Drawing For My New Space Au :) Ao3 When Two Worlds Collide

Chapter 3 of When Two Worlds Collide is out!

Drawing of Simons alien-creature-pet (She's really nice, he swears.)

Chapter 3: Fake it till you make it.

Simon knew they were rich, no one can afford a spacecraft like that without swimming in wealth. The crash site alone was as big as his hometown. It makes him feel all sorts of ways, none of them good.  

His nose scrunches, "Fine, just waiting for this to be over." Simon leans his chin on top of his crossed arms.  

The light twitch of Rosh's eyes, her telltale sign that Simon is talking bullshit, makes him brace for a harsh comment. 

Just when she opens her mouth to fire away, a knock sounds from the door. Simon calls out in permission and Wilhelm shuffles into the room. The hand that is running at the side of his neck gets caught on some protruding gauze. He hisses, blows some air out of his mouth and only then notices the two other people in the room.  

"Oh- I can come back later." 

As Wilhelm moves to turn around Rosh and Ayub's heads jerk to the door. "Is that him?" Ayub stands on his toes, as if that would help. His hologram sizzles.

Simon sits up straighter, waves a hand at him in a 'come here' motion. "Stand next to me, you're not in their range of view." 

Wille obliges and walks over to Simon, he waves a little awkwardly at Simon's friends. "Uh, hi?" 

The upturned corners of his mouth vanish when Rosh snaps a "Hello." at him, and gives a very non-subtle disapproving glance up and down. Ayub just narrows his eyes. 

An awkward silence settles over them, Ayub and Rosh have some non verbal interactions that include multiple hand gestures. What Simon manages to make out of it is something along the lines of 'Are you seeing what I'm seeing?' And a head shake that, arguably, looks a lot like 'What the fuck?'. 

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Or read from the start!

For fic reasons, I'm wondering how familiar people are with the royal families of countries other than their own (and other than the UK). I have randomly selected Belgium as the subject of this poll so please DO NOT VOTE IF YOU'RE BELGIAN.

Practice👉👈

you know I wasn't going to comment on anything s3 in detail or write a super long divisive post because that's draining and tiring and I just want everyone to have fun and find joy in fandom in whatever way is best for them. And yet here we are. Who'd have thought?

All I wanted from season 3 was for Wilmon to talk to and with each other, to get to know each other (better) and to try to understand and support each other and grow together. To be a couple in love and working on their relationship, learning from each other. Them against the world, facing problems together as a team. I wanted romance and hugs and honesty, and all I got was them being horny. I mean don't get me wrong I love them being horny, but I don't want that to be their entire (positive) relationship and the only thing they have going for them as a couple. Please just have an actual, proper conversation with each other?

This post however is not about that. This post is about Kristina.

I hate what they did with her. I hate her entire character arc (if you can call it that) in s3. I hate what triggered her breakdown. I hate that instead of breaking the circle of abuse and emotional and physical neglect she no doubt suffered, she perpetuated it.

She left her son alone when he needed her most. When all he needed was a hug and a good long cry and the assurance that he's not alone, that she's there for him. That she understands. For someone (his family) to be there and listen and assure him that for them, Wille comes first. (I mean not all, he also needed proper therapy for one, but that'd have been a great and important start)

Wille is a child. Her child. Wille needed her and she failed him. She pushed him away and she sent him away and she left him alone.

(the same is true for Ludvig of course, it'd be extremely sexist etc to not put the exact same expectations and blame on him as well, but alas this post is only indirectly about him as everything always is at best)

However.

Her son is dead.

She's been groomed to believe her entire purpose in life is to be a mascot (which comes with very specific expectations and restrictions she herself said she struggled to adapt to) and to give birth to the next mascot.

I don't pity her for that, but that's still her entire identity and purpose in life. It's always been, and now the next mascot is dead and she has to burden the son she thought would be spared with it all, pun very much intended.

But let's return to my first point first. Her son is dead. Not just the next mascot. Her son.

Yes, Wille's brother died as well and I'll never make light of that. It's horrible and a grief and pain impossible to put into words. Especially as a kid or young teen. Wille needs all the support. Still.

It's not the same.

I know it's not the same because I know exactly what it's like. Both of it.

Granted I'm not a queen, but I did have a cousin who died aged sixteen. We lived in the same house their entire life and shared a bedroom for years. We were like siblings. It was my first time experiencing the death of a close loved one and it was horrible. We all struggled for a long time. Their siblings and I and the entire family, and they will never be forgotten, but it broke my aunt and uncle. Fifteen years later and they're still broken.

