Hi! I'm Kind Of New To The Fandom And I'm Looking For Good Feysand Fics. Do U Have Any Reccomendations

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More ACOTAR Psychological Musings

Part II: Future Directions re: Trauma

TW: sexual trauma (seriously: huge TW!)

I am writing this in response to questions and commentary I’ve received subsequent to my original post regarding Gw*n and sexual trauma.

Disclaimer: I am a licensed clinical psychologist. I’m not here to diagnose fictional characters with mental illness via the DSM. I am simply sharing some clinical insights from a professional lens.

Several people wrote to me directly expressing thoughts regarding Rhys and his sexual trauma history. Specifically, there was commentary about how Rhys was able to jump into a sexual relationship within 1 book following 50 years of sexual trauma by Amarantha. For context, I had argued that this would be challenging for Gw*n to do the same from my professional lens. Let’s dig into this some more.

First, let’s talk about what trauma is.

Connectivity and exposure to mental health via social media has been a blessing and a curse. I love the destigmatization of mental health that has come from honest conversations and normalization via social media platforms. Many people suffer and never discuss it; living their lives doing the best they know to do with what internal/external resources they have at their disposal. I will, again, repeat that sexual trauma survivors are brave, resilient, and capable people. They are deserving of love and capable of having healthy sexual relationships. I work with sexual trauma survivors daily: These are facts I speak. Not opinion.

The metaphorical “curse” of social media has (partly) been the spreading of the definition of certain diagnostic terms and diagnoses so thin that we are slowly losing the essence of what clinical/statistical significance means and looks like. To the point it has become harmful and hurtful; oftentimes, weaponized irresponsibly and ignorantly against others. Throwing buzzwords as an assault against others who think differently, even in this fandom. I can’t look on social media these days without seeing somebody’s ex being labeled a “sociopath” (which is not a MH diagnosis btw) or a “narcissist.” Without somebody saying “so and so needs therapy” (more on this later). I have seen it a lot about fictional characters, as well. Especially having journeyed into this fandom. None of SJM’s characters have been safe!

But we’re here to talk about trauma. And trauma is something I see thrown around so loosely and used in our common vernacular so much, that I truly fear we are starting to debase what trauma actually is and undermine the struggle of people who have actual clinically significant trauma. When we talk about clinically significant trauma and trauma symptoms we mean a few things:

That the trauma meets the criterion to be considered a traumatic experience. What does that mean? Threat of death or severe bodily injury. Exposure to death or severe bodily injury of others. Compromised physical integrity. Hearing about a close friend or family member go through said traumatic experience above. I often differentiate between a “traumatic experience” and a “tragic experience.” Tragic experiences are normative difficult life experiences. Stressful? Yes. Traumatic? Not necessarily. Traumatic experiences are non-normative life experiences.

Functional impairment. Say it with me: just because somebody has been through a traumatic experience does not mean they have ptsd or clinically significant symptoms that necessitate treatment. A trained MH professional will assess the extent to which functional impairment is involved in a trauma response. I have seen plenty of people go through the most unfathomable experiences in their lives and not meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD.

I’m not going to show my true geek hand and bust out statistics, but just know that the base rates of PTSD in highly trauma exposed populations are quite low (like the combat Veteran population, for example). Meaning- even in populations with a ton of trauma exposure, it is rare to have PTSD.

ACOTAR is filled with traumatized characters who have variable trauma responses. Some of these trauma responses are more severe (Gw*n) and others are present, but I wouldn’t consider them severe (Rhys). This is not to say his trauma isn’t “as bad” or “easier.” It is not a reflection on the trauma itself. I am speaking to the symptom presentation. Clinical significance is less about the nature of the trauma itself and more about the response. Rhys is not written as a trauma symptom laden character; whereas Gw*n is.

“So and so needs therapy”

Even in a fictional universe this bothers me and it should stop. You want to know why? Because every single human being on this planet probably could benefit from therapy in some form. We have all had hurts and aversive experiences. We have all struggled. We are all subject to experience these pesky human emotions of ours that are distressing. The reality is that some people do not actually *need* trauma-focused therapy. For some people, it might actually be harmful if their symptoms are not impairing their lives. Treatment actually can make symptoms worse before they get better. Just because you don’t understand something or it doesn’t fit your narrative, it does not mean other people need to change to align or “just go to therapy.” Obviously I would love for anybody who feels they need therapy to go, but who are you to determine that? And therapy doesn’t exist in ACOTAR world anyways so can we just stop? Please.

