The Funniest Star Wars Twist Would Be If Instead Of A Family-reveal It Was A Not-family-reveal Where

a moment of silence for nicole beharie, stana katic, katie cassidy and all the other ‘leading ladies’ who got screwed over by the network/showrunners

Mages of the Inquisition!

What must've gone down at the first Sleepy Hollow writers' room meeting for season three:

Head Writer: So. We almost got canceled last season because instead of focusing on Ichabbie, platonic OR romantic, we put the spotlight on Katrina and didn't make her interesting or likable, and then we added in Hawley, who took away more time from the developing relationship between the Mills sisters. So we got rid of Katrina and Henry and Hawley and the fans came back to us. New year, new us, new season. What are your thoughts?

Writer #1: *raises his hand*

Head Writer: Yes?

Writer #1: *presses his fingertips to his lips for a moment* What if...we add in this super special awesome female character to be Crane's love interest in the past and then give him another love interest in the current time and then give Abbie a love interest that won't come to fruition until the last second and then instead of showing the blooming relationship between Ichabbie, we'll throw in those two things constantly until the fans are forced to recognize the true greatness of the show, which is things that are not Ichabbie?

Head Writer: ...

Head Writer: ...

Head Writer: So basically do the exact same thing that almost got us canceled last year?

Writer #1: *brightly* Yeah-huh!

Head Writer: ...

Head Writer: YASSSS BITCH YAASSSSS. HIGH FIVE BRO SEASON THREE IS COMIN' ATCHA!

They are just too adorable. 

This is perfect.

This should have been the season when Sleepy Hollow went over the top with fan service and absolutely bending the fuck over backwards to show how much they loved the fans for sticking with them through that disastrous season 2 even if it still ended on a more serious note.

Just goes to show they didn’t really get what happened wrong with the show and were too arrogant to course-correct.

For sure, Sophie was gonna be the new witness. So sad because I liked her but now... Yuck. And that's also why we never knew who she actually was or what her purpose was.

If they made Jenny the next witness possibly because it would make more sense rather than replacing the character, I think the show could have a chance. I’m sure the writers could come up with some bullshit about how sisters are entwined through the apocalypse and bloodlines and shit. They pulled off Abbies death quick and clumsily, I’m sure they could do this. THEN maybe, I would continue to watch the show. Cause Jennys cool, and I wouldn’t mind her taking the lead. It would make sense, because the two people they loved most, are gone. Otherwise, not a chance

Fuck the Text

I’m probably going to post more about this tomorrow when my brain is functioning and not awash in cortisol, I think (maybe), but:

FUCK THE TEXT.

These stories? They aren’t theirs.

These stories are ours.

Canon matters, of course. What is mainstream and sanctioned and given money and airtime matters. And it deserves criticism. A lot of it.

But it isn’t the story. Canon–the text (of a novel, a TV series, a movie, a play, a comic series, etc.)–is just one version of a story. There are infinite others. There are better and worse versions, but this isn’t church doctrine. There’s no “right” version that’s going to get you into heaven and gain the favor of God, and what we get handed in the text–stories told by other people–has no special value as to its rightness.

Its impact is a different matter. We all, as fans, don’t get to film and broadcast and make money off of our versions of Abbie Mills or Sleepy Hollow. We don’t get to fix shitty, oppressive media representation. We don’t get to broadcast a better, truer, more just, more progressive narrative.

But we don’t have to accept what we’re given in terms of the stories themselves. We don’t have to accept the dry, gray, cold meatloaf we’ve been served for dinner is the best dinner possible. Or the only dinner possible. We don’t have to accept what others tell us–try to force us–to accept about stories.

Including what the “right” or “true” story is.

FUCK THE TEXT.