Twins Cutthroat And Clicker Were Some Of The First Troopers Assigned To The Coruscant Guard Under The

BEYOND obsessed with this house in fort worth, texas i mean

okay pretty normal, let’s look at the interior photos—

WHAT THE FUCK

here we see the first example of a pattern that will recur throughout the house, which is that once your eyes adjust to the bonkers dictator chic marble-and-gilded-everything, you notice some pretty egregiously shoddy workmanship. look at how that baseboard intersects with the outlet. look at how the marble… uh, thing on the wall (i was gonna call it a fireplace but it’s not a fireplace, i have no idea what that is) has gaps and weird angles wherever two pieces meet. it’s like they’re trying to recreate versailles on an ikea budget

i… don’t hate the kitchen. i mean, obviously it’s ugly and #toomuch and there was zero effort made to match the very modern appliances and sink to the cabinets, but still, i’m a sucker for a pass-through and a big sink with a window above it.

this ceiling Fucks but the wrinkly, uneven curtains and terrible caulking around the faux-column in the middle anti-Fuck

why did we suddenly completely switch aesthetics. why is there an old TV set into the wall at floor level. why is there a tiny set of doors next to it. why does the fireplace look like an asset ripped from the original dark souls. i feel a sinister presence sucking at my soul the longer i look at this photo

i feel like whoever designed this monstrosity started with the dining room and then once they’d finished it realized they’d blown half their budget on just this one room. it’s so overdecorated that the gaudiness feels intentional, like it’s a statement rather than a side effect of genuine tastelessness. i can applaud that.

here we have the antithesis of the dining room. i don’t know what this room is supposed to be but i hate it. i’m pretty sure everything in this photo literally came from ikea. there is a lack of commitment here and it is rancid

ladies, gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, we have now hit the cornerstone of any great tacky real estate listing: the heart-shaped bathtub! this one gets bonus points for being next to a gilded mirror and surrounded by bright red damask wallpaper. as a bathtub i’d give it a 1/10 because those angles look incredibly uncomfortable, but as a place to shoot my lover through the heart while wearing a gauzy fur-trimmed bathrobe before fleeing with our ill-gotten fortune i’d give it a solid 11/10

here we are with the lack of commitment again. this literally looks like the kitchen in my college dorm but with a weird fringey lamp and some curtains that are absolutely too long for their windows

again, the mix of styles here is just killing me. half damask wallpaper and carved wall panels, half normal-ass bathroom? really? isn’t there anything truly unhinged left in this house? anything truly opulent, decadent, off the chain, extravagant, gaudy—

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BAY BEE!!! THAT’S MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! COMMIT! TO! THE! BIT! GO BIG OR GO HOME! IF YOU’RE GONNA STICK A CEILING DOME IN THE FOYER OF YOUR SUBURBAN TEXAS HOUSE IT HAD BETTER BE TWELVE FEET IN DIAMETER AND PAINTED WITH DOZENS OF FLOWERS OR ELSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE??

and finally, to close out the show, a reminder that this entire acid trip of a real estate listing took place in an ordinary, modern single-story house in texas, one with a backyard and utility boxes on the exterior walls and neighbors who may be blissfully unaware that they live mere feet from a yawning pit of madness.

i love tacky real estate listings.

cape

This is your personal guardian dog.

He’s going to protect you from things like “if you don’t reblog this in 30 seconds your mum will die!!” and “Reblog this or you will fail class!!”

He’s very happy to protect you, so you don’t have to worry about a thing!!

Soap: What did you do on break, Lt?

Ghost: Rode my bike and slept in an alleyway behind a bar.

Gaz: Checks out... (leaves the room)

Ghost: ...

Ghost: Want to know what I really did?

Soap: (immediately interested)

Soap: Yeah!

Ghost: (pulls out his phone)

Ghost: (shows picture of him having someone cuddled up next to him, both under a blanket, two switches in hand, both on the Stardew Valley logo screen)

Soap: (his smile falls immediately)

Soap: Wh—

Ghost: I played Stardew Valley with the missus.

Soap: The mi—?!

Ghost: Planted crops, went to the mines...

Ghost: (swipes through more pictures of them playing)

Soap: (stunned silence)

Ghost: Upgraded the house for the missus, made some town friends... (screenshots of more gameplay)

Soap: Wait—

Ghost: Even fishing. (shows a picture of him catching a legendary fish)

Ghost: The missus doesn't like fishing. (clicks his tongue) Caught them all though. (nods to himself)

Ghost: (smirks) Want to know why I'm telling you this?

Soap: (still stunned, but nods)

Ghost: Because nobody will believe you.

Ghost: (starts deleting all pictures in front of Soap)

Soap: (pained gasp)

Soap: Ye monster.

Lucifer Morningstar Imagine- Blind date

A/N: wow so I finally made a second blog because I had soooo many ideas for fics but they weren’t in the Sebbie-fandom. So, yeah. Also, one of my friends knows about my blog ( lol I told her because I know about her fan account ) so now I have to be careful about what I say in my a/n’ s. Yeay. Anyways, enjoy this lucifer imagine.

Warnings: nothing, just fluff

Pairings: Lucifer x fem!reader

Wordcount: 1,5 K

“ Maze! “ you groan as you cry out. Maze looks up from the knife she was sharpening up to you. She lets out a whistle as she throws the knife into an unknown corner of the living room. “ Well, holy shit, Y/n. If I hadn’t set you up for a date I would take you out myself. “. You slap her arm playfully as pull the dress down a bit. 

“ He! What are you doing? He likes some skin. “ Maze says as she pulls your dress up a bit again. You push Mazikeen away softly and pull the dress down again. “ Maze! I don’t want to look like I’m a hooker. “. She sighs as she fixes a quickly stands of hair that wouldn’t obey to your hair look. “ What’s wrong about being a hooker? “ she asks.

You ignore her as you keep on fixing the dress into it is just to your liking. “ I’m surprised you had something in your closet that wasn’t black, “ you say. You had borrowed a dress from her, it’s not like you had a choice. Mazikeen really wanted you to wear it and you were afraid that if you said no, that she would chase you down. So you settled on a mustard yellow dress that she owns.

“ Come on, your dress is fine. “ Mazikeen says as she hands you a small purse. You place your phone, keys and ten bucks into it before you swing the strap over your shoulder. “ You need to get going. You don’t want to be late to your date with the devil now, do you? “.

You turn around with shock written all over your face. “ The devil? Did you set me up with an asshole? “. She shakes her head and laughs. “ Of course not. “. You walk towards the door of her apartment. Your hand lingers on the doorknob. “ Maybe I should just cancel it-”. Maze quickly cuts you off. “ I’ll cut off your toes if you don’t do this. “ You quickly hold your hands up in to air as you walk out of the apartment.

You tap your fingers nervously against the tablecloth while tapping your foot on the ground. If he didn’t show up you would- Well, what would you do. You didn’t even know. Knowing Maze, it was most likely some random guy she found in Lux.

“ Well, aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes. “ a voice says. You quickly look up to meet the person. A tall man with chocolate brown hair towers above you as he holds out a hand for you. “ Lucifer. Lucifer Morningstar. “. He says. You quickly take his hand. He bends down to give a kiss on the back of your hand. “ Y-Y/n Y/l/n, “ you say. 

Lucifer takes a seat in the chair across from you. “ Ooh, so you are my date, “ he says. You nod as you grab your glass and take of sip of the water because your throat has just decided to feel like the Saharah. Maybe it was just his looks or maybe it was that accent the has already made your knees buckle. 

“ Maze really did pick out an angle, “ he says as he grabs the menu of the table and starts scanner through it. He quickly notices that you aren’t looking at your menu. “ Do you not want to eat? “ he asks as looks over his menu at you. “ I’ve already chosen what I want. You were kind of late, you know. “. Lucifer shrugs and continues to read the menu. 

Lucifer asks for one of the servers to come over. He quickly orders, and he manages to bribe the server over to give you two a free plate of cheese. “ A cheese plate? Aren’t you supposed to eat them as dessert? “ you question. Lucifer leans over the table, a little bit more towards you. “ Well, you’re so sweet, I thought we were already at dessert. “. You can feel the blood flowing towards your face as you let out an involuntary giggle. 

“ So, “ Lucifer says as he grabs his whiskey glass and holds it right under his lips. “ What is it that you truly desire? “. Everything but him starts to move in slow-motion, you feel like your head is spinning and you can’t tear your gaze off him. “ I guess I’v…I’v../”.

“ Yes, “ he says, “ Go on, darling. “. You swallow thickly, you don’t know why you want to tell this to him all of a sudden, but something in you just wants to tell him all your secrets. “ I’ve always wanted to-”

“ Want another drink? “ a server asks who had just come to your table. Lucifer sighs and looks at him with anger in his eyes. “ No, now please leave us alone, human, “ he says, clearly trying to contain the anger towards the man who interrupted you. 

He turns around to you again, a devilish smirk spread on his lips. “ What was I saying? “. Lucifer rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his whiskey. “ Wait, aren’t you the owner of the club. What’s it called? “. Lucifer smiles brighter at the fact that you know who he is. “ It’s Lux, darling. “.

You nod. “ Yes, Lux. I went there a couple of times, it’s a nice place but it smells god awful. “. Lucifer smile drops a bit. “ Don’t bring dad into this. “. You want to ask him what he means but you quickly remember what Maze told you. “ He can talk really weird sometimes. About the devil and god. Don’t worry about that. “ You can still hear her voice say in your head.

The night flew by in what felt like hours. You two wanted to stay in the restaurant longer to chat, share stories and joke. But the restaurant had to close at some time. So, after a couple of hours, the servers finally got you out of the restaurant.

“ Want me to walk you to your car, love? “ Lucifer asks. You shake your head as you try to grab the ten bucks from your purse, but for some reason, it’s nowhere to be found. “ I came here with a cab. “. Lucifer’s face falls from smirking to concerned. “ What? No, I’m not going to let you take a cab at this hour. I’ll give you a ride. “.

“ That is really unnesisa-”. Lucifer quickly cuts you off. “ I insist. “. You zip your purse close and sigh. “ Okay, you can give me a ride. “. His signature devilish grin appears on his face again. “ And while we’re at it, we can also stop at my place for a drink, right? “. He asks as he leads you to his car. 

“ I don’t think that I have a choice in that, “. He holds the car door for you open. “ Correct. “. You quickly put the safety belt on. Lucifer lays his right hand on your thigh as he starts to drive away from the restaurant. 

“ Do you always bring a girl home after a dinner? “ you ask as you look around you at the dark city illuminated by the stars and street light. “ Just the ones I really like, “.

Your laugh egos through the empty club. The people may have left but the scent of alcohol and sweat are still very clearly there. “ So I said ‘ don’t mess with the devil “ and that guy just ran off into a wall. “ Lucifer laughs. He grabs his whiskey glass again. “ We caught him of course, “ he says before taking a sip of the golden liquid. 

“ So you are the one keeping all the fun in this city for yourself! “  you say as you give him slap playfull slap against his chest. He shrugs. “ What can I say, the devil likes fun. “. 

“ Well, well. Look at you two, “ you hear an all to familiar voice say behind you. “You turn around to see Mazikeen standing there, leaning against the wall as she inspects you. “ Maze! Come here! “ you say as you wave her in with your hand. “ Wait, you know her? “ Lucifer asks. Maze walks over to you and gives you a small hug. “ And she hugs you as well? Maze, are you feeling well? “.

She simply rolls her eyes at him and grabs the only bottle of tequila from behind the bar and pours herself a shot. “ We’re friends, “ you say as you take another sip from the whiskey Lucifer poured you. You feel the alcohol burn on your throat but you love the fuzzy feeling it gives you.

“ Why don’t we go up to my room for some more privacy? “ Lucifer asks as he holds his hand out for you to grab. You quickly cling to his skin as he leads you towards the elevator. “ I’ll invert your ribs if you hurt her. “ Maze says as she gives him a look that is as sharp as a knife. “ I know. “ Lucifer says before the elevator closes before you two

A/N: lol this is bad but fuck it

Can you do something for me, please?

I want you to reblog this if you believe that two people can be very close and physically affectionate with one another, but still have a completely nonsexual, non-romantic relationship. 

Even if the two people in question are capable of being sexually or romantically attracted to one another. 

Because the friendship I share with someone I consider family in a way that transcends blood has been typecast as a romantic relationship ENTIRELY too many times, and I’m beginning to get sick of it. 

If you're ever bored, here's a list of Studio Ghibli films you can watch for free.

Castle In The Sky (1986) Grave of the Fireflies (1988) My Neighbor Totoro (1988) Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) Only Yesterday (1991) Porco Rosso (1992) Pom Poko (1994) Whisper of the Heart (1995) Princess Mononoke (1997) My Neighbors the Yamadas (1999) Spirited Away (2001) The Cat Returns (2002) Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) Tales from Earthsea (2006) Ponyo On A Cliff From The Sea (2008) The Secret World of Arrietty/The Borrower Arrietty (2010) From Up on Poppy Hill (2011)

If any of the links stop working, please let me know so I can fix it.

For Castle In The Sky, wait for the free user button to be clickable and it will send you to the video.

NO WAY

I rest my case here 😌