Rooting For Everyone Working On Themselves.

Yes! It's not that easy.

Sometimes, it's really hard for me to express myself into words. Maybe, that's because I need to know myself more and more. But it is becoming easier with you now. You might be thinking there are so many things inside my head and I bring out only a bit of it. I don't know if I have the strength to hold onto myself but, I know one thing, I am able to hold onto you as tightly as possible because I don't want to let you go. You can call me selfish and yes I am, because it's you. When I do anything wrong to you, I really feel that guilt, that ache of not being able to apologize whereas my heart actually wants to, very badly. It isn’t right ! But I always believe in showing my flaws to you because I know it's only you who will value them wholeheartedly. I do several bad things out of anger, take wrong decisions but I realize it too with utter grievances towards myself. I start hating myself for not being able to apologize to you for every mistake. I am afraid I will lose you. At times, I don't want you to be anybody else's company except mine knowing that is selfish enough. I am sorry. You have that freedom. When I feel dull and sad not talking to you, I want you to feel the same too. I hope you understand. I don't force you to do anything because it will become a habit. I will constantly force you to do things and in the process I may lose the grip. But I want to have all the rights on you.

That night when you said I must show my right on you, I was so happy, indeed happy to see you are holding me with your all. I want to take care of you. I am a messy person but I would still keep you organized, learn and cook your favorite dish with all my love. I want to stay awake lying beside you when you are sick and caressing you to sleep would be my utmost priority. I take bad decisions to keep us aloof, to keep us safe and not to hurt us. Forgive me for that. I want to dress up according to your choices of attire, to read your kind of books and embrace the new changes in me, to sing your favorite songs, to travel to your favorite places. I want to talk to you about the silly white lies being told to make things work good. These things would make me happier. I guess this is an in-built part of me which I could never express.

Let’s work on communicating our insecurities and feelings instead of accusing our loved ones. Making accusations can damage our relationships and isn’t fair to our loved ones.

Try saying “I’m scared I’m going to be alone” instead of “you’re going to leave me like everyone else”.

Try saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I feel bad about it. Is there anything I can do to help make this better?” instead of “I’m such a failure and a bad person. You shouldn’t be friends with me anymore.”

Try saying “I’m feeling really alone lately. Can we talk more?” instead of “you never talk to me. You must not care about me.”

Our loved ones can’t read our minds. No matter how obvious it might seem to us that we’re struggling, it isn’t necessarily obvious to them. And there are any number of reasons that they might not notice, or might notice and not react (such as trying to respect that they think you don’t want to talk about it and will come to them when you’re ready.)

Your feelings are valid. Your insecurities are valid. But it’s better to deal with these by seeking reassurance in healthy ways or coping mechanisms like self-soothing instead of accusing those you love of bad intentions.

girl the lore in this anime 😅😅

whatever i literally dont care 😎 <- cares so much that it feels like my organs are tearing themselves apart in my chest

“The way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a human being. It’s not a statement about you.”

— Unknown

🧿 to keep you safe from people who want to do you harm.<3 🧿

- Franz Kafka, 1912