First Years Sashisu

was on the phone with my oldest sister two days ago, after a long long day. on the floor of my bedroom, full face of makeup and sweat on my forehead. she said 'you know our mother is a bit cruel right? more than others' and. she's right. that also wasn't the right moment to be saying that. how could i tell her 'you haven't lived with her in six years. i've seen her nearly every single day. she's crueler and sadder and more pitiful than ever. you're right. she's cruel. how could u say that so easily though. she's made me cry nearly every day for over a month. you've been her daughter ten years longer than i have. how could you call her cruel. have you forgotten what its like to be her daughter? now that you're a mother. now that motherhood holds more meaning to you. now that motherhood isnt only the way our mother gave her all to give us the healthiest, strongest bodies but forgot to give us healthy minds. do you just remember her as cruel? though its been years since you were subjected to it?"

i didnt say all that though. just. 'yea, wouldnt i know it'

"Quivering" is my least-favourite word in the english language. Nothing and nobody should be quivering. If you're quivering right now, stop that shit immediately. Tremble or shake if you must but the quivering has to stop.

this is a poem

i love doing apologism for fictional characters. yes he killed people and ruined everything but thats ok bc i like him and hes my little baby. so who cares

Here is a list of some YouTube ASMR ambiences/soundscapes (they’re all hyperlinked, so click away!) Unlike traditional ASMR, these videos do not feature any people. Talented YouTubers have used software to create rendered environments with layered sounds, with many of these ambiences inspired from fantasy to others based in reality. I find music with lyrics to be distracting sometimes, but these are great background noises for focusing, studying, doing homework, and even for relaxing. Enjoy and good luck ♡

LIBRARY SOUNDSCAPES

1. Royal Library | Rain and Thunderstorm Sounds on Study Ambience with Crackling Fireplace 

By New Bliss 

2. LIBRARY AMBIENCE: Writing Sounds, Whispering, Pages Turning, Rain, Fireplace 

by Autumn Cozy 

3. Ambience/ASMR: Writer’s Library from the 1930s, 4 Hours

by Ambience of Yesteryear

4. Study Ambience / Library Sounds / 3 Hours #241

By Winter Whale ASMR

5. Harry Potter inspired ASMR - Hogwarts Library REMAKE - Animated ambient soundscape cinemagraph

By ASMR rooms 

CAFE SOUNDSCAPES

1. Rainy Day at Coffee Shop & Jazz Music | ASMR Ambience 4K

By Cozy Corner 

2. [ASMR/Ambience]cafe after closing on a rainy urban night

By Sound Forest 

3. Coffeehouse ASMR Ambience

By Miracle Forest 

4. 1 Hour of Tea Shop Ambience | Background Noise | Cafe Ambient Sounds

By Nocturnal House 

5. ASMR Increase Concentration Tokyo Cafe Study Ambience for Homework & School

By asmr soupe 

COZY SOUNDSCAPES

1. 🎧 Cozy Ambience Bedroom - Rain on the Windows of the Rainy Night View of the City 10 Hours | Sleep

By The Relaxing Town 

2. Cozy Cabin Ambience - Writer’s Room with 8 Hours of Rain, Thunder and Fire Sounds

By Calmed by Nature 

3. Bed Breakfast ☕ Snowy Morning [ASMR] Cozy Cabin Ambience ❄️️ Winter Day with Little Bunny friend 🐰

By ASMR Weekly 

4. Rain sounds | cozy cabin | Sleep, Study, Meditation 10 hours

By White Noise Tranquility 

5. Cozy Winter Cottage | Snowstorm and Fireplace Sounds | blizzard | 10hours

By dreamy sound 

INSPIRED BY SOUNDSCAPES

1. ASMR Mystical and Noble Atmosphere of Slytherin Common Room●Harry Potter 3D Ambient Sound

By asmr soupe 

2. Lord of the Rings Inspired ASMR - the Green Dragon Inn - Medieval Tavern Ambience and Animations

By ASMR rooms 

3. ⛩ Spirited Away’s Dormitory - 1 Hour - Ghibli ASMR Soundscape

By Vibrating Art 

4. Twin Peaks Double R Diner Ambience - 8 Hours of Smooth Jazz Music, Rain Sounds, & Cozy Cafe Ambience

By Calmed by Nature 

5. A Moving Castle Type ASMR Ambience

By Miracle Forest 

academia things that genuinely make me happy:

large textbooks filled with extra papers which hold the answers to the problems you thought were too brilliant to be thrown away, or the simple short summary of a part you were struggling to understand before

having your textbook absolutely ruined by highlighters and sticky notes all over it, those little tips and ideas you picked up from the lesson. anyone who opens that book immediately knows that you’ve studied the crap out of it and know the concept by heart. “this is the most annotated book i’ve ever seen” is literally the highest form of compliment for me.

solving math or chemistry problems to a soundtrack album or ambient sounds, extra points if it’s in afternoon lol

when you’re so focused and keen on getting to the final answer that your hand physically can’t keep up with your eagerness so you end up with the most incoherent solution. but you’ve finally got the answer right!

being self-taught in a subject or a few chapters of the textbook, and still smashing the quizzes and the exams

coming up with a new solution to the problem, or seeing the problem from a new perspective, and finally being able to solve it because of just that.

confidently walking out of the exam room. 0 doubt in your mind that you crushed it!

actually feeling how you’ve grown academically, and how much more knowledgeable you are compared to the beginning of the semester

casually and confidently having conversations with a professor about your studies, exchanging ideas and discussing the existing theories, methods, on-going research and all

all of this is everything i want in life- god 

Auditory Processing Problems

• *someone says something* “what?” *repeats themselves* “sorry?” *repeats themselves again* “pardon?”

•"hey, y'see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”

•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*

•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*

•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”

•*gets really focused on staring out the window and goes through four songs without hearing a single on*

the meaning of life is….dipping carbs into liquids ….bread into soup…biscuits into tea…that’s it

i’m so in love with domestic sweetness.

cooking dinner with the one you love while they wrap their arms around you. taking quick kiss breaks in between folding fresh laundry. washing each other’s hair in the shower. giggling and rolling around in the fresh sheets you both just finished putting on. dusting while showing off your latest dance moves and having your sweetheart show off their vocals.

it’s so comforting to have someone that you just enjoy making a home with. because chores done with someone you love isn’t such a chore after all.