Iwaizumi’s Driving Both Of You Home—

NEW MATCH FOR @whorefornoodles

suna wants to message you. . .

netflix watch party? i'll doordash you concessions

Rb this with your height, your preference in the bedroom, and your star sign! It's for science! (Kinda)

he thinks ur pretty cool too :) <3 <3

“tetsuro,” you bit out slowly, hardened glare zeroed in on the carpet that had been spotless before you left for work that morning.

“why are there red stains on our carpet?”

“please don’t be wine,” you think to yourself as you hesitantly approach the red blotch, seeing even more red blotches the closer you got. the frustration started to prick at your nerves even more.

that is until your husband’s response threw you into a state of confusion.

“because our carpet was witness to a miracle.”

you blink. “what miracle?”

“the miracle of life.”

you finally turn the corner into your living room to see your husband’s tall frame sitting on the floor, features softened as he gazed at the stray cat he often feeds on your back porch.

the stray cat that was currently tending to four tiny, newborn kittens.

“oh my,” you breathed out, your annoyance from earlier melting away as you took in the sweet scene before you.

moving to sit down next to kuroo, you felt his arm encircle your shoulders as he pulled you closer to him. the two of you sat there together, small smiles on both of your faces as a chorus of tiny mews and happy purrs filled the silence of the room.

“i left the window cracked open this morning and she must’ve climbed in. i guess she’s comfortable enough with us she wanted to have her babies here.”

“with the amount of food you give her, tetsu, i would hope she’d be comfortable with us.”

that earned you a chuckle from your husband. he then reached a hand out, letting the mother cat sniff him for a second before she affectionately nudged his fingers and began purring more. kuroo then rubbed her head once he felt he’d received permission.

“you did a great job, mama.”

standing to his full height, the nekoma grad reached a hand down to help you get to your feet.

“come on,” he said, excitement in his hazel eyes.

“let’s go make the world’s most luxurious nesting box.”

i am so tired. can we normalize knowing what plagiarism is and not rewrite another fic author's plots wholesale/entirely scene for scene :'(

LIVE LAUGH LOVE FREAKS.

✧. ┊  “oh shit, yeah i love freaks.” ( 18 + )

╰┈➤ — haikyu!! men ; headcanons.

what kind of freaks the haikyu!! men are.

cw: pervy hq men, kinky bastards, need i say more? kuroo is mentioned twice bcs hes like a mix of both imo, lowercase & informal spelling + acryonyms intended !

OBVIOUS FREAKS

ATSUMU, oikawa, HONESTLY KINDAICHI??, tanaka, NISHINOYA, futakuchi, tendō, hear me out on hinata just a little, hanamaki, matsukawa, a little bit of kuroo, konoha, lev, sugawara, hayato, yahaba, koganegawa, bōkutō, suna, yamamoto, terushima, daishō, kuguri, inuoka, hoshiumi.

everyone knows they’re a freak and they aren’t afraid of that label too; in fact, they flaunt that shit like its a fucking first place, gold star, badge of honour medal for them. be careful around these men because whatever comes out of their mouths will not be pg 13. you need to run for the hills if sex is ever brought up in a conversation with these mfs because their horny has no off switch & they have zero filters. it is a daily battle to refrain from uttering the word “come” when talking to them. they could get a boner from the most random shit because it relates to some kink of theirs ?? like why are you hard from baking cookies,,, they’re the people who moan into the phone when their friend is calling their mom, yeah, those people. their one night stand stories are insane because crazy attracts crazy, meaning both parties’ kinks are equally as wild and thats a disaster waiting to happen. a one night stand with them will leave your body, mind and soul out of commission for a week straight because you will be physically broken and mentally unwell after being put through their crazy late night fantasies. they’re just preteen boys who never grew out of the hormonal horniness phase, or atleast learned how to turn it down a notch. most ( keyword; most ) of them are mr. hit it and quit it but they’re capable of finding someone, its just that their perception of woman is so severely warped by how much porn they’ve consumed they have impossibly high ( and strangely weird ?? ) standards so goodluck with that !!

