Teddy, Trying To Open A Pickle Jar: "FUCKING SHIT LID!"

Y/N : If I die right now, would you cry?

Human!Alastor, chopping woods : Nope.

Y/N, disappointed but not surprised : Oh.

Human!Alastor : I would simply burn the world to the ground, and from its ashes I would build statues of you, so all of the survivors would know who I’m mourning, what beautiful creature the world lost—

Human!Alastor, boops their nose : Then I’d cry :)

Y/N : . . .remind me not to die.

I might be a little bit obsessed with them

Feel free to ignore this if you are busy but may I pls request a part 2? For Lord Beerus X God of Life Male Reader?? Just sweet domestic and romantic stuff, maybe the Z Fighters accidentally finding out about the relationship and shenanigans ensures??

Beerus x M. God of Life Reader pt. 2

And here I am. Making a part 2. I kinda lost my flow but wanted to continue xD

Leh goooo!

Want more from me? Masterlist, baby

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

🥢Chaos & Love🥢 (DBS or Dragon ball Super)

Warning(s): Fluffy as a pillow, Mxm (but duh bc the title), I DID not edit 😭😭

You just want to be with Beerus in peace, why must these earthlings bother your peace yet again?

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

It's a little ironic that you're the God of Life, but never found domestic behavior something you wanted to experience.

Well, until you met him.

The God of Destruction.

Something else ironic that you never thought you'd like.

Just this morning, you woke up to another body draped over yours.

It still takes a little getting used to after centuries of being alone, too busy to have an actual relationship.

And when you tried to get up to make a stop at your house, those arms weren't letting you go anywhere.

"Beerus. I need to go to my realm-" "-No. You're warm," he muttered in his sleep. You didn't want to be rude and make him cold with your absence...wow, he's making you too soft.

Not that you really cared.

You simply made a compromise. You took him with you.

His legs were wrapped around your hips, chin tucked into your shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around you as you navigated through your house. Grabbing what you needed with one hand.

"My clingy little baby," you mutter after a while, smiling to yourself. "Shut up."

He couldn't help that you were so warm and comfy.

"Hey [Name], can you grab my shirt?" Beerus half-heartedly mumbled, lazily pointing in a direction. "That's my shirt." "Same difference, I wear it more than you do anymore. Grab it, please. I want it," he whined with grabby hands.

At some point, he finally decides to wake up...

...only to hug your waist as you make lunch

You don't question his clingy-ness, usually, when you leave for your job for a while, he's extra clingy when you come back.

But you jump when his stationary hands begin to move.

"Beerus! D-don't do that when I have a knife in my hand."

"Lose it, then," he purrs.

Later that day, after those activities and lunch, Whis approaches you both in the woods.

You hardly looked over from Beerus's lap and he didn't bother to open his eyes from their relaxed state.

"Yes, Whis?"

"It seems Bulma has invited us to try Earth delicacies again. Would you like to accept her invitation?"

"Depends on what it is."

It was a good enough offer for Beerus to go.

Well, that, and you mentioned a curiosity about Earth food.

Beerus told you about it the whole way, quite pleased to feel like an expert.

Although the meeting was a little awkward.

Upon arriving, Beerus and Whis went ahead.

And when you caught up with them, you met eyes with Goku first.

Considering the last time you met, you weren't surprised he was suddenly tense.

Which made his other friends tense, one even rose their power level a bit.

Which made you laugh, loudly, "How adorable."

"L-Lord [Name]!"

You titled your head at the Saiyan a little shorter than him, "Ah, you know my commonly known title, young Saiyan?"

"Lord Beerus, look behind you!"

"You idiots, he's not a threat. He's with me!"

"I will not hurt you, earthlings, not unless you give me a reason to—Now, where is this pudding, Beerus spoke of?"

You tried a few dishes of Earth, though your speed of eating was much slower than the other non-humans. You preferred to savor your food.

And because Beerus kept feeding you some of his food.

"Here, try this, [Name]," he offered a...something.

"Sweetheart, let me try one thing at a time, okay?" but because you were whipped, you opened your mouth to try it.

"'Sweetheart'? Lord Beerus, I didn't know were with someone," Bulma hummed as she brought more food.

"Why do you sound like you're in such disbelief?!" Beerus growled.

"Wait-you both are together?"

"Goku, who asked you to snoop into our conversation?" Bulma barked across the room.

And after that...all hell broke loose.

"How did you guys...?" "When did you guys...?"

Beerus just yawned.

"I don't see Beerus being the date type."

"What even is a date?" He asked you. A shrug.

Cue the gasps from the ones who cared And now they were planning a date, great.

While they were busy planning some date, Beerus dozed off of you while you read a book.

It was peaceful until voices started to rise.

"You can't just ask the God of Life to spar with you, Kakarot!"

"But you said he's more powerful than Lord Beerus! I want to see that power for myself!" he whined.

"All you men want to do is fight!"

