911 Is Built On False Advertising Like Half The People Watching The Show Were Drawn To It By The Brightly

The critics are all cowards

Tony Stark’s Home for Wayward Monsters

irondad and spiderson fluff

Tony’s life isn’t normal. He’s always known that. Hell, he’s Ironman. He’s been to outer space. Seen planets, defeated monsters, and when his own little boy gets bitten by a radioactive spider, honestly-

It’s all part and parcel of his life.

Peter Stark is the cutest little six year old in the world, as far as Tony and the other avengers are concerned. He’s so tiny, with the chubbiest cheeks and angelic chestnut curls and he bounces around and climbs up ceilings and makes little web-hammocks in the corner of rooms and often scares the life out of his old man by poking his little head down from the ceiling and Tony jumps so hard he nearly breaks his leg.

Peter is also the sweetest thing in the world. He’s such a good kid. Kind to a fault, and Tony would destroy everyone if Peter so much as grazed his knee.

Peter eats all his vegetables and gets excited by homework and is patient and adoring when watching Tony in lab- all big deer eyes and enthusiastically asking if he can have a go with the radioactive goo now, please daddy?

Natasha strolls in after picking Peter up from kindergarten one sunny afternoon, and Tony sips his coffee, frowning at the look on her face. She looks happy. That’s never a great sign-

And then Peter walks in-

He’s got a gigantic husky in his arms. The dog is bigger than him, seriously- but Peter’s strength- Christ- and that dog is all teeth and scabbed fur and-

“Daddy! Daddy! Look, Auntie Nat and I found a puppy!” says the big ball of fur with legs.

Tony stands, immediately wanting to yank Peter away from the dangerous canine, but the husky is apparently very content to be petted as Peter sets him down and then throws his arms around him in a bear hug.

The husky hooks its giant head over Peter’s shoulder- surrounding the boy- and bares his teeth as if Peter’s his young and Tony is the threat when-

Natasha takes pity on him, and hoists Peter easily out of the dog’s hold, and into Tony’s arms.

Peter giggles delightedly- dog fur all over his clothes. “Can we, daddy? Please! Please, please! I’ll look after him, I promise!” And his eyes are so wide and so earnest and-

Tony can’t say no.

***

But he taught his son a lesson that day. He taught his son that scared things, with too many teeth and not enough love, are to be brought up to the penthouse for their new home.

Peter, not two weeks later, comes in with Bruce (who was on pick up duty today, not like it’s a chore, though) and a man smeared with dirt and one very shiny metal arm.

“Daddy!” Peter announces proudly, “this is Bucky!”, and he tugs ‘Bucky’ (who looks so terrifyingly like an assassin that Tony briefly considers suiting up) into the penthouse.

Bruce looks utterly dazed.

Bucky looks frightened.

Ginger- the ferocious, but in actuality adorable, husky, rushes over to lick Peter’s face, and then nuzzle like a cat between Bucky’s legs.

Bucky relaxes, just a little, and pets the dog’s head.

“He was lost, daddy! And he doesn’t have a home!” His little face looks utterly-heart broken, and Tony stares in disbelief.

“I…” Bucky shakes his head, and tries to gently extract his fingers from Peter’s little hands, and looks very confused when the grip doesn’t come away. “I…He found me- I was- in an alley, and he said- something about-“

“A feeling,” Tony sighs. Peter’s ‘spider-sense’. A sort of extra-sense that tells him when something wrong is happening close by. “Listen, Peter- I’m sure Bucky here has-“

“Nowhere to go.” Peter pouts firmly, looking up at Tony with wide-eyes that glimmer with betrayal. “We’re gonna…he’s staying, right daddy?” He whispers, and Tony looks down at his little boy and-

Gives Bucky a guest room.

Just for the night.

***

Three weeks later, Bucky - the winter soldier- is firmly a part of the family. He takes Ginger for walks and has nightmares which make him stay up late at night with Tony in the lab, talking in hushed tones about Hydra, and giving information that’s vital- incredibly vital- to tracking down the last remnants of them.

Steve had taken one look at him and Tony had groaned.

Steve’s eyes had gone immensely blue and his jaw had dropped and Bucky had blushed and-

Tony had pinched the bridge of his nose and poured more coffee, before making Peter another blueberry pancake.

*** Peter is a few days before his seventh birthday, when he comes home with an astounded Clint, and a man with long black hair and angry-defiance in his eyes.

Peter is also dragging a huge hammer in his free hand.

It’s leaving a dent in the floor.