Trauma is Subjective

I have worked with trauma survivors who endured the exact same situation and came out with completely different presentations, symptom manifestation, and impairments. There is a sexual trauma spectrum and it is inclusive of an array of different traumas associated with compromised physical integrity. Notice I didn’t say that the spectrum was a severity spectrum..bc trauma is subjective. It’s comparing apples to oranges to compare the MH of 2 people and to compare their respective trauma. Sexual coercion and sexual assault are both sexual trauma but they are also different.

This is how I view the parallel I was asked about with Rhys and Gw*n. How I can say that for Gw*n, it would be difficult to get there in 1 book while Rhys did. First, they have different trauma on the sexual trauma spectrum. Rhys was more of a coercion situation whereas Gw*n experienced a violent sexual assault with the associated death of her sister. I’m not quantifying these by saying one is worse than the other- that is by the subjective perspective of the person having endured the experience.

With Rhys, he does not demonstrate the same level of symptom severity that Gw*n does. He isn’t uncomfortable around the opposite sex who perpetrated his trauma. He isn’t homebound for years. His circumstances were terrible, but his reaction is simply different. Now he does have some symptoms- the nightmares. Possibly a little re-living and hesitation while physically intimate. Some insecurity and issues with worthiness. But Rhys has also had healthy physical relations in his life predating his trauma. He is written as a sexual character. His relationship to sex is different than somebody who has no sexual experience outside of trauma, as far as we know (which is not sex). Again, our reactions to trauma are different bc we are all different- different experiences leading into trauma, different proclivities in thinking and feeling, different levels of emotional reactivity, different traumas, etc etc.

With Gw*n, she is essentially agoraphobic, is uncomfortable around men, has to be warned about different men even being present for the qualifier..and even after all is said and done is still at the library. These are severe trauma symptoms. She was violently assaulted. Her trauma reaction is simply and understandably different.

Comparing readiness for on-page sex between Gw*n and Rhys is comparing apples to oranges. People who question the narrative and have concerns about the sensitivity of an adult romance novel featuring a sexual assault survivor, who is still extremely symptomatic, is not dismissive of any individual trauma journey. It’s also not dismissive of the character. It is not belittling of real-life sexual trauma survivors either. To the contrary, I think it’s extremely sensitive and in-tune to offer the thought that this is something that might be very uncomfortable to read about for a variety of reasons. Trust. Intimacy. Power dynamics. If Gw*n was leaving the library and had even willfully entered Velaris, I might have a different perspective. There is a lot of ground to cover that would have to be navigated very carefully and sensitively to get there.

I, yet again, argue that this would be a huge leap for SJM to take on with where we left off with Gw*n. To get to smut in an adult romance novel in a timely manner, it would cheapen this trauma journey so much, that I don’t think I could read the book. I honestly cannot fathom a way to responsibly give the proper recovery journey owed for this character without repeating the plot/romance from the last book and deviating significantly from the overarching plot that has been set before us: Koschei, Queens, Dread Trove. I cannot see a way to responsibly and respectfully give this the sensitivity it requires. Further, it would cheapen the experience of so many men and women who have endured and severely suffered.

I truly hope this clarifies some of the questions that were posed.

My opinion on the moral discourse surrounding certain celebs or authors Part I

will include links to Part II and III when posted

I love social media. But I hate the backlash that comes every time someone has a different opinion than the generally accepted view. I hate how when someone decides not to take a stance against things like the lgbtq community they get hated or shammed. I hate how we can't just like a certain celebrity but we have to care about whether they have a good background. Supporting black people, supporting the lgbtq community is important, but if your tactics are going to be to shame people who don't support you, then how are you any different from those who oppressed you? This is a small account, and I don’t know how many people would read this. But if you did, thank you for taking the time to do so, and feel free to comment your views, as I know there will be many. I will try to respond to those I could (if any). I believe that our world is changing, and we can't do anything but to accept it. But I also believe that accept doesn't equal support, and while I may not buy rainbow t-shirt, I believe that as long as I don’t insult these people, it is okay, and I shouldn't be shammed because of that. Nor should I be afriad to say I don't wholly support the generally accepted views. I have to believe that, because if social media has become a place where I get insulted or get called racist or homophobic simply because I like certain author or certain celebrities, then social media's original goal of allowing everyone to expres their opinions as long as it doesn't hurt anyone is no longer there.