SECRET FREAKS

KENMA, semi, shirabu, aone, yamaguchi, goshiki, kyōtani, osamu, kita, kunimi, akaashi, iwaizumi, kageyama, daichi, kawanishi, tsukishima, ushijima, did i mention kenma yet?, kuroo, yaku, kinoshita, ennoshita, washio, sakusa, akagi, hirugami, ginjima.

you would’ve never guessed they were one honestly, thats just how good they are at keeping it lowkey. their worst nightmare is their friends finding out what theyre like bcs they’d rather die than ever admit how needy and desperate they are. by the way they react to the very mention of sex you’d think they’re prudes or have never masturbated in their entire life because they’re either a) terrified and flustered of the topic or b) grossed out and disgusted as fuck BUT DON’T LET THEM FOOL YOU. they’re masters of acting cuz they’re actually the kinkiest mfs on the block and they’re probably even more wild than the obvious freaks when it comes to kinks. they probably read some nasty ass hentai to jack off to as well but you didn’t hear that from me.. don’t open their browser history btw unless you want to be traumatized indefinitely. their daydreams are so horny but you don’t even realize because they don’t show it on their faces, these mfs faces are STONE-COLD HARDENED. but just know that they’re imagining bending their crush over the teacher’s desk and rawdogging them for everyone to see in the middle of class while their teacher is explaining physics. they jack off in the shower and pretend they’re fucking their crush against the wall, and then proceed to do it AGAIN after their shower but this time against their bed.. most of them probably haven’t fucked in so long and thats why they’re like this bcs all their horniness has just manifested and multiplied x10. their kinks sometimes are more intense than the obvious freaks because these guys tend to like kinks that are so niche and bizarre that you didn’t even know they existed, and bcs they’re secretive about it their obsession with said kinks is greater than if they were open cuz its all bottled up and shit. once these mfs touch a women it is OVER FOR THEM !!

© TOKIYOVIE 2023 - please do not repost, copy or edit my works.

What I Like | Osamu Miya

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✪ Osamu smut 18+ minors PLEASE dni

CW: manipulation a teensy bit , thigh riding (ゝз╹), one friendly clit slap (we're so back), unspoken pining , its kind of tender ok

When your fwb cancels on you, your best friend Osamu kindly offers to help you out with your problem. And in a crazy turn events, you agree.

an: I promised this fic a year ago 💔. That's not to say it took a year to write but that it's just been collecting dust in my docs. I love this one, it's my favorite flavor of friends to lovers and I might have to do a part 2! If you enjoy it, I would love to hear what you think xoxo

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“I’ll do it.” Osamu offered to you nonchalantly. 

You nearly spit out your drink. This was Osamu, your best friend since you both started college, the one who had introduced you to his brother in the first place.

 Atsumu was the guy you hooked up with semi regularly, who ruffled your hair and called you pipsqueak and acted like he hadn’t just rearranged your guts only minutes before. It was unserious in every sense of the word. 

Your friendship with Osamu? Serious. And important to you. Maybe you had stroked out. Maybe he had.

“What are you saying ‘Samu?”

He shrugged like the two of you were discussing the weather, “You seem upset Atsumu flaked and I'm offering to help you take care of it.” 

“Stop saying it like we’re talking about my dog. You’re talking about fucking me!”

Osamu’s calm expression broke into a cheshire grin, “It's a generous offer, you know. You should be grateful.”

“How are you so blase about this?”

“Y/n, you have been telling me how horny you are for the last twenty minutes, you can’t tell me this is phasing you.”

“But still-”

His laugh cut through your strangled words, “Such a big baby.”

Your ears heated up as he said it. He always called you that starting back to your freshman year when he found out you were an only child. He had mumbled that it made a lot of sense, and you had promptly swatted his arm. Just like then, it riled you up now. He knew it would. 

You pushed out of your seat to stand, “Alright. We’re going to my room.”

Osamu’s expression flashed with surprise, but it was gone as soon as it came. Wordlessly, he followed you into your room and closed the door.

The two of you stared at each other for a good minute. 

He tsked, “Y/n, don’t make this awkward.”