Tony stares.

And then sighs.

So Loki is a god, who Peter and Clint had stumbled across on their way home (maybe Tony should switch Peter’s school) and found Loki crying and trying to lift this hammer.

Peter had thought he’d needed help- and lifted it in one easy motion and now-

His seven year old is heir to the throne of a planet he’s never heard of.

“Cool,” Clint grins, ruffling Peter’s curls as Loki sulks in the corner, “make me a Duke or something, yeah, Petey?”

Peter shakes his head solemnly. “That would be abusing my powers.”

Tony can’t help it- he laughs. But he waggles a stern finger at Loki. “We are not keeping him.”

Loki gapes indignantly. Peter scrunches up his tiny nose in confusion. “But he’s hurt- and we…we help people when they’re sad and lost, don’t we, daddy?”

Bucky doesn’t meet Tony’s eyes, and Tony sighs.

*** It turns out though, Loki only stays for a few months.

And it’s a shame, really, because- goddamnit, the snooty prince was starting to grow on Tony.

Loki could conjure allusions- beautiful and intricate- and had spent a great many hours showing Peter little stories in the air- looking pleased at Peter’s effusive praise over Loki’s talents.

Loki could shape-shift- into anything- but mostly a pretty pony that Peter would ride around the penthouse.

Although, Loki sometimes stared at Tony’s arc-reactor for a touch too long, like he wanted to steal it and its power-

But then Peter would ask for some hot chocolate and tug on the end of Loki’s green robes and-

The god would settle back down.

But then in a hail of thunder and lighting, there’s another god landing in his living room- yelling with joy over having found his brother and his hammer and the new heir to the throne-

And Tony finds himself with the newest member of the avengers.

*** Bucky’s packing to move in with Steve when Peter’s eleven.

Tony muses over how different the penthouse will be without him-

And that’s when Peter comes home with a homeless man.

“He’s not homeless, dad,” Peter rolls his eyes, dragging in the sweaty wreck of a human being in behind him, “he’s got a symbiote.”

“It’s a parasite!” The man chokes desperately, looking like he’d love to run out, but his limbs keep jerkily propelling him forward. “A parasite!”

“Don’t call Venom that!” Peter scolds, reaching out his hand to pat some black goo on Eddie’s arm. “He’s much more than a parasite.”

“Yes, little spider,” croons a hissing voice that Tony- Tony cannot be dealing with this shit right now. “The spider understands. The spider would make a good host. But not better than you, our dearest Eddie-“

Tony hoists Peter up into his arms, settling him on his hip and shaking his head at Eddie (who he’s starting to recognise as that reporter who went missing) and saying firmly: “Ground rule: No using my son as a host.”

Eddie scrubs his face deliriously, and Venom asks for chocolate.

***

On Halloween night, Eddie comes back complaining about the taste of blood in the back of his throat, but his arms are cradled protectively around Peter who’s cuddled into his chest- supported by a tangled mass of black lines.

Tony looks up from his work and jerks to his feet- rushing over to his son.

“Some dude- tried to grab him.” Eddie whispers, and Peter is still crying a little, and Tony holds him tight- heart pounding. “We- I- We- we ate him.” Eddie mumbles. “Sorry.”

Tony decides right then and there, that Eddie might be his favourite… monster?Stray?

Tony spends the whole night eating chocolate with his son, praising him, telling him how kind and good and amazingly brave he is, and Ginger snuffles into Peter’s neck until the boy starts smiling again- wobbly and cautious.

Thor and Loki visit as soon as they realise what’s happened.

They bring a ship full of Asgardian gold.

Bucky comes too- and tells Peter about nightmares and how to make them go away.

Tony thinks there might be a thing to having a home for Wayward….monsters? Strays? Alien-people?

*** When Peter’s sixteen, he brings home a stray in the form of a boyfriend, and Tony is saying no before they’re even introduced.

“Dad,” Peter grins, rocking on his heels excitedly. “This is Wade-“

“No.” Tony says, but he has a horrifying feeling he’s already lost, because Wade is smiling like he won the lottery and- “No.” Tony says again, horrified.

Maybe he will send Peter to be the Asgardian King after all.

At least there won’t be any Wade Wilsons in space.

