The Morning After I Killed Myself

"There is some inescapable part of me that yearns for you- and not just for your rough, cracked hands to lift my head by my intrusive chin and tell me that I'm handsome, or to run them down my arms and back up again, teasing me (encouraging me, even) to let go, and give in- but there's an element to me that flows through my body like sticky sweet blood that powers me, it moves me. And you know it.

You know that you drive me insane. I'm sorry that I can't give it all back to you. But you know that you have this ability to drive me wild and you manipulate it like you do me; every move is planned and has its purpose, like you're folding me into origami- a sitting duck, floating on a pool that's drenched in your aura, your fucking charm. You disgust me.

But, you rule me. I'm a slave to you. If you held my head down in that pool, I'd be blessed and rather then cry out "dear God, save me!" I'd only find the words to thank him for giving me what I've always wanted. You. I want you. Unfortunately for me, God has abandoned me- or at least he doesn't acknowledge me and that's more then I can say for you. Rather than be benevolent or silent, you torture me and you punish me for what I can have. I can have you- you know I can, otherwise you wouldn't abuse my affection so liberally, dragging me on, leaning in a little too close, whispering a little too soft, drawing my hand to yours and pressing it ever so slightly against your thigh- I could have you, if I wanted. And that's just the problem.

I don't want you. I don't, I don't, I don't. But I need you. You are a horrid person; I abhor myself for knowing that there is a capacity in me to fall so hard for someone that I'd call against my very nature. But you're also intoxicating. You've bewitched me; I'm drunk, I'm stoned. I'm poisoned. I long for your tongue to cross paths with mine- even if it means that you'll bite like the waiting asp you are and I'll die. But I'll die loving you.

You're so open about it. You openly sport your prey, your toys- when you're tired of them, they dissolve away into the background, and I've watched it. Women, they come and go- like a cycle of evaporation, they come, they dry- they leave. Women, you get rid of. But me...I'm different, because I am not one of them. I linger; I tell myself its because I am ice to you- I refuse to bend and show you how much it affects me, but I'm melting. Dripping. For you.

One day, I'm going to give in to you. This is my acceptance of defeat. I will never be able to resist you for much longer- but I wanted to have it stated, have it shouted, how much I bloody despise you despite the fact that you are all in the world that could ever make me happy. These words are my paper crane- a thousand of them, a thousand more never said and never written- and they are my deepest wishes. Come and claim me, whenever you are ready."

-siriuslyblackhearted

Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine

Gotta gotta be down, because I want it all

It was only a fish

IT WAS ONLY A FISH

Favorite bird genre has got to be 'that's literally just a dinosaur'

Groove-Billed Ani

Hoatzin

Pheasant Coucal

tips for walking in an abandoned graveyard

if it’s dark, don’t shine your flashlight into the trees.

if a child approaches and asks you a question, don’t tell the truth.

you may find some harrowing artifacts (i found a ribbon on a tree and some bible pages) pick these up and keep them. they belong to you.

if you walk down a long, straight pathway, you will feel someone behind you. don’t look

you may see people in your peripheral vision; these are the spirits. they won’t hurt you.

if you wish to communicate with the spirits, do not do it alone. cast a protection circle. only ask polite questions.

you will feel bursts of dread and terror. ignore them.

don’t read too much into what the graves say. some things are best left unsolved.

research the history of the graveyard beforehand. you need to know what you might encounter.

some beings may not want you to leave. should you come into contact with one of these beings, leave immediately.

don’t read the hidden graves.

if you find a headless angel statue, don’t look for her head.

if you find a tipped over angel statue, leave her be. she’s only resting.

don’t listen to music. this will distract you from them.

don’t look in the bushes. you will find something that you weren’t supposed to.

the dubious philosophy of salmon

If you've never given horror fiction podcasts a try...here is my list. Perfect in the dark!

Reposting from this beautiful podcast post on reddit

All credit goes to u/Tinnis_

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As we come into October, you might want to check out some Horror fiction audio podcasts!

Narrated or dramatized fictional stories between 20 mins to an hour, released for free either weekly or more intermittently.

Includes both standalone short story anthologies or continuous series.

