Sirius Black - Painted Nails, Big, Black Boots, Kicked Feet Up On The Table, Tobacco-smelling Fingers,

“the harder you look the less you’ll find, sometimes it’s better to let out a sigh than to die”

—

ATYD ; remus lupin moodboard

Do you think there's a "too soon" on meeting your LDR in person?

Hi Nonny!

Thanks, that's a great question, but also a really difficult one! Benny and I have been at it a while tonight and it left us a little stumped - we both think it's heavily dependent on the context. Here's a few things to consider:

Before you even think about it, you should know them for a little while. If they have demonstrated consistently their care for you, showed up for you and allowed you to depend on them, then it's safe to start considering meeting. But even so there are many other factors that come into play.

Consistent and dependable communication and calling/video calling is a must. When you meet in person, there's no ghosting, there's no "I'll read their message later". You need to be comfortable with each other, so play around the idea of having them around in person before you turn it into your reality.

Personal safety is paramount. You need to absolutely trust your partner and if possible, "ensure" they're really who they say they are. And on this note, you should always make sure that others know about you meeting - and hey, if your partner is serious about you, it shouldn't be a problem for them to even meet your friends and family. (For the sake of clarity, I will assume from this point forward that this is a stage every long distance couple has completed.)

How far apart are you and how much would it cost to see each other? (Even if it takes months of saving up, it could still all go down the drain if the meeting doesn't go well, and you need to accept the possibility of that.)

Where and for how long is the travelling party going to stay? Are they staying with you or in a hotel room?

Who's paying? Are you splitting or not? Why? Are all parties alright with the arrangement? (Don't let something like this become a grudge!)

Does the prospect of meeting them feel right or do you still need some time to get to know them? If it's not comfortable yet, there's no shame in that. Respect your own boundaries and listen to your gut feelings.

Do you both want to meet? Again, boundaries are important and neither of you should compromise on that. If your or your partner's heart isn't in it, it won't be the same as when you're both ready.

What do you guys want to do? The best way to deepen your connection and get to know each other is going on dates and doing things, so it couldn't hurt to look into local options.

Unless you're both/all on the asexual spectrum, it's time to discuss sex, boundaries and needs. It's best this conversation happens before you meet to avoid misunderstandings.

Be ready for the punch in the face the inevitable end of the meeting. It's going to fuck you up. You probably won't want to be alone afterwards so rely on your support network. If you have to travel back, consider that as well and ensure that you stay safe at all times. (And on a side note, mental health issues can and will get worse. Yeah. It sucks. We know.)

Unfortunately, no one can answer your question for you properly and it will always come down to the people in the relationship to openly and transparently communicate and discuss any issues. But we still hope we could give you some realistic pointers to bring you closer to your answer. Good luck with everything. 💕

- Benny & Danny

the feeling of preparing for a new semester and buying all the books you need >>>>

Vague Guide to Gothic Academia

Lebanon Hanover (totally not because they're my favorite to write to nooo)

Franz Gordon has some really beautiful piano pieces I highly recommend if you want more classical goth music

Danse Macabre

Hannibal Lector (NBC included)

Criminology

Law in general actually

Religious studies

Come on guys the catholic aesthetics are pulling through here

Victorian collars

Leather gloves

Menthols (this one is just a personal preference, don't smoke)

As much as I hate to say it, Schopenhauer and Roubiczek

I really dislike dark philosophy but it just lines up so well >:[

Moving on to something I like far more: Taxidermy

I'm thinking mostly bones or wet specimens

Normal taxidermy works too but I think it'd clash with dorm space

Leather, silk, and velvet are good staple textures in my opinion

Which does make this harder to style in the summer but tbf dark linens have such a nice flow

The moon, obviously

Astrophysics in general. The stars and the vast existentialism of space are such a good niche. Also I don't see as much STEM majors in these things as I'd like

I'm an arts man for sure, fucked up over literature and philosophy sure, but SCIENCE BRO

That shit is so dark especially going into death studies or psychology

Honestly being a doctor in general can fuck you up

Always smelling like a cadaver (perfume or otherwise...)

Long coats, heavy boots, ties, chains, trad and victorian goth gear both work here

I do like to lean more into dark academia visually with gothic academia, just because my wardrobe would have too much of the same shit going on

Dark sweaters, waist coats and corsets, well fitting suit pants, a well structured light colored blouse usually help balance out

Gothic academia in my opinion is balance between structure and loose chaos

Makeup can also be important for a look so I suggest, strong sharp contor, white accents and dark liner. A red/maroon lip is a good choice for dark makeup in general.

I got distracted by the visual elements woops

A lot of the staple dark academia books work really well

A good murder plot always helps

The Divine Comedies - Dante

The Phantom of the Opera - Gaston Leroux

Carmilla - Sheridan Le Fanu

NIGHT CLASSES!!!

I can't believe I forgot that one

Getting drunk on Absinthe and red wine like a damn vampire

minimalism is cool but have you ever had all the things you love in your room

Dark Academia TV Shows

Deadly Class

Gilmore Girls

The Queen's Gambit

Sherlock

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Good Omens

Tales of the Unexpected

The Crown

The Frankenstein Chronicles

How To Get Away With Murder

Wednesday

Young Royals

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