It Has Come To My Attention That Some People Don't Visualise When They Read Which Is So Fascinating To

- rebecca solnit

to find a love,

a love that had no means and no end,

a love that just exists

“Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.”

- Voltaire

" does such a thing as ' the fatal flaw ' , that showy dark crack running down the middle of a life , exist outside literature? I used to think it didn't. Now I think it does. And I think that mine is this : a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs ." ☕

- Donna Tartt , The secret history.

*finishes coffee* I really want more coffee

running around london in 1988

Do you think there's a "too soon" on meeting your LDR in person?

Hi Nonny!

Thanks, that's a great question, but also a really difficult one! Benny and I have been at it a while tonight and it left us a little stumped - we both think it's heavily dependent on the context. Here's a few things to consider:

Before you even think about it, you should know them for a little while. If they have demonstrated consistently their care for you, showed up for you and allowed you to depend on them, then it's safe to start considering meeting. But even so there are many other factors that come into play.

Consistent and dependable communication and calling/video calling is a must. When you meet in person, there's no ghosting, there's no "I'll read their message later". You need to be comfortable with each other, so play around the idea of having them around in person before you turn it into your reality.

Personal safety is paramount. You need to absolutely trust your partner and if possible, "ensure" they're really who they say they are. And on this note, you should always make sure that others know about you meeting - and hey, if your partner is serious about you, it shouldn't be a problem for them to even meet your friends and family. (For the sake of clarity, I will assume from this point forward that this is a stage every long distance couple has completed.)

How far apart are you and how much would it cost to see each other? (Even if it takes months of saving up, it could still all go down the drain if the meeting doesn't go well, and you need to accept the possibility of that.)

Where and for how long is the travelling party going to stay? Are they staying with you or in a hotel room?

Who's paying? Are you splitting or not? Why? Are all parties alright with the arrangement? (Don't let something like this become a grudge!)

Does the prospect of meeting them feel right or do you still need some time to get to know them? If it's not comfortable yet, there's no shame in that. Respect your own boundaries and listen to your gut feelings.

Do you both want to meet? Again, boundaries are important and neither of you should compromise on that. If your or your partner's heart isn't in it, it won't be the same as when you're both ready.

What do you guys want to do? The best way to deepen your connection and get to know each other is going on dates and doing things, so it couldn't hurt to look into local options.

Unless you're both/all on the asexual spectrum, it's time to discuss sex, boundaries and needs. It's best this conversation happens before you meet to avoid misunderstandings.

Be ready for the punch in the face the inevitable end of the meeting. It's going to fuck you up. You probably won't want to be alone afterwards so rely on your support network. If you have to travel back, consider that as well and ensure that you stay safe at all times. (And on a side note, mental health issues can and will get worse. Yeah. It sucks. We know.)

Unfortunately, no one can answer your question for you properly and it will always come down to the people in the relationship to openly and transparently communicate and discuss any issues. But we still hope we could give you some realistic pointers to bring you closer to your answer. Good luck with everything. 💕

- Benny & Danny

@academia-lucifer

ATYD ; remus lupin moodboard