Full list below, sorted A-Z, with genre/format notes and show descriptions.

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My personal top suggestions would be:

Short stories: Pseudopod; Knifepoint Horror; Nightmare Magazine; Tales to Terrify

Series: The White Vault; The Magnus Archives

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If new to podcasts, I would recommend using (free): Podcast Addict (Android); Overcast (iOS)

Feel free to share your own favorite shows or specific episodes.

Enjoy!

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Alice isn't dead - sci-fi / horror, series

A truck driver searches across America for the wife she had long assumed was dead. In the course of her search, she will encounter not-quite-human serial murderers, towns literally lost in time, and a conspiracy that goes way beyond one missing woman.

Chilling Tales for Dark Nights - horror, standalone

Chilling Tales for Dark Nights is a horror fiction anthology podcast, with each weekly episode featuring several creepy tales from talented authors, brought to life by professional voice actors, and accompanied by SFX and music. ('Simply Scary Podcasts' network)

Dark Dice - horror / fantasy, series, rpg

Dark Dice is a horror actual-play D&D podcast that uses immersive soundscapes to create an added layer of immersion. Six travelers embark on a journey into the ruinous domain of the nameless god. They will never be the same again. (Features the initial six voice cast from 'The White Vault')

Darkest Night - horror, series

Darkest Night is a binaural audio drama that places you, the listener, at the center of a recovered memory that sounds as though it’s happening around you in real time. Each chapter delves into the last memories of the recently deceased, slowly revealing a horrifying master plan. Who is weaving this master conspiracy, and what is their ultimate goal?

Down Below the Reservoir - horror, standalone

A horror podcast series from creator & writer Graham Tugwell.

Hellfire Fables - horror, arcing, series

A weekly fictional adventure into the weird, tragic, and obscene.

Horror Hill - horror, standalone

A multiple story, horror-themed audio storytelling podcast, spun off from Chilling Tales for Dark Nights and its popular YouTube channel of the same name. The show stars voice actor / illustrator Jason Hill, and the hand-picked work of dozens of accomplished independent and previously-published contributing authors. ('Simply Scary Podcasts' network)

King Falls AM - sci-fi / horror, series

King Falls AM centers on a lonely little mountain town's late-night AM talk radio show and its paranormal, peculiar happenings and inhabitants.

Knifepoint Horror - horror, standalone

Tales of supernatural suspense by Soren Narnia.

Nightlight - horror, standalone

Creepy stories with full audio production written by Black writers and performed by Black actors. So scary it’ll make you want to leave your night light on.

Nightmare magazine - horror, standalone

Edited by bestselling, award-winning anthologist John Joseph Adams, NIGHTMARE is a digital magazine of horror and dark fantasy. In its pages, you will find all kinds of horror and dark fantasy, from zombie stories and haunted house tales, to visceral psychological horror. Every month NIGHTMARE will bring you a mix of original fiction and reprints, and featuring a variety of authors: from the bestsellers and award-winners you already know to the best new voices you haven't heard of yet. When you read NIGHTMARE, it is our hope that you'll see where horror comes from, where it is now, and where it's going. The NIGHTMARE podcast, produced by Grammy Award-winning narrator and producer Stefan Rudnicki of Skyboat Media, is presented twice a month, featuring original audio fiction and classic reprints.

Nocturnal transmissions - horror, standalone

NOCTURNAL TRANSMISSIONS is a fortnightly podcast featuring inspired performances of short horror stories, both old and new, by voice artist Kristin Holland. Short stories and mutterings from the wrong side of midnight.

Old Gods of Appalachia - horror, arcing series

In the mountains of central Appalachia, blood runs as deep as these hollers and just as dark. Since before our kind knew these hills, hearts of unknowable hunger and madness have slumbered beneath them. These are the oldest mountains in the world. How dare we think we can break the skin of a god and dig out its heart without bringing forth blood and darkness? Old Gods of Appalachia is a horror-anthology podcast set in the shadows of an Alternate Appalachia, a place where digging too deep into the mines was just the first mistake.