“I’m not. Just take off your clothes.” You directed as you pulled your shirt over your head. He moved to do the same.

“You’re making this clinical.” As he pulled his shirt off you saw the wry smile playing at his lips. 

You started unbuttoning your pants, “I’m not. Order is good, rules are good.”

“Any more rules before we start?” His hands were making quick work of his belt. 

Did you really need rules with Osamu? Obviously he’d never do anything to hurt you. But still. There was another potential issue. “No kissing. It's too intimate.”

He looked like he wanted to argue the point but he held his tongue. That lasted for only a second though. “I’m literally going to be inside you.”

“Potatoe potato.”

“The big baby that you are.”

You couldn’t waver on this, “Them’s the rules.”

He nodded with understanding and moved to take his boxers off. At the same time, you stepped out of your panties and unclasped your bra, letting it fall to the floor. 

When you looked up, of course Osamu was staring at you. And of course you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He was perfectly sculpted all the way down to his V line. And he was big. It was a little weird to compare him to Atsumu, a little weird that you were going to have had sex with both twins in general. But he seemed bigger than what you were used to.

“You’re gorgeous.” Osamu’s eyes were unabashedly trailing up and down your body. You wanted to brush him off, and tell him he was being stupid. But your cheeks were flushed and you found yourself at a loss for words. 

He has said to not make this awkward. But how could you not? He was your best friend, so attractive that you had to pretend he wasn’t to function normally. And he was looking at you like that. 

Your mouth was open and you willed words to come out. He beat you to it.

“You have condoms? And lube?” Of course you did.

He took a seat on the edge of your bed as you dug through your drawers and fished the bottle of lube out. A condom following shortly after. 

“Here.” You handed him both. You wanted to finally touch him. Your palm landed on his chest and trailed down to hold him there. 

Osamu caught your wrist and mumbled, “Not yet. C’mere.” He beckoned you to climb into his lap and ushered you on top of him-hovering above his thighs-, the heat of his hands searing on your hips. Opening up the bottle, he poured a little out onto his thigh.

Your brows pinched, “What are you-”

“Ride my thigh.” His eyes bored right into yours.

“‘Samu, please I just want you to-”

One of his hands ran up the inside of your thigh before carding his fingers through your folds. You almost jolted at the feel of his cold fingertips. With featherlight pressure, he teased your clit, “Can you please just let me take care of you?”

He started to draw circles and you nodded dumbly as you sank down further, pussy bare against his thigh. Sliding his palms down to your ass, he guided you forward and then back and then forward again. When his mouth found your neck, an uncontrolled sound left your lips. 

You could hear him laugh but you didn’t seem to care as you rutted against him. The slick of the lube had you gliding along his thigh, the friction just right against your clit. 

All the while Osamu was littering your neck with red purple marks, one hand abandoning your hip in favor of rolling your nipples between his thumb and index. He pinched and watched you suck in a breath. Really, he wanted to hear you. He pinched again. 

You whined as you rode him, “‘Samu, please.” 

Smirking he pulled your nipple into his mouth, sucking and circling with his tongue. Osamu’s mouth paired with the delicious friction between your legs had you soaking his thigh. 

“You’re so pretty like this.” He whispered at your ear.

Your hips stuttered at the praise. As good as you were feeling, you felt you could never get close enough to his thigh, even as you ground against it. Your hands found purchase on his shoulders and you moved faster, harder. Not enough. “Osamu, please. I need more.”

He nipped at your neck before pulling back to watch you, “What do you want, Y/n?”

“Touch me, please. Like before.”

With a nod, he brought his fingers against you, “How does this feel, baby?”

Like he commanded it, your heart thundered and your clit pulsed at what he said. You swallowed hard, “So good, ‘Samu.”

He gave your clit a pinch and impishly smiled when you yelped, before kissing your neck in apology and circling one finger gently to soothe the sting, “Do you like it like this? Or like this?”

Instead of gentle, now he deepened the pressure on your clit and sped up with precision. In his lap you jolted, the tension in your body stacking. 

“Tell me, baby.”

