The More I Grow Older, The More I Realise, Poets Are Liars. Missing Someone Is Not A Romanticise Ghost

now that I’ve embarrassed myself in the lime light of love. Now that I’ve put harm to myself and threatened you. Now that I’ve clawed my way of the emergency room with hands pinning me down.

Can I finally let you go. Can I forget the sound of your voice, can I stop trying to breathe how you breathe.

Is this the final act of loving you.

maybe it was the fact that nobody has ever made me laugh that much, or maybe it was the way I was cold and you gave me your coat and scarf, sacrificed yourself to the cold just to make sure I was closer to the sun. maybe it was the way you touched me and it felt like a magnetic force, maybe it was the way my safety was a priority to you, “please be careful on your walk home”, “call me as soon as you reach the door”, “be careful on the train, call me so I know you’re safe”. Maybe it was the way you healed every other heart ache. How you told me you were lucky that I was here. How I was so sure it was me and you forever. Maybe it was the way I forgot this was teen romance. And Maybe it was the way I forgot that any teen romance hardly ever makes it out alive. Or maybe it was the way you would say forever, and that whisper at night would be the lullaby that sent me to sleep. it’s more of a scream now. It used to make me feel so safe, so warm. Now it’s an ache in my stomach to hear, a catch in my throat that stops my breath. Maybe it was everything that turned into nothing. maybe I’ll never know. Maybe these words and these poems just have to be enough for now. Maybe it’s time to let go and say goodbye. But maybe I don’t want to.

a common thief. a women foolishly in love. a hopeless romantic. starting at the sky and stealing the stars. giving them to the people who were not truly worthy of them. give yourself a break little one, you too, deserve the stars.

Kissing him felt dipping my whole tongue in sugar and strawberries

you’ve ruined 11:11 for me

Maybe the right kind of love isn’t the one that burns like a 100 acre forest fire. Maybe it burns more like a quiet candle on a cold night, when all the electricity in the house has gone out.

gonna have to prepare myself for the "we all owe taylor an apology" when reputation tv comes out and people finally listen and understand the album..like no..I don't owe taylor an apology, YOU do x

July.

July unfolds herself in a mess of aching limbs and a stretched-out heart. Swollen. A dream-haze. How slowly the summer months drift by; blush coloured clouds, coral lights, the world dusted in rose pink and a breathless awaiting. An awakening kiss. It seems that these days are a litte forsaken. The prince never comes/the angles stop believing in us. We breathe a sigh of relief. The sky relaxes her muscles and the birds fly home.

My time spent with him in the crippling cold and cosy months of October and November are going to be something my heart will hold onto forever. The sneaking around, nights spent up laughing. The echoes of happiness filled my room. Butterflies covered my shelves. The moment and memory of a first kiss. And the feeling of it being left to linger with its sweet and sugary taste. My first crush, my first kiss, my first time. If only it had really gone that way. If only it had lasted a little while longer. Ripping into the weeks of December and how it had nothing to offer but the ghost of him and what once was ours or bound to be ours. December was spent dying,fading and hugged tight between the arms of solitude. Each night my pillow drowning with tears, and the dark nightfall sky hearing my roaring screams as I beg for his love.

healing….

When the world turns quite and the sun fades away and there are no distractions to spare my heart the thought of you, and the only thing to be heard is the whistle of the wind or rain as it gently patters against my windows, it’s easier. I understand now why you left and I’m slowly accepting the fact that you won’t be coming back. I don’t choke or lose my breath to the idea of you with different women, but rather happy. Happy that you’re happy. stay safe out there buddy, I’m rooting for you always.