(Tony says yes, 6 years later, when Wade asks for permission for Peter’s hand. He also blasts him right in the chest with his gauntlet and Wade lets out a little ‘oof’. “You treat him right.” Tony says, though he’s said it before, and Wade has never ever treated Peter wrong. “It’s not just me who’ll destroy you- there are-“

“I get it, I get it. A whole universe of people on Pete’s side. Damn, your son’s really good at making alliances. You know he met some woman the other day? We were walking along and he got this feeling, so we went over to an old blockbusters and this woman named Carol was-“

“No.” Tony says, walking away. “No.”)

looking respectfully at the captain

Teacher: I changed the due date for that project I assigned you all, it's due tomorrow!

Class: *screams*

Teacher: Got you! April fools!

Rin: Haha, who needs April Fools when your entire life is one big, sick joke!

Rin: ...

Rin: ...I'm about to start crying.

Suguro: Shit, dude. C'mere.

Rin, in Suguro's arms: I was raised in a monastery, Suguro. A monastery! The son of Satan, raised in a monastery! My LAST NAME is a play on the word "demon" in Japanese!

Rin, now sobbing: IT'S ONE HUGE FUCKING JOKE WITHOUT A PUNCHLINE

After trying to decide if The Mummy was filmed with the male gaze or female gaze, I’ve come to the conclusion that it was filmed under the Bisexual Gaze. Here’s a list of other films with the Bisexual Gaze:

Jurassic Park

Venom

Every Barbie Film

Night at the museum, but specifically every scene with Jebediah and Octavius

The 2005 Pride and Prejudice

Pirates of the Caribbean

Les Miserables

Newsies

The Hannibal TV Show

Good Omens

Basically, if you look at a film and think “oh my god everyone is attractive why and the film has a bunch of just…super obviously implied queerness, congrats, that’s the Bisexual Gaze baby! Feel free to add to the list

they got that ND swag

these shirts man omg pls i love em so much

Bill Nye for most of his career: Imma do science for kids. Science without politics. Nice, tame science for the kiddos.

Bill Nye now:

black clover headcannons

-Asta, Luck, Noelle, Yuno, Finral, The Wizard King, Charmy and Yami are all autistic, or on the spectrum

-Actually most if not all the charcters are neurodivergent in one or another

-Vanessa, Noelle and Finral are all bisexual

-Asta, Gauche are demisexual

-Grey was homeless before she ended up with the Black Bulls. 

-I also headcannon Grey as using She/They pronouns, Gordon and Magna use He/They pronouns

-After Gauche warms up to the other bulls he starts giving them gifts and being very protective of them, this is because now he has someone to care for other than his sister. (He doesn’t love his sister any less but he now has new people to add to the list of originally one name) 

-Vanessa and Finral went out their way to learn about Yami’s homeland so that he never forgot about his birth place, this included the language because Yami wasn’t the only person from his land to end up in Clover.

-The first time they spoke to Yami in his mother tongue, Yami may have cried a little but he totally corrected their pronunciation. 

-Charmy isn’t entirely human but none really knows what she is. 

-Gordon is the best at make-up and everyone goes to him for help. 

-Henry is the best at any type of table-top or card games. 

-Vanessa has a box filled with random items she picked up from all the places she got to see since leaving the Witches Forrest. 

-Finral taught himself to be ambidextrous to give him another hand to open portals. 

-Additionally, Finral likes jumping of tall buildings/trees only to open a portal as he falls, he says its for practice but he really just likes the adrenaline rush he get from it. 

-Luck can have non-verbal episodes and Magna taught him sign language so that they could still talk even if it was without words. 

-Noelle doesn’t know how to handle praise after going so long without it and when the other bulls figure this out they start complementing and praising the shit out of her

-All the Black Bulls are very touched starved and try to make up to it by being very touchy with each other

-Finral taught himself First Aid after he realised how much his squad mates get hurt

-Vanessa and Finral are 100% best friends who talk shit and platonically flirt with each other

-Henry joins in with this platonic flirting sometimes and its very sweet

-Henry and Asta are also very close because Asta doesn’t have any magic Henry can drain.

-Asta is one of the first people in a long time to hug Henry and it confused him to begin with but Henry very much enjoyed it

-Yami and Finral are the type of friends to bicker and mess with each other

-Charmy, Noelle and Yami are the best cooks 

-Noelle hates the cold because she associates it with her childhood home and the cold treatment she faced 

-Gordon makes dolls of his friends not to be creepy but to feel like they are always with him

-Yuno and Asta meet up all the time to spar and hang out. 

-Finral wanted to go visit Langris many times before they sorted everything out but didn’t think he was wanted and didn’t wanna ‘embarrass’ his brother

Part 1  

Weighted blanket is not enough I need someone to do this to me