let's do ranking but on crack

also just a side note: this is from the pro/anti tags and do not reflect my own opinions (i will refrain from commenting about the stuff i had to go through for inspiration):

Tamlin - 100000/10 trapped under a mountain? Will fuck you the first chance I get to relieve your sexual needs. protects you by locking you up! major mama bear vibes 🐻🫶

Lucien - 5000/10 I listen to mommy when she tells me who my father is. Will also follow you to enemy territory because a random supernatural force told me you're my mate. Obdient and loyal 💯

Jurian - 3000/ 10 surivies 500 years of torture! strong, resiliant. stops chasing Miryam after 500 years - understands that no means no.. took a while, yes, but it's the result that counts 👍

Rhys - 1000/10 his priorities 😍 war duties yk yk. Will also SA and drug you without your permission to save you from evil crazy magic lady

Helion - 500/10 ah, who doesn't pin after forbidden love every once in a while! And sires a secret love child! Major green flag

Azriel - 100/10 forbidden love x2. very enviornmentally friendly. Don't want your present? Gives it to someone else

Eris - 100/10 pov I give cryptic answers about nailing a post-it on someone's uterus. but trust me, im a good guy, you just dont know the whole story.

Cassian - 100/10 will accept laws and traditions instead of saving you. law abiding citizen 🥵

Kallias - 100/10 friends to lovers troupe! and something about incest!!!*

*there's no anti Kallias tag. i had to get creative. and there was something about incest that im confused about but that's okay

rank the men in acotar: rhys, cassian, azriel, lucien, tamlin, helion, eris, jurian, kallias

Rhys - 13/10 everything he says is 🤌. Eats paint is a bonus. Will thank Rhysie for walking over my face.

Helion - 11/10 extra point for the pegasus. and saved LoA 💯 top tier humor. Manifesting Feysand + Helion threesome

Kallias - 10/10 who doesn't like a snow king?

Azriel - 9/10 dark and moody 🥰 but talk about your feelings smh

Cassian - 7/10 too self righteous for my taste but still hot

Eris - 5/10 daddy issues. but not bad on the eyes.

Jurian - 3/10 saved feyre in acowar. but bonus points for surviving with only a finger bone and eyeball

Lucian - 2/10 no finger bone no bonus. be a bitch to my high lady and i'll be a bitch to you

Tamlin - 1/10 one point for the entertaining high lords meeting. otherwise.. "your hair is clean" no other explaination needed

I'm just saying that this would of been the perfect time to introduce Rhys' last name. Like Bryce gave her full name, so to have Rhys say "Hello Bryce Quinlan. I'm Rhysand *insert last name*" would of been the perfect opportunity

Remember how I said SJM was to blame for me failing Algebra bc of the acotar tv adaption?

Well guess what, I failed Mandarin :>

we need to talk about how tumblr and Instagram is my acotar/sjm haven, tiktok is my pop culture haven, twitter is my taylor swift and greys anatomy haven and no they absolutely cannot mix unless it's on Pinterest.

i miss my crabs

the userbase when tumblr attempts literally any contemporary method to profit from us that has been highly effective on every other website:

the userbase when tumblr implements the most deranged and masochistic series of features imaginable immediately after covering our dashes in thousands of crabs:

SAME BESTIE SAME

i feel like sjm is writing a romance novel, so it makes sense that elain ends up with azriel because three sisters and three brothers and everything. but she might also just make azriel end up with gwyn and elain with lucien just for funsies.

who knows? i certainly dont. it ms sarah janet mass. at the end of the day, we'll still eat up whatever she writes and beg for whatever crumbs she offers us

but in the meantime, ill entertain myself with the anti (whomever you dislike) tags and wait for the agonizing five years it takes for sjm to finish two books to be over

wellllll

Plot twist: Rhysand's last name is Herondale

- angsty backstory

- seems dark and brood-y but is actually a cinnamon roll

- nobody knows their actual last name for ages into the series

- i can definitely picture him being scared of ducks

- is more powerful than most of his kind

- "Herondales love only once."

- dead family

- strange (but beautiful) eyes

- a really good