I also have two sons and a spouse who are dead (no I didn't lose them, I know exactly where they are) and I promise you it's not the same. A dead sibling is nothing like a dead child. (not that it's a competition)

I'm not going to talk about what it does to you internally, but I will tell you what you'll experience from the outside world when your family dies excitingly enough to make it to the local newspaper. Then feel free to multiply it by a large number of your own choosing when you're royalty and the entire country is looking at you and you've been groomed to never lose composure.

Everyone will call and show up and want to show their support and their condolences (that lasts until about a week or so after the funeral). And they will get two words in and break down and cry, each and every one of them, and then it's your job to console them and be strong and deal with all the arrangements and lawyers and bureaucracy. And it'll have to be you for most things no matter how supportive your family might be, because it's you who needs to sign shit and show the school a death certificate. Everyone will mean well, but it'll be everyone else who'll require reassurance and you who'll have no choice but to function because at first there's so much to do. So much. You won't have time to breathe until after the funeral, and after that there're still so much more to do and take care of you'd never have considered before. For weeks. You can ask someone else to drive you but it'll still be you who's required to show up and do the thing. Some things will drag out for months and more. You don't have time to break down and be weak. You can't afford to, because you also have a job and other responsibilities and a duty to your dead loved ones.

But then the day comes when it's 'over' and there's nothing more to do. Sure people still look at you with pity and whisper behind your back wherever you go and fall quiet, unsure how to react or what to say, because you're now the lady who lost her family in a freak accident, but everything and everyone else moves on. That's normal. It can't not. But it's that quiet after which is the most dangerous.

I hate that they made Kristina's breaking point her son publicly coming out as queer, renouncing following traditions without thought and admitting to having been in the video. I hate it so much, because that was a choice made with an entirely different motive behind the one I'll expound on now and I hate that. Don't instrumentalize grief and the loss of a child and sibling to further prove and underline your political agenda (which I agree with). It cheapens it and was very much unnecessary. We all would've gotten the point without it as well.

But you know what? I can't fault Kristina for that.

You don't know your breaking point until you reach it. It can be anything. There's a reason the saying goes 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. Everyone has a different one and they often feel very ridiculous to oneself (which is a very helpful feeling in that situation, believe me /s). I've talked to numerous people who've gone through something similar. In my support group and in grief counseling and group therapy. No one I've met had a 'logical' breaking point.

Mine came late last fall when I saw a robin outside my window. Yes a bird. We'd have one come every winter to eat the oats and raisins etc we put out for it, and my youngest would spend endless hours every day before dusk looking out that window waiting for the robin to come and eat for a few moments at a time, less if he started clapping out of excitement.

That was it. Boom. I was useless for the next seven weeks.

You don't let your grief overcome you. That isn't a choice. You don't choose not to function when a loved one dies. You don't choose to be depressed or to have the most ridiculous thing be your breaking point. You don't choose to be too strong to not let the grooming break you or to be too weak to be unable to break out of it. And you don't choose to be unable to sit at a birthday party and enjoy cake with a son you know you'll have to force into a role he never wanted, the one your dead son was supposed to fill.

Does that make Kristina any less of a shitty mom? No, of course not. Nor does it change anything for Wille. Kristina's grief shouldn't be Wille's concern. But you don't choose any of that, and the stronger you have to appear the farther you'll fall once you just can't hold it together anymore.

I grew up with a very large, multicultural extended family. There wasn't an hour I was awake at home as a kid when I wasn't hugged or kissed by a younger cousin or aunt or my mom (it was super annoying). We talked and still talk about everything. I married into a family which was a bit less physical and more Swedish in showing their affection, but they are still very open and loving and genuine. I had all the support I could ask for. They're the best and I couldn't have asked for more.

It's not enough. Your child is dead. And Kristina had none of that.

Is Kristina (and Ludvig) super annoying for going on and on and on about Erik and how perfect he was? About always bringing him up when they have a son right there who needs them desperately?

Yes. It annoyed me too. I kept catching myself being furious on Wille's behalf and Simon's with how Wille reacted to the not-comparison between Erik and Sara. But I understand Wille's reaction to Simon and I understand Kristina and Ludvig.

Because once your child / sibling / spouse / dog dies?

