Bad Times

my favorite davids, ranked

here’s a definitive and totally subjective rating of davids

donatello: 3/10 honestly pretty embarrassing, but worth a mention. just your run-of-the-mill, oh-you-haven’t-heard-we’re-copying-classical-greek-sculpture-now david. stiff, awkward, and pretty dopey looking twunk. has the same expression of someone being told dona-fucking-tello sculpted this. can’t even hold his slingshot bc it’s too gay. don’t worry there’s a redemption arc on its way.

donatello pt 2: 9/10 fucking superb you funky little gay man. total glow up. a complete deviation from the norm by a well-known deviant. takes contrapposto to sultry new heights. look at this lad’s little hat and boots he’s not a nude he’s just naked. some people say goliath’s head is modeled off of donatello himself literally he was horny enough he said “step on me” in full fucking bronze. goliath’s helmet has little gay greek reliefs on it, not even remotely subtle. look at the feather going up his thigh and tell me u didn’t cross your legs when you did. commissioned by the medici for their palace, which makes it even cooler by association. 

verocchio: 8/10 ily baby a perfectly fine lad, looking at him makes me smile. his little dress is so cute with its stylized arabic psuedo-script border, and the floral pasties? adorable. something about goliath’s head feels a little disjointed, but you know what? fuck him. he’s not important. david’s the real star here in his little cheerleader get up. what really makes me biased towards this one is that the model was supposedly verocchio’s star student, the young leonardo da vinci. and look how fucking radiant he is! love it.

michelangelo: 7/10 technically this thing’s great. look at the fucking veins on the hand that’s absolutely mental. but all in all it lacks the overtly homosexual intrigue of some other davids and, frankly, i expected more from well-documented gay disaster michelangelo. obviously a classic but also makes it prone to being too over-saturated. i do love his yaoi hands though.

bernini: 11/10 the man the myth the fucking legend! bernini always delivers and this david’s no expception. look at that movement! the drama! the whole thing screams baroque in the best possible way with the dynamism, the momentary narrative, that cute lil scrunched up face. only complaint is that it isn’t as good as some of bernini’s other work but i’m willing to let it go for the detailing on the fucking rope goddamn gian lorenzo you absolute madman. we stan a sculpting legend.

Hades’ kids on their way to fuck your shit up

Fiona Finnegan

Crystal Ship, 2020

Oil and acrylic on wood

Jeweled medici dagger, ca. 1840

Scythian mummy tomb (Fifth Pazyryk Kurgan), Pazyryk culture 3rd C. BCE. More pictures on my blog, link at bottom.

"The pair were buried alongside nine horses, a huge cache of cannabis and a stash of priceless treasures - including the world's oldest carpet and an ornate carriage.

The man had curly hair and was aged between 55 and 60 when he died, whilst the woman was about ten years younger.

It is believed he was a chieftain or king of the Pazyryk civilisation, which lived in Kazakhstan, Siberia and Mongolia from the 6th to 3rd centuries BC."

...

"The attractive log cabin was a prefabricated construction by the prehistoric Pazyryk culture to house an elite tomb - in which was buried a mummified curly-haired potentate and his younger wife or concubine.

The mound in the Altai Mountains was originally 42 metres in diameter, and this tattooed couple went to the next life alongside nine geldings, saddled and harnessed.

The house itself, recently reconstructed, was not built as a dwelling but nevertheless is seen by archeologists as showing the style of domestic architecture more than two millennia ago.

This structure was the outer of two wooden houses in the large burial mound in the valley of the River Bolshoy Ulagan at an altitude of around 1,600 metres above sea level.

The core of the mound including the ice-preserved bodies of the elite couple had been excavated by Soviet archeologists in 1949, and many of the finds are on on display in the world famous State Hermitage Museum in St Petersburg.

As we have previously written, the pair - who owned perhaps the world’s oldest carpets - are currently undergoing an ultra modern medical scan to establish the cause of death, and reconstruct the appearance of the ancient pair, and to study the techniques of mummification in more detail.

Yet in 1949 this fascinating house was left in the permafrost ground - and only retrieved now from the so-called Fifth Pazyryk Barrow, to the excitement of archeologists.

Head of the excavation Dr Nikita Konstantinov from Gorno-Altaisk State University, was full of admiration about the skills of the ancient craftsmen.

‘We took out the log house and reassembled it right next to the mound,’ he said.

‘We made kind of express reconstruction, which made it possible to study the log house in detail.

‘Notches were made on each of its logs - building marks…’.

This was like IKEA instructions today for building their products, telling modern day excavation volunteers how to correctly construct the prehistoric building kit.

The result is seen in the pictures shown here.

‘This log house was first built somewhere away from the mound, then it was dismantled, brought and reassembled in the pit,’ said Dr Konstantinov.

‘Today we build in similar way, using Roman numerals, as a rule.

‘In those times they simply made different numbers of notches.’

The archeological team followed the code left by the ancient craftsmen and reassembled the house without problems.

‘The Pazyryks knitted the corners of the building in a masterly way and chopped the attachment points of these logs.

‘They fitted very cleanly….

‘When we built the log house and began to measure the height, it turned out that the height difference in the angles is only one centimetre.’

In modern constructions, a difference of 7 cm is allowed which showed how skilful were the ancient craftsmen.

He said: ‘This is a funerary structure, but we can say with a high degree of probability that the log cabin was created in the image and likeness of the houses in which the Pazyryks lived."

-taken from siberiantimes and thesun

paganimagevault.blogspot.com

Scythian mummy tomb (Fifth Pazyryk Kurgan), Pazyryk culture 4th-3rd C. BCE

Quick drawing of Inanna in a warlike mood for pride, because with the flood of political attacks agains trans people across the world, it is closer to how I'm feeling than anything along the lines of "Happy Pride Month"

“they tried to kill each other” yes and? do you have a problem with true love

Figurine of a Persian man 500-300 BCE

"The Persian nation contains a number of tribes as listed here. ... : the Pasargadae, Maraphii, and Maspii, upon which all the other tribes are dependent. Of these, the Pasargadae are the most distinguished; they contain the clan of the Achaemenids from which spring the Perseid kings. Other tribes are the Panthialaei, Derusiaei, Germanii, all of which are attached to the soil, the remainder—the Dai, Mardi, Dropici, Sagarti, being nomadic."

-Herodotus, The Histories, Book 1.101 & 125