When I Was Young, 7-13 Maybe I Fought At The Drop Of A Hat.  Then After A Few Random Ass Whoopings I

When I was young, 7-13 maybe i fought at the drop of a hat.  then after a few random ass whoopings I found a slight fear, not that it stopped me.  At 30, I now have zero fear.  Thats not true really, it is so to say that at this point, i dont value life enough to fear losing it, and Im not a dangerous, or even a violent person, but in a way I am.  It scares me, this isnt me trying to be tough to an empty audience on my dead tumblr, this is a real musing.  My opponent scares me, any opponent, not because im afraid of them, but because im afraid of what ill do, of what I may become. 

As a child I would shake in conflicts, i would cry, and it was never fear, it was always the same emotion less articulated.  I’m a bit of a drunk as I’ve made clear, and i get into barfights often, something im neither ashamed nor proud of, but i will say I win usually not out of an unjustified sense of self worth, or that im that strong or smart ( which really im quite a bit of both ) but because i wont let anyone take anything from me, coming from and still having nothing.

People often give me shit for hating addicts or whatever, life is all about beating yourself, when you fear another, when you only think of blocking and not of attack you will never land a blow, if you fear another its because you dont fear yourself enough, others are of minimal consequence. 

Fear another and you lose yourself, fear yourself and you discover yourself, fear opposition in either forum and you lose, fear not, and you win, but you still lose, it comes down to if you want to die by another hand or by your own.

Fear no evil, but fear the evil in yourself

More Posts from Wasted-life-musings and Others

7 years ago

Call Me Israel Hands

I think I ACTUALLY drink more rum than a pirate.  I don’t think pirates had a 5th+ rationed to them a day, every day.  Thats how you know you’re a drinker, not when you lose your job, when your wife leaves and the kids call mommys new boyfriend gary dad.  You know you’re a drinker when you put down a 5th and say ok, now whens the real buzz start?

7 years ago

Concerning the Death Penalty and Incarceration in General

You don't kill someone to teach them not to kill. You don’t call prison rehabilitation while being nothing but detrimental to said people, you dont lock up people for next to nothing, etc.Some people cant be saved, and yes locking them up for life is expensive, but not as expensive as youd think ( the average prisoner in the usa costs 90 cents a day to feed and house ) Humans change and redemption IS life, then again I'm a Buddhist.Some humans are in jail and do nothing but suffer, some take to the life, and thrive in jail, and enjoy life in their own way, is it punishment, whos to say, but in my mind youre average human can and will change, and what about all the people imprisoned and then found innocent years later?

if you kill them you cant take that back.  No to the death penalty, and on a personal note I think MOST, not all, MOST criminal activity should be taken from a psychological or economic standpoint, most these people are poor uneducated and angry for, obvious reasons, and should be treated as mentally ill and not criminal and evil, back any animal into a corner and it lashes out, that’s not to say that animal cant love and be loved, cant show compassion or understand it, etc.

We all love justification but my stance is, if you kill in need, lets say you are starving and you kill and eat an animal, you didnt kill it because you wanted to, infact if youre a “normal” person you probably felt a little bad.  if something is trying to kill you, you kill it out of instinct and feel bad later, thats justified.  If you’re in jail for like drug charges for 15 years and have to do violent things to survive, lets say you have to stab someone so youre not stabbed, etc, and time is added on, now youre in for 20 years, etc, that doesnt make you violent or bad, we all do what we have to do, when you take small time criminals and put them in the wolves den, yes they come out as wolves, repeat that process and eventually theyre such killers you need to kill them in some legal way, was it ever about them?

and at what point is the society held responsible?  In the west we’re very about the individual, as am I really, but push an individual enough and you shape him like clay, do you then get to judge the shape hes in, which youve created?  forget i said anything, talk about your favorite shows or, show you smokin a crack piple with your cleavage in the backround, i like that too....


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7 years ago

O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.

William Shakespeare - Hamlet

7 years ago

Addiction is bullshit, i cant stress this point enough.  We all love being high, hell thats what orgasms are all about, but you dont need anythin besides foodair and shelter.  When you’re coming down youre not really feeling withdrawels, thats the futility of reality setting back in, and the boredom you feel thereafter is what life really is.  We’re mammals that live far past when we should, and it fucks up our too evolved/not evolve enough brains.  You can stop anything you want to stop, but if youre stopping only because some other ape tellsyou you should well then you deserve all the pain that should bring, and if you stop of your own volition, then you should consider your suffering enlightenment, but rest assured life gets no better after.


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7 years ago

I will say, if you need your job title, be it cop or military, to include hero in the title somehow magically youre not a hero youre a fucking small cowardly publicity whore, you know what makes a hero?  someone who rejects that title...

7 years ago

Rap started as African American expressionism, done in minimalist fashion due to lack of equipment, it started as early as the 50′s in one form or another.  It has since gone from expressionism to capitalism, but we wont get into that.  I find though, ironically, Shakespearean English may have rolled off the tongue nicely but modern English is very bumbly and flows only due to added suffixes, in my opinion anyways.

I find it amazing all the international rap I hear, Russian I think is THE perfect language for rap ( really I’ve always thought Russian was a beautiful language anyways, French is very overrated ) but English being the bastard Child of low German and Scandinavian dialects, you’d think say German rap would be just as bumbly as English, yet somehow even IT flows very nicely in poetic verse.  I’m actually a German speaker, but that has nothing to do with this post other than i know the lyrics to this song aren’t overly deep or creative, BUT, the flow for a language usually considered ugly is, incredible to me, and Sido has always done it well.


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7 years ago

Man created God in his image: intolerant, sexist, homophobic and violent.

George Weinberg (via question-everythinng)

7 years ago
#14 - Good 2 [1]
#14 - Good 2 [1]
#14 - Good 2 [1]
#14 - Good 2 [1]
#14 - Good 2 [1]

#14 - Good 2 [1]

(Text Description - The comic is 5 panels. Normal is gazing through his window, holding his “world’s most normal robot” mug. Some pigeons are sat along the balcony rail outside. One particularly friendly birb coos. Normal takes a sip from his mug and replies “yes. Good.”)

(single page)

wasted-life-musings - Musings of a Wasted Life
Musings of a Wasted Life

Musings and more of a despondant 30 year old man, former drug addict, current writer/alcoholic.  I'm unmarried, I have no children, and all my dreams are dead, I've wasted my life, and you can too!  Never say never.  Sometimes prolific, mostly offensive observations about people,  life, and the nature of the universe. I'm a communist, your god's a lie, hate mail welcome.

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