On a Dark, Cold Night - horror, standalone

On a Dark, Cold Night is the ideal podcast for horror-lovers with insomnia; a creepy friend to tell you bedtime/ghost stories. The podcast involves Your Narrator telling you a spine-chilling yet soothing ghost story every week. Launched in January, 2018, the show is written, performed and produced by Kristen Zaza.

On the Threshold - sci-fi / horror, arcing series

Human understanding of the cosmos is like a tiny, flickering candle. This podcast follows Phil Glazer as he chases down accounts of those who have wandered to the edge of the candlelight, and becomes drawn ever further into the shadows himself.

Pseudopod - horror, standalone

You’ve found the world’s premier horror fiction podcast. For over a decade, Pseudopod has been bringing you the best short horror in audio form, to take with you anywhere. We pay our authors professional rates for original fiction and we reach more people every week than any other short fiction horror market. (Backlog feeds https://redd.it/hx5tp2)

Scary Stories Told in the Dark - horror, standalone

A multiple story, horror-themed audio storytelling podcast, spun off from Chilling Tales for Dark Nights and its popular YouTube channel of the same name. The show features master storyteller Otis Jiry, often whimsically referred to by his fans as "The White Morgan Freeman," and the work of dozens of independent and previously-published contributing authors. ('Simply Scary Podcasts' network)

Shadows at the Door - horror, standalone

From Shadows at the Door Publishing comes a chilling new podcast, bringing to life a collection of macabre tales and spirited debate. Drawing on the haunted landscapes of classic folk horror, the podcast lifts the veil on some of your favourite ghost stories, and presents new fables throughout a series of macabre audio dramas. Shadows at the Door: The Podcast artfully showcases the unsettling, the unearthly, and the uncanny, with new tellings of beloved ghost stories, and spectral yarns created exclusively for the podcast by some of the most exciting writers in modern horror. Join presenter Mark Nixon and voice actor David Ault as they bring you ghoulish dramatisations, and discuss what makes the ghost story such a powerful, enduring force in cultures around the world.

Sibling Horror - horror, standalone

Short horror stories written by The Fradd Siblings (Emma and Matt Fradd). A big thanks to Soren Narnia of Knifepoint Horror who inspired us to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) (Read by Kifepoint Horror's Soren Narnia)

Tales To Terrify - horror, standalone

Welcome to Tales to Terrify, a weekly horror fiction podcast that gets under your skin, lays eggs and hatches writhing baby horrors nursed on your darkest fears. We're unique in our simplicity, bringing pure tales of terror to your ears audiobook-style – unadulterated and unadorned.

The Dark verse - horror, standalone

Short stories of occult, metaphysical, and fantastical horror that will follow you to the visions of your sleep.

The Drabblecast - sci-fi / fantasy / horror, standalone

The Drabblecast is a weekly audio fiction magazine that offers strange stories for strange listeners.

The Hidden Frequencies - sci-fi / horror, standalone

Love the Twilight Zone and Tales from the Darkside? You'll enjoy this science fiction horror anthology of audio dramas.

The Liberty podcast - sci-fi / horror, series & standalones

Welcome to the world of Liberty – serialized sci-fi tales told audio drama podcasts. For centuries the colony of Atrius has been cut off from humanity and endured generations of civil war. What remains is a gleaming city and beyond its walls, a lawless expanse known as the Fringe.

The Lost Cat podcast  - horror, standalone

The entirely true adventures I have had while trying to find my cat.

The Magnus archives - horror with arcing series

“Make your statement, face your fear.” A weekly horror fiction podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organisation dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Join Jonathan Sims as he explores the archive, but be be warned, as he looks into its depths something starts to look back… New episodes every Thursday produced by Rusty Quill, featuring guest actors, short stories, serial plots and more.

The Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality - scifi / horror, arcing series

Human understanding of the cosmos is like a tiny, flickering candle. This podcast follows Phil Glazer as he chases down accounts of those who have wandered to the edge of the candlelight, and becomes drawn ever further into the shadows himself.

The Night Bulletin - horror, standalone

The Night Bulletin is a monthly podcast featuring original short stories written and narrated by author TF Ahmad.

The NoSleep Podcast - horror, standalone

The NoSleep Podcast is a multi-award winning anthology series of original horror stories, with rich atmospheric music to enhance the frightening tales.

