Zylahbee - Zylahbee

really struggling with this atm.

ive lost all the strength i fought so hard for the past two years. it doesnt seem fair that it can all be taken away so fast.

im exhausted. trying is exhausting.

disabled consistency prt. 2 prt. 1 here (u dont need to read it to understand this post)

what happens to consistency, to habits, when you have a dynamic disability?

i want us to understand the differences between having a consistent body and having an ever changing one. sometimes you could be so healthy you are working/studying, exercising a few times a week, socialising, and independently caring for yourself. but other times.. you’re bedbound? can’t even shower and brush your teeth twice a day? can’t keep up with texting your friends or social media? what habit is surviving that.

you work so hard to build habits and follow routines you and your doctors have set, and then you achieve it, but then it all gets taken away in a flare-up. you wonder what the point is. its a constant vicious cycle. even abled people know its hard to build habits. it takes time. and you might not have that time.

for abled people, theres no time limit on building a habit. they might have a goal in mind of when they want to achieve it, but theres no actual clock ticking in the background.

for me, and for other dynamically disabled people, we are on a time crunch. you may not be aware of it, but you are. it’s always a race to get things done while you can, build those habits and routines and get consistent and get your life together while you can. because even if you’re not thinking it, you are living on a countdown until your next flare-up. until the next crash, the next time you lose all your progress.

and that cycle, is exhausting. it’s like building a sandcastle right on the shore. you build it and you get to revel in it for a second. then it’s gone. there may be a little bump in the sand where your hard work had just stood, but essentially, you are starting from scratch. while the abled people are up the beach a few metres and their sand is perfectly wet and perfectly dry and the waves never reach it.

then those same people, tell you to just keep building. “eventually you’ll get there!” “keep trying!” “habits take time!” they say. but how? there will always be another wave.

understanding this difference in experience is so important if you want to understand why you can’t just tell a disabled person to form habits or be consistent and expect results.

hey all, originally this post used the term “deformed” and some people who were born with illnesses that have caused them to look different have asked me and other people to not use that word unless they have an illness that causes such. completely valid so i changed it.

i was not born with an illness that did that, however i have many medical issues that have lead to my body looking different to those around me. i do not know whether that makes me “valid” in using that term and i dont feel comfortable sharing my medical history to try and “prove” as such. so i will no longer be using that term online.

i also want to point out the OR in the first sentence of this post. i am bringing up two different occurrences here, and expanding on the disabled one.

love and kindness i am not offended by any of this 🩷

being unattractive or physically different/disabled DOES NOT equal being morally bad/evil. there is an atrocious amount of ableism that occurs when someone doesn’t look “normal.” and i am so fucking sick of it.

in media it is (almost) always the villains who are different/disabled. and media is a massive part of how people form their world views.

i want to mention arcane for example, because people seem to be confused about what good representation is. people praise the hell out of that show, and for good reason it has great things about it, but people told me it had good disabled representation. so i watched it. and while parts of the disabled representation is good.. almost all physically different/disabled characters are portrayed as bad/evil/villains at some point in their story (or all of it.) and then by the end of the show most of them are dead.

abled people i need you to understand that is not good representation. please look out for these tropes it happens ALL the time.

good representation includes different/disabled characters who are heroes and morally “good” too.

if you make all your villains physically different and none of them are heroes i hate you. i am so sick of this.

I feel like most able bodied people see wheelchairs as the worst thing that could happen to a person. When I discuss my want to have a wheelchair for various reasons, most peoples first reaction is to be surprised that I could voluntarily consider that.

But what they fail to consider is that, unlike them, I very much hate walking. It causes me pain and fatigue, it is a miserable experience.

So to any able bodied person reading this, yes some wheelchair users like walking, some want to gain that ability back, but that does not invalidate the feelings of wheelchair users who absolutely hate walking.

chronic illness sucks like i just wanna do my silly little hobbies

Can someone explain to me why a big franchise such as Winx Club can't offer a proper mobile game? All of the existing ones are abandoned.

Like, guys, make a MMORPG where we can create our own fairy, witch or specialist, create our gang and go on classes and adventures. But a real game, with spells, fights & cie.

laughs at how its less than a day since i answered this and my number has already gone up again 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Migraines are so odd, like wdym I have a headache and now I'm temporarily blinded

im desperate to paint but im away and didn’t bring anyyy

exactly 😭😭 its always like “aw im so sorry i get it ive been through the same” and then ur like ah shit not another one.. :((

it hurts hearing other disabled people talk about medical mistreatment.

like i am partly grateful to not be alone of course, but i really wish it wasnt a common or even standard occurrence.

breaks my heart.