"it's All In Your Head" Correct! Unfortunately I Am Also In There

btw, still not over this

When allison gets neil online, she starts sending him those posts that are like "just when you think you've hit rock bottom you wanna fuck a blonde guy" as a joke but neil doesn't think they're funny cause there's nothing wrong with loving andrew. He DOES however immediately forward them to katelyn

AHHHHH

the thing about neil and jean is that i very much feel like their relationship is mirrored in andrew & aaron's relationship. the 'misplaced forever partner' vs. 'the brother who was given away.'

the way neil was abused but he was KEPT, he had a mother who gave her life to fight for him vs. jean who was sold and forgotten and abandoned, stripped of his own name and his language, who had to survive riko and the master and the complicated dynamics of being perfect court but also property, who had to navigate the nest and all its horrors and hierarchy completely alone.

aaron who was abused, who was beaten and strung along and neglected, but who his mother came back for vs. andrew who was left behind, who never had a last name, who said 'please' so much at seven he can't stand the sound of the word at 21, who was willing to carve pieces from himself for the promise of a scrap of family.

andrew and aaron made a deal and hated each other for it. jean and neil were each others partners - your failure is my failure, your success is my success. andrew, who killed aaron's mother when he found out she was beating him, to hold up his end of the deal. jean, who held neil down to be carved, but who patched him up again after.

aaron, who killed his brother's rapist. and neil who did the same

no context. if you know, you know

The Murder Squash Song🤝The Demon Pox Song

She has a bit of an attitude problem 😊

Every day I wish Kevin Day was real a little more and more. Like imagine a Kevin day Calvin Klein add

wake up babe it's thinking about jeanneil hours. thinking about them being "misplaced forever partners". thinking about neil being jean's "broken promise". thinking about those miserable two weeks in evermore and jean dragging neil back to his feet every time he fell. thinking about jean having to hold neil down and witness neil go through the same traumas he had all these years. thinking about jean losing control which was maybe why riko didn't actually kill neil that night. thinking about jean working dye into a half-conscious neil's hair. thinking about jean telling neil "you shouldn't have come here". thinking about what jean suffered after neil got inked with his rightful number. thinking about the "unexpected rush of anger" neil felt when he saw what riko had done to jean. thinking about "of course it'd be you, you tedious malcontent" and "good morning to you too". thinking about jean watching riko take a swing for neil on tv and just thinking, run. thinking about neil and jean being the same "property" in riko's eyes. thinking about "pop and he was gone. how easily these monsters die in the end". thinking about jean reaching blindly and catching hold of the hem of neil's jeans. thinking about "neil. it was a good game" and the smile that jean could hear when neil replied, "yes. it was, wasn't it?". thinking about the narration change from nathaniel to neil. thinking about jean noticing andreil immediately but never mentioning it because "nathaniel was his broken promise; neil's life was none of his business". thinking about neil connecting the dots about grayson. thinking about neil parking the car and saying with urgency, "jean. i'm sorry." when jean finds out his family is going to take the heat. thinking about neil ordering a hit on grayson and telling jean, "lock your door tonight if it will help, but grayson will never bother you again". thinking about neil taking the phone from jean and saying, "i've got him, coach". thinking about neil asking jean what he needs and planning an escape route so he can grieve in private. thinking about them murmuring to each other in french in the back of the police car. thinking about "chances of them understanding french?" "none. they're american." "hey." "you barely count. don't waste your time feigning offence". thinking about "jean's french. he brings out the violence in people every time he opens his mouth". thinking about neil encouraging jean to exercise his freedom and live his own life. thinking about "so was elodie". thinking about jean echoing neil's words after grayson's death. thinking about "you do not have to trust him. i do." and then ten seconds later, "that ill-bred child is not my friend". thinking about jean trying to snatch the cigarettes out of andrew's hand and saying, "you were barely fast enough to save him last time. the next time someone takes a swing at him, you and your brisket lungs will have to watch him die. i wouldn’t have GIVEN HIM TO YOU if i’d known you would just throw him away so carelessly." thinking about jean calling neil and neil actually picking up. thinking about neil saying bringing up jean's broken ribs in an interview and jean calling him a "rancid menace". thinking about jean watching neil take a hit and holding his own ribs because he remembers how it felt. thinking about jean with his hands to the tv screen as he watched neil on the floor. thinking about neil's voice in jean's head at the end of the book, "the rules have changed".

rip kevin day you would have loved oliver wood

«Jeremy dove for him and grabbed his wrist. Jean’s heartbeat was like a hummingbird’s against his fingertips, and Jean shuddered so hard Jeremy felt it to his elbow.

“Jean, stop,” he tried. “Jean, you have to let go.”»

The pool scene lives rent free and I forever hate the coach for pushing him towards the water but I will forever love him being supported by Jeremy though it

Do not repost please. Reblogs appreciated!

kevin's pro teammates will never live up to neil josten. kevin lets them know this daily.