“ Sometimes I Feel So Happy, Sometime I Feel So Sad.  Sometimes I Feel So Happy, But Mostly You Just,

" It wasn't until I was quite big I saw my first train.  I climbed up and down the station bridge, quite unaware that its function was to permit people to cross from one track to another.  I was convinced that the bridge had been provided to lend an exotic touch and to make the station premises a place of pleasant diversity, like some foreign playground. "

" I remained under this delusion for quite a long time, and for me it was a very refined amusement indeed to climb up and down the bridge.  I thought that it was one of the most elegant services provided by the railways.  When later I discovered the bridge was nothing but a utilitarian device, I lost all interest in it. "

I dont have boobs so I have to win people over the hard way, you know, wit, and intelligence and, skills therein.  It’s not going so well...maybe if i change my tumblr name to tweakerbarbie people will love me.  The again MY dad hugged me so I dont need that daddy hug from strangers.  Hat off to the dumb sluts of tumblr, cant imagine why ya parents dont give a flying fuck about ya, have some more meth i mean you have a 7th grade education, surely your brain can handle the damage.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OwBNsXLfiik

“ Breath of the Streets “

I don’t Glorify Drugs

I did/do drugs because I am now, and have always been bored, and lazy, seeking a universe other than my own.  When I was a child I was a very deep thinker, and was bored with the things people did around me with some exceptions of course.  Being a drug addict isnt cool, but its also not some thing to be demonized. 

All humans are drug addicts.  Maybe you cant put down your soda coffee and donuts, you’ll die of diabetes or colon cancer.  Maybe you cant stop excercizing and roid rage ya heart out or get balerina cant have my period skinny.  maybe youll get addicted to your own chemicals and base jump from shorter and shorter things.

When you’re a kid, a teenager its natural for people to want to do what theyre told not to, and even smarter kids, will be drawn to mind altering things as an experimental scientific sort of thing.  I will comment on drugs alot on this blog dont worry.

Drugs are cool when you’re 15, when youre 25, 35, 45, its either because you’re weak or you hate life enough to escape it any and every way you can ( like me, i wont turn down a free drug to this day ) and if its just you fine, do it, giggle, od, no one gives a shit youre not special im not special.  But dont do it if it ruins other lives, give the kids away, then die in a gutter, simple right? 

I’m lying, drugs are SO cool, its great being happy for 4-8 hours, then feel like shit the next day, then after alot of that, its so cool to be hot, and cold, and hot again, its awesome being constipated for 4 days then shitting nonstop for 6, its the COOLEST. 

Vicadin/whiskey dick is super fun, and then when ya coming off em its super fun to cum at basically the slightest touch, its just, the best of both worlds.  All that said I’m pro drug, do hallucinogens, expand your mind, its better for anxiety and depression than xanex, ask a neurologist.  We all die, what we learn, say, do, and think are all that matters, if drugs make you feel not like the asshole you are, do em, works for me.

I think humans take the disarray of nature, the winding path and make it into straight lines, we take clutter and sort it by descending heights or contingent colors because we fear the chaos of ourselves, nature being chaotic and us being a product of said nature.

I think we obsess over pretty things because we are so very ugly inside, and we hoard items because we are forever left so very empty.  I think we live our lives in fear of everything real, our nature, our demise, that we strive to fill our lives with only the fake, we live our lives in accordance with these fears and these fears all stem from our need for immortality, which comes from a selfish nature to be special.

I think everything in our lives is the fear of death, which is just nothingness, and we fill our lives with constant trivialities of somethingness, and that is the thing we should fear, we work jobs we hate and go through bizarre rituals to impress those around us that we dont really even like because we dont even really like ourselves.

I notice lots of people hate on junkies, they’re easy to hate.  most people that hate on them though have never been in a situation anything like that, and their opinion is a witch hunt and bullshit.  I dont hate on junkies to be in some in club of junkie haters, i hate on them because i basically was one, and still have my own demons, but know god and 12 step bullshit is just that, its bullshit.

I hate on junkies because i grew up with them, i lived with them, I fucked them, I dont call them spoiled children with victim complexes because i read that somewhere, its based on first hand observations.  I say alot of offensive things, thats my charm, but this subject i dont feel bad about, you’re not some martyr, you’re not something special, I also hate the whole be like me thing, when people find jesus, everyone better also be into jesus, or else, so you go from being some junkie hooker to some fascist for jesus, oh yeah, you’re SUCH a better person now.

Man up, own it, take responsibility, and have some fucking willpower without being an annoying twat, if i quit smoking cigarettes tomorrow i wont demand the whole world does it with me, i wont stop loving the people i do because they smoke and now when they smoke i NEED to smoke, im not a weak fuckin person like that, and you shouldnt be either, we have the same biology.

Watching nazi shit lately, Anne frank made it til something like 3 weeks before the war ended, she and her sister died of typhoid, shall we then assume that despite good or bad, we are to make it right up until we may make it, and die short? Do we all simply live JUST to die? what is life, is life truly contingent on those around you that allow it?  Is life forever a witch hunt?

Are you only heard when some crazy force silences you?  if anne frank, despite her words that should have been heard, were ugly, would her diary sell as well?  Many many MANY deep thinking minds were destroyed in ww2,i find it strangely convenient that the stories that sell best are the ones with a good face that are edited well, are all stories contingent on how we sell them to the tribe of man?

What makes a story you want to read,is it the thoughts therein or is it how pretty the thoughts are worded, do the sounds need to come out of a face you somehow remotely relate to?  what IS it you consider depth, and more importantly WHY is it considered depth?  Have you any questions to ask?  Is the editor of the story really the one that makes ya dick hard/ginny tickle, do you even know what it IS that really tickles you? Questions Questions.

Shall it then forever be a battle of who has the prettiest words,or is it, supplementally the one who says the words closest to your own thoughts?  Do you strive to relate to people or do you strive to find those who would mirror yourself in your small view of the world and tiny endeavors therein?  

shall you then punish those who would deny your instant gratification?  should a stifling word become you antithesis?   Have I done too many mushrooms in my life?  Probably...

Do you really know what it is to be alive before you face death?  How many people do you have to bury do you think before youve outlived enough people?  what is it you want from life, what the fuck IS it you want?!

Do you imagine death as some floating experience in the clouds, do you see it as the end?  Are there truly any ends?  What IS it to end?  are not all beginnings some other end?  Can your tiny brain even conceive of not being?  If not, is that some copping mechanism?   Are you just stupid?  what IS stupid?

Are the victims of the world the only voices that matter?  Do we all not suffer our own hell, Is the winner not really a loser? Has not every action we should do have repercussions of which we cant comprehend, can we even comprehend ourselves?  

Will our spouses that cheat on us, or our self involved children save us from such fates?  are we just dooming those around us to suffer in our fate, to drown in the tides of our own raging waters?  Why is it we only destroy that which we hold dear?

Are you breathing right now?  Are you sure?  if you were to wake up tomorrow after that 8 hour death and find out there were infact no life to return to,would YOU be any different?  Do you cry out of pain or do you cry for attention?  What IS it to cry?....

Just how much money is enough money to realize you don’t need money?  About Jim Carrey amount, dont get a Dave Chapelle amount though because then you’ll flip out, go to africa, and come back a chainsmoking dickhead.

...this, this drinks on you, right?