You took a breath, “The second one.” He continued and licked up the column of your neck and you knew you were a goner. “I’m gonna cum, I-”

All at once, his fingers were gone from your throbbing core. Oh this was sick.

“Osamu what the hell?”

Both of his hands slid up your stomach to grope your tits, his thumbs rolling your nipples simultaneously, making you shiver, “I’ll let you come but. . .”

“But what?” 

Skimming his hand back down your body, his eyes flickered to your puffy cunt before he moved and cupped it gently. His hand was unmoving, but you could feel yourself throbbing in his palm. 

When he looked up his eyes met yours and though he had called you a big baby your entire friendship, he’d never seen you this needy in your life. Osamu’s face leaned closer to yours, “You have to kiss me.”

100% he had expected you to hesitate, definitely you were going to argue the point. Nothing could have prepared him for the way your small hands grabbed his face and you pulled him closer still, the way you kissed him like you might die. 

He moved his fingers back to where you needed most and he touched you the exact way you liked. As he sped up, you moaned into his mouth and Osamu’s tongue brushed against your bottom lip before you greeted it with your own. 

The dam inside you was so close to spilling over. Osamu’s fingers were unrelenting on your clit, tight little circles that never stopped. Hungrily, his tongue stroked against yours and you felt your body seize up, stars bursting behind your eyes. You were lost to the high of your release and you had to break apart from your kiss to writhe against his shoulder. He didn’t stop, rubbing you all the way through your orgasm with consistent pressure, not stopping even as your pelvis jumped against hand.

All through your cries he continued, finally stopping when you bit down into the crook of his neck. 

You stayed silent in his arms, your body rising and falling against him like you had just run a marathon.

Subtly you lifted your chin to peer up at him and found him watching you. You rolled your eyes, “I think you broke a rule just then.”

He smiled before stealing a chaste kiss from you, “And I think you liked it.”

You couldn’t argue the point, your lips were still tingling. Really the whole thing would have your mind spinning for quite a while. If you thought about it-

“Aghh.” Your back arched when Osamu gave your cunt a light slap. He was grinning down at you.

“I said don’t make it awkward.”

“I’m not.” You frowned against your will.

Osamu huffed out a laugh as his hand trailed down the love bites he left on your neck, “Such a big baby.”

Against your will, you shivered against him, remembering the way he had spoke to you just minutes before. Of course he noticed, he noticed everything about you. He leaned down so his mouth was at the shell of your ear and his thumb was stroking back and forth as he cupped your cheek, almost like he was holding you there so you couldn’t escape. 

“You like it when I call you baby, huh?” He whispered to you.

Undoubtedly you did. More than you should. 

But you needed to keep things normal. The two of you were best friends and you had to stay that way.

Don’t make it awkward. 

You could do that. 

You smacked his hand away from your face, “You gonna fuck me or are you gonna keep talking?”

The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk, “There she is.”

Before you could blink, he was tackling you down to the bed.

can you tell that i love nishinoya <333

haikyuu boys as dates i've been on

; genre/warnings - fluff

✎ drove to mc donald’s at 3 am, only because you said you wanted to do it for the aesthetic. told you he loved you for the first time in the backseat of his car, “for the aesthetic."

- iwaizumi, kuroo, bokuto, osamu, oikawa, tendou

✎ double date with your best friends at the mall. went to hamleys but you got kicked out because both of you were way too competitive about racing toy remote control cars.

- atsumu, hinata, kageyama, tanaka, terushima, atsumu

✎ chilling at his house in a pillow fort, while he desperately tries to teach you video games and sighs lovingly as you pout out of frustration again, not getting the video game. you end up napping in each other’s arms.

- kenma, suna, aran, semi

✎ going to a bookstore together, and he has to hold you back from blowing all your money there. you get coffee at a cafe after, comparing the books you each bought.

- AKAASHI, tsukkishima, yamaguchi, ushijima

reblogs and likes are appreciated <3

offerings made to the wise witches of the west,

random quiz i made instead of listening in class: which haikyuu captain would be your true love?

pls tell me your results <3