They become perfect. My oldest once poured syrup where he shouldn't (it was a Nordic winter night and the car was thirsty) resulting in us being out of our only car, our insurance laughing at us, and us unable to afford a new one. It cost a lot of money, my spouse almost their job and made our life a lot harder for well over a year. He was old enough to know better (and leave the house by himself to go outside and play). He never did anything wrong in his life. He was perfect. They were all perfect.

Erik? What we learn about him is horrifying, and it being normalized and dare I say institutionalized, with him probably not having second guessed his actions, makes it worse instead of better. I do believe Erik was the kind of guy who just didn't (care to) think and merely did what was expected without further thought. That doesn't make it better either, because those kinds of people are the ones who keep corrupt systems running. I might be wrong about his character entirely, but it doesn't matter, because as soon as he died he became perfect.

It's weird what death does to our perception of a loved one. Or maybe not. It's also weird what death does to our perception of everything, because suddenly everything will remind us of that person.

A cloud? A scent? A sound? Toilet paper? Kristina is at the stage where everything she sees and feels and smells and hears will remind her of Erik and his death. Of how he's dead and now Wille has to become him and that is the worst.

Also her son is dead.

No she can't just pull herself together and eat the damn cake. Everything she talks about is Erik because everything she currently is is Erik. Her son who is dead.

There is a reason this is such an often used trope in fiction.

Kristina spent all her life being told that her duty to the throne is her only purpose in life. Be queen. Represent Sweden. Produce an heir. Part of why she's as old as she is is no doubt because Pernilla August is awesome and you can't not hire her when that's an option, but nothing else in this show is a coincidence and done without thought, so I refuse to believe that Kristina hasn't always been meant to be an older mom.

Maybe she had fertility issues. Maybe she for whatever reason didn't want kids and put it off for as long as she could. She's certainly not maternal. Unlike every other woman her generation, no one ever expected her to be maternal. That's not her job.

Quite the opposite. Kristina is old enough to have been raised at a time when royal mothers weren't expected to have any hand in raising their children except for approving (or rather disapproving chosen) nannies and playmates and tutors and the like. She was very likely the first female heir apparent, or maybe she was simply the heir because she had no (male) siblings. Either way her job was always to be a monarch, not a woman or a mother. That's what staff is for. That's not an excuse, but it does explain her as a character.

She was groomed and forced herself to adjust (I do believe forced is the right word, because unlike Erik she seems to (have) be(en) a lot more like Wille than she'd like to admit). She had to be strong and queen and represent Sweden. And then her son and heir died and she failed at both.

I do believe Erik was always the 'easier' child, doing what he was told and taking only the freedoms he knew he'd be granted, while Wille is willful, argues, has a temper and his own head. (that doesn't mean Erik was happier or better adjusted)

And now Erik is dead and Wille has to fit the mold. Wille who got to go to a normal school and clubbing and was let to run wild with little preparation for the role he'd someday have to support his brother with. Arguments can be made that Kristina and everyone else never cared about Wille until they needed him, but I'd like to think she meant well and gave him the freedom she could, and because she is a bad parent she thought she was being kind, and because she is queen no one told her otherwise until it became a problem.

Kristina has never been a good parent, and I honestly believe saying someone meant well is an insult and not an excuse, but I do believe she tried the best with what she knew, the best she could.

It wasn't enough, it was the opposite of enough, but she tried and her breakdown is not a weakness but something which was a long time in coming.

She's not maternal. Her job wasn't to be maternal. Her job is to be a mascot and have other people make sure the next mascot is fed and watered and able to perform. Her being too brainwashed to see how horrifying that is does not make her innocent or any less of a bad mother, but why would she think of acting any other way?

She's ashamed of her breakdown. She can't be weak. Not in front of the nation and not in front of her son and heir. Wille can learn and grow and change. Everyone can and it's never too late, but Kristina here is meant to be what Wille risks becoming if he doesn't, if he gives up and becomes a thoughtless mascot.

Kristina is not a victim and I can't forgive her for being a shit mom, but she's also not the devil. She's a mother who lost her child, and she's spent her whole life being told that the worst thing she can do is to appear weak.

Well guess what? At one point that simply doesn't work anymore.

This post by the lovely @voldiebeth is what motivated me to write a similar one. I originally planned on reblogging and merely adding my own thoughts, and I did talk to her before posting, but then it became something even more personal than originally planned, and considering the difficulty of the subject I found myself more comfortable making this a standalone post. I know that's not proper tumblr etiquette, but please bear with me. Many thanks to @voldiebeth for motivating me to put my convoluted thoughts and feelings in writing and order them a bit. It was very cathartic.

hidden gems fic rec list!

i haven't done a fic rec list in a while - here is my collection of previous lists - but i'm up to december 2024 in the wilmon ao3 tag! here are some wilmon fics or ficlets that maybe went a little under the radar and that i really enjoyed and recommend!

i've tagged authors where i knew their handle.

vision of happiness - @wildcalendula

Where Soul Meets Heart - @zarogz

Cartography - @starvalisedham

angel - @sundelionskyisland

a little away. - sealgummy

it's a long road home (and we've got far to go) - peonyrose

the story left untold - @little-fandom

can i take a shot at your heart? - @theaviatorthatcouldnotfly

the liars are calling me one - bananzie

Spinning in infinity - Whiterabbit11

these graves are all too young - @malinthebodyguard

All the rules to this game I bend - @saynomorefic

Maybe We Got Lost In Translation - yungroyals

And Baby I'll Rule; Let Me Live That Fantasy - @bubblesandroses8

All the birthday photos of young royals (as in, literally) I've seen in my feed recently really made me think about the fact there's a series of portraits of Wilhelm, depicting how he was growing up. Then they'll have this gala photoshoot for his 18th birthday and it will be one of those moments when he will think about Erik a lot, because he still remembers the day Erik turned 18; it was so special and also cool, because he's an adult now, and Wilhelm at 13 years old thought it's so far far away for him, and "at least there will be less fuss about my birthday since I'm not the heir". Next moment he's 18, his brother is gone for almost two years now, and he, in fact, does not feel as a cool adult.

Started rewatching and realised I’ve never drawn this image before, simply unacceptable 💜

Also enjoy the close up because I like how their faces turned out.

"What? Who-" The hand returns, Wille tries to pull his head away, the only thing he accomplishes with that is a stabbing paint that shoots through his skull.

"I'm Simon."  

Kind eyes meet his own, the boy- no. Simon, is wearing a graphic t-shirt that hangs loose around his shoulders. His mouth is turned into a careful smile. Small silver earrings dangle in his ears and his curly hair is pinned up by a hair clip. One loose strand with two purple beads dangles next to his face.  

"huh?"  

Simon's smile turns into a grimace, "And of course your head hurts, I wasn't even sure if you were going to wake up." He picks up a machine from next to Wille's knees. "Now, keep your eyes open so I can scan them." A strong tan arm moves to his face.  

His body can't seem to connect to his brain, because it doesn't move an inch while the machine gives off several bleeps and then blasts some kind of blue light straight into his irises. Is it physically possible to feel light bounce from your eyes into your brain? Because Wille definitely feels like he can.  

It's over before he knows it, or maybe his furious blinking makes the scanning stop.   

He lets out a groan and slowly pushes himself up, his biceps spasm and make him slump slightly forward. When he looks up, Simon's expression is cold. His eyes have turned to stone from where they are staring at the device, then they snap to Wille.  

"You- what are you doing here?"  

Chapter to of Ao3 When Two Worlds Collide is out :D!

my contribution to the wilmon clinginess discourse is that I think wille is more of a general -but less intense- clingy person; he likes having simon close to him all day long. he likes keeping some kind of physical contact with him random times of the day; a hand on simon's back, sealing any kind of conversation with a small kiss, hugging simon for no reason at all random times of the day just to recharge, holding his hands with both of his own like their his to safekeep.

simon, while less clingy on a general basis, is soooo much more clingy than wille on an occasional basis. canon examples of this are the palace scene in 3x01 or the final scene in the car in the finale, moments where (at least to me) simon appears more emotional and clingier.

outside canon, I think sick simon would be vastly clingier than sick wille. in the mornings wille spends as much as he can admiring simon and giving him featherlight kisses and caresses before simon wakes up, but when it comes to actually getting out of bed, it's simon that complains the most about missing wille's warmth. last example... definitely their wedding/engagement day!!! I just know that boy is gonna be an absolute mess and he's gonna cling to wille like a koala bear...

they're both really clingy people, but wille is just always somewhat clingy; simon however reserves his clinginess for special occasions but when he does become clingy he's outright insufferable and disgusting with it