think tonight I’ll read Le Père Goriot and then maybe get a couple of pages through Genes. And I’ll go to the shop and get some milk because otherwise I can’t have a cup of tea and I’m desperate for one haha

You are exceptional.

Thank you for existing.

I feel like so many people need to hear this because this message is getting lost in the noise of dismal politics and the aesthetics of everyone else’s lives.

P.S.

You do not need straight A’s to be exceptional.

You do not need to spend 24 hours a day making aesthetic notes to be exceptional.

You do not need to have your shit together all the time to be exceptional.

You do not have to be in an amazing mood 24/7 to be exceptional.

14-18/10/2018 - 33-37 days of productivity

Thank you for 500 followers!

So sorry I have not been active recently - the workload is picking up and so are my stress levels. I’m trying not to overdo it at the minute - for my own sanity.

BUT - exciting news!

I got my first uni offer!

The University of York want me to get AAB in Chemistry, Biology and Maths to go and do an MChem with my fourth year abroad.

So that’s the big news in my life recently - I’m buzzing!

Half term is approaching and I have already done the majority of the homework I’ve been set so I can chill. I am reading chapter 3 of “Genes” and have ordered a copy of “Endless Forms Most Beautiful” by Sean B Carroll because evo devo is fascinating :)

It’s time to restock I think - I’m due to get new whiteboard pens (I go through A LOT of those!) and some Pentel Energel 0.5 pens through because I love them and they ran out since I used them so much :(

Anyway, I’m continuing to love all my lessons and am trying to find time to make progress with Le Père Goriot, but I also have to analyse Der Vorleser and continue with pure maths, stats and mechanics.

I hope you’re having a great week! Mine’s not been amazing so far (I missed the bus yesterday and everything that could go wrong did) but I’m positive it will look up :)