The Other Stories - sci-fi / horror, standalone

These aren't the stories your mother used to tell you ... no, these are The Other Stories. The Other Stories is a weekly short story podcast. A modern take on The Twilight Zone, Tales From The Crypt, or The Outer Limits. Sci-Fi, Horror, Thriller, WTF stories delivered right to your podcast feed every Monday morning.

The White Vault - horror, series

Explore the far reaches of the world’s horrors in the audio drama podcast The White Vault. Follow the collected records of a repair team sent to Outpost Fristed in the vast white wastes of Svalbard and unravel what lies waiting in the ice below. This Fool and Scholar production is intended for mature audiences.

The Wicked Library - horror, standalone

The Wicked Library is a Parsec Award winning show featuring horror fiction stories from upcoming, new, independent and bestselling authors. Our Tales of terror are read by Host / Producer, Daniel Foytik and other popular voice actors and feature custom music to bring the stories to life. Each episode features the work of some of the best voices in independent horror fiction. Authors of all types have contributed stories, like Jessica McHugh, KB Goddard, C. Bryan Brown, Stephanie Wytovich, and bestselling authors like Neil Gaiman and Owl Goingback.

Twilight Zone Radio Dramas - sci-fi / fantasy / horror, standalone

All 176 episodes of the Twilight Zone Radio Dramas which were produced and aired on radio during the 2000's. Each episode presents a stand-alone story in which characters find themselves dealing with often disturbing or unusual events, an experience described as entering "the Twilight Zone," often with a surprise ending and a moral. Although predominantly science-fiction, the show's paranormal and Kafkaesque events leaned the show towards fantasy and horror. The phrase “twilight zone,” inspired by the series, is used to describe surreal experiences.

Uncanny County - sci-fi / horror, standalone

Mystical truck drivers. Robots gone haywire. Killer clown demons. And pie. So. Much. Pie. This quirky, darkly comic, Southwestern-flavored anthology brings you a new paranormal audio play every month. Sit back, open your ears, and hold on tight. Because you're about to take a quick detour...through Uncanny County.

Welcome to Nightvale - sci-fi / horror, series

WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE is a twice-monthly podcast in the style of community updates for the small desert town of Night Vale, featuring local weather, news, announcements from the Sheriff's Secret Police, mysterious lights in the night sky, dark hooded figures with unknowable powers, and cultural events. Turn on your radio and hide.

Well told tales - sci-fi / horror, standalone

Every Monday, the Well Told Tales podcast brings you an original short story — either sci-fi, horror or hardboiled. Think of them as audiobooks, only shorter — 15 to 35 minutes, the perfect length for your commute, workout, whatever. And did we mention they’re FREE?

Westside Fairytales - horror, standalone

Books that kill whomever reads them, strange dolls that bring death wherever they go, and tales from men and women driven to the edge by madness, poverty, and guilt. These strange and varied stories are guaranteed to stay with you long after you've finished listening. New episodes the first Friday of every month.

Wrong Station - horror, standalone

"Come on in, have a seat. It's been a while since I've seen you. There's this story I've been dying to tell you. Maybe you'll find it interesting..." The Wrong Station is a radio horror series in the tradition of Quiet Please and Lights Out, created by Alexander Saxton and Anthony Botelho.

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From my larger cross genre google sheet list, which also includes Sci-Fi & Fantasy specific suggestions and subtabs for genre & format sorting too.

Audio fiction podcast list (horror, sci-fi, fantasy)

are men okay?

here’s my demo of the song A Kingdom from a Spark for the episode The Cooler.   the lyrics are meant to be from an ancient story about the origin of the fire kingdom.  

and the lyrics

there was a time before,

when we were still afraid of the dark.

then came the first spark.

a fiery birth,

It totally rocked.

sentinels crashing down out of the blue,

creating a kingdom of red hue

for me and you.

these sleeping gods of tremendous power,

can cause a new kingdom to flower.

so burn as bright as the sun, 

my fiery one.

when light starts to dim awaken within,

the slumbering ones.

Dreamed I was swimming with fish, then I jumped out of the water and flew with the birds, then I fell and turned into a rock, then I grew into a tree.