"But it'd be so cool!"

Your gaze flickered down when Beerus shifted, then up to the group ahead of you.

"Hey."

Their heads snapped over to you, the calmest voice of all, yet the most intimidating.

"Beerus is taking a nap. Stop all that yelling for no reason. If you wake him up I'm going to be pissed. And you don't want that. Even Beerus couldn't stop me if that happened."

"Someone's protective," Whis teased behind a hand.

"S-shut up," you scoffed, focusing on your book again.

Until you heard the words.

"We set up a date for you, two..."

Hinata: See, I just don't believe in the moon. I think it's the back of the sun.

Kageyama, being held back by Tanaka and Daichi: Let me punch him just this once, that's all I ask of you.

Sirius: Oi, Moony! I ran into your future husband today!

Remus, confused: But Sirius, we're-

James, ever the enthusiastic wingman: Yeah, he really bruised his face on the mirror.

Sirius, disappointed: Prongs, that was MY line!

Remus, melting on the inside: Idiots.

Thinking about Kyojuro’s hands…

He doesn’t like to admit it, but there are times where his hands struggle to pick up his blade and simply hold it. It comes with age, he thinks, though he isn’t ready for the thought of retirement even as his forties approach within the next few years. Kyojuro doesn’t let it show even as he forced himself to pick it up and run the same drills he grew up doing with his father. He holds it with both hands, his jaw clenched as he refuses to acknowledge the slight cramping in his wrists and knuckles, working himself to the point he knows he has to stop.

Usually you have to be the one to call to him to make him rest. You were busy with something else even as he dropped his arms and closed his eyes with his face turned towards the sky; the sun setting behind him. His frustration was subtle, but those who knew him could see it clearly in the way his brow twitched. Sighing, he removed his other hand from the hilt and flexed his fingers, looking down as his veins and ligaments protruded momentarily through his skin with the movement. He repeated it with his other hand until he heard your voice call his name.

“Kyojuro?” He looked up to find you wiping your hands, stepping off of the engawa to walk towards him. The blonde smiled, however the corners of his mouth gave his pain away. Concern laced your features and his face fell, he simply hated worrying you. “Sheath your sword.” He did as you said without question, he didn’t even bother to protest when you took one of his hands. You could feel the way it trembled and you held a knowing look within your gaze. Without a word, you gathered his discarded uniform shirt from the ground and ushered him along with you back into your home.

“My love, I’m—“

“If you dare say that you’re fine, Kyojuro Rengoku, I will swat you on your head.” You glared back at him, though the look didn’t last very long as you led him to your shared room. He shut up, though, and couldn’t help the small smile that graced his face. The further into the house you went the more he could hear the voices and giggles of your children, the pitter patter of their feet rushing across the floor faint as they played.

Pulling him into your room, you pushing him to sit on your bed. “But dear, I’m—“ you shot him a look, daring him to further protest. He simply accepted it. “Okay, okay.” Ruby and gold hues watched as you moved about, gathering the things Shinobu had prescribed to rub into his skin wherever it hurt to alleviate the ache and swelling. You perched yourself beside him, setting a couple jars on your thigh to have them in reach as you took one of his hands.

Truthfully, it always felt wonderful as you massaged his palms and his fingers, the way yours moved effortlessly across his skin and down to his wrist. You traced the veins, not minding his callouses or crooked knuckles from years of hard work. “Kyo, perhaps it’s time.” You hummed, glancing up at him as you rubbed the cream between his fingers.

He scowled then, but didn’t pull away. “Who will fill my place in the mean time?” He asked, only getting an exasperated sigh from you.

“There are plenty of other Hashira to take over your duties. Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke are always more than happy to do so. I almost lost you once, Kyojuro,” you say as you poke his cheek just under his blinded left eye. “I will not let you work yourself to the point you’ll get yourself killed because you dropped your sword. Your children need you, and I do too.”

What choice did he have when he knew that you were right? He didn’t like it, but… “I will speak to the Master, then.” Kyojuro leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead. “Better I retire now and spend the rest of my life here, right?”

“Maybe you’ll get a little fat.”

He bellowed a laugh,” Now that would certainly be a sight!”

all the Deli Fives: *trying to figure out how to fix the timeline and stop the apocalypse*

Brisket Five in the kitchen:

my roman empire is imagining remus quietly walking out of sirius's room at like 3am and then turning around to see james coming out of regulus's room and they both just stare at each other for a long time before going downstairs and silently drinking beers together not discussing it

y/n: i'm gonna give you five minutes to explain before i snap your neck

sirius: you're lying

y/n: you're absolutely right, you get five seconds, then you wait for me to snap your neck

DrStone Incorrect quotes#15 White men No-

Y/n: I've left written instructions for you both

Xeno: Mine just says 'Xeno, no'

Snyder: And mine says 'Tell Xeno no'

Y/n: I want you to apply it to every possible situation~