I Think This Is Exactly What Crossed My Mind....

Hello Partner - Chapter 1 (Lucifer TV fic)

Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader with surname Chapter Summary: After Chloe Decker kicks Lucifer out of Homicide, the Captain of the precinct insists he joins you on Vice and your new partner is just the last thing you need.

Warnings: Dark content, Sexual Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Angst

Chapter 1 - Never Have I Ever

(Possible proof reading errors)

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BEYOND obsessed with this house in fort worth, texas i mean

okay pretty normal, let’s look at the interior photos—

WHAT THE FUCK

here we see the first example of a pattern that will recur throughout the house, which is that once your eyes adjust to the bonkers dictator chic marble-and-gilded-everything, you notice some pretty egregiously shoddy workmanship. look at how that baseboard intersects with the outlet. look at how the marble… uh, thing on the wall (i was gonna call it a fireplace but it’s not a fireplace, i have no idea what that is) has gaps and weird angles wherever two pieces meet. it’s like they’re trying to recreate versailles on an ikea budget

i… don’t hate the kitchen. i mean, obviously it’s ugly and #toomuch and there was zero effort made to match the very modern appliances and sink to the cabinets, but still, i’m a sucker for a pass-through and a big sink with a window above it.

this ceiling Fucks but the wrinkly, uneven curtains and terrible caulking around the faux-column in the middle anti-Fuck

why did we suddenly completely switch aesthetics. why is there an old TV set into the wall at floor level. why is there a tiny set of doors next to it. why does the fireplace look like an asset ripped from the original dark souls. i feel a sinister presence sucking at my soul the longer i look at this photo

i feel like whoever designed this monstrosity started with the dining room and then once they’d finished it realized they’d blown half their budget on just this one room. it’s so overdecorated that the gaudiness feels intentional, like it’s a statement rather than a side effect of genuine tastelessness. i can applaud that.

here we have the antithesis of the dining room. i don’t know what this room is supposed to be but i hate it. i’m pretty sure everything in this photo literally came from ikea. there is a lack of commitment here and it is rancid

ladies, gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, we have now hit the cornerstone of any great tacky real estate listing: the heart-shaped bathtub! this one gets bonus points for being next to a gilded mirror and surrounded by bright red damask wallpaper. as a bathtub i’d give it a 1/10 because those angles look incredibly uncomfortable, but as a place to shoot my lover through the heart while wearing a gauzy fur-trimmed bathrobe before fleeing with our ill-gotten fortune i’d give it a solid 11/10

here we are with the lack of commitment again. this literally looks like the kitchen in my college dorm but with a weird fringey lamp and some curtains that are absolutely too long for their windows

again, the mix of styles here is just killing me. half damask wallpaper and carved wall panels, half normal-ass bathroom? really? isn’t there anything truly unhinged left in this house? anything truly opulent, decadent, off the chain, extravagant, gaudy—

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BAY BEE!!! THAT’S MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! COMMIT! TO! THE! BIT! GO BIG OR GO HOME! IF YOU’RE GONNA STICK A CEILING DOME IN THE FOYER OF YOUR SUBURBAN TEXAS HOUSE IT HAD BETTER BE TWELVE FEET IN DIAMETER AND PAINTED WITH DOZENS OF FLOWERS OR ELSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE??

and finally, to close out the show, a reminder that this entire acid trip of a real estate listing took place in an ordinary, modern single-story house in texas, one with a backyard and utility boxes on the exterior walls and neighbors who may be blissfully unaware that they live mere feet from a yawning pit of madness.

i love tacky real estate listings.

*hides behind the book I've been trying finish for six months and whines* stahp callin' me out

I once again feel attacked

Always listen to Madame Zeroni!!

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

“Be careful who you trust, Sergeant. People you know can hurt you the most.”

Pedro Pascal Characters reacting to the ‘I want a baby’ text

PSA: I’m sure I’m not the first person to do this with Pedro characters, this is just my take on it :)

Ezra Prospect

Frankie Morales

Javier Peña

Jack Daniels

Marcus Pike

Marcus Moreno

Din Djarin

Max Phillips

this is how I will be imagining ghost from now on 🫡

creds to @ chatskaja on Twitter

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are gray.

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you.

Please don’t take my sunshine away…

Ugh, I hate these but just in case......

Blame this guy named tony for this ok😭

Fluff

Summary: The real reason behind your enhanced abilities is a closely guarded secret… until Steve Rogers happens. Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (platonic) Word Count: 3051 Warnings: Fluff, language, talk of periods, minor angst, literal fluff, more literary fluff A/N: This story came from a random brainstorm idea I had while on Discord with some friends, and I managed to turn it into an actual story! I’ve been getting used to my new job, still exhausted all the time, but managing to push forward and write when I can. :) I really hope you enjoy this story, it was beta’d by @saxxxology and the gif below was made by me. 

Marvel Masterlist

The knock on your door takes you by surprise, and you carefully mark the page in your book before sliding off the edge of the bed to answer it. Not many people visit you in your room at the Avengers compound unless it’s for a mission, which FRIDAY would have already alerted you to if there was.

When you swing open the door, the last person you expect is Natasha Romanoff standing there looking down the hallway, perfectly styled red hair swinging as she turns her head to look at you.

“Hey Agent Y/L/N,” she greets you with one of her patented spy smiles, giving nothing away about her true intentions. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important.”

“No, just catching up on my reading during the downtime between missions,” you inform her warily. “Is there… something you needed?”

“Oh, no,” she waves a hand in front of her, “just… me and a few of the other compound residents are planning a girls night later this month. Taking over Tony’s pool and hot tub, raiding his expensive liquor, ordering way too much pizza… you know, the yoozh. I wanted to see if you were interested in coming. It’d be me, Agent Hill, Wanda, Agent Alvarez, and I’m pretty sure Pepper is going to be there, too.”

The request, however surprisingly random, intrigues you. You’ve only been on a handful of missions with the agents she listed, and nothing between you or anyone she mentioned feels close to friendship. Either way, you decide to go along with it; maybe it’s time to make some friends, you have been living here for almost six months now and are just as solitary as the day you arrived.

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