IS THAT AN EXPENSIVE SOUND 😭😭😭😭

being unattractive or physically different/disabled DOES NOT equal being morally bad/evil. there is an atrocious amount of ableism that occurs when someone doesn’t look “normal.” and i am so fucking sick of it.

in media it is (almost) always the villains who are different/disabled. and media is a massive part of how people form their world views.

i want to mention arcane for example, because people seem to be confused about what good representation is. people praise the hell out of that show, and for good reason it has great things about it, but people told me it had good disabled representation. so i watched it. and while parts of the disabled representation is good.. almost all physically different/disabled characters are portrayed as bad/evil/villains at some point in their story (or all of it.) and then by the end of the show most of them are dead.

abled people i need you to understand that is not good representation. please look out for these tropes it happens ALL the time.

good representation includes different/disabled characters who are heroes and morally “good” too.

if you make all your villains physically different and none of them are heroes i hate you. i am so sick of this.

physically disabled people who are also fat deserve mobility aids just as much as physically disabled people who are skinny.

we also deserve to have mobility aids that fit us, we shouldn’t have to settle for ones that don’t meet our needs. whether it’s having a high enough weight limit or being wide enough or being sturdy enough, we deserve that.

it doesn’t even matter whether a person is fat because of their disability/ies or if they’re disabled because they’re fat. that person still deserve good mobility aids that meet their needs.

[this is a post about fatness and physical disability, derail and i will steal your mail for three months and two days]

I PAINTED FOR LIKE 20 MINS TODAY WOOOOO!! first time in over a month

i have so much art i need to get out of my brain its all stuck in there while i cant do any 😭😭😭😭😭

just got a second hand babydoll dress i am WINNING.

My “my songs” 🎀🎧

“my songs” are songs where you go “this song is for me it is mine.”

people can have the same “my songs” that doesn’t make them any less yours, they’re just also someone else’s mine.

its just songs that get you on another level, songs that represent you!

i have such a complicated relationship with the word “goals.”

i grew up constantly being asked what my goals or ambitions are for my life. i had answers when i was younger, id come up with different jobs all the time.

but as i got older - and sicker, i found it increasingly hard to feel encouraged by having goals.

it felt more like a weight that i wasnt able to carry, like i was carrying a massive burden on my back with everything going on in my life, and then i was expected to pretend like that burden wasnt there, and to jump up as high as everyone else who didnt have that burden.

as i continued to get sicker (to the point i had to leave school early) the questions of goals never stopped, and that was deeply confusing for me.

my goal was take care of myself, that was it. but that never seemed to be enough for people.

i would answer saying “im just trying to take care or myself and heal at the moment.” and they would ask me again, “but what are your life and career goals?”

why is taking care of myself not a good enough goal?

so now as i am in less of a crisis stage of life, im starting to open myself up to more “career and life goals.”

but thinking of goals is incredibly hard now.. i find myself feeling sick with anxiety thinking about even simple goals.. and i think im just really terrified of “failing” again and having to quit like i did with school.

i also feel like i have spent many years now trying to gain a healthy relationship with rest, with healing, with not being what society deems as “productive,” that i feel a bit uneasy about returning to more “productive” goals.

i dont want to lose what ive learnt over my time healing, i dont want to pressure myself too much to go back to being a “productive member of society.”

there are things i want to achieve in my life, of course there are. i dont lack motivation, in fact i have a really hard time having enough time and energy to do all the things im really eager to do.

its just that i have such a complicated relationship and past with the normal path that society wants people to take in life, im scared of losing myself, and failing in re-engaging in such things.

agreed, making things i need pretty?? instantly changes my perspective on it.

decorating my feeding pump and using fun tube tape has done wonders for my mental health and not being able to intake much besides water by mouth. making things your own when you're disabled is such a necessity for me. 

its truely depressing to think about. nobody should be mistreated and to know and think that its happening constantly feels so hopeless.

it hurts hearing other disabled people talk about medical mistreatment.

like i am partly grateful to not be alone of course, but i really wish it wasnt a common or even standard occurrence